Kukla's Korner

Canucks and Beyond

Canucks Humor—Accidental & Intended

For the accidental kind, a rumor from the well-reasoned minds at HockeyBuzz.com who apparently have this notion about Jaromir Jagr for next season:

“...if Jagr is remaining in North America a few other teams including LA, Edmonton and Vancouver are rumoured to have interest as well.”

Nice, huh? That’s almost enough to incite a Mark Messier flashback and drop an innocent Canucks’ fan into the fetal position.

For a much more accurate (and awesome) assessment of how to improve the Canucks this summer, the Bleacher Report’s ‘Elbow Murderpants’ has a prescription for the future titled, “Vancouver Canucks: Their First Steps to Greatness!”

These are things the Canucks MUST do to even think about future success:

  • Give up hope that Tony Tanti will somehow return to the line-up.
  • Make a concerted effort to find NHL caliber players.
  • Make an even bigger effort to find players that realize there is no invisible force-field at the opponent’s blue-line.
  • Explain to the team that the Goaltender is the “LAST” line of defense, not the “ONLY” line of defense.
  • Begin realization that although it’s quite polite to offer the better player in the draft to the teams behind you, it’s not necessarily the best thing for your franchise.
  • Embrace the concept that you should always trade for a GOOD player.
  • Be suspicious! If another team offers you one of their players for any Canuck (Except for Luongo) then it’s a good sign there’s something wrong with the player they are offering. Check for terminal cancer.
  • Understand the word “TEAM” means you have to have more than one decent player.
  • Take into account that if the puck goes in the net, it’s possible that 5 other players on the ice at the time may bear some responsibility.
  • Throw away the team model that states every player on your team should remind you of Thomas Gradin.
  • There’s no point protecting a player as a future prospect if they… how shall I put this? ...Ah, STINK?

It’s all about baby steps, Vancouver. Start with these and you may have a chance… in about 26 years.

Intended humor, yet that list almost isn’t funny… far too much truth there.

 

Filed in: vancouver canucks, | Canucks and Beyond | Permalink
  Tags: draft, jaromir+jagr, rumors, vancouver+canucks

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About Canucks and Beyond

Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003 (with a notable gap in time through 2010, kicking it with new baby Lucy while living knee-deep in chaos while reading "parenting for complete idiots" during every spare minute) sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen.

In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla's Korner, Alanah was one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast. She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.

So that's me. Who the hell are you? smile

Email: am@kuklaskorner.com

Alanah's Twitter: [@alanah1]