Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

That Is One Grand Ass

1000’s a nice round number.  A hefty ditty to point to for anyone, really.  But when you consider the abuse that’s accompanied all 1000 games Tomas Holmstrom’s played in a Red Wing uniform, it’s astounding.

Our boy Homer was, to beckon Bullet Bob, a little too tall and he could have used a few pounds when he first came up.  He couldn’t skate, couldn’t shoot, definitely couldn’t play a lick of defense.  But he had something and the greatest hockey mind in the history of the greatest game ever ruined by a leather-clad ball in the mouth dwarf saw it.  Oh, we’ve read and we assume how badly Scott Bowman tormented our linguistically challenged mucker.  But none of us will really ever know because to guess what went on in either of those minds, or in that room is just silly.  We’ll never know.

So we’ve only been able to judge Homer by what we’ve seen.  And we’ve seen plenty.  We’ve seen enough to know that 1000 is a paltry number when you consider that in each one of those games he’s taken at least twenty chops to the shins, twenty more to the calves, twenty to the lower back and more than a few to the bad places, just on the power play alone.  And that’s all we’re gonna say about the power play right now.

We know he’s been targeted by the likes of a Sasquatch physics major, a sociopathic freak show in Dallas who allegedly offered Homer 1 Billion dollars to just please for the sake of Christ get that ass out of his face for one single solitary minute. And when it was clear to Psycho Ed Belfour that the ass wasn’t going anywhere, he’d wait for that perfect moment.  Stick in place, hovering, waiting. Then a ferocious lift to a Swedish sack.  But no matter how many times Belfour went Swedish yam hunting, there was Homer. Right back in front, Ass in place. 

Overrated dicks like Derian Hatcher and Hal Gill and Adam Foote slashed every bit of him. Butchered him. Blasted him. And simply couldn’t move him because Homer’s just too damn stubborn. Not only does he possess a magnificent ass, the ass of asses, a piece of Swedish ass millions would kill for. But he’s also…an ass.  A stubborn donkey of a son of a bitch who’s refused to yield for 1000 games.

Somebody’s out there. One of you maybe. Someone’s counted them…the number of goals Gary Bettman has stolen from the Red Wings because Tomas Holmstrom wears Red and White.  Hundreds.  Replays haven’t been kind to Toby Tyler, boy commish, over the years.  The replays have continued to exonerate our Swedish Ass.  His skates have been clear of the blue so many times that the frustration on our part has turned to seething resignation.  Screwing Homer has been a Bettman-mandated pastime for officials for so long that it’s just accepted.  But there he stayed.  Just outside the blue stuff, tempting fate every shift. 

And you’d think at some point, at game 6 or 7 or 8 hundred, somebody would have pulled that bastard aside and said enough’s enough Homer. Enough of the abuse.  Enough wood to the back, the calves, the ankles, nuts and shins.  Rest easy big fella.  Well, if anyone said it Homer wasn’t listening or, more likely, he just didn’t understand what the Hell they were saying. 

There’s no way anyone in hockey history has taken the amount and the ferocity of abuse Tomas Holmstrom has.  But, out he came, almost every game, every fourth shift, playing for the most magnificent pro sports team in the world.

By my estimation, we’ve live blogged about 600 games that featured the greatest Ass in Red Wing history.  Sorry Karen, but it’s true. 

And tonite’s 1000.  An amazing accomplishment for any man.  A frigging miracle when you consider the toll each game has taken on his body.

Here’s to Homer.  It’s a Live Blog, bitches.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

« Previous       ‹ First  < 2 3 4 5 6 >  Last ›      Next »

TheRealYooper's avatar

an’ we get to start the second down a man. damit

SOG after one 8-6 ducks

Posted by TheRealYooper from within sight of the edge of the Earth. on 02/10/12 at 10:16 PM ET

Primis's avatar

So, where are all these VEHEMENT defenders of Ericsson now?

The f*ckbag let George f*cking PARROS get by him.  He couldn’t shadow Parros.  So Parros (who hadn’t scored in basically as long as Gomez) gets one.

F*ck you, Ericsson, and f*ck any sh*tbag person on here who still thinks Ericsson is worth defending as a legitimate NHL-capable defenseman.  He’s a worthless piece of garbage is what he is, and so is any argument to the contrary.  I’ve had enough of him, I’m done.  Trade him during the goddamn intermission like his name is “Cammalleri”.


Hey Babcock?  Why make faces on the bench when you get caught with a Too Many Men?  That’s your goddamn job and your assistants jobs.  Too Many Men penalties fall on the coaches.  They’re supposed to be in control on the bench.


I’m so tired of our 3rd and 4th lines being our best lines.  It’s fine for a game or two… but not for weeks on end.

Posted by Primis on 02/10/12 at 10:20 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Missed the goal. Kindl?

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:21 PM ET

hiero4life's avatar

Bunch of crap, I have to listen to Hayward.  I can’t even spoof my GPS out of my market and get the Detroit feed cause its on the dam NHL network.  I hate you Gary , I hate you Disney for bringing this crap into my life.

Posted by hiero4life from anywhere i am on 02/10/12 at 10:21 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Hey Babcock?  Why make faces on the bench when you get caught with a Too Many Men?  That’s your goddamn job and your assistants jobs.  Too Many Men penalties fall on the coaches.  They’re supposed to be in control on the bench.

Happened last game too. Yup, it is the Coaches.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:22 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Bunch of crap, I have to listen to Hayward.  I can’t even spoof my GPS out of my market and get the Detroit feed cause its on the dam NHL network.  I hate you Gary , I hate you Disney for bringing this crap into my life.

Posted by hiero4life on 02/10/12 at 08:21 PM ET

It’s like going to Disneyland and finding out you’re sitting next to Jerry Sandusky on the roller-coaster.

Posted by calquake on 02/10/12 at 10:29 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

JMac living right.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 02/10/12 at 10:31 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Baldy misses again.

Posted by calquake on 02/10/12 at 10:31 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Getzlaf - fails again.  Two empty nets and nada.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/10/12 at 10:31 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Almost a Bud Lynch goal for Kindl. This coverage by the NHL Network is shitty. Start showing the game 1 minute in.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:31 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Come on WINGS, lets net some pucks.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/10/12 at 10:32 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Getslaughs with a Datsyukian misfire

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 10:32 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Pavs breaks the drought tonite.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:32 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

So when Howard comes back does Conklin get sent to GR?  I’m guessing so.  I’m also guessing he will have no problems clearing waivers.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 02/10/12 at 10:32 PM ET

Gary A$$ SUCK !!'s avatar

Hejsan alla knäpp gökar…  Congrats to Homer…Let’s go Red Wings…

Posted by Gary A$$ SUCK !! from Fort Myers, Florida on 02/10/12 at 10:33 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

PK bullet #3 dodged

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 10:33 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Z driving the center again. 2 games in a row now he’s being more aggressive. Good sign.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 02/10/12 at 10:33 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

waived off - - JMac run

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/10/12 at 10:35 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Ohalaran waives off the correct goal?? full moon?  of course Homer was involved in that collision.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 02/10/12 at 10:36 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

Homer getting thrown into his tender and negating an opposition goal.  The call by Dan O. on Homer’s 1000th game.  I’m going to buy a lotto ticket.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 02/10/12 at 10:36 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

O’Halloran to the rescue—and for Homer of all people

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 10:36 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Put away the liqour kids

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/10/12 at 10:36 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Homer interfered with the wrong goalie.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:36 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Anyone have a mop?  these Dick announcers are crying a river.

Posted by calquake on 02/10/12 at 10:36 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Phew….come on WINGS, get mad, get something…..get some goals…....Please!

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/10/12 at 10:37 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

TPH - posts X2

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/10/12 at 10:37 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Duh-ucks player of the game—goal post!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 10:38 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Homer should be out with the Euro Twins. Not the invisible Mule.


Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:38 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Duh-ucks player of the game—goal post!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 08:38 PM ET

And still the smartest one of the bunch.

Posted by calquake on 02/10/12 at 10:39 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Wow, what a horrible shift

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 02/10/12 at 10:41 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Wings play the Flyers on Sunday night.  Nice.  I have a Wranglers game that Sunday afternoon and then the Wings later that night.  Excellent.  I love my hockey weekends.

Belesky went sky over JMac’s head.  Ass…

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 02/10/12 at 10:41 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Fuching E-52

brilliance again

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/10/12 at 10:41 PM ET

calquake's avatar

And so Erricsson takes a stupid penalty…. go figure.

Posted by calquake on 02/10/12 at 10:42 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Even Ken is calling out E52.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:42 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Wings playing like this is a road game.

Posted by calquake on 02/10/12 at 10:43 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Even Ken called out E52.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:43 PM ET

Avatar

Ericsson really did need to get rid of that puck earlier, but Abdelkader didn’t help by skating a foot away from him blocking any passing lane back to the middle and the other defensman.

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 02/10/12 at 10:43 PM ET

redxblack's avatar

Imagine that - E52 doesn’t clear the puck and then ends up in the box. Fuch.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 02/10/12 at 10:44 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Why 2 Comments?

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/10/12 at 10:44 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Imagine that - E52 doesn’t clear the puck and then ends up in the box. Fuch.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 02/10/12 at 08:44 PM ET

shocking, isn’t it

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/10/12 at 10:45 PM ET

« Previous       ‹ First  < 2 3 4 5 6 >  Last ›      Next »

Add a Comment

Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.

Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.

Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.

Smileys

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Feed

Most Recent Blog Posts

About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com