Abel to Yzerman

Abel to Yzerman

I NOW Consider Patrick Roy A Repeat Jack Adams Winner

12/10/2014 at 1:55pm EST

This can't be happening. I looked it up in the science books and all the smart kids told us we'd be "fighting for a spot" and that "24 was in jeopardy" and that "Denver is a legitimate, honest to god, don't doubt us on this, CONTENDER". Certainly this is a fantasy, this borderline pornographic movie of NHL standings...baby Jesus' favorite Red Wings in first while Lucifer's prince has coached his team into the cellar.

I certainly never could have foreseen this when your favorite Destroyer deployed in October. Never, ever, not ever. No defense. A mediocre goalie. Hobbled 39s and 40s and 13s. A lame duck coach just waiting to flee to the tropics of Toronto or Pittsburgh. A borderline challenged GM who absolutely had no frigging clue what he was doing last trade deadline, or last summer, or the deadlines and summers for like a decade before those.

Sophomore slumps, Dan Cleary and stale Tab soda would spell sadness and severe alcoholism on a scale even we couldn't fathom.

We were doomed to stress. Destined for such pitiful sorrow. The streak was over and I was glad I'd miss the carnage.

All the pharmacists said the opposite would happen. Yet, there they sit. Detroit on top. Denver wallowing away in a steaming pile of their own rotten feces, precisely where they belong now and forever. It may not last (but holy mother of fuch it sure could), but it definitely looks nice.

Oh. I've been watching. Not on tv. Oh no. Never that. But I've seen the scores. I've refreshed pages and sites and clicked things. I've watched from afar, far afar. And I've come to some conclusions. Ready?

Mike Babcock goes nowhere. It's got to be fun for him to see this team succeed, just as it's obscenely satisfying for Tick Tock Kenny Holland to watch a mid-December 1st place team made up almost entirely of Detroit-grown products (I believe that only Weiss and Cleary were not drafted or sigend as rookie free agents by Detroit).

Holland will deal, finally, for a stud defenseman. Unlike the last few years of Nick Lidstrom, he will not waste the final seasons of Zetterberg and Datsyuk. He will do what he has to now that it's apparent this team is built to last and, drink up, win now. Naturally, I have no idea who that will be.

The best stat related to this team could very well be its lack of stats. No Red Wing appears in the top five of any significant category. Yet, they lead the East and trail only Anaheim by 3 points for the overall lead. I think that might mean Mike Babcock is kind of a good coach. I don't feel like looking up the special team stats but I think you might remember another decent coach claiming the really good teams are under 10. In other words, Scott Bowman said that is you're good, really good, your teams combined PP and PK ranks are less than that number (10). I'm not sure where Detroit falls, but I bet you it's close.

I don't see much. I read what I can and I look at the stars sometimes and imagine things that make me smile, like puppies and fire trucks and sometimes hookers from days gone by. Not doing anything with them, just being aware of their existence and the warmth they bring my friends. I think of fuzzy full-body pajamas and Arthur Fonzarelli laying waste to anyone who picked on Richie and Ralph and Potsie. I look out at the ocean and imagine Patrick Roy twitching in the unemployment line and parades down Woodward.

Those two last things could happen. I'm just letting you know. They could. They could because we deserve both those things, because we're Red Wing fans and baby Jesus holds us in high regard.

Hope you're all well, bitches. I'll be around when I can.

Create an Account

In order to leave a comment, please create an account.

About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that.

Most Recent Posts

Most Recent Comments