Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 04/13/14 at 11:51 AM ET
Update, Breaking News...BREAKING...George just posted that Kronwall, DeKeyser and Franzen are all sitting. Good move, Michael.
Boston's Boston and there's no sense whining about what could have been had the Wings done their job against Carolina. Pittsburgh is weak, soft and ripe for an ass kicking. But they won't be getting it from us and Columbus won't be doing it, either.
It's Boston and we'll get to them in good time.
As George said, it's a weird one. It's yet another opportunity to burn down the West months after Gary told us not to.
Beat the Blues and the Blues get the Hawks, then the Blues lose to the Hawks. After that, Blues fans go back to wearing half shirts, choking down Pall Malls and thinking about what could have been if their team hadn't picked the worst possible time to tune out their big bundle of fun, Hitch.
Lose to the Blues and Denver gets Chicago, then Denver will lose to Chicago. After that, Patrick Roy can collect the Jack Adams Trophy the shrew commissioner has already personally engraved with Roy's nickname, "Wingbitch". Then, Dive fans can start early on their summer ritual of sipping light beer out of phallic-shaped straws. I'm not judging, it's just what they do.
And the team that doesn't play Chicago? They get Minnesota, and they'll beat Minnesota. After that, the Ingalls sisters can gather in Mankado and bring in the wheat together, because that has always been so important to them. Winning? Not so much. Raising children together in harmony and satisfied mediocrity? Priceless.
It's a win-win, lose-win, win/lose situation. No matter what, because of what happens today, a team and group of fans we look down on with scorn will feel anguish. And that's nice.
As for us and our immediate circumstances? Howard should sit. Kronwall should sit. Datsyuk should absolutely sit. Will they? I don't know. I'm not Uncle Mike. I don't have the hair and can't shoot a gun to save my life (hence, the Navy). I don't hunt and I really don't know much about hockey other than I like to see guys in red score and I like to watch fans of other teams sputter and bitch. That's it. But, if I was Uncle Mike, I'd sit everyone I could.
Except Franzen. Getting him hot is the second most important thing in your lives right now, just behind nobody getting (more) injured today.
Oh, and anyone who says the Wings give a single shit about winning this game is lying. Getting momentum heading into the playoffs? Um. No. Nothing that happens today is going to make one bit of difference on Thursday.
It's the final regular season Live Blog of the year, bitches. Enjoy yourselves. I'll be drinking obscenely expensive shitty beer watching Scherzer mow down the Padres.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org