Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Our Iron-Chinned Intern Is Keeping His Death-Stare On The Prize

Uncle Mike is not to be trifled with.  Ask Joel Quenneville.  I'd send you to Bruce Boudreau but he is still eating his feelings and can't speak between bites of ice-cream covered corndogs.  While Babcock continues to strike fear into his opponents, it was not always that way.

At least that's what George tells us:

During the second intermission of a playoff game in 2002, Holland recalled Babcock telling him he wanted to be the next coach of the Red Wings.

"I don't hire interns,'' Holland said he told Babcock. "The next year, he knocked us out of the playoffs."

If you aren't aware of the political machinations of a corporation, "I don't hire interns." is the equivalent to "Shut your whore mouth." around here, and I can dig it.

In that moment of absolute heartbreak Uncle Mike realized something that has stuck with him since.  The sweet baby Jesus does not let you join the greatest sports Organ-I-zation in the world without being worthy.  Only by showing the competitive fire necessary for the relentless and continuous drive to win the Cup every season does one become a Red Wing, much less lead them.

More Uncle Mike, via George:

"When you put on our sweater, there's an obligation to Mr. Howe and Mr. Lindsay and the people that came before you to compete like a Red Wing."

There is a different standard in Hockeytown.  A higher standard filled with hookers, puppies, and firetrucks with a metric tonne of banners hanging from the rafters.  Speaking of rafters, news out of Denver is that the Dive have just retired Seth Jones' number in anticipation of his being drafted this summer.

Here at A2Y we also have interns.  Fresh and bubbly coeds wearing halter-tops and skirts that are mere rumours fill our corridors ensuring that the Chief's belly gets rubbed and that all mail from Gary Bettman or Mario Lemieux gets screened for anthrax.  They stick around brimming with optimism for the future, an optimism crushed as soon as they realize the only promotions around here get you from belly-rubber to grape-feeder.  So the coeds leave broken and disappointed despairing that this world is nothing but a cruel joke.  Sometimes we run into them again and leave them a dollar tip (either on the table or in their g-string depending upon where we find them) but usually we just replace them with the next eager halter-top willing to work for leftover cheddar cheese and warm PBR.

Sometimes an intern stands out.  When we say "Shut your whore mouth," they say, "After you, bitch."  Those are the ones that have the most potential.  Like our Uncle Mike.  He gets stomped on and decided to fight back to seek his revenge and prove his worth.

Instead of letting doubt and despair creep into his head and cause his mental unraveling, Uncle Mike worked harder.  He studied films and developed game plans never forgetting how Holland put him in his place.  Babcock used that competitive fire to make us very sad in 2003 after only four games.  Today our Uncle Mike harnesses that same competitive spirit with the Wings never allowing his team a moment of respite.  The skate belongs stomping on the throat.  Anything less is failure.  Ask Bobby Lang or Ian White.

No other sports Organ-I-zation sets the bar so high.  Whether or not they are expected to contend for the Cup, like this season, the Wings are expected to cry tears of blood, like The Captain did, in order to sustain The Dynasty and the 19.  The same intensity is lacking elsewhere in the NHL.  No other teams are as battle-hardened as the Wings from the top down.

Certainly not Twenty-Cent, who is still haunted by his mother and cannot focus on the job at hand.  Nevermind Toes who Zetterman has made his bitch, nor Quenneville who is seeking counselling for being abused by Babcock the past two games.

The Chickenhawks have never experienced this adversity and it shows.  They are falling apart, their fans abandoning the bandwagon, and even Li'l Gary's refs haven't been able to help them out of the hole they've dug themselves.  In Chicago they are blaming their goaltender, their coach, their Craptain, and their Hossa for their shortcomings.  Nobody, especially the NBC crew, wants to admit that while the Wings are not as talented (nor is Datsyuk) as the Hawks, that the Wings are still the better team.  Teams win Cups, individual talents do not.

Of course that may just be a matter of perspective and the adorable eight-pounder knows we certainly have our own around here.  At Second City Hockey they give every game the full TheLinkGoesHere treatment with charts and Corsi and stuff that only a pharmacist would understand.  Which is why I am having a tough time understanding their stats.

According to Corsi, Zetterman was a -15 while Toes was a +17 last game.  A clearly dominant performance by Toes... until you watch the game and know that while Toes may be a +17, he cries like a +10 year-old when faced with adversity.  Just like he is about to face tonight, again, with Zetterman giving more lessons in how to shut down a little boy in a man's game.

So forget the stats, forget the standings, all that matters is this game.  It's 10 to 12, bitches, and the Stress Train is rolling all night long.

Let's Go Red Wings.  Burn.  This.  Conference.  Down.

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Comments

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Tony Perkis's avatar

Funny stuff VooX. I’ve heard Corsi is a good indicator of puck possession, etc., but I had my suspicions. It clearly doesn’t matter comparing Toes to Zetterman.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 05/23/13 at 03:28 PM ET

Primis's avatar

I refuse to acknowledge anyone or anything touting Corsi or Fenwick, because they’re almost always brought up to support an argument that has no other basis or foundation.

I do know what 2-1 is.  And I do know what “Skate. To. Throat.” means.

Posted by Primis on 05/23/13 at 03:32 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Aloha, Master Chief-san.  A pint of Guinness salute to you and yours.  Cheers to the shooters.

In that moment of absolute heartbreak Uncle Mike realized something that has stuck with him since.  The sweet baby Jesus does not let you join the greatest sports Organ-I-zation in the world without being worthy.  Only by showing the competitive fire necessary for the relentless and continuous drive to win the Cup every season does one become a Red Wing, much less lead them.

And then Tick Tock says he derived that from Mr. and Mrs. I.  When your owner cares enough about you to win and gives you every opportunity to win, anything less is a severe disappointment.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 03:37 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

I cant be the only one to wonder what comes after “grape feeder”?

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/23/13 at 03:38 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Why do I do this???  What an idiot I am.

Oh VooX, I’m sorry, man.  This is the second time, but hey, now that Chief is officially Command Master Chief of a bagdamn United States Navy Destroyer, well, I consider you a Chief of the A2Y blog as well.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 03:40 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Bartender.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 05/23/13 at 03:43 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

United States Navy Destroyer, well, I consider you a Chief of the A2Y blog as well.
   
Posted by SYF from the Flood on 05/23/13 at 04:40 PM ET

You mean a boat?

 

wink

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/23/13 at 03:43 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Like a Hasek, HTO.  lol

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 03:45 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Corsi crapola is for those who can’t understand the games by watching them. The good old fasahioned eyeball test works here.
The only thing Toes has on Z this series to date is tears and a pile of snotty kleenex.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 05/23/13 at 03:49 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by
          SYF
     
    from the Flood on 05/23/13 at 04:45 PM ET

lmao

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/23/13 at 03:50 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Like a Hasek, HTO

Chiefs little dingy has some pretty cool guns n shit… but our bar is definately better than the one on that floating beer can.  LOL

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 05/23/13 at 03:52 PM ET

Avatar

Corsi didn’t win Detroit any playoff series when they consistently outshot opponants 1.5-2 to 1 and still managed to lose.

Posted by neffernin on 05/23/13 at 04:12 PM ET

Avatar

Another interesting note: Franzen is -6 in these playoffs so far.  Considering there’s only been 10 games that’s pretty rough.  Say what you will about the metric…

Posted by neffernin on 05/23/13 at 04:14 PM ET

dougie's avatar

Beer-Thirty. Bitches.

Posted by dougie on 05/23/13 at 04:31 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

VooX, terrific post.  There’s no question that “iron-chinned” determination has trickled down and taken hold of our beloved team.

I believe the Wings will do this.

Just.Win.Tonight.

On the road to Burn.This.Conference.Down.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/23/13 at 04:42 PM ET

Zqto's avatar

Hahaha
I knew I shouldnt waste my time on all the corsi posts through the season!

LGRW!!!!  BURN THIS SHIT!!!

Posted by Zqto on 05/23/13 at 04:46 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

thanks, VooX

“When you put on our sweater, there’s an obligation to Mr. Howe and Mr. Lindsay and the people that came before you to compete like a Red Wing.”
- Head Coach Mike Babcock, Detroit Red Wings, NHL

10 to 12 ... indeed.

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 05/23/13 at 04:52 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

this post makes me redolent

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/23/13 at 04:54 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

BTCD!

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/23/13 at 04:57 PM ET

Trish's avatar

All aboard Bitches.  Prep time now.  LGRW

Posted by Trish from Tampa/Clearwater FL on 05/23/13 at 05:00 PM ET

edillac's avatar

if we get into 3rd period with a lead,things should be fun to watch

Posted by edillac from isolation on 05/23/13 at 05:05 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Man, if The 19 ever get a hold of decommissioned United States Navy Destroyer, there’s no telling what kind of shenanigans are gonna happen.

Wait, I actually do…

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 05:05 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I cant be the only one to wonder what comes after “grape feeder”?

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/23/13 at 04:38 PM ET

Toe nail painter?  Foot reflexologist?

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 05:08 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Bartender.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/23/13 at 04:43 PM ET

Chief Bartender.

VooX! You little vocabularian you. Concise and to the point. I agree with every syllabull.  Certainly no one can accuse you of sesquipedalianism.

Lunch was wonderful. Thank you for axing.  I’ll have a double. Hold the lime.

LGRW !!!!!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, with 3 fingers of rum & a cigar.. on 05/23/13 at 05:12 PM ET

dougie's avatar

Rummy, did you use red or white corn cobs in your Cobb Salad?

Posted by dougie on 05/23/13 at 05:20 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

I love you people.

LOL

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/23/13 at 05:24 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

Sesquipedalianism

Nine#$@&$@# syllubulls!?

Hurts my head

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/23/13 at 05:26 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Funny thing aboot a Cobb salad….no Cobbs.  Just a pile of tamaters, diced turkey, blue cheese, guacamole, BACON!, and about as much lettuce as you would see on a big Mac. Of course, after the second martini….it’s all about the bacon.

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, with 3 fingers of rum & a cigar.. on 05/23/13 at 05:32 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Bacon Martini courtesy of the Double Down Saloon here in Vegas.

The most sinful mutherfuching mix…EVER.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 05:37 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

When you put on our sweater, there’s an obligation to Mr. Howe, Mr. Yzerman, and Mr. Lindsay and the people that came before you to compete like a Red Wing.
- Head Coach Mike Babcock, Detroit Red Wings, NHL

fixt for you, Uncle Mike

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 05/23/13 at 05:38 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Posted by SYF from the Flood on 05/23/13 at 06:37 PM ET

+19

Waiter!!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, with 3 fingers of rum & a cigar.. on 05/23/13 at 05:38 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Bacon Martini courtesy of the Double Down Saloon here in Vegas.

Now THAT is a Martini. Mmmm, mmmmm, good!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 05/23/13 at 05:41 PM ET

SYF's avatar

It gets better, Rummer.  The restaurant Andres at the Monte Carlo also has something equally decadent:  The Foie Gras Martini.

Oy…

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 05/23/13 at 05:44 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by
          SYF
     
    from the Flood on 05/23/13 at 06:44 PM ET

That looks like what comes back up AFTER mardi gras

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/23/13 at 05:45 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by
          SYF
     
    from the Flood on 05/23/13 at 06:37 PM ET

A way to drink a martini and not feel like less of a man.. without having to become a double agent at least.

It looks curiously delicious

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/23/13 at 05:46 PM ET

hockeychic's avatar

LGRW!

Make it a double vodka, Voox.  Thanks much!

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 05/23/13 at 05:47 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Sesquipedalianism
Nine#$@&$@# syllubulls!?
Hurts my head
Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/23/13 at 06:26 PM ET

The bastard made me get one of the interns to stop feeding me grapes and look it up in the dictionary.  Unacceptable.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 05/23/13 at 05:47 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Great post, Voox.

All things said, Corsi is as good a stat as any for people who know what they’re doing with it. For people who don’t know what they’re talking about, it’s as useful as a dictionary in the hands of a Blues fan.

Call it luck, call it magic or “intangibles” or whatever. I’m rooting for the results to remain consistent with the last two games. I’d much rather the Wings run the Corsi advantage too. The correlation between it and winning is better than a lot of other metrics (without being perfect, of course).

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 05/23/13 at 05:49 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Corsi…. that’s one of those words in life… you know the one’s that make you stop listening when you hear them used seriously.

It’s obvious after games 2 and 3 that the Hawks still don’t know who their dealing with.

Put the skate down on em boys.


LGRW

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 05/23/13 at 05:49 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

almost H-1, I might have to spike my coffee with some Maker’s.  Feel sorry for America’s future soldiers and sailors who are about to have to experience me watching Red Wing playoff hockey.

Hopefully I’ll convert some new fans, but either way Black Hawk Down is going off in an hour.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/23/13 at 05:50 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com