Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

LB: One Love?  Fuhgeddaboudit… Jobu Must Die

This post was going to be irie.  Lots of good vibes and praise of life and Jah.  But no.  Not tonight as Jobu has decided to fuch me.  More on that in a bit.

First and foremost, the BBBBs are in town to face the hometown hero Red Wings.  Coming off humiliating Rosby and the Pens, the Wings are playing their best hockey of the season.  The Wings are playing the kind of hockey we like to see here.  Winning hockey.

Most recently, they jail-sexed Rosby into showing us that his way of back-checking is to cross-check the back of Zetterberg repeatedly.  Before that, the Wings were on a Canadian gin, juice, and indo road-trip where they earned 5 of 6 points in the most dramatic of ways.  While many of the 19 formed ulcers as a result of last minute and last second goals, the end result was that the Wings have decided they want to win.  Even if they are behind in the standings or the score, they will not go gently into that good night.

The Cup is for Closers and right now the Red Wings are Ricky Roma.  They are making the statement that the Cup is theirs to lose.  I have no doubt that if the Red Wings were in the Leastern Conference this season, they’d have a playoff berth locked up.  Even with Jobu fuching them all season.  And nothing, not the Pens, not the Flames, not Bubba, nor Junior is going to stop them.  And certainly not the BBBBs tonight.

Yet Jobu has taken another victim.  Me.

Today the car that I’ve been using since my brother went to work out West decided to have serious problems.  I mean shaking like an orgasmic nympho at anything near highway speeds.  Not fuching good.

This means that Jobu has fuched me out of a chance to attend H2H with all you bitches.  With an exam late tomorrow afternoon, and needing to get the car fixed badly, there is no chance I will be able to make it to H2H.  And that really fauxing pisses me off.  I’m considering driving the bitch into Lake Ontario and denying to my brother he ever had a car when he returns.

What this also means is that my ticket to both the game and Hockeytown Cafe is available to anyone who may need them.  Any procrastinating bitches now have a chance to go to the pre-party and the game if you’d like.  .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) if you are interested in buying my tickets off of her.  Pay her on the day of H2H and she will get the funds to me.  That is, if any of the 19 still need tickets.  I will miss out on meeting all of my imaginary online friends but that doesn’t mean someone else should.

I want to fuch Jobu with a machete right now.

But I won’t let that get in the way of spreading some love and Jah tonight.  The bar of the Hasek is open, and you’ll have to excuse me while I get loaded tonight to drown my sorrows.  If I keel over somebody please give me mouth-to-mouth, and make sure it’s not Osrt.  Who knows where that mouth has been.

Let’s together online and feel alright one last time before you bitches do it for real on Friday.

Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!

WIN.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com