Abel to Yzerman
by VooX on 01/31/10 at 03:45 AM ET
As Wings fans we’ve been occupying ourselves this season fretting over the injury list, defensive breakdowns, whiskey-dick PP, and lack of scoring for much of the season. Serious stuff causing ulcers and substance abuse problems among the 19 located around the world. We’ve even found time to curse one symbol of our season (Fuch you, Jobu) and praise another (The Baldwin).
Despite the roller-coaster season, there have been some bright spots along with all the pain. We’ve found out that our new Huckleberry can live up to the immense pressure of being a goalie in Detroit. The sweet baby Jesus riding his Dinosaur even commented, “Jimmah Saves.” And our own Lizard King has found his scoring touch again, when needed most.
Also, for the first time in a very long time, we are getting a good chance to evaluate our prospects coming through the pipeline. Granted, Jobu had to curse us with every ounce of his black, corrupt soul for us to get this chance, but we have a better idea today of how solid our future is than ever before. The Wings are enduring and, for the most part, succeeding in keeping the team in the playoff hunt.
Which is why, aside from our summer agenda, we really couldn’t give a cat’s ass (found on the moon) about the Penguins and their most annoying fanbase. Or their owner, Mario Lemieux, who is a giant turd.
Today, for most of us, NBC will be showing our Red Wings heading into the home of the biggest bandwagon fanbase in the NHL, Pittsburgh. Unless you live in these markets, where instead you’ll get the privilege watching of the Pat Robertson Telethon Experience.
Sweet baby Jesus riding his Dinosaur that will suck. Thanks Gary. Ass. Once again, hockey fans thank you for your masterful TV deal. First Versus is available in a smaller and smaller number of places, then the crown jewel in your turd of a regular season schedule, the sole SCF rematch, will be preempted by one of the few blowhards that make you seem like a normal guy instead of the smug arsehole you really are.
Before I go on to discuss today’s matchup with the Pens, we have some serious business to discuss, bitches.
Casey Richey, member and friend of the 19, has asked me to make a very important announcement. His blog, Winging it in Motown, is a very popular Red Wings site which plays the straight man to A2Y’s sarcasm and vitriol. They provide a necessary service for those who just don’t understand the 19 and want to have serious discussions about the Wings. And they do it very well.
During the Wings-Penguins game today Winging it in Motown will host a charity fundraiser to assist earthquake-ravaged Haiti. They are calling it “Hockeytown for Haiti” and are making a donation to the cause for every hockey-related comment they get during the Wings-Pens GDT. Please make the time to post some comments during the game. Even I will be dropping a few “Jimmah saves” there during the game. They are willing to put their money where our mouths are, and I really dig that. Help them out.
Even the good people of the Pensburgh blog will be helping the cause by commenting during the GDT. For those of you who don’t know, Pensburgh is the top rated Penguins blog on the internet. Of course they are not as good as the 19, but few are. One thing is for sure, they are miles ahead of the home of petulant Pens fans, Pen(i)sblog.
Of course, I must be jealous and scared of Pen(i)sblog, after all check this out:
VooX, you’re a joke. Tony takes the high road all the time - way to go - but the Pensblog would rip you to shreds.
That is my personal lapdog, LGP8871, working himself into a lather at The Confluence in the comment section of this post. Apparently he is still upset about my calling Lemieux a greedy douche (he is) and a turd (also true) while commenting on this post also at Tony’s site.
Feel free to read the comment section of both posts to understand how easy it is to work up the feeble-minded fans of the Penguins. Just make sure you’re not drinking anything while you do it. I take no responsibility for damaged monitors or keyboards.
Some of you know about my history at Pen(i)sblog. A couple of times I did make my presence felt among the petulant teens who still haven’t come out of the closet. I made jokes that got them all worked up. They tried, in vain, to defend their turf. Eventually, when I had actually made Rosby cry over jokes I made at his expense, they banned me. Twice. First I was banned during 2008’s SCF series, the final ban occurred during The Chief’s summer agenda.
I’d like to show you what got Pen(i)sblog all worked up, but they deleted the comment section when they archived their posts. They should be embarrassed at being such sensitive tools. But we always knew they try to dish it out, but could never take it when it came back their way,
I’m sorry for Akus and Stoosh two high-quality posters there for having to listen to the Pen(i)sblog’s commentators day in and day out. They even defended me when I was banned the final time, stating that talking hockey on a hockey blog shouldn’t get anyone banned. And they’re right. Those two are among the Pens fans I have a lot of respect for, along with Tony F here at The Confluence. The rest of the little bitch Penguin fans can go fuch themselves.
We don’t ban people for talking hockey here at A2Y, no matter how stupid they sound while doing it. At A2Y, we welcome diverse opinions and commentators with open arms. It is what makes our blog fun; the 19 are not cloned douche bags towing the same tired line like the twinks at Pen(i)sblog are.
A2Y also welcomes all trolls who try and take pot-shots at the Wings and Detroit itself. The 19 typically send them away crying with their tails between their legs, to the great amusement of everyone here.
So get prepared, 19, for the upcoming symphony of whine. Between the trolls, Rosby, and the Douche Canoe, today will be the most irritating day on our calender. But it’s nothing we haven’t seen and dealt with swiftly before. Send them home crying to mommy, 19. Again.
The LB today will feature a most unique musical selection, specifically intended as both a troll-repellent and a way to drown out the wind-aided blowing of Rosby and the Pens by the Douche Canoe. You may dig it, or you may demand my head on a pike for taking A2Y in a whole new musical direction. Tune in at 11:30 to find out.
Until then, I’ll leave you with this contribution from WingsFanInBeanland (and you’ll be seeing more from him later), a screen grab from the documentary about Rosby’s basement in Mario’s house:
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About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com