Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

We’ll Watch The White Doves Go, Bubba. That’s What You See In Houses of the Holy.

It’s a 5-game series now, Bubba.  Three of those games will be at Detroit’s Joe Louis Arena.  It’s dirty and the stairs are sticky.  Working people go there and they drink cheap beer sold expensively. You have Vince Gill with a stupid t-shirt, we have a statue of the greatest hockey player in history.  You have two skanks taking stupid pictures pretending to be Shea Weber.  We have eleven Stanley Cup banners hanging from the most prolific rafters in the United States.

It’s back to the Joe where the team you face today didn’t lose for 23 straight games back when they were healthy.

The same JLA where you’ve never won a playoff game. Not one.

There are no train whistles at the Joe.  There are no catfish…but we know why you throw them down in wannabeDetroit don’t we?

You won’t see the baby shit jerseys in Detroit today, Bubba. Not along the glass, not in the mez, not buying beer in the concourse.  You’ll see red and white with numbers like 19 and 25, 16 and 24, by god.

You won’t hear “Who Let The Dogs Out”, and it’s unbelievable (almost) that we heard it in your cookie cutter arena during Game 2.  You will hear the legendary Budd Lynch.  You’ll hear the stylings of one Bullet Bob Seger and our Uncle Ted Nugent.

And you’ll hear some Journey when the time is exactly right.

You’re wading into hell today, Bubba. And just think how much easier you’d be breathing had you taken Game 2.  A 2-0 lead would have been so relaxing, a pleasant stroll.  Nothing better than a 2-0 lead, brother. We’ve been there.  You?  Nevermind. Don’t answer that, Bubba. That was cruel.

Hibernation could have been so easy for the Wings, Bubba.  A few more months of sleep is what we all expected. Seriously.  Our hopes weren’t high for this series.  But now? Now we’re starting to think it just might be time for you to get your shine box.

It’s your own fault, with your brain-dead captain.  And to think he wanted to be a Wing in a year or so.  It’s your own fault with your Shananigans and your #webering.

Blame yourselves, Bubba.  It didn’t have to be like this.  But now Mecca beckons with a series on the line.

From the door of the Joe comes Satan’s daughter, and it only goes to show…

...you don’t fuch around in Houses of the Holy, Bubba.

It’s a Live Blog, bitches. 

15 to 12 in ‘12.

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Comments

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Tuba Guy's avatar

To be fair, I have heard Who Let The Dogs Out at the Joe, but it was in celebration after a win and a long time ago.  Like last season.

Posted by Tuba Guy from Royal Oak, MI on 04/15/12 at 10:51 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Fabulous post today, Master Chief!  Absolutely fabulous.

So excited - and nervous - I can’t stand it.

ROCK THE JOE, PEOPLE!  WE’LL BE LISTENING!

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/15/12 at 10:57 AM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Going to miss the ellbee today, freaking work.  I will have the game on, just no inane commentary. 

LGRW

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/15/12 at 10:58 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Thanks Chief, for firing me up for a crappy early game.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 04/15/12 at 11:09 AM ET

VooX's avatar

You’re wading into hell today, Bubba. And just think how much easier you’d be breathing had you taken Game 2.  A 2-0 lead would have been so relaxing, a pleasant stroll.  Nothing better than a 2-0 lead, brother. We’ve been there.  You?  Nevermind. Don’t answer that, Bubba. That was cruel.

Brilliant, Chief, abso-fuching-lutley evil cutting to their inbred hearts.

Speaking of inbreds, fuch Li’l Gary and the NHL, they can ruin a perfectly perfect sport every time they try and rig games and series through atrocious decision making.

I’m here to watch TPH and the race for 12 in 12.  After that, fuch the NHL.

It’s my Easter and, despite being an Atheist, I still enjoy the family time despite the fact that insanity doesn’t run through my family, it gallops.  We will be enjoying a nice spring lamb that was freshly slaughtered for our lunch.  First animal sacrifice of the day, and I’m certain it won’t be the last.

Enjoy the game, bitches, bar is open for you to get blind drunk.  After all, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere, bitches, and the Hasek is open for business.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/15/12 at 11:14 AM ET

Avatar

I just got goose bumps LGRW

Posted by Logan on 04/15/12 at 11:15 AM ET

Itrusteddrrahmani's avatar

For those of you who are interested NBC streams all the NBC telecasts online.  NBC.com.  Nice write up Chief, Babs should be reading this in the locker room around 11:55.  Let’s Roll.

Posted by Itrusteddrrahmani from Nyc by way of A2 on 04/15/12 at 11:16 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Let’s go Red Wings!  So excited for the game today!  Reading this just pumps me up more!

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 04/15/12 at 11:19 AM ET

HockeyTownTodd's avatar

Thanks Chief, for firing me up for a crappy early game.
Posted by Guilherme

Had me fired up, also…..
40 seconds later, I remembered the NBC curse.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 04/15/12 at 11:23 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

Lets do this shit.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/15/12 at 11:24 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

I’m here to watch TPH and the race for 12 in 12.  After that, fuch the NHL.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/15/12 at 10:14 AM ET

This.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/15/12 at 11:37 AM ET

monkey's avatar

The A2Y Glossary:  http://www.kuklaskorner.com/index.php/a2y/glossary/

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 04/15/12 at 11:38 AM ET

WingsFaninCO's avatar

Masterful work, as usual, Master Chief.  And +19 more for the Zep reference

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSd3yys69AE

Posted by WingsFaninCO on 04/15/12 at 11:42 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Had me fired up, also…..
40 seconds later, I remembered the NBC curse.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 04/15/12 at 10:23 AM ET

Yes, and a NOON start.  Because that is a traditional start time during the regular season. Effectively acts to wash away any home ice advantage.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/15/12 at 11:49 AM ET

Paul's avatar

For those of you who paid to have the majority of the ads removed, that feature should be working.

If not, please sign out nd back in again, then clear cookies and cache if it ads still appear.

Also, if you are interested, you can get more details here.

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 04/15/12 at 11:53 AM ET

Avatar

Happy Easter, Pasha! Christ has risen!

Red Wings will too.

Posted by Alex on 04/15/12 at 12:11 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Great work, Chief. Love it.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/15/12 at 12:11 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Let’s just get this out there, the Nashville fanbase is the Hooters of hockey fandom. They pride themselves on being “delightfully tacky and unrefined.”, yet when it comes to being taken seriously, they get their trucker hats all in a bunch because for some reason, the seasoned and knowledgeable fans see that they parade in D-list country stars to wear dime-store shirts and play the soundtrack from 2003’s worst birthday party in their joke of an arena while those boobs read aloud from pre-printed chant sheets and then realize that it’s a confederacy of dunces in there trying to figure out hockey tradition by co-opting and badly parroting the things they see established fanbases doing.  Throwing seafood on the ice?  Nice tradition, Hockeyville.  Give us a call when your rafters aren’t bare.

Everything about their hockey fandom is… manufactured.

You can’t start a scotch distillery one year and then start slapping “top-shelf aged 18 years” labels on your swill in year three.

The best thing is their fan “leadership”, the ones who actually know about hockey learned everything they know about it before they moved out of Detroit and decided that their new local team would be their favorites. They traded in their Kocur, McCarty and Probert jersey for dehydrated piss-colored ridiculousness adorned with guitar picks and banjo strings.  These are the people who “know” hockey in Nashville and, quite frankly, they don’t know shit.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/15/12 at 12:18 PM ET

monkey's avatar

How do you really feel, J.J.?

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 04/15/12 at 12:23 PM ET

edillac's avatar

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/15/12 at 10:14 AM ET

happy Easter or as we say it here: Sretan Vaskrs smile

I’ll have an Irish car bomb, screw it; it’s 5PM here

LGRW

Posted by edillac from isolation on 04/15/12 at 12:24 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

How do you really feel, J.J.?

I feel like I could hammer a six-inch spike through a board with my penis.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/15/12 at 12:26 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Have a good lb bitches.  I have to miss it as we are helping a little old lady from church move back in to her house after getting re built.  a bunch if us from church re built practically the whole thing after last summers flood.

LGRW AND SCREW YOU GARY.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/15/12 at 12:26 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

It’s a Live Blog, bitches.

15 to 12 in ‘12.

Good mornin’ bitches. Every write up gets better and better, Master Chief.

To any and all members of the 19 that say we are cursed due to an early start,

Shut Whore Mouth. With all due respect, of course.

Let’s Roll.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/15/12 at 12:26 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

If we’re calling it as it is with Nashville fans, this was some of my best, most classless work lately.


mmm MMM!!!  Catfish!  Smells just like my cousin/sister’s vagina.

2012-04-14_01-09-29_436-1.jpg

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/15/12 at 12:27 PM ET

WingsFaninCO's avatar

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/15/12 at 11:18 AM ET

I fully expect this will be copied and pasted into the comments at OtF.

Posted by WingsFaninCO on 04/15/12 at 12:28 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 04/15/12 at 11:26 AM ET

Jeff, that’s awesome.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/15/12 at 12:30 PM ET

Trish's avatar

Gettin the 19 all riled up / things are just as they should be.  It’s the playoffs.

A2Y Playoff Stress Train Now Boarding
http://www.bluejaytech.com/a2y2.html

LGRW   LGRW   LGRW

Posted by Trish from Tampa/Clearwater FL on 04/15/12 at 12:30 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

is the Hooters of hockey fandom.

Dammit JJ! I am barely through a cup of Kona Gold out here and snorting it thru the nose was not, uh, fun.

Great post Chief.  It;s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.  Hope it stays that way when I put my glasses on.

LGRW !!!!!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, with 3 fingers of rum & a cigar.. on 04/15/12 at 12:31 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Live blog brought to us by the Gods of rock….. Giddy up bitches

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/15/12 at 12:32 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I fully expect this will be copied and pasted into the comments at OtF.

Posted by WingsFaninCO on 04/15/12 at 11:28 AM ET

God knows everything else I say is.  It really is sweet how in love with me the Predators fanbase is, but I get the feeling that they think it’s more serious, like I’ve never done this with a fanbase before.

It’s really my fault I guess; I guess I just figured that when I tell them I hope their idiot captain gets gang-fuched by a roving band of rusty hammers that they would know that’s just the playoffs talking. It’s just pillow-talk, Preds fans, nobody really cares about you.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/15/12 at 12:37 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Happy Easter, bitches.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 04/15/12 at 12:37 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

That is all.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/15/12 at 12:39 PM ET

monkey's avatar

I feel like I could hammer a six-inch spike through a board with my penis.

Let me know when you feel like you could hammer your penis through a board.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 04/15/12 at 12:39 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

A girl’s gotta have standards, Monkey.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/15/12 at 12:41 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Let me know when you feel like you could hammer your penis through a board.

Posted by monkey from here to Timbuktu on 04/15/12 at 11:39 AM ET

It must be Easter, then.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 04/15/12 at 12:43 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Aloha bitches.  If baby jesus and Al Gore allow for it, I just might get this motherfucher on satellite.  And as I type that the satellite goes out…nifty.

Mule.  Today.  That is all.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 04/15/12 at 12:44 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

thanks, Master Chief.

swagger ... confident, angry swagger

15 to 12 in ‘12

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/15/12 at 12:44 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Girl?  I need to build some shelves.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 04/15/12 at 12:44 PM ET

dougie's avatar

I feel like I could hammer a 16 oz. beer, with just my mouth and throat.

Posted by dougie on 04/15/12 at 12:45 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

I feel like I could hammer a 16 oz. beer, with just my mouth and throat.

Posted by dougie on 04/15/12 at 11:45 AM ET

+19.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/15/12 at 12:48 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com