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Abel to Yzerman

You Stink Kronwall

 from Cornelius Hardenbergh oF Stanley Cup of Chower,

Niklas Kronwall is a dumb jerk of a Detroit Red Wing, and he always has been. Known for "Kronwalling," the act of using a lack of prior suspensions to prevent yourself from getting future suspensions despite dirty hits, Niklas Kronwall is the rock that holds the Detroit Red Wings defense together. Unfortunately for Detroit, they'd be better off with another guy named Niklas back there. But the other guy retired. Suckers....

Aside from not hitting and not playing defense, what has Kronwall been up to? Getting himself up to 10th in Defenseman scoring, is what he's done. The top 9 defensemen (in terms of points) all have over 50, and Niklas is sitting at 10th with just 49 (8 goals, 41 assists). This ties him with Daniel Alfredsson for the lead on the Red Wings. Kronwall also sits at 3rd on the team in PIMs, behind only Reilly's Brother and Kyle Quincey.

The Bottom Line is that we'll be seeing quite a bit of this fellow and I wouldn't buy front row seats this round, mainly due to him stinking up the joint.

a bit more...

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink


bezukov's avatar

So I’m not going to argue that Kronwall could be better defensively, but being tenth in your scoring class is a bad thing?

Also, if my team featured Milan Lucic, I wouldn’t do so much talking about dirty hits. 

Putting all that aside, pretty funny post.  That’s probably the last nice thing I’ll say about Boston until the next realignment.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 04/14/14 at 01:47 PM ET

TreKronor's avatar

Also, if my team featured Milan Lucic, I wouldn’t do so much talking about dirty hits.

Or Chara, for that matter.


Posted by TreKronor on 04/14/14 at 01:54 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Kronwall will never get credit for completely changing the way he hits to stay legal.  It’s really too bad, he’s really the poster boy for the clean hit.  If he were on another team NBC would spend entire intermissions breaking down and analyzing his hitting style and strategy.

Posted by Primis on 04/14/14 at 02:03 PM ET

redxblack's avatar

This is a reputation hit piece, because Kronwall hasn’t really had any of his signature hits this season. He’s been quiet and consistent.

The only thing missing in this critique would be terms like “big dummyhead” and “poopy-pants.”

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 04/14/14 at 02:10 PM ET

awould's avatar


Posted by awould on 04/14/14 at 02:14 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Yeah.  Meh.  What a dumb article.

Posted by MsRedWinger from the State where Tigers roam in the Spring on 04/14/14 at 02:23 PM ET

Savage Henry's avatar

This reads like somebody wants to be The Chief when he grows up, but can’t come close to pulling it off.

Posted by Savage Henry on 04/14/14 at 02:49 PM ET

LivinLaVidaLockout's avatar

lol ok.

Posted by LivinLaVidaLockout on 04/14/14 at 03:05 PM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Is it Friday yet?

Ugh…I hate waiting.

This is the best the Boston bloggers can come up with?  Sigh.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 04/14/14 at 03:24 PM ET


I thought this was all satire and was more of a respect piece?

Posted by teldar on 04/14/14 at 03:41 PM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

That’s cute.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 04/14/14 at 03:48 PM ET

Chet's avatar

I hope he flattens half their team

Posted by Chet from twitter: thegansen on 04/14/14 at 04:35 PM ET

SYF's avatar

We haven’t even played one damn playoff series with Boston since 19-fuching-57 and they’re already acting half-baked?  Oh, I want whatever they’re smoking, drinking, and sniffing over there in Beantown.

Posted by SYF from Twerkin' with Anastasia Ashley on 04/14/14 at 05:14 PM ET

MsRedWingFan's avatar

The only thing missing in this critique would be terms like “big dummyhead” and “poopy-pants.”

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 04/14/14 at 02:10 PM ET


Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michgian on 04/14/14 at 06:10 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com