Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Give Me A Midget, A Stress Train, Some PBR and A Live Blog

I don't remember the last elimination game that really stressed me out. 

Actually, Gary? I can't remember the last elimination game I cared about.   And when I say "elimination game", I mean that in the positive, like one that if Baby Jesus' favorite team won, there would be joy in Hockeytown because that's a damn decree is what it is you midget peckerhead.

What decree? Joy in Hockeytown, I mean.  The last time the Wings were on the verge of a series victory was 2011 against Phoenix, but I don't remember stressing one bit that series.  No Gary, you felon, you stealer of fun, wrecker of my sport, no.  We even went 7 games the year before and that didn't stress me out because, shrew, we were playing one of your invented tropical fantasy teams.

Nope, I dig stress, Gary. The right kind. The traditional kind.  I dig the kind a Detroit fan has when we're on the verge of some serious cheddar, the night after our souls were crushed. I dig the kind of stress that comes with anticipating a game a whole lot of assholes think we'll lose.

Now, does that mean I don’t have confidence that the Wings will take the Cup tonite?  I do.  I actually believe they will, when I allow myself to think logically instead of emotionally.  But that is so rare.  It’s happened so little since 5.  I can’t stop thinking of Osgood’s skate and that little opening.  I’ve got one of the greatest hockey games ever played on my DVR right now, but I may never watch it.  Even if the Wings win, I don’t know that I can ever look at Game 5.

Well? Remember that? Remember that kind of stress? We're not there yet, as Tiger fans.  We're just not.  The expectations of the Tiger franchise are not nearly what we hold for the Wings.  So, crushing losses don't...they can't...bring the kind of pain we've seen with Detroit's Only Dynasty (post 1955).

It's been a while since Little Gary the Midget Street Clown and League Wrecker, the worst commissioner in the history of sport, let us stress the way we--Wing fans--are used to.  But, you get the feeling we may be headed there soon with these Tigers.  The signs are there. The pets are scared. The neighbors are hiding their flammables.

It's only the ALDS, not the LCS and certainly not the Series.  But the Lawn Dwarf with the painted rosey cheeks won't let me think about hockey right now so my stress needs an outlet and I'm a Tiger fan second, a Wing fan first but second is first now because of, well you know...Gary.ass.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post. I truely have no idea.  No one but us knows what it’s like to be 34.7 seconds (and I frankly don’t give a shit if it was 34.3, it’s 34.7 to me so 34.7 it will stay) away only to lose it.

I’m gonna watch Game 6 and we’re gonna live blog that bitch.  Gordon Lightfoot’s making a return appearance and I think good things will happen.  I believe it could be an evening of fire trucks and puppies, sunshine and hookers.  All the good things in life.

But I’ll tell you this.  I’m not looking forward to it.  Not one bit.  I know I have to watch it and I will.  But it’s gonna suck right up until the end.

Unless the Wings blow them out.  Sweet Little Adorable Baby Jesus, please make it so.

You do remember that, right?  Tiger stress may not be Wing stress but it's getting pretty damn close.

It's a Live Blog bitches.  A Tigers-better-win-this-one and we're setting the stage four hours early LB.

Because a Tiger win would be great, especially since fucho won't let us have our hockey back.

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Comments

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RWBill's avatar

Frist.  And a double post.

Thank you Budd Lynch for years of service to the Detroit Red Wings and for leaving your arm on Normandy.

Posted by RWBill from the Capital of the Confederacy. on 10/10/12 at 06:27 PM ET

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/10/12 at 06:28 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Cheddar.  It’s what’s for dinner.

Tigers have the best hitter in baseball, another guy who hits 30 Home Runs and .310, a lead off batter who hits .300 and another guy who hits .320, and they can’t score runs.

Kinda reminds you of the Red Wings the last couple of playoffs.  FML.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/10/12 at 06:39 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

I try to watch baseball, I really do. Maybe if the Tigers get to the WS I can watch with some interest and excitement. Until then, Id rather watch a four-part PBS documentary on the invention of the Dewey Decimal System.

And, then tomorrow it really hits home that Gary F’d us again, as the season should be underway.

Nope, to damn depressed to care about much right now.

Carry on.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/10/12 at 07:38 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Just because I can’t wait for the game and only have three beers left somehow and I don’t want to drive to get more…

here’s some Dewey Decimal reference material

796.9620284 Ice hockey—equipment
796.962068 Hockey arenas (Ice sports)
796.962075 Hockey cards
796.962092 Hockey players (Ice sports)
796.9622 Strategy and tactics
796.9623 Refereeing
796.9626 Specific types of ice hockey

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 08:17 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Looking at my post…isn’t it fitting that there’s two 96’s in the hockey category?  As in two giant Homer cheeks?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 08:17 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Because a Tiger win would be great, especially since fucho won’t let us have our hockey back.

Hey bitches. It’s been too long since we’ve had an LB. Thanks Master Chief.

Thanks for Fucho. That is my kid brothers other name. Richard, of course, being the first other name. His birth name is Tim.

Go Tigers!!!!!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In’13?

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/10/12 at 09:20 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Gooooo Tigers!


See that Gary?  When a season ISN’T cancelled due to a bunch of idiots…the fans are HAPPY.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:22 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

I miss all of you bitches.

Go Tigers!!!!!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In’13?

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/10/12 at 09:22 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

I’m thinking POTG is Pav from Homer and Z.

Homer has fourteen goals waved off and Kronwall will inevitably leave his feet and kill somebody.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:26 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Aloha bitches.  Go Tigers.  Fuch off midget shrew. And line ‘em up Voox. I got a feeling tonite’s gonna be a bioootch.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 10/10/12 at 09:33 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Chief!  How ya doin squid?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:36 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

VooX, I’ll take a white russian. That should be good on coco <strike>puffs</strike> crisp cereal. Damn, he already made one catch

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 09:41 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

True Dennis…but you know his non-catch from two games ago is always going to be on his mind.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:45 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

here’s some Dewey Decimal reference material

796.9609696 Ice hockey—equipment—pants

796.9620284 Ice hockey—equipment

796.179101219 Ice hockey—retired numbers

796.3637435052545597980208 Ice hockey—dynasties

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 09:47 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

What’s that for?  The NL games are done for the day.  Granted the Yankees are playing and those games are always grueling…but we’re NOT watching them.  THank god,

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:49 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

True Dennis…but you know his non-catch from two games ago is always going to be on his mind.
Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 10/10/12 at 09:45 PM ET

I was hoping it was a little more on his mind, you know, like Cloutier.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 09:52 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Jeffrey, Jeffrey….you know I don’t respond well to “squid”.  Now I’ll have to drink more.  Are you back stateside yet?

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 10/10/12 at 09:54 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

lolz,,.indeed

Well first inning over.  Uneventful but QB sure ate up some pitches.

Time for intermission yet?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:54 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Yeah Heading off to the SNCO academy in a couple weeks at Maxwell AFB.  Then supposed to head off to Korea in February.  HOWEVER comma…my knees are wrecked and have been for a while so I have an impending MEB coming my way which will disqualify me from Korea.  Can’t say I’m too upset about that.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 09:56 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Well there goes Griffin’s no hitter.  Let’s work on that shut out now.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:02 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

wow…just discovered my feed was REALLY behind

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:05 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

wow…just discovered my feed was REALLY behind
Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 10/10/12 at 10:05 PM ET

Tigers score four in the top of the third.

J/K grin

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:09 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

lol.z..not quite THAT behind…though thanks for the hope smile


Right now for me Max is pitching to whoever was after Reddick

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:11 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Max is off to a great start. 4 K’s through two. Now, if the rest of the gang can score some runs…

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:15 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Go MaKKKKS!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:16 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Go Orioles!  Top of the 9th and leading 2-1

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:16 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Wow, a big leaguer that can and does bunt? Color me impressed!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:19 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

YES!!!!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:19 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

What what what!??!  Avila?  What’s he do?  Oh wait he just hit a double.  Go AA!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:20 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Go Omar!  Look at that the Tigers playing smallball!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:21 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Wooo no shutout!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:22 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Get Miggy wit it. Go Miggy!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:23 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Ok, I was off by 3 runs, but they are on the board!

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:26 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Well one is better than nothing.  I’m watching Miggy bat right now…. :/

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:27 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Ok he’s out now.

Come on Max!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:27 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Sorry, I’ll try and delay my comments

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:28 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

oh don’t hold back on my account.  Just let em fly ... it gives me something to look forward to smile

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:29 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

KKKKK

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:30 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Hey this Scherzer cat is pretty good, no?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 10:32 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Coco pops up to Prince and Max is out of the inning throwing only 9 pitches

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 10:32 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com