Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 10/10/12 at 05:36 PM ET
I don't remember the last elimination game that really stressed me out.
Actually, Gary? I can't remember the last elimination game I cared about. And when I say "elimination game", I mean that in the positive, like one that if Baby Jesus' favorite team won, there would be joy in Hockeytown because that's a damn decree is what it is you midget peckerhead.
What decree? Joy in Hockeytown, I mean. The last time the Wings were on the verge of a series victory was 2011 against Phoenix, but I don't remember stressing one bit that series. No Gary, you felon, you stealer of fun, wrecker of my sport, no. We even went 7 games the year before and that didn't stress me out because, shrew, we were playing one of your invented tropical fantasy teams.
Nope, I dig stress, Gary. The right kind. The traditional kind. I dig the kind a Detroit fan has when we're on the verge of some serious cheddar, the night after our souls were crushed. I dig the kind of stress that comes with anticipating a game a whole lot of assholes think we'll lose.
Now, does that mean I don’t have confidence that the Wings will take the Cup tonite? I do. I actually believe they will, when I allow myself to think logically instead of emotionally. But that is so rare. It’s happened so little since 5. I can’t stop thinking of Osgood’s skate and that little opening. I’ve got one of the greatest hockey games ever played on my DVR right now, but I may never watch it. Even if the Wings win, I don’t know that I can ever look at Game 5.
Well? Remember that? Remember that kind of stress? We're not there yet, as Tiger fans. We're just not. The expectations of the Tiger franchise are not nearly what we hold for the Wings. So, crushing losses don't...they can't...bring the kind of pain we've seen with Detroit's Only Dynasty (post 1955).
It's been a while since Little Gary the Midget Street Clown and League Wrecker, the worst commissioner in the history of sport, let us stress the way we--Wing fans--are used to. But, you get the feeling we may be headed there soon with these Tigers. The signs are there. The pets are scared. The neighbors are hiding their flammables.
It's only the ALDS, not the LCS and certainly not the Series. But the Lawn Dwarf with the painted rosey cheeks won't let me think about hockey right now so my stress needs an outlet and I'm a Tiger fan second, a Wing fan first but second is first now because of, well you know...Gary.ass.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this post. I truely have no idea. No one but us knows what it’s like to be 34.7 seconds (and I frankly don’t give a shit if it was 34.3, it’s 34.7 to me so 34.7 it will stay) away only to lose it.
I’m gonna watch Game 6 and we’re gonna live blog that bitch. Gordon Lightfoot’s making a return appearance and I think good things will happen. I believe it could be an evening of fire trucks and puppies, sunshine and hookers. All the good things in life.
But I’ll tell you this. I’m not looking forward to it. Not one bit. I know I have to watch it and I will. But it’s gonna suck right up until the end.
Unless the Wings blow them out. Sweet Little Adorable Baby Jesus, please make it so.
You do remember that, right? Tiger stress may not be Wing stress but it's getting pretty damn close.
It's a Live Blog bitches. A Tigers-better-win-this-one and we're setting the stage four hours early LB.
Because a Tiger win would be great, especially since fucho won't let us have our hockey back.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org