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Abel to Yzerman

Poor Todd’s Nightmare Is About To Become Reality… The Wings Land In San Jose And Want To Play

The Wings are out West in San Jose.  Land of hybrids, hippies, and the Chief.

While the Chief is able to direct precision missiles anywhere West of the Rockies, he hasn’t been able to watch the Red Wings lately.  Thanks to Gary. Ass, the Chief was denied access to most of round one as naval ships, like much of the US, don’t get Vers.Ass.

The Chief sent me this message just before Game 7.  It wasn’t typed.  It was clawed into my email browser.

Dude. Its gonna suck.  Espn bottomline is it.

The 19 feel your pain, Raspberry.  We hope you get clearance, Clarence, to watch this series.

I have it from Mirtle’s anonymous sources that the Chief will attempt to get himself recognized as tonight’s military guest of honour in San Jose.  While in the spotlight, he will attempt to launch a cephalopod mortar onto the ice.  It will be glorious.

Not for Todd.  Poor Todd will be up against his Uncle Mike, and Poor Todd has already wet his shorts many times thinking about it.  More on that later.

First, which Red Wings player said this?

“People always talk about guys winning their battles, faceoffs and things like that.  But ultimately, you want to be on the ice for some goals. It should be that way for us. Each of us knows that we definitely have to be on the scoreboard more.”

Of course, the answer is none of them.  That was Joe Thornton who is still waiting for the Wizard to give him a heart.  While Heatley waits for his balls and Marleu waits for guts, Poor Todd is waiting for brains smart enough to outwit Uncle Mike.

Poor Todd is trying hard to be a good coach.  When the Mud Sharks’ stars were MIA in the playoffs again, he juggled the lines:

McLellan matched Torrey Mitchell with Marleau and Thornton — believing that his speed and tenacity might draw more out of the Sharks’ stars. Heatley was moved over to the Logan Couture-centered line with Manny Malhotra.
That’s probably the way the Sharks will open against the Red Wings.

Nice try, Todd, but Wings fans all know that your pathetic group of heartless, gutless, and emasculated players will never be able to outplay the Red Wings.  You watched Game 7 like a horror movie.  You know the Wings are coming for you next.  Poor Todd.

Even his own neighbours think Poor Todd’s Mud Sharks are done:

Every dog has his day. That’s the sports cliché you know.  Every dog also has his chew toys… in the Sharks vs. Detroit Red Wings rivalry, the Sharks have always been the chew toys…

Detroit wins in seven games.

Let me be clear:  I believe the Sharks can win and advance to the conference finals. They have the talent to do so. Goodness knows, they should have the motivation. But until I see them beat Detroit with my own eyes, I cannot in good conscience pick our beloved Los Tiburones to get the job done.

Reality is a bitch, Poor Todd, and the reality is you and your team don’t have what it takes to beat the Red Wings.  Not today.  Not ever.

Senor “Los Tiburones” had more to say:

I did come up with one wild-card factor: McLellan… McLellan’s method was particularly effective after the Sharks lost Game 3 in overtime.
The agonizing defeat put the Sharks behind in the series, two games to one. But instead of screaming or panicking, McLellan remained calm.

Oh really?  Do tell… what was Poor Todd’s brilliant coaching move?

He called off practice the next day.  He told the players to rest up, go to the movies, whatever.

Awesome.  Poor Todd buried his head in the sand and hid.  Don’t worry Todd, Uncle Mike will give you lots of free time to play in the sand and surf soon.

Yet Poor Todd still doesn’t get it.  He was lucky to get out of round one because the Dive are, well, the Dive.  The Wings are, well, your worst nightmare.  From Emmons’ article again:

The conventional wisdom is that while the Sharks could get past pesky, undermanned Colorado without their top three scorers leading the way, the arch-nemesis Red Wings are a whole different story. If the Sharks are to exorcise their Detroit demons, Thornton, Marleau and Heatley need to have a much bigger impact.

Those in San Jose see the writing on the wall.  The Mud Sharks are doomed because their top scorers are cursed in the playoffs.  Always have been, always will be.

Poor Todd commented on the playoff suckage of Thornton, Heatley, and Marleau.  A2Y presents it in high-tech “In-Between-the-Lines-ovision” for crystal clear clarity:

“Odds are, they’re going to come out of it.”

Poor Todd prays.

“They’re going to score.”

Poor Todd has faith.

“We believe that they’re eventually going to score.”

Poor Todd believes in miracles

“We need them to do that.”

Hallelujah, Poor Todd, Hallelujah.  Good luck with that.

Malik has lots more coverage.  He is a big show off like that.

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Comments

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Avatar

Poor Todd.

Posted by Danielsan from East Lansing on 04/29/10 at 04:39 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

If the big 3 can’t score on the Dive, me thinks the defensive capability of our forwards isn’t going to help them “break through”.
Put Z out on the Pavelski-Segotuchi combo and put Pav on Joe.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/29/10 at 04:46 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I’m different in my thinking about the Sharts, 19.  I think they will play their best hockey and I expect it from them. 

I expect Nabokov to shut his vajayjay like a drunk and GHD-induced prom queen. 

I expect Thornton, Healy, and Marleau to stop braiding each other hairs long enough to play more than just cursory shinny in their little circle jerk. 

I expect Pavelski, Setoguchi, Boyle, and Blake to actually stop bumpin’ and grindin’ each other to Lady Gaga’s “Rad Bromance” soon enough to turn in a half-assed effort of whatever that game they play on Game Day.  It looks strangely like hockey but I can’t tell since it looks more like they’re just a bunch of pylons and wanderlusts with the oh-golly-gee-we-have-a-game-to-play deer-in-headlights surfer dude expressions.

There’s plenty of time for that after the Wings have turned their nightmares into a veritable mush of chunky stomach soup and ground sushi.  Ugh…just the thought of that makes me want to mainline a double IV of Jameson’s.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 04/29/10 at 04:54 PM ET

VooX's avatar

If you didn’t read Triple Deke Tyler’s Eulogy for the Jets at Puck Daddy go do it.  Great stuff.  The best thing ever written at Puck Daddy.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/29/10 at 04:56 PM ET

Triple Deke Tyler's avatar

Thanks VooX.  You’re opinion matters most to me because honestly, you wear a really cool hat.

I won’t be rubbing elbows in Kukla’s basement for this one so I hope to be LB-ing later.

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/29/10 at 05:05 PM ET

dougie's avatar

The best thing ever written at Puck Daddy.

I see what you did there. That technique is called “damning by faint praise.”

In other words, that’s like saying “He ran the fastest 50 yard dash ever…...in the Special Olympics.”

It WAS an awesome eulogy, though.

Posted by dougie on 04/29/10 at 05:08 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

he is really mad at me for my recent Norris nomination article.

Dude all I could think about was that article last night watching Green FAIL over and over again. That guy fuchin sucks balls wtf why anyone would think that guy is good is beyond me. Norris worthy? Please, penis tip paper cuts are better than this guy.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the poopship. on 04/29/10 at 03:07 PM

Couldn’t leave that comment languishing in the old thread. Maybe I’ll steal that line for a Joe Thorton comparison over at Battle of California. Oh snap, I got banned.

Tyler, just quit now. Don’t bother writing another word over at the Triple Deke. Just drop a line here and there in the LBs. You are never going to be able to top that. You may as well retire as a blogger and become a pharmacist.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 05:20 PM ET

Triple Deke Tyler's avatar

Please, penis tip paper cuts

Jesus Christ, dude.  Good gravy.

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/29/10 at 05:22 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Thanks VooX.  You’re opinion matters most to me because honestly, you wear a really cool hat.

I won’t be rubbing elbows in Kukla’s basement for this one so I hope to be LB-ing later.

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/29/10 at 03:05 PM ET

Nice touch on the youohgee, T.

Speaking of “really cool”, what’s in store for your next avatar?

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/29/10 at 05:25 PM ET

HockeyTownTodd's avatar

Babs made big, big tactical changes for g #7.

? will the Wings play the same way..?
? did he wait until G #7 because advance scouting may have had the Sharks planning to play the other Wings..?

I just don’t see this series being the cake walk that every one here is predicting.
Nabby is a damn good goaltender and if he shakes that black cloud he could steal 2 games for the Sharks.  Howard could steal 2 games for the Wings..
Leaving 3 games to be decided by team play, injuries, and officiating….

I can’t wait…Thursday is indeed turning out to be a very long day.

Skipping the LB due to regular Thursday evening activities but I will be watching, maybe join in the fun after the 2nd begins.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 04/29/10 at 05:26 PM ET

Triple Deke Tyler's avatar

Speaking of “really cool”, what’s in store for your next avatar?

I’m not going to have time to come up with a stupid shark-related avatar before tonight’s game, but I can’t top J.J.‘s anyway.  His is awesome.

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/29/10 at 05:29 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

I just don’t see this series being the cake walk that every one here is predicting.

I haven’t seen a single pundit that picks this series to end in less than six games. Nor do I think any of the 19 thinks it will be a cake walk. Is walking with a cake really that easy, anyway?

LeBrun or someone else over at espn picked the Wings in triple OT in game 7.

I think this is going to be a great series, But the guppies (Lack of) Production Line has lived up to its name. The guppies aren’t all that different from the 1991-1996 Wings, great teams with no playoff success.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 05:32 PM ET

edillac's avatar

Wings win the series,dont care in how many games, we roll,never stop,
no more schitzophrenia games

Posted by edillac from isolation on 04/29/10 at 05:36 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

Skipping the LB due to regular Thursday evening activities

The cockfights and 8-ball will still be there tomorrow.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 05:37 PM ET

Chris in A^2's avatar

arch-nemesis Red Wings

It seems like the wings are the arch nemesis for 2/3rds of the Western conference- usually the teams that like winning.

Posted by Chris in A^2 from Nyquist Puck Control on 04/29/10 at 05:39 PM ET

Jennemy of the Skate's avatar

I have it from Mirtle’s anonymous sources that the Chief will attempt to get himself recognized as tonight’s military guest of honour in San Jose.  While in the spotlight, he will attempt to launch a cephalopod mortar onto the ice.  It will be glorious.

I would pay HUUUUGE money to see this. heuuuuuuuge.

Posted by Jennemy of the Skate from the bar car on the stress train on 04/29/10 at 05:40 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

The cockfights and 8-ball will still be there tomorrow.
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 03:37 PM

Cock fighting with penis tip paper cuts? Ouch!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 05:40 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

Fuch that, Wings in 5, hahahaah suck it Sharts(!)
In case you were wondering where my great wisdom comes from:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q36_8s5z6S8

I just don’t see San Jose taking us to the brink. I was way more scared of the PHX series. Nabby is our bitch. Joe Pavalski? Really? Are we really supposed to be fuching scared of Joe “i wish i was” Pavalski.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 05:52 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

Cock fighting with penis tip paper cuts? Ouch!

The show must go on.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 05:53 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

Cock fighting with penis tip paper cuts? Ouch!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/29/10 at 03:40 PM ET

hahahaha, thats why we brought the 8-ball.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 05:55 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

History will be made - Dan Boyle

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 06:00 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

History will be made - Dan Boyle
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 04:00 PM

Would have been so much funnier if the dive had actually won the series over the guppies.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 06:10 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

WooHoo - - pumped for this one.  I hope the Wings are too.

Khan(!) from the tank today:

No changes for the Red Wings. Babcock will continue to switchTomas Holmstrom and Dan Cleary from the first to the fourth lines, depending on the game situation:

Franzen-Datsyuk-Holmstrom
Filppula-Zetterberg-Bertuzzi
Draper-Helm-Eaves
Miller-Abdelkader-Cleary
Williams-May (scratches)

Lidstrom-Rafalski
Kronwall-Stuart
Ericsson-Lilja
Lebda-Meech-Janik (scratches)

Howard
Osgood

Here are the anticipated lines and defense pairings for San Jose:

Torrey Mitchell-Joe Thornton-Patrick Marleau
Ryane Clowe-Joe Pavelski-Devin Setoguchi
Dany Heatley-Logan Couture-Manny Malhotra
Jamie McGinn-Scott Nichol-Dwight Helminen (if Jed Ortmeyer can’t play)

Douglas Murray-Dan Boyle
Marc-Edouard Vlasic-Rob Blake
Jason Demers-Kent Huskins

(in goal)
Evgeni Nabokov
Thomas Greiss

The referees tonight are Paul Devorski and Eric Furlatt.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/29/10 at 06:12 PM ET

FranzensMouthguard's avatar

testing…

Vs.



Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 04/29/10 at 06:19 PM ET

Triple Deke Tyler's avatar

Williams-May (scratches)

JWill and May in a scratching fight sounds like epic.

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/29/10 at 06:21 PM ET

Triple Deke Tyler's avatar

Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 04/29/10 at 04:19 PM ET

Oh god that’s fantastic.

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 04/29/10 at 06:22 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

yeah so, I just realized I misspelled that, Joe “I wish I was” Pavelski. Sorry about that Joe.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 06:25 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

just don’t see this series being the cake walk that every one here is predicting.

I haven’t seen a single pundit that picks this series to end in less than six games. Nor do I think any of the 19 thinks it will be a cake walk. Is walking with a cake really that easy, anyway?

LeBrun or someone else over at espn picked the Wings in triple OT in game 7.

I think this is going to be a great series, But the guppies (Lack of) Production Line has lived up to its name. The guppies aren’t all that different from the 1991-1996 Wings, great teams with no playoff success.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/29/10 at 03:32 PM ET

What Cap’n D said.  I’m confident the Wings can win this series, but I don’t think it’ll be easy.  That smell of fresh air you’ve been sniffing throughout the Hasek is the remnants of a game seven blowout in the last round.  We’re shutting the doors tight and letting shit get stale and moldy again starting tonight.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/29/10 at 06:36 PM ET

FranzensMouthguard's avatar

Tyler, heres a Jimmah one for you:

Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 04/29/10 at 06:43 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

In case you were wondering where my great wisdom comes from:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q36_8s5z6S8
Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the poopship. on 04/29/10 at 03:52 PM

I really wish I could post that over at battle of california.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 06:45 PM ET

Alzy's avatar

Been a great day for fishing in San Jose. #8, #16 and #29 were pretty tough to capture, it took a lot of force, but eventually I snagged them all. #12, #15, #19 and #20 were all too easy though, they didn’t put up any fight. I’m gonna hang this huge Shark in my living room too, as a trophy for the great day.

LET’S GO RED WINGS(excla-fuching-mation. POINT)

Posted by Alzy from Cambridge, Ontario, Canada on 04/29/10 at 06:49 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

Nabakov does not really scare me.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 06:50 PM ET

dougie's avatar

  Cock fighting with penis tip paper cuts? Ouch!

  Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/29/10 at 03:40 PM ET

hahahaha, thats why we brought the 8-ball.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the poopship. on 04/29/10 at 03:55 PM ET

Oh, so THAT’S why Ween wrote “Rub the Coke on my D*ck”. Paper cuts. I never cease to be amazed at the things I have learned on this blog.

Posted by dougie on 04/29/10 at 06:53 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Nabakov does not really scare me.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 04:50 PM ET

LANGolier

Posted by pgoody on 04/29/10 at 06:55 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

*Nabokov.  And yes, I realize virtually everyone on the ice for the tying and game winning goals play for vancouver or phoenix, teach history and chase butterflies while wearing one sandal and humming oh fortuna in the czech republic or are recovering from shoulder surgery.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 06:57 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

I’m confident the Wings can win this series, but I don’t think it’ll be easy.

I am much more confident now that DET has survived the first round.

Been reading lots of sites - - and keep hearing that SJS cannot skate.  I know they won’t play the same physical ferocious forecheck that the Dogs did.

DET SHOULD have a bit of an easier time against the Fish. 

Gramps is right about one thing - - injuries and officiating (see WSH).

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 04/29/10 at 07:00 PM ET

Alan's avatar

All I know is that Detroit better come out swinging. And when it’s all over and done with, the ice should be covered in something resembling Gordon’s Fish Filets, with maybe an octopus or two off in the corners.

Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 04/29/10 at 07:03 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Guppies are on a game one losing streak. Letting them break that streak tonight will give them a boost of confidence that the Wings really don’t want them to have. Get the split tonight.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 07:08 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Smile you sonofa…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-W1SDA6g_c

Posted by pgoody on 04/29/10 at 07:08 PM ET

Twig in Houston's avatar

Smile you sonofa…

<——

Posted by Twig in Houston from Houston, TX on 04/29/10 at 07:14 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com