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Abel to Yzerman

LB: The Return Of Jobu’s Bottom Bitches

Tonight the Red Wings will face the team which has been prison-sexed by Jobu.  Don’t believe me?  Check this out, it was on the Oiler’s website just a few days ago:

Current man games lost due to injury: 459

Word on the street is that that the Oilers are officially Jobu’s bottom bitch.  Not that I want to fuch with Jobu, he is a spiteful SOB, instead I only say fuch you, Jobu.  While Jobu has made Red Wings fans cry all season, the coaching of Uncle Mike juggling lines like a jester on speed, and the tenacity of our NHL and AHL players have kept the team in the playoff hunt.  The same cannot be said for the Oilers.  Take a look at the standings to confirm that.

Let me get something on the record:  The Edmonton Oilers are cursed.

Nobody wants to play for Edmonton, and you can see why.  Not only is it a desolate and cold prairie city, it is also the team that Jobu has fuched the most in the NHL over the past couple of seasons.  In downtown Edmonton, there are Oiler billboards and in the corner of each is a pixel board which tracks the man-games lost to injury.  For the past couple of seasons it has been bad.  This season, it has been insane.  459 man-games lost due to injury will likely increase to over 500.

And you know what?  I can dig it.

While most teams would curl up all fetal and accept Jobu’s bad touch, the Wings fought back.  Uncle Mike fought back.  Jimmah Howard fought back.  In the face of stupendous adversity, the Red Wings are in 6th position in the West.  And as a certain sailor I know has pointed out, no one wants to be our playoff Huckleberry now.

Conceivably the Wings could end up in 5th position.  And I can really dig that.

Once again, the Wings need to win.  As much as we mock Junior and Los Tiburones for turtling against us in the playoffs, I’d rather face a team which isn’t as talented or dangerous as those two.  Sure Huet is in net for Junior and Thornton is still looking for the Wizard to give him a heart, but I still don’t want to face them.

After all the Wings have overcome, I’d like to see a road in the playoffs lined with hookers, puppies, and firetrucks, leading straight to Cup #12.

And once again, that road is paved with WINS.

WIN tonight and we are one step closer to reminding Bubba that their toothless, cousin-kissing, illiterate asses belong to us.  Run the table with WINS with Junior pooping their pants and we claim the Central Division Title.  Again.  And I really, really dig that, mo-fauxs.

So tonight, while we face Jobu’s Bottom Bitch, let’s remind everyone to never count the Red Wings out.  Take us for granted and we will press our skate to your throat and sever your fauxing head off.

It is time to own the moment.  It is time for the Red Wings to step up and own the hockey world.  The Cup belongs to us, everyone else rents it.  The Wings and the Cup… let’s stay together.

Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!


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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com