Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 03/19/07 at 09:27 PM ET
Update 1931 I left Vancouver and Minnesota out of the hatefest. Here you go. AlanaH has been talking about you all, every one of you. She’s said horrible things, terrible really. I can’t reveal them out of loyalty to The Empire, but I’ll tell you she’s no fan of the Oil, by god. And Minnesota? Ummm…gimme a few.
I just realized something. The Edmonton Oilers will not be going to the playoffs. Now hold on a damn minute. Stop your scoffing. I’ve known it. But I haven’t grasped it. I looked at the standings, took a gander you might say, and it really hit me.
So what, you say? So what? Why should I care?
Surely you must expect me to hate the Oilers, the team that Punched Us In The Face last year. I’ve given you every reason to think that, haven’t I? Don’t I despise any team that’s had success against our Wings? Of course I do. Let’s count ‘em down. The Dique, Bubba, Bubba Sr., The Clueless. Hate ‘em all.
But Edmonton? Nah. Why? Thank you for asking.
It’s the bloggers. What will come of those sarcastic bastards with the Oil out of the playoffs? Where will I turn for comic relief when the Wings slip behind San Jose 3-1 and all hope appears lost?
That is the question. It gnaws at me today. And I, because you demand it of me, have come up with a solution.
If we can’t turn to the Oil bloggers, I shall open the doors to them. Oh yes…I shall.
That’s right. It is a campaign, a grass roots movement to sway the Oil, to convince them that they must support us as we supported them through their magical run last Spring.
And it comes down to hatred, as it should.
Who do you hate Oil fans? Why…you naturally hate Calgary because it’s genetic, an Edmonton law. We know you hate Dallas. You most certainly hate Anaheim. You hate Bubba because the city of Nashville, their apathy toward hockey, is everything you aren’t. You hate the Dive because, well, you should. Not the players. A kind group of men. But the fans. How can you respect…that?
So don’t you see? That only leaves us, the team you vanquished last season and the blogger who supported you afterward, and San Jose. Hmmm…San Jose. San Jose. Can’t think of anything to hate there, really. I even like the team myself (myself). But, dammit, I supported YOU. It’s time you did the same.
So the call is out. I’m making the plea. I’m asking for the full support of the Oiler Blogosphere. I need your wit, your candor, your vulgarity. We, those you Punched In The Face last year, are asking for reciprocity.
Plus, we hate the bastard Flames too. Isn’t that enough?
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org