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Abel to Yzerman

Off Day Digging

A little ditty to start your day. St. Louis, everyone’s favorite October badass?  Well, they built that first-month-of-the-season record on the shoulders of an East-heavy slate.  The Blues are a nifty 5-0 against the other conference, but 4-5-2 against the West, where the men play.  And against the Central? Make that 2-3-2.  Mediocre. Middling. St. Louis.

Oh, and the Wings are 3-0 against the Central and haven’t had a chance to sample the Eastern fare as of yet.

Greg Wyshynski is wondering where you are.

The Campaign: Started by Red Wings blog Winging It In Motown on Facebook and slowly spreading through message boards. Will the rabble-rousers on Abel To Yzerman get on the bandwagon?

Greg’s talking about the All Star Game and a certain goaltender left off the ballot with a way to rectify that.  If JJ and the boys over at WiM want to lead that charge, have at it.  My interest in Gary’s suckfest has bottomed out.  SYF put it well yesterday…

After the way Gary.Ass shafted Lidstrom and Datsyuk in ‘08?

F*ck Gary.ASSG.

Posted by SYF from Las Vegas, NV on 11/17/10 at 04:35 PM ET

The All Star game is a joke, just like the league that stages it.  I prefer to ignore the fact that a former Wing who probably used to rip Bettman as much as us is now in bed with him.  It sickens me and I’ve elected to pretend it’s not true. I hum to myself or I pretend I’m a Blues fan and finger paint with my own or other kids’ feces.  Vote for the Wings if you’d like to and I get it if you do.  Double vote.  Triple vote.  Quint…vote five times.  The league allows it and even prompts you to “vote again”. 

I’ll be hoping for rest, though.  Lots of it.  And, hey, the Wings don’t have a single player in the top 20 in scoring…yet they’re the best team in hockey and everyone knows it.  All Star Game?  No thank you. No need.  Suck it, please.

Back to Wysh’s original point and the suggested write-in candidacy of Jim Howard?  Yeah.  Not a shock, is it?  Who are the goalies on the ballot?  18 of them. 9 from each Conference.  Forget the East.  As usual, they don’t matter.  As for the West?  Niemi, Kipper, Bryzgalov, Khabibulin, Rinni, Luongo, Quick, Little Andie and Backstrom.  Fuch your write-in campaign Gary.  Seriously.  It’s not worth my time to participate in a jungle gym bullshit exercise that is so obviously tainted and flawed.  Ask 7, even 8, of those goalies’ GMs if they’d rather have Howard or their own goaltender.  Oh, and Gary? No one has more wins since last year’s bullshit game.  No one in the West has more wins this year.  Howard’s 10-1-1.  Quick’s 10-2 and deserves every ounce of credit he’s getting.  A great twelve game season, so far.  His inclusion on the ballot, though?  That has to be based on last year’s performance.  Right, Gary?  39 wins in 72 starts (Howard: 37 in 63), a .907 save percentage (.924) and a 2.54 GAA (2.26). 

Oh, and you know Halak’s on there. Maybe he can participate in the new “own goal” contest brought to you by “Ass.G…the new short, fat and stupid clothing line and official sponsor of NHL headquarters”.

Write this in Gary:  you need to go, little fella. 

Hey.  Let’s check in with a real NHL Insider and see what he has to tell us this fantastic Thursday.

The Blackhawks are in trouble.

The defending Stanley Cup champs are already in seventh place in the Western Conference — and due to a quirk in the schedule, they’ve already played 3-5 more games than most of the other teams in the conference.

That’s Teddy Kulfan and he blew the lid off baby brother’s rent-a-Cup woes.  Here’s a newsflash for you Teddy.  Those Hawks will finish higher than the fake Blues we saw last night.

And Teddy, since you’re going all Insider on us…ever heard of Tyler Dellow, Colin Campbell, who has a son?  No?  K.  Just checking, since you’re an “insider” and all.

image

Guralnick drew that picture for us.

Dan(ny) Cleary has goals in fifty-eight consecutive games.  No. He doesn’t.  But he’s getting there.  And he’s digging it.

Kulfan

“Good things are happening.”

Yep.  Goals in six straight.  Playing on a great line for a team that has all four lines absolutely rolling right now.  Like half this roster, Cleary is flourishing on a team that promotes success up and down the lineup.  It’s how Mike Babcock built this system and how Tick Tock Kenny Holland has stocked the cupboard.  Bertuzzi’s renaissance as a killer and a power forward with hands and defensive thirst.  Drew Miller’s prowess on the 4th line and in the PK.  Brad Stuart’s reliability (“he could have played 30 years ago”: Redmond).  The list of players on this team who can say “good things are happening” goes on and on.  But, Cleary?  It’s time to remind you why he’s been given the name “Charlie Buckets”.

Dan Cleary, the boy with the golden ticket.  Wandering the streets of dreary whatevertownBucketsgrewupin, not wanting to go home because Grampa Joe wasn’t getting out of bed and yet another dinner of disgusting thick tasteless soup awaited him.  A sparkle in the gutter, a silver dollar.  That money could feed his family for a week!  Oh, the turmoil.  Tasty Wonka chocolate and a chance at a trip every child in the world was hoping for, or food on the Bucket table.  Screw it.  Grabbed it. Bought the bar. Ripped it open. Golden Ticket. Hell yes.

That’s from the Glossary, and that brings up this point: I need to update that biotch.  And soon.  But I need your help.  Let me know what you think should be in there and I’ll try to get it updated before the Big Cruise.  Just drop a name or phrase in the comment section and I’ll pull out the Juvenilicious Dictionary and get working.

And “panda” better be included.  But someone’s gonna have to explain it to me, because you bastards lost me with that one.

Enjoy your Thursday, bitches. 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

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J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Stop it, it’s getting far too silly in here.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/18/10 at 05:53 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Stop it, it’s getting far too silly in here.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/18/10 at 03:53 PM ET

You can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 11/18/10 at 05:57 PM ET

Osrt's avatar

Robin Williams on Pandas:

“They tranquilize the panda before putting him in the plane. Really? Is that necessary? I mean, how much more mellow does an animal have to be? Then then bring him over and give him a name like Ping-Pong, when his name in China was probably TigerFire & DragonBalls. And make him have sex with some other panda he’s never seen.

He didn’t want to do it. He was like, “That is one ugly Panda bitch. If you were a panda, you would know that is ugly panda. Seriously. I wouldn’t *#$%@& her with a Koala’s dick.”

So awesome. You’re welcome.

A) We won a game that we lost for the first 50 minutes. Prince James is the main reason.

Two small complaints.

1) If I see Modano back off when going into a corner one more time, my head is going to explode. He had a step on a guy but that would mean hit the boards with him and battling for the puck. So, he just stops skating and gently glides in, allowing the d-man to chop it around the boards. Both WFIBL and I saw this before and called him a bitch for it. Mo’s got speed but a glass chin.

2) Fil needs to fuching shoot. He picks up a loose puck in the slot on his forehand and instead of shooting he goes to the backhand to step around a d-man who wasn’t in his way in the first place. Put some shots on net you dandy fuch. He and Hudler could be lethal.

(psst…Tuzzi owns your soul)

Posted by Osrt on 11/18/10 at 06:12 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

NI!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 11/18/10 at 06:14 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

This is supposed to be an appy occasion.  Let’s not bicker and argue about oo killed oo.

Does that mean The Tuzz is Lancelot slaughtering all the wedding guests?

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 11/18/10 at 06:15 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Speaking of encroaching sponsorship, I found this scheduled European b-ball game on Alpha Tango:

2:45 PM ET Armani Jeans Milano vs Panathinaikos Athens

“Armani Jeans Milano.”  W.T.F.?

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/18/10 at 06:18 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

NI!
Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 11/18/10 at 04:14 PM

Are you saying Ni to that old woman?

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 11/18/10 at 06:18 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

1) If I see Modano back off when going into a corner one more time, my head is going to explode. He had a step on a guy but that would mean hit the boards with him and battling for the puck. So, he just stops skating and gently glides in, allowing the d-man to chop it around the boards. Both WFIBL and I saw this before and called him a bitch for it. Mo’s got speed but a glass chin.

So it’s not just me. I expect a 100%+ effort. I don’t care who the player is.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 11/18/10 at 06:21 PM ET

bobby lang's avatar

When I see “NI!”, all I think about is the Chinese women’s curling team.

Posted by bobby lang from Columbus, OH-IO on 11/18/10 at 06:26 PM ET

Trish's avatar

I understand you guys stating you wish all Wings would rest during the ASG break but since the players are choosing the captains, what are the chances that TPH will not be 1 of the 2?  Players from all 29 other teams respect the hell outta him as they do NOT respect rosby.

2nd: Is there any chance that Dats would not be chosen by whomever is made captain?

Posted by Trish from Tampa/Clearwater FL on 11/18/10 at 06:27 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Are you saying Ni to that old woman?
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 11/18/10 at 04:18 PM ET

She’s not a woman…she’s a WITCH!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 11/18/10 at 06:33 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Look, if I went around claiming I was an emperor just because some moistened bink had lugged a scimitar at me, they’d put me away!

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 11/18/10 at 06:38 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Neu!  Neu!

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 11/18/10 at 06:40 PM ET

SYF's avatar

She’s not a woman…she’s a WITCH!

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 11/18/10 at 04:33 PM ET

She turned me into a newt.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/18/10 at 06:45 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

glossary

“rosby”
“tin foil hat society”

lots of work for you chief.

You will be dearly missed. Thanks for your service. My only son is a west point senior, and I hope we leave that rat’s nest over there as soon as possible.

Posted by Rdwings28 on 11/18/10 at 06:59 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Ni!

Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing. No kidding.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/18/10 at 07:01 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Trish, look, some of us Wings fans are the very, very loud and aggressive minority who don’t want to see any Wings player in Gary.ASSG’s dog-and-pony show at all, forever and ever.  Vote all you want -  macros and all.

If TPH gets picked, I hope he avoids every shot headed his way.
If Datsyuk and Zata get picked, I hope they float noncommittedly.
If Jimmy gets picked, I hope he lets in every shot from the point (esp. if Shea Weber is at the point).
If Raffi gets picked, I hope he changes his lines five seconds into his shift every single time.

The ASG is a joke.  A big steaming pile.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/18/10 at 07:03 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Does that mean The Tuzz is Lancelot slaughtering all the wedding guests?

Quoth Bertuzzi…“I didn’t want to be hockey player. I wanted to be… a lumberjack!”

cue the mounties!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 11/18/10 at 08:03 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Here you are bitches.  Though I guess I need to redo it for this year…
?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 11/18/10 at 08:23 PM ET

Alzy's avatar

Have we got bows?

No.

*gasp* we have the Holy Hand Grenade!

Yes of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Bertuzzioch! Tis one of the sacred relics brother Tick Tock carries with him. Brother Tick Tock! Bring out the Holy Hand Grenade!

Posted by Alzy from Cambridge, Ontario, Canada on 11/18/10 at 08:35 PM ET

Alzy's avatar

What…is your favourite colour?

Blue… no, yel—AHHHHHHH!


Look, it’s Sasquatch!

No, it’s the legendary Black Beast of AHHHHHHH!

Posted by Alzy from Cambridge, Ontario, Canada on 11/18/10 at 08:48 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Epic fight between BOS S.Thornton and FLA Hordichuk.

Oh yeah, nine goals in the first period of the TBL/PHI game.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/18/10 at 09:50 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Maybe why Modano is a little hesitant going into corners…


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yxLlZkknv0

Posted by pgoody on 11/18/10 at 09:51 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Posted by pgoody on 11/18/10 at 07:51 PM ET

Yikes.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/18/10 at 10:20 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Fake Friends, please forgive me, or thank me, it’s up to you.  I do hate to divert from the feeding frenzy of another asskicking of the BBBB, but this is just, well, epic, if you like this little former Catholic school girl.

My daughter sent me this link and I can’t take my eyes off it.  Thank you, sweetie, Daddy loves you.

When you scroll to the bottom you can just hit “previous page” for aboot six more, and keep going back.  I was going to link 1 example but it bordered on soft porn so out of respect for the Emperor I’ll wave that off, but have at it.  Then have at yourself.

http://tinyurl.com/3y7mgft

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 11/18/10 at 10:24 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

And speaking of soft porn, how about that TSA?
Thaaat’s it, reach right up in there and grab some junk.  The dude already had to take off his belt so he’s halfway there.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 11/18/10 at 10:38 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

My daughter sent me this link and I can’t take my eyes off it.  Thank you, sweetie, Daddy loves you.

Thank you, sweetie, creepy Braszilian loves you.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/18/10 at 11:01 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

I love this “clique”(!)  grin

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 11/18/10 at 11:03 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Thaaat’s it, reach right up in there and grab some junk.  The dude already had to take off his belt so he’s halfway there.

Posted by RWBill from boarding The Hasek, beer me v00x! on 11/18/10 at 08:38 PM ET

When I first saw that I could have sworn it was a picture of Bettman’s doctor checking for brain tumors.

Posted by calquake on 11/18/10 at 11:14 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

When I first saw that I could have sworn it was a picture of Bettman’s doctor checking for brain tumors.

Posted by calquake on 11/18/10 at 09:14 PM ET

You should see the one where his proctologist is asking him to do a better job brushing his teeth before exams.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/18/10 at 11:27 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Lightning and Flyers are having 80’s flashback night, 8-7 ‘ning. Holy cow.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 11/18/10 at 11:33 PM ET

SYF's avatar

http://tinyurl.com/3y7mgft

Posted by RWBill from boarding The Hasek, beer me v00x! on 11/18/10 at 08:24 PM ET

I know the pic you’re talking ‘bout but it’s fake, RWBill.  I fapped anyway.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/18/10 at 11:52 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

I understand you guys stating you wish all Wings would rest during the ASG break but since the players are choosing the captains, what are the chances that TPH will not be 1 of the 2?  Players from all 29 other teams respect the hell outta him as they do NOT respect rosby.

2nd: Is there any chance that Dats would not be chosen by whomever is made captain?

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 11/18/10 at 04:27 PM ET

the players have to be voted in by the fans before they are part of the “schoolyard hockey picky choosy” thing.  the fan voting determines all the players who are in the game, then the two captains are chosen by those players, and then those two captains pick from the voted-in players to determine who plays on which team.  I hope that makes sense.

more simply put - the captains don’t choose from all the players in the league…they choose from those voted into the game by the fans.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 11/19/10 at 12:48 AM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

Maybe why Modano is a little hesitant going into corners…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yxLlZkknv0

blindside hit to the head.  today they’d suspend him for a year.  or a game.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 11/19/10 at 12:50 AM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Maybe why Modano is a little hesitant going into corners…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yxLlZkknv0

blindside hit to the head.  today they’d suspend him for a year.  or a game.
Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 11/18/10 at 10:50 PM ET

i don’t think mike would have deserved to be suspended ...
... and he certainly didn’t deserve to be dropped off the stretcher being loaded into the ambulance.
(it kinda looks like a Monty Python skit smile )

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 11/19/10 at 01:12 AM ET

SYF's avatar

SLS/DAL is a wild game.  Not as wild as the high-scoring TBL/PHI game but it’s a one goal-crease crashing affair after another in the last five minutes.

All tied up at 4-apiece going into OT.

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/19/10 at 01:19 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Mickey Ribs with the OT winner for DAL, 5-4.

Yet another reason Niemi is overrated and he’s on the Gary.ASSG ballot.  What a joke…

Posted by SYF from The Revenge of Johnny E on 11/19/10 at 01:26 AM ET

Itrusteddrrahmani's avatar

the players have to be voted in by the fans before they are part of the “schoolyard hockey picky choosy” thing.  the fan voting determines all the players who are in the game, then the two captains are chosen by those players, and then those two captains pick from the voted-in players to determine who plays on which team.

Well it’s a bit more complicated than that. the fan voting is just for the starters.  Then NHL Hockey Operations will name the remaining 36 All-Stars to form a player pool, along with 12 rookies, for a total of 54 players.  That’s what the captains will choose from.  So this whole voted by the fans is just to see who starts the game, regardless of when/who they’re picked by

Posted by Itrusteddrrahmani from Nyc by way of A2 on 11/19/10 at 05:34 AM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Well it’s a bit more complicated than that. the fan voting is just for the starters.  Then NHL Hockey Operations will name the remaining 36 All-Stars to form a player pool, along with 12 rookies, for a total of 54 players.  That’s what the captains will choose from.  So this whole voted by the fans is just to see who starts the game, regardless of when/who they’re picked by

The 12 rookies will be in just for skills competitions. The teams will pick them after oicking the actuall teams. So, no veterans in the skills competitions.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 11/19/10 at 09:47 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Thx for the clarification guys. 
I’m just being realistic when I think there is no way in hell that TPH and Dats (prolly Z and Mule as well) DON’T get called upon to participate in lil’ garys ASG being run by Shanny & co.

Posted by Trish from Tampa/Clearwater FL on 11/19/10 at 12:04 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com