Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Enjoy Your Stress-Free Sunday

Here. Start with this….

@TSNBobMcKenzie

NJD GM Lou Lamoriello was in TOR last night to meet with Zach Parise, who will decide within the hour if he is going to UFA at noon ET.

More in a minute, but nothing earth shattering.  So, don’t get all excited.

I’m only talking to people I trust today, people who won’t tell me bad things and lies just to watch me react in a way that makes them laugh, like I do at Blues fans when they’re sad. 

So, I’ll be checking here and most likely dying slowly with 19 of you. And I’ll be doing that (checking in and also dying slowly because I suck so very bad) from the golf course.

Key phrase today: Signing bonus.  Unlimited, obscene, absolutely impossible to turn down signing bonuses. Two of them.  In the gazillions.  Do it Mike. 

Key phrases that would me me frigging lose it, and I mean absolutely lose it today:

“We like our core and didn’t need to do as much as we first thought.”
—No you don’t and no you didn’t back in February, March, whenever, when you said you were going to be aggressive on 1 July.  Liar.

“Too rich. Too steep. Too much. Too high.”
—Too. Fuching. Bad.  If I hear those words, somebody needs to just go home.  Is Mike Ilitch going to say them?  No? Then spend, bitch. Spend it all.  Yeah, Kenny, that’s you and I’m sorry for calling you a bitch.

“Cory Emmerton”
—If Ken Holland uses those two words, like that, in that order, without the words “trade” or “traded” within four words of the “Cory Emmerton” combination, then I’m going to just vomit on the spot.  Don’t ever, and I mean EVER, try and convince me this kid is a reason we didn’t deal for Parise, Semin, Nash or Gerard Gallant.

“We’ll keep kicking tires”
—I hate that phrase anyway, “kicking tires.”  If we hear that today it means we’ve been shut out and bent over.  Don’t even talk to the media if you don’t come back with some real cheese Kenny. I don’t want the 30 slice packs. I want a block of really good cheddar. And if you can’t score it? Well, you just stay silent because I don’t want to hear the bullshit.

I want to hear two things today. One from Holland and one from Ilitch. Ready?

“This is the day we’ve been planning for since last July. For a year this is exactly how we envisioned it.  Zach and Ryan were the two guys we’ve been targeting, scouting, petting and giving secret money to via off shore accounts and go-betweens who may or may not be connected to Greek crime syndicates. We’re happy today.”

And…

“Cuppy. Cuppy. Cuppy.”

Oh, and anyone who doesn’t believe Brodeur’s in Chicago by 1700 raise your hand. No? Nobody? I didn’t think so.  He’s a Hawk already, I’m betting.

I’m off to the golf course. Please, baby Jesus. Please, please, please bring me what I want today.

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Comments

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RWBill's avatar

Posted by RWBill from hiding indoors from Virginia heat. on 07/01/12 at 10:52 AM ET

Did you lose power at all?  Ours was out for about 19 hours.  Apparently we’re lucky.

Posted by monkey from lighting my nuts on fire on 07/01/12 at 10:58 AM ET

I was going to post up here paraphrasing Bob Seger,  ” I woke last night to the sound of chain saws ”  Two of my neighbors had 80 - 100 foot trees come crashing down across their yards, luckily we didn’t lose power.  Friday night it sounded and the trees looked like a hurricane, thrashing around.  About 100 miles north the gusts lasted a lot longer and they’re still in a mess in greater DC.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:02 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by monkey from lighting my nuts on fire on 07/01/12 at 10:57 AM ET

Motherfucher said Channel 1, holy shit.  Memory lane.

Posted by RWBill from hiding indoors from Virginia heat. on 07/01/12 at 10:59 AM ET

I like your style

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:03 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

McKenzie says Parise is on the market.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 07/01/12 at 01:04 PM ET

Avatar

Bob McKenzie ‏@TSNBobMcKenzie

Zach Parise is going to market. NJD not necessarily “out” but everyone else is “in.” Start your engines.

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 01:05 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Friday night it sounded and the trees looked like a hurricane, thrashing around.  About 100 miles north the gusts lasted a lot longer and they’re still in a mess in greater DC.

Word.  I knew a storm was coming, but I didn’t realize it was a monster bow echo.  So I went grocery shopping at 9 pm.  When I went in, everything was calm.  When I came out, everything was calm, there was debris everywhere, fallen trees, limbs, etc, and we had no power.  Not good planning on my part.

Motherfucher said Channel 1, holy shit.  Memory lane.

Those were the days.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 07/01/12 at 01:08 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

OMG that’s a great concept, Mort Neff would have been a great stalker.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:08 PM ET

monkey's avatar

The only forwards who aren’t expendable in terms of making any necessary room for Zach Parise are Datsyuk, Zetterberg, and Helm.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 07/01/12 at 01:12 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Holy Shizzle this grapefruit drink and rum on ice is awesome.  Bad news is, I’m out of grapefruit drink.  still time to get up to the store and back before noon.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:17 PM ET

Avatar

Posted by RWBill from hiding indoors from Virginia heat. on 07/01/12 at 10:48 AM ET

Gustavsson was in Toronto last year.  His right were traded to Winnipeg last week.

Posted by Garth on 07/01/12 at 01:17 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Posted by Garth on 07/01/12 at 11:17 AM ET

how do I “thumbs up” on this board?  `/  no, that ain’t right.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:19 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

Holy Shizzle this grapefruit drink and rum on ice is awesome.  Bad news is, I’m out of grapefruit drink.  still time to get up to the store and back before noon.

Posted by RWBill from hiding indoors from Virginia heat. on 07/01/12 at 11:17 AM ET

But you still have rum and ice?  Where’s the problem.

OK, I need today to go well, and then I’ll take the rest of the summer off from hockey.  Or at least I’ll try and fail, but at least I would have tried.  Anyway… noon yet?

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 07/01/12 at 01:20 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Just for a side note, I mail ordered this shirt from Pasha sportswear to my daughter in Daytona Beach around Father’s Day. 

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:23 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

How many extra strokes have you blamed on FA Chief?

T-40 mikes baby!  Red Wing Glooooorrrryyyy!

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:24 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Do they make shirts that say I Love Girls Who Love Hockey?

Yeah, I’m contemplating a Rum Run, got enough for one more.  I’m REALLY relaxed right now though, don’t wanna move.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:26 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

2,000 pound Great White spotted off Cape Cod this weekend, circling seals.  Let’s hope Kenny is on the prowl.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:33 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Happy Canada Day to all our friends down south in Windsor.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:39 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

But you still have rum and ice?  Where’s the problem.

OK, I need today to go well, and then I’ll take the rest of the summer off from hockey.  Or at least I’ll try and fail, but at least I would have tried.  Anyway… noon yet?

Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 07/01/12 at 11:20 AM ET

Yeah I guess I’m not gonna make it to the grocery store, Bacardi and ice it is.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:40 PM ET

Gabriel's avatar

My wife looked at me this morning and said “It’s just a game, why are you so stressed out?” 

Someone’s having themselves an accident if they keep this up.

Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 07/01/12 at 01:42 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Someone’s having themselves an accident if they keep this up.

Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 07/01/12 at 11:42 AM ET

roflmao

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:43 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

15 Minutes!!!!!!!

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:44 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Do they make shirts that say I Love Girls Who Love Hockey?

Girls who love hockey always try to tape up the knob of my stick and I’m really particular about that sort of thing.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 01:46 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

switching to 80’s rock.  In TRUE Michigan fashion.. Def Leppard to start us off.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:48 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 11:46 AM ET

Don’t let other people tape up your stick huh?  You put your own curve on it too? wink

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:48 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Something funny as heck, Facebook all of a sudden listed a bunch of pictures of friends giving the option to select “super best friends” by clicking on a star in the lower left corner.

This pic looks like cuss words are coming out, or “stfu”,


Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:49 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Girls who love hockey always try to tape up the knob of my stick and I’m really particular about that sort of thing.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 11:46 AM ET

Don’t they call that a rubber?  Or condom in today’s lingo.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:50 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Dude’s face behind him really sells it

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:51 PM ET

Gabriel's avatar

That’s friggin classic, Bill.  It should probably be over her father’s mouth though…

Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 07/01/12 at 01:53 PM ET

Gabriel's avatar

Dude’s face behind her really sells it

Fixt.  And I only have two expressions: annoyed, and get the *#$%@& off my lawn.

Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 07/01/12 at 01:55 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

lmao.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:55 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by Gabriel from San Diego, CA on 07/01/12 at 11:55 AM ET

lmao

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 07/01/12 at 01:56 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

3 minutes, are the Red Wings reps going up the elevator at the Mississauga office right now for Parise’s agent?

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:57 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

I only had half a glass of grapefruit drink left for the second round, now I’m out completely, fueling on straight rum and ice.  At this rate I’ll forget all aboat the FA and start telling tales of nights behind the hibiscus bushes stalking Karen with the NVG.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 01:59 PM ET

TeamDub's avatar

On like Donkey Kong - DO IT KENNY

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 02:01 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

I only have two expressions: annoyed, and get the *#$%@& off my lawn.

I’ve got both of those, but I also have a kind of goofy face that usually involves bacon or oral sex.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 02:01 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

nhl.com is live streaming tsn free agency broadcast.  good to follow in a separate window on the screen.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 02:02 PM ET

TeamDub's avatar

My F5 key is losing its spring.

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 02:04 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Free Agent tracker, probably not breaking news, but lists everything that has happened.

http://www.tsn.ca/nhl/feature/?id=25880

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 02:06 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

My F5 key is losing its spring.

Is that a euphemism?

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 02:06 PM ET

TeamDub's avatar

Is that a euphemism?

Perhaps.

My tilde is in even worse shape.

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 02:08 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

TSN’s list of preferred FAs.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 07/01/12 at 02:12 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com