Canucks and Beyond
You know, I was thinking about buying the Montreal Canadiens this week. (They’re amenable to offers, after all; how tough could it be?) But things got sketchy pretty quickly.
A perusal of my finances revealed some unpleasant realities, laid bare most quickly by the fact that liquidating all my stocks might not allow me to afford a sandwich, much less a storied hockey franchise. And while my savings account might get me a little closer to the purchase price, I consider the entirety of that $78.41 to be earmarked for alcohol consumption over the coming weeks as Vancouver terrorizes me with their idea of “playoff readiness.”
So, having rejected the idea as a silly plan yesterday, I felt confident I’d made the right decision. That is until today, when I read that two business guys I know made their own offer… 80.1% ownership of the Canadiens, in exchange for, well, 9 cases of organic soap…
This video through the NHL Network documents Ryan Kesler’s experience suiting up for EA Sports in their computer fun house. Some entertaining stuff in here, including giving his brother a beating to simulate a fight. He also does a goal celebration for them to record, and Canucks fans will spot the joke in that move pretty quick…
Apologies for not being around lately. I’ve been busy bailing my basement out from under three feet of water. More on that below, but the short version is this: Life Sucks.
Anyway, some odds & ends notes.
- Last night’s game against the Dallas Stars. Stars fans and Canucks fans should both just agree that we can each hate Darcy Hordichuk and Steve Ott (depending on our preference) with equal fervor. And speaking for myself, after years of watching Marty Turco make opposing teams miserable as he wanders far from his net to play the puck, Hordichuk’s run at him last night (“I was just going for the puck!” ...uh huh…) was a moment of high comedy. Now, now… don’t get all offended about it. Barely hit him and certainly didn’t hurt him, but probably scared the beegeezus out of the guy. Watching Marty scurrying back to his net, I kept imagining I could hear him yelping like a smacked puppy, all the way back to his “safe place”.
After a hard week of 9-to-5, there’s nothing better than a quick TV dinner and an episode of Sanford & Son to relax a foxy dude. After that, the sky’s the limit.
In the latest & greatest fashions, our hero is ready to channel some dance fever and get his groove on!
Yes, you read that right. Franchises losing money? Bah. Franchises losing fans? Double-bah!
Quotes from the Weekly World News indicate Gary thinks the NHL is BACK. And with a vengence, baby.
“I know there are reports that 11 of our 30 franchises, lost money last year”, said Bettman. “But honestly, we thought that number would be closer to 20, so we take that as a positive”.
Long ridiculed by hockey fanatics, for his lack of marketing and PR prowess, or understanding of the game itself, Gary is now being hailed by some as one of the few sports commissioners who situated his league well for an economic recession.
Clearly, the next logical step is expansion. Here’s the plan:
According to sources within the Buffalo Sabres organisation, the Boston Bruins are willing to part with LW Marco Sturm, a bucket of fried chicken and an 8th round pick to obtain the services of D Jaroslav Spacek. Remember, you heard it here first!
According to sources within the New York Rangers organisation, the Tampa Bay Lightning are willing to part with G Olaf Kolzig, C Vincent Lecavalier to obtain the services of RW Nikolai Zherdev. Remember, you heard it here first!
Much easier than making stuff up on your own, right? Enjoy.
So I was contemplating the game tonight between the Vancouver Canucks and the Montreal Canadians, reading the mind-numbingly-similar 700+ stories about Roberto Luongo. (ie. Luongo is French Canadian! Luongo got his throat bonked last time he was in Montreal! Thus: Every-freakin’ story we wrote for you today is about Roberto Luongo vs Montreal, because we know you just can’t get enough!) and decided I didn’t care. At all. I mean, I care about the game, but enough already on the build-up.
Instead, here’s a selection of oddities in Youtube video weirdness, in tribute to hockey, Canada, America, to an American-pretending-to-be-Canadian, and… well, kittens. Passing the time till the puck drops.
First Up: Underwater Hockey
...ergo, what happens on Facebook doesn’t stay on Facebook.
Photos of good times past, courtesy of one of Ray Emery’s Facebook friends:
Or at least give him to someone deserving. It’s the gift your girl will never forget: Trevor Linden. From Metro Vancouver:
He’s a married man, but for one afternoon two of Trevor Linden’s many admirers will get the chance to call the former Canuck their own.
Linden will be auctioning himself off for a Valentine’s date at Six Degrees Of Separation, an annual charity gala that raises money for Special Olympics Canada. The event will be held at the Commodore Ballroom on Saturday night.
If someone wants to bid on him for me, I’d be ever-grateful. I’ll use the time to gently ‘encourage’ him (leaving no marks…) towards to his inevitable coaching career.
Linden needs to quit fighting it: You’ve got to figure he’ll be coming back to the Canucks sooner or later, in one form or another, so why delay destiny?
Vancouver, April 13, 2009— The Vancouver Canucks surprised many last week, returning to the playoffs after a one year absence, landing in sixth spot, the result of a series of big wins in the final weeks of the season.
“We knew we were in a position to decide our own fate,” said coach Alain Vigneault. “It was a matter of staying focused and getting some big performances from unexpected sources.”
The Canucks certainly got that. After the blockbuster acquisition of Mats Sundin last December, many expected the multi-millionaire late addition to single-handedly be the catalyst that would boost this team to the next level, but instead the Canucks went into a January nosedive that few expected them to pull out of.
“I’m shocked they were able to manage it,” said Scott Burnside in his report filed on the ESPN website over the weekend. “My feeling in January was that they had no chance whatsoever to make the playoffs.”
About Canucks and Beyond
Alanah McGinley has been blogging hockey since 2003 (with a notable gap in time through 2010, kicking it with new baby Lucy while living knee-deep in chaos while reading "parenting for complete idiots" during every spare minute) sharing opinions, rants and not-so-deep thoughts with anyone who will listen.
In addition to writing Canucks & Beyond and helping manage Kukla's Korner, Alanah was one of the founders and co-hosts of The Crazy Canucks Podcast. She has contributed pieces to FoxSports.com and the New York Times Slapshot blog, as well as other stray destinations in cyberspace.
So that's me. Who the hell are you?
Alanah's Twitter: [@alanah1]