Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Note To Blues and Dive Bloggers:  I Need A Solid

I get it. And I understand.  I’m going to the two groups of people who would be the least likely to lend me a hand in times of need.  After all these years of animosity on my part, and outright hatred on yours; I’m looking for a handout.  I’m looking for some assistance and I can’t guarantee I’ll return the favor.

In fact, I’m sure I won’t.  But you have the opportunity to take the high road here and lend a hand with no expectation of payment in kind.

I need, and it’s hard for me to say this…I need to know how to blog about a team that, well, sucks.

Oh god I know. I know. It seems patronizing, but it really isn’t. I’m sincerely at a loss here.  My team, and you know who it is, has scored six goals in six games.  Our best two-way forward went 2-14 on faceoffs last night.  Our fiery coach has turned into gentle soul and my fellow fans are on the verge of mass self-urination.  I’m pretty sure that last part’s already begun.

I’ve been blogging for five years about a team so dominant, so frigging awesome, so consistently amazing…that I’m now at a loss for words.  Sure, the losses have been there.  Playoff losses. Stanley Cup Finals losses. Losses to rivals and even the rare losses to garbage teams like yours.  But never, not a single time, have I ever had to write from a position of such overwhelming pessimism.

And I know you have. Not just occasionally, but almost every day. I respect it. I’ve read your stuff for years and I even re-read much of it this morning.  My problem, though, is that I just can’t replicate it. I can’t muster the negativity required to blog about a team that appears to be so bad.

So here’s the thing.  I’m just asking for some advice.  And it’s going to be a short-term thing because there’s no way this shit storm is going to last.  So don’t think we have to turn into allies or anything, just temporary BFFs until my team—and you know who it is—rights itself.  No more than a week. Seriously.

Here we go…

Our team has lost six games in a row. Six.  It’s disgusting.  For years, we’ve been able to point to reasons for sadness.  The commissioner despises our team. The referees have a league-mandated agenda.  Injuries at the worst possible time.  But we’re healthy. The officiating is still terrible, but it’s not the reason our team is losing.  The commissioner, while undoubtedly enjoying this, really can’t be blamed for anything other than being an incompetent dwarf.  It’s very simply bad hockey. 

They’re playing very bad hockey.  So…am I supposed to cave and start looking at next year’s draft?  Do we create some gimmick to take our minds off the current state of ___________ hockey?  Maybe we start counting down jersey numbers in the middle of November, or coming up with a fu** St. Louis campaign that we can use as the autosignatures on the emails we send to our kids’ elementary school teachers telling them our third graders can’t come to school on Tuesday because they’re voting for the first time that morning?

Do we just start lifting weights to make us feel more alive?

Our team lost to a very bad Calgary team the other night.  By my count, your teams have lost to very bad teams more than fifty times—combined—over the last calendar year.  We’ve lost to Minnesota twice, while scoring one goal in each game.  We lost to Columbus, their first win of the year.  Washington blew us out, and they’re not nearly as good as their record would indicate. San Jose, the team you’d think our team would want to beat the worst, owned us like we’ve owned you for decades. 

We have no idea how we’re supposed to react. I have no idea what I’m supposed to write. It’s troublesome.

Bad hockey is one thing.  Slumps are slumps.  Trends can be fixed.  But, here’s where you can really help me out.  When it’s very clear mistakes are being made at an executive level, how have you handled it?  I mean, in Denver, you tried to lure one of your franchise’s most famous names back to coaching at a time when coaching is all he wanted to do. He refused.  You have a GM, but I have no idea who he is or what he’s done other than slide donuts across the table to the real decision maker.  Every year you’re promised success but there is no hope whatsoever for a playoff run despite consistent guarantees that “youth will be served.” 

In __________, there is so much talent but malaise appears to have set in.  The leaders, many of whom have huge, decade-long, contracts don’t seem to want to give the kind of effort a recent Captain demanded of anyone who wore the W_____d W_____l. 

It’s been a very simple pleasure to write flowing, expertly-crafted prose about the best franchise in sport. So easy.  So carefree, like a little rowboat on a lake with a puppy on the bow with laughing children on the shore tossing those army men with folded parachutes in the air, watching them float gently to the ground while our parents shotgunned Hamms and giggled.

But it’s not like that anymore.  The joy has been replaced by a kind of sadness only you can really relate to.  And I need some help.  Just point me in the right direction and I’ll take it from there.  I’m that good.  I don’t need much. Just a solid, a little one. 

Help me Blues bloggers.  Help me Denver fans.  Because you know I’d do the same for you.  How do I write about a team playing so badly? 

Thanks. 

 

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Comments

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monkey's avatar

Please, help us.  We can’t take it anymore.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 11/04/11 at 04:02 PM ET

monkey's avatar

From Elias: The Red Wings are 0-5-1 after starting the season with a 5-game win streak. The Red Wings are the first team in NHL history to start the season with a win streak of at least five games, and then have a winless streak of at least six games.

Surely fans of the Blues and the Dive can relate to such historic suck.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 11/04/11 at 04:06 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Posted by monkey from slipping into a comma on 11/04/11 at 03:06 PM ET

Obviously only the 0-5-1 part, however.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 11/04/11 at 04:07 PM ET

perfection's avatar

you stress too much. the last time we lost 6 in a row, we one the cup. using that as the standard we are exactly where we want to be. to be honest, the only way I would be extremely concerned right now is if the losses were piling up on the back of Jimmy Howard. If we had piss poor goaltending, I would feel much worse about our long-term chances. but Jimmy’s been great and we’ve played well enough to win at least 3 of the 6 and would have won them with a few bounces or calls here or there.

the really nice thing is that the Wings seem to have a slump EVERY year that we all start crying over as being the potential end of an era (a la this blog post), but it usually happens around feb. the exception being the year injuries forced us to actually battle for a playoff spot the second half of the season. well, we’re getting the slump out of the way early and we can start ramping up for the playoffs in december instead of march which could be a good thing. i’m not worried yet. if by the new year we aren’t back towards the top of the conference i MAY start to worry.

but for now, as far as I’m concerned a 6 game losing streak means we probably win the cup. so again, nothing to fret… at least that’s what i’m telling myself

Posted by perfection from LaLaLand on 11/04/11 at 04:19 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

I want to cry.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 11/04/11 at 04:21 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

the really nice thing is that the Wings seem to have a slump EVERY year that we all start crying over as being the potential end of an era (a la this blog post), but it usually happens around feb. the exception being the year injuries forced us to actually battle for a playoff spot the second half of the season.

I just have one question. What happens when we DO have to contend with injuries?

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 11/04/11 at 04:34 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

my fellow fans are on the verge of mass self-urination.

Pretty sure we drove through there and have arrived at defecation town.

the last time we lost 6 in a row, we one the cup.

We also had pretty much locked up the President’s trophy by that time also.  A little bit of a differing situation.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 11/04/11 at 04:37 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I think we can put to rest the talk that the last time the Wings lost six straight they won the cup.

That was a different team and one that was battling late season injuries.  That team which lost six straight at least had an identity.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/04/11 at 04:44 PM ET

Nicholas Lorenzi's avatar

The officiating is still terrible, but it’s not the reason our team is losing.

That’s just hockey :\

My advice is to do what I do, Either you:
- take notes while intoxicated and write the day after.
- get intoxicated before, during and after the game while writing curse words on napkins and on your hands, then write.
- highlight distractions placed on our team’s site and focus your bitching on something other than their game play.
or
- wake up to shot of Everclear and write your blog on the crapper.

The alcohol makes it easier for you to call your team out for shotty play.

Posted by Nicholas Lorenzi on 11/04/11 at 04:46 PM ET

monkey's avatar

I think we can put to rest the talk that the last time the Wings lost six straight they won the cup.

It’s a fact.  Numbers never lie.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 11/04/11 at 04:47 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

My advice is to do what I do, Either you:
- take notes while intoxicated and write the day after.
- get intoxicated before, during and after the game while writing curse words on napkins and on your hands, then write.
- highlight distractions placed on our team’s site and focus your bitching on something other than their game play.
or
- wake up to shot of Everclear and write your blog on the crapper.

The alcohol makes it easier for you to call your team out for shotty play.

You can stay.  Sage advice on all counts.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 11/04/11 at 04:48 PM ET

w2j2's avatar

Crazy thought….How much have these guys been affected by the loss of Brad McCrimmon & Rusty Salei?

Posted by w2j2 on 11/04/11 at 04:50 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

//sigh//

i feel like i lost my puppy ...

... and i can’t find my slippers ...

//sigh//

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 11/04/11 at 04:56 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

That was a different team and one that was battling late season injuries.  That team which lost six straight at least had an identity.

Maybe had something to do with their roster at that time?

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 11/04/11 at 05:06 PM ET

Bent's avatar

Pretty sure we drove through there and have arrived at defecation town.

This would have really made me laugh if it wasn’t the sad truth.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 11/04/11 at 05:14 PM ET

Chet's avatar

5 on 4 power play numbers staggeringly bad. needs retool.

Posted by Chet from twitter: thegansen on 11/04/11 at 05:16 PM ET

whateverman's avatar

As strange as it is to say, I’m actually kind of glad that they’re struggling. We’ve seen in the past 2 years that this team no longer has what it takes to compete with the NHL elite. Two straight exits at the hands of San Jose. How well, do you suppose,  would we have fared against Vancouver?

This is exactly what this team and this GM need. Its gonna light fires under their collective asses. There’s no better motivation to win than losing.

At some point Z and Pav are gonna wake up and be the monsters they are. The power play is going to start to gel. And Mr. Holland is going to make a move that does in fact induce mass self-urination.

Give it time, boys. The times they are a changin’. But fret not. This is the DETROIT RED WINGS we’re talking about.

Posted by whateverman on 11/04/11 at 05:18 PM ET

Bent's avatar

Here’s something I have been thinking about.  Does the loss of Brian Rafalski affect this team more than we realize?  I know for several years, whenever he was hurt the offense suffered.  I have never seen someone so accurate at the long stretch passes that could help the wings gain the zone and get set up.  Obviously I don’t think this is 100% the problem, but I am wondering if it isn’t a large contributor.  Maybe the wings will need to adjust to work with the (very capable) defensemen they have.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 11/04/11 at 05:20 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

Crazy thought….How much have these guys been affected by the loss of Brad McCrimmon & Rusty Salei?

Posted by w2j2 on 11/04/11 at 03:50 PM ET

Not too crazy of a thought.  I think it may have really affected Pavel since he was so close with Salei.  Something has been off with him so far this season.  Other than injury, it’s possible that’s it.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 11/04/11 at 05:30 PM ET

Avatar

Maybe had something to do with their roster at that time?

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 11/04/11 at 04:06 PM ET

This would never have happened with Quincey still on the team.

Posted by dumbasrocks on 11/04/11 at 06:39 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

This would never have happened with Quincey still on the team.

No you fool, it’s Kopecky we’re missing.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 11/04/11 at 07:15 PM ET

Avatar

Wow 6 games and you whine like a child. It makes me sick! If I was a wings fan I would tell you to man up. Maybe you need to forget about the wings for a while and work on yor entitlement issues. You blatantly offend other fans because your godly hockey team lost 6 games.

I hate the wings with a passion and I wish your journey of suffering was long and drawn out…but Im sure in a few weeks this will all be behind you and you can blog about how awesome the wings are.

Stop your whinnig and crying… and man up already.

Posted by BlackOpsPenguin on 11/04/11 at 07:30 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Maybe had something to do with their roster at that time?

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 11/04/11 at 04:06 PM ET

This would never have happened with Quincey still on the team.

Posted by dumbasrocks on 11/04/11 at 05:39 PM ET


This would never have happened with Quincey still on the team.

No you fool, it’s Kopecky we’re missing.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 11/04/11 at 06:15 PM ET


You’re all wrong.  Its Ville Leino.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 11/04/11 at 07:30 PM ET

Alzy's avatar

You’re all off the mark, we need the godly tandem of Brett Lebda and Andreas Lilja!

Posted by Alzy from Cambridge, Ontario, Canada on 11/04/11 at 07:53 PM ET

WingsFaninCO's avatar

This is exactly what this team and this GM need. Its gonna light fires under their collective asses. There’s no better motivation to win than losing.

Posted by whateverman on 11/04/11 at 04:18 PM ET


Hmm…I hadn’t thought of it this way.  Wise words.

You blatantly offend other fans because your godly hockey team lost 6 games.

Posted by BlackOpsPenguin on 11/04/11 at 06:30 PM ET

LOL.  You must be new around here.  You think the Chief is blatantly offending other fans because of the losing streak?  That’s just how the 19 roll, and the fact that you got all butthurt over it only brightens our collective day.

Posted by WingsFaninCO on 11/04/11 at 08:27 PM ET

Avatar

This is exactly what this team and this GM need. Its gonna light fires under their collective asses. There’s no better motivation to win than losing.

I bet your right!
Maybe this should be the topic that he blogs about.

Posted by BlackOpsPenguin on 11/04/11 at 09:20 PM ET

Avatar

cry wingy do, just cry… teams go through slumps, FACT. lose six in a row of an 82 game season is nothing to fret about. CRY, cause thats what wings fans do online, they excel at it, more then any other fanatic of any other team in any other sport. CRY and MOAN and BITCH.

the fact of the matter is that you are looking at the slump year. the franchise is collapsing and everyone outside of HOCKEYTOWN is completely aware and very welcoming of this. the classlessness of the fans have led directly to this collapse. the management has failed to do anything to secure the future. the team barely skates without walkers. the team employs the single dirtiest player to lace them up. if you, the fan, want any future for this franchise which use to have the most respect of any in the NHL, then allow your team to miss the playoffs this year. scare the wings into doing something productive.

I have alot of respect for the wings of the past, but don’t confuse the past with the superpast. wings have four cups since ‘67. FOUR CUPS.. YOU, the red wing fan, have FOUR to the penguins THREE and avalanche TWO. don’t say ELEVEN CUPS, cause using cups before ‘67 is pointless, and makes MONTREAL LOOK THAT GOOD. As a fan of both the penguins and avalanche, detroit is a rival, but I’d like a rival that won’t be irrelevant in the near future. The redwings are enroute to irrelevance, and its time for you, the fan, to do something about it.

revive your franchise, voice your upset. but don’t cry about six games, its pathetic. and exactly what i read from wings fans everywhere. what would yzerman do? not cry, thats what

Posted by pipes from USofA on 11/05/11 at 12:05 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

The redwings are enroute to irrelevance, and its time for you, the fan, to do something about it.

Yeah, ok, because fans of the team have DIRECT CONTROL over all actions of the organization.  LMAO

Thanks for this post, Chief.  Nothing makes me feel better than one of your posts landing a bunch of idiot trolls.

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 11/05/11 at 12:17 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

As a fan of both the penguins and avalanche

Hahaha arbitrary dates.  Wings have eleven cups. Deal with it, whiner.

the classlessness of the fans have led directly to this collapse

Classlessness have?  Is English your first language?

Here’s a hint about capitalized letters. If you spread them out over the entire post instead of concentrating them on single words, you look like less of an idiot.

This is my favorite post of the day.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/05/11 at 12:38 AM ET

John W.'s avatar

Posted by pipes from USofA on 11/04/11 at 11:05 PM ET

Looks like someone typed “Detroit Red Wings’ in the cliche machine, let’s see:

-Wings fans are whiners?  Check
-The Wings are old?  Check
-Bertuzzi is scum?  Check
-Most of the Wings Cups don’t count because they’ve been around longer?  Check

Yep, you got them all, way to be original.

It’s the Bertuzzi one that cracks me up.  “The single dirtiest player to lace them up.”  Really?  The dirtiest player to ever play hockey.  Because of one single instance he’s the dirtiest player to ever play.  Ok, gotcha.  Funny, your a fan of the Avs and Pens, who both have employed (or are employing) far dirtier players than Bertuzzi, but ok.

Posted by John W. from a bubble wrap cocoon on 11/05/11 at 01:27 AM ET

Avatar

welcome to the internet, you understood what i meant by ‘classlessness’ and thus, it is now a word… DEAL WITH THAT… also four cups of relevance, i’m not jealous, i just know how history works. if we looked at history past, France is still a military power.

if you count cups before 90 percent of the league even existed, it makes your count kinda pathetic. so, why not be proud in your four cups, the best of the last twenty years? BE PROUD OF YOUR FOUR

still, more whinny wingies. my point is valid, a year away from the post season will be the spark for the franchise. unless you prefer getting removed by the sharks the better plan. this year it will be the preds, or the yotes, if you make the playoffs. don’t count on a deep postseason this year, if you even make it.

way to prove your sadness, seriously J.J.

Forlorn, fans don’t have direct control, but have a major card in the game. if you disagree, check out sean avery wearing the blue shirt again

Posted by pipes on 11/05/11 at 01:36 AM ET

Avatar

I had totally forgot that anyone that doesn’t agree with wings fans is an idiot troll.

Posted by BlackOpsPenguin on 11/05/11 at 01:54 AM ET

Nicholas Lorenzi's avatar

I had totally forgot that anyone that doesn’t agree with wings fans is an idiot troll.

Cheers to that.

YOU, the red wing fan, have FOUR to the penguins THREE and avalanche TWO. don’t say ELEVEN CUPS, cause using cups before ‘67 is pointless, and makes MONTREAL LOOK THAT GOOD.

You forgot to mention Edmonton’s FIVE and more Finals appearances than Detroit in 40 years; as well as the three smack downs dealt to the Red Wings by Edmonton in the playoffs. After all number are everything here :\

Detroit fans, it’s time to allow yourself to sink down and be one of us for a while. Come drink our warm whiskey and try your luck with the loosest girl in town. Enjoy the game and stop getting OCD over a damn hockey team and grow to enjoy your share of the slashes.

I’m not saying Detroit won’t come back, just chill. You suck right now, we all do sometimes. Don’t get your panties in a twist. Believe it or not the Red Wings aren’t Gods of Hockey…

Rick “Stache” Nash distracts me from the losses for now, find your distraction. Hell I’m already prepared for a loss to Philly tomorrow. Aspire to this level of acceptance and this season will be more enjoyable.

Maybe you should take a look at Zetterberg’s wedding outfits again. The one of Holmstrom gets me every time.

Posted by Nicholas Lorenzi on 11/05/11 at 04:19 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

Ok, I’ll play.

if you disagree, check out sean avery wearing the blue shirt again

Posted by pipes on 11/05/11 at 12:36 AM ET

Unless you are a member of the Ranger’s management, you do not know why they chose to recall Avery.  Mike Rupp is injured, they were going to call someone up.  They chose Avery, but to say that they called him up because of the fans reaction to him being waived and sent to the minors is presumptuous.  You could also say that they called him up because they felt he was the best option of those available for call up.  There are many other factors that probably played into the decision, but I seriously doubt that the fans reaction to him being sent down was the primary, or even a major contributing factor to him being recalled. 

Fans tend to pose solutions to problems based on emotion, and GMs are required to look for solutions from a more logical view point, as well as taking a longer view.  If management for the Rangers felt that leaving Avery in the minors was better for both the short and long term, then they would have done so.  The real test will be what happens when Rupp is back?  My bet?  Avery goes back down again, which would invalidate your argument.

If Ken Holland starts making decisions based on what a portion of the Red Wings fan base wants instead of what is best for the hockey club, I hope he gets fired.

Detroit fans, it’s time to allow yourself to sink down and be one of us for a while. Come drink our warm whiskey and try your luck with the loosest girl in town.

Posted by Nicholas Lorenzi on 11/05/11 at 03:19 AM ET

No.  And furthermore, I wish people would stop posting misogynistic crap here.  Stop assuming that everyone posting here is male, ESPECIALLY since there are several screen names that make it abundantly clear that the person posting is a woman.

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 11/05/11 at 09:45 AM ET

Avatar

I would think a city that has had to watching the pistons and lions the past decade would know how to deal with the anguish of losing.

Posted by Marco on 11/05/11 at 10:19 AM ET

SnLO's avatar

a city that has had to watching the pistons and lions

Some of us don’t care aboot football and / or basketball; collectively we have an expectation of excellence from our hockey. So, bringing that up is totally irrelevant.

Posted by SnLO from beyond the M-1 on 11/05/11 at 11:09 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

you understood what i meant by ‘classlessness’ and thus, it is now a word

Classlessness was a word before you used it. It’s just that when you use classlessness as the subject of a sentence, it’s a singular word.  You used a plural verb with that. I didn’t think I’d have to explain fourth grade grammar to somebody who claims English as his first language.

if you count cups before 90 percent of the league even existed, it makes your count kinda pathetic

90 percent of 30 is 27.  As far as I know; the Red Wings never won a Stanley Cup in a three-team league.  We’ll just go ahead and add math to the list of things you’re bad at.

if we looked at history past, France is still a military power.

France still is a military power. As one of the top-ten militaries of the world, they spend about $60 billion a year and have an impressive nuclear arsenal.  Let’s go ahead and add social studies and history to the growing number of things at which you suck.

Can you at least bake or something? Did you pass wood shop?

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 11/05/11 at 11:14 AM ET

Avatar

My only advice to you, IwoCPO, is read an AP Style Handbook.  It could do wonders for your posts.

Posted by Doctor Zoidberg from St. Louis on 11/05/11 at 11:29 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

My only advice to you, IwoCPO, is read an AP Style Handbook.  It could do wonders for your posts.

Posted by Doctor Zoidberg from St. Louis

The term you’re looking for is actually “Style Guide”, not Style Handbook.  But I get the point and I’ll pass.  I’m familiar with that work and prefer to use the A2Y Write Like You Talk Road Map.  It’s more fun.  Enjoy being a Blues fan.  Seriously.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 11/05/11 at 11:36 AM ET

Wings_Fan_In_KC's avatar

Thanks for elicting some of the best entertainment responses I’ve read in here for months.  JJ jailsexing the idiot troll “pipes” without the benefit of kissing him first was classic. 

Point your bow into the rollers and ride this one out, Master Chief.

Posted by Wings_Fan_In_KC from ...somewhere southwest of The Motor City... on 11/05/11 at 11:50 AM ET

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com