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Abel to Yzerman

Note To Ken Warren: It’s Time To STFU, Flowbee

Via Malik I came across this story:

Most of the time, Nicklas Lidstrom and Teemu Selanne deserve the utmost respect.

So far, so good, except for that bit about that ugly *uck at the end…

All that aside, though, why has the NHL allowed them to become bigger than the game? Or, more precisely, bigger than the All-Star Game?

In case you somehow missed it, Lidstrom and Selanne won’t be coming to Ottawa for All-Star Game festivities in just over a week…

...they’re not coming because they went to their respective management teams and asked not to be considered for what is supposed to be a showpiece game for the NHL.

Sounds like a Senators fan in the vast and horrible wasteland that is the Ottawa area has their little panties in a bunch and, following our next quote, it will become apparently clear that Ken Warren should put his weekend ball-gag in his mouth full-time and simply shut the fuch up.  Forever.

Call me jaded, but the league might just have given Lidstrom and Selanne a thing or two along the way, too. They have become ambassadors for the game because of what they have done and for what the league has done for them, as well.

I suppose I am being unfair; getting into a battle of wits with an unarmed man just isn’t sporting.  Should we really even be seriously considering the opinion of a writer who still uses a Flowbee to cut his hair?

image
Ken “Flowbee-wan” Warren

Let me spell it out for you, Flowbee-wan, there hasn’t been a single franchise in the NHL over that past 2+ decades who have done more for the league than the Red Wings.  Not one.  And while the Red Wings have been the ultimate team players for the league, they have been nothing but butt-raped by Li’l Gary for it.  Sticking us in a division with other teams nobody cares to even watch, check.  Putting us in a conference where every other playoff team is in a different time zone, check.  Trying to ban Al Sobotka’s octopus twirl, check.  Giving us less than 72 hours between our last playoff game and the Stanley Cup final Game 1, check.  Ignoring the too many men on the ice rule for the Li’l Emperor’s chosen franchise during the Stanley Cup finals… check, yet again.

What exactly have the Senators’ done for the league?  Precisely. Jack. Shit.

When the Senators become a legitimate playoff team, maybe then Flowbee-wan Warren will understand why Nick Lidstrom, the league’s greatest defenceman of all-time, wants to take a couple of days off.

Since Li’l Gary’s 2004 “Offseason” the Ottawa Senators have played 36 playoff games, only 1 series against a team OUTSIDE their home time zone.  In that same period of time, the Detroit Red Wings have played 92 playoff games, only

1

3 series with a team INSIDE their home time zone.  Now you don’t need to be a pharmacist to see the discrepancy there.  Not only have the Wings played almost an entire extra season over the Senators in that time period, but they’ve done most of it while traveling long distances.

If Ken Warren can’t find the motivation to leave his house to get a proper haircut, insisting on using the household vacuum cleaner instead, why would the greatest defenceman in history, Nick Lidstrom, be motivated to attend Li’l Gary’s All-Star Game?  Certainly not for Li’l Gary Bettman, the imp commissioner who didn’t even see fit to spell check Lidstrom’s name before handing him yet another Norris trophy.

image
Nick Lindstrom accepts his 2008 Norris Trophy

If Lidstrom wants to spend a few days off with his family, that is his right and prerogative.  Nick has sacrificed more (including his left nut) for hockey than anyone could ever ask.  In fact, if The Perfect Human wants to spend a few days off with your family, Ken, you better give the wife a Brazilian, shave her mustache, and send her over to him on the next flight, as that is Nick’s right and prerogative as well.

And finally Flowbee-wan, just in case you didn’t know about the 19, you might want to check out how much the 19 at A2Y actually give a fuch about Li’l Gary and his ASS.Game.  Of course, when you have nothing else in your team’s history to glorify, like championships, every little dog and pony show that comes to town is a pretty big deal.  For the league’s greatest dynasty, however, it is just more bullshit between the Wings and claiming what is rightfully theirs once again, Stanley Cup #12.

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Comments

Mandingo's avatar

This post is slightly incendiary.

Posted by Mandingo from The Garage on 01/16/12 at 02:49 AM ET

Avatar

So let me get this straight…

The Red Wings are God’s gift to hockey. 


Good piece.  Not sure whose is worse though.  I’m leaning towards yours.

Posted by STEVE on 01/16/12 at 02:55 AM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Easy now Vooxie.Go get yourself a drink on me from the Hasek.

Is this guy related to Pinkie from Minnesota?

I believe that the ASG should be cancelled indefinitely and replaced with a world cup on off Olympic years. It’s just a stupid format that is a complete opposite of how the game is supposed to be played.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 01/16/12 at 03:18 AM ET

Avatar

Just a slight correction, the wings have had two series against the penguins.

Posted by Kyle from Michigan on 01/16/12 at 03:22 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Plus one against Columbus, also in the eastern time zone.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 01/16/12 at 03:26 AM ET

redxblack's avatar

Steve almost tripped me up with his trick question, but all 19 of us know Nick Lidstrom IS god.  So no, The Detroit Red Wings are not god’s gift to hockey, but hockey is god’s (Lidstrom’s) gift to mortals.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 01/16/12 at 03:26 AM ET

redxblack's avatar

Oops, correction on the math. A couple of the 19 feel Helm is god, and they make a strong case. Either way the point remains. Red Wing haters need to just say “thank you” and get over it. People who like the wings but hate their fans need to accept that they back a lesser team and we don’t hate them for that anymore than someone married to a supermodel hates someone with an ugly spouse.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 01/16/12 at 03:29 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Plus one against Columbus, also in the eastern time zone.
Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 01/16/12 at 12:26 AM ET

Accounted for.  Our only series in our time zone. 

Just a slight correction, the wings have had two series against the penguins.
Posted by Kyle from Michigan on 01/16/12 at 12:22 AM ET

Also accounted for, one ended as the sweet baby Jesus intended, the other… we all know about that one.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 01/16/12 at 03:32 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Accounted for.  Our only series in our time zone.

Pittsburgh doesn’t count then?

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 01/16/12 at 03:56 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Accounted for.  Our only series in our time zone. 

Pittsburgh doesn’t count then?

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 01/16/12 at 12:56 AM ET

Crack. Helluva drug.  I’ll correct, thanks.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 01/16/12 at 04:04 AM ET

tuxedoTshirt's avatar

This is some of your best writing.

Posted by tuxedoTshirt from the Home of the 1937 World Champions on 01/16/12 at 04:06 AM ET

tuxedoTshirt's avatar

Except, lay off the Flash.  It’s been 5 years since the Ducks beat you guys.  You act like they are still worth hating, but they are pitiable now.

Posted by tuxedoTshirt from the Home of the 1937 World Champions on 01/16/12 at 04:08 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Flowbee? I’d lean towards the Suck Cut.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 01/16/12 at 05:30 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Nobody gives a shit about the Gary.ASSG, flowbee-wan.  NOBODY.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 01/16/12 at 05:53 AM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Retards.. where would this world be without them? Flowbee-Wan.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 01/16/12 at 07:36 AM ET

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If Ottawa is a “vast and horrible wasteland”, what does that make Detroit?

Posted by Nick from NYC on 01/16/12 at 11:11 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Yes.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 01/16/12 at 11:15 AM ET

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1) Ken Warren does not represent all Ottawa “fans”. He’s a journalist, not a fan. Surely you can understand the difference, right?

2) Holy superiority complex, Detroit Red Wings fans.

3) “What exactly have the Senators’ done for the league?  Precisely. Jack. Shit.”

Provided a stable franchise in a small market for a league full of unstable teams?

Posted by Chris on 01/16/12 at 12:57 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Posted by Nick from NYC on 01/16/12 at 08:11 AM ET

Your mom

Posted by pgoody on 01/16/12 at 01:00 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Posted by Chris on 01/16/12 at 09:57 AM ET

*facepalm*

Posted by pgoody on 01/16/12 at 01:02 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Call me jaded, but the league might just have given Lidstrom and Selanne a thing or two along the way, too. They have become ambassadors for the game because of what they have done and for what the league has done for them, as well.

There is no league without the players. Period.

Whether it be Lidstrom, Selanne, or, George Parros(just for fun).

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 01/16/12 at 03:57 PM ET

Savage Henry's avatar

Provided a stable franchise in a small market for a league full of unstable teams?

Stable since they came out of bankruptcy, anyway.

Posted by Savage Henry on 01/16/12 at 09:02 PM ET

Wings_Fan_In_KC's avatar

Damn that Ottawa paper must have a program that allows the mentally challenged to submit copy for publication.  If you look at it that way, then Warren can’t help eith his piss poor writing nor huis butt ugly hairdo. 

I feel sorry for him.

grin

Posted by Wings_Fan_In_KC from ...somewhere southwest of The Motor City... on 01/16/12 at 10:50 PM ET

Wings_Fan_In_KC's avatar

If you look at it that way, then Warren can’t help either his piss poor writing nor his butt ugly hairdo.

Fixed.

Posted by Wings_Fan_In_KC from ...somewhere southwest of The Motor City... on 01/16/12 at 10:51 PM ET

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Now, I am a Wings fan and have been since I was 5. But bro, an article like this is the reason everyone hates Red Wing fans. I realize the Wings are a model franchise for both salary cap leagues (NFL, NHL) and non salary cap leagues (MLB, NBA, sort of), but they are not constantly being screwed over and getting nothing in return.

Ya, it sucks about their location and time zone, but the fact is, there arent enough western conference teams to move the Wings east. It sucks, but it also allows the Wings to generate a mass following around the US, which they do. Almost any Western Conference, non-Canadian, team the Wings play on the road has an arena with a shit ton of Wings fans. We, as Wings fans, should embrace that.

And the league is not going to retract its teams because they will not generate money, which is a business, such as professional sports, is the name of the game.

Sure the players get tired, but only the elite want to come to Detroit, and they know what they are getting themselves into. And the Wings have shown in the past that they have players who are up to the daunting task of long travel.

I know it will probably not make a dent on anyone’s superiority complex with the Wings, but seriously, it sucks going around, supporting the team, and having everyone think you are a typical Red Wing douche-bag because of comments you have made.  Be happy that our team gets used as a marketing ploy to attract more fans, stop claiming that there is a conspiracy with referee’s and fixing Wings games, thats sooooooo NBA/Leafs fans mumbo jumbo garbage.

Wings rule, stop being arrogant about it, nobody owes the Red Wings anything, Lidstrom and Selanne can do anything they want, be pissed at Flowbee for challenging their veteran’s card and asking to take a little breather to spend time with their family, but dont think he is taking it out on the Wings or correlate it to a Bettman conspiracy.

Go Wings

Posted by Matt from Scottsdale on 01/17/12 at 12:47 AM ET

SYF's avatar

FFS, A2Y is not your average generic hfboards, detnews.com Wings blog.  It was never intended to be that way in the first place.

If you want to talk Wings in a dignified manner, find it elsewhere.  The Master Chief has his juvenilicious followers.  If you’re that indignant of the tone of his blog, jeebus, there’s the door.  Walk through it.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 01/17/12 at 07:19 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com