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Abel to Yzerman

Enjoy Your Stress-Free Sunday

Here. Start with this….

@TSNBobMcKenzie

NJD GM Lou Lamoriello was in TOR last night to meet with Zach Parise, who will decide within the hour if he is going to UFA at noon ET.

More in a minute, but nothing earth shattering.  So, don’t get all excited.

I’m only talking to people I trust today, people who won’t tell me bad things and lies just to watch me react in a way that makes them laugh, like I do at Blues fans when they’re sad. 

So, I’ll be checking here and most likely dying slowly with 19 of you. And I’ll be doing that (checking in and also dying slowly because I suck so very bad) from the golf course.

Key phrase today: Signing bonus.  Unlimited, obscene, absolutely impossible to turn down signing bonuses. Two of them.  In the gazillions.  Do it Mike. 

Key phrases that would me me frigging lose it, and I mean absolutely lose it today:

“We like our core and didn’t need to do as much as we first thought.”
—No you don’t and no you didn’t back in February, March, whenever, when you said you were going to be aggressive on 1 July.  Liar.

“Too rich. Too steep. Too much. Too high.”
—Too. Fuching. Bad.  If I hear those words, somebody needs to just go home.  Is Mike Ilitch going to say them?  No? Then spend, bitch. Spend it all.  Yeah, Kenny, that’s you and I’m sorry for calling you a bitch.

“Cory Emmerton”
—If Ken Holland uses those two words, like that, in that order, without the words “trade” or “traded” within four words of the “Cory Emmerton” combination, then I’m going to just vomit on the spot.  Don’t ever, and I mean EVER, try and convince me this kid is a reason we didn’t deal for Parise, Semin, Nash or Gerard Gallant.

“We’ll keep kicking tires”
—I hate that phrase anyway, “kicking tires.”  If we hear that today it means we’ve been shut out and bent over.  Don’t even talk to the media if you don’t come back with some real cheese Kenny. I don’t want the 30 slice packs. I want a block of really good cheddar. And if you can’t score it? Well, you just stay silent because I don’t want to hear the bullshit.

I want to hear two things today. One from Holland and one from Ilitch. Ready?

“This is the day we’ve been planning for since last July. For a year this is exactly how we envisioned it.  Zach and Ryan were the two guys we’ve been targeting, scouting, petting and giving secret money to via off shore accounts and go-betweens who may or may not be connected to Greek crime syndicates. We’re happy today.”

And…

“Cuppy. Cuppy. Cuppy.”

Oh, and anyone who doesn’t believe Brodeur’s in Chicago by 1700 raise your hand. No? Nobody? I didn’t think so.  He’s a Hawk already, I’m betting.

I’m off to the golf course. Please, baby Jesus. Please, please, please bring me what I want today.

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Comments

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Primis's avatar

Nick Kypreos ‏@RealKyper
Like #Flyers the #Wild have thrown the kitchen sink at Parise/Suter. Going rate on all #NHL offers are now minimum 12 years between 80-90M
Retweeted by George Malik

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 04:43 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

That’s only $7M year, less than expected.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 04:47 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Bob McKenzie ‏@TSNBobMcKenzie
COL’s deal with Greg Zanon is two years, $4.5m total.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 04:49 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Brad Galli ‏@BradGalli
TSN’s @DarrenDreger reporting the #RedWings are “in strong competition” with the Rangers and Hurricanes to acquire Rick Nash.
Retweeted by George Malik

Well then.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 04:53 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

This tension here is comparable to a full maternity room. No place for a nervous person. Rather have Surer than Parise after looking at the defense depth chart. The BJ’s look better than us at this moment and we need Surer now. Tick fuching tock. KENNY.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 07/01/12 at 05:00 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Bob McKenzie ‏@TSNBobMcKenzie
Alexei Ponikarovsky to WPG, 1 year, $1.8M.

Gotta’ Catch Em’ All…. Inconsistent, Underacieving Russian-type Forwards!

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 05:00 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Its Suter not Surer.Stupid Kindle fire.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 07/01/12 at 05:03 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Its Suter not Surer.Stupid Kindle fire.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 07/01/12 at 04:03 PM ET

between the iPad faux keyboard, and auto-correct, it take forever to type something and get it right.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 05:04 PM ET

dougie's avatar

Did I miss anything while I was getting a massage? Damn, I am so relaxed. Think I’ll take a nap.

Posted by dougie on 07/01/12 at 05:11 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Haven’t been around today… I hear the Wings are after some Free Agents, Zack Parcheesi and Ryan Sutures… or something like that.  I watch, I wait and then I criticize after the fact. cheese

Posted by calquake on 07/01/12 at 05:12 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Michigan’s Electric Forest Festival.

Music to die for.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 05:26 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Suter. I don’t care aboot anyone else.


Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In ’13

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 07/01/12 at 05:56 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

A Tigers win and a backup goalie.  Can’t say the day has been a total waste.  At least there was bacon this morning.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 05:59 PM ET

monkey's avatar

I watch, I wait and then I criticize after the fact.

God Bless You, Sir.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 06:19 PM ET

calquake's avatar

God Bless You, Sir.

Ditto, my fake friend, ditto.

Posted by calquake on 07/01/12 at 07:02 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

just noticed this on Wikipedia:

(May be a bit hard to see cause I resized to fit in the post but if you look close—- or go to the link [before it changes?]—- the listing for “NHL team ___ ” looks familiar.)

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 07/01/12 at 07:06 PM ET

TeamDub's avatar

William Tell? Really?

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 07:13 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

William Tell

and

Tootoo

Holland must think the Parise sweeptstakes are over for DET

The UFA period has been underwhelming so far

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 07/01/12 at 07:35 PM ET

monkey's avatar

(May be a bit hard to see cause I resized to fit in the post but if you look close—- or go to the link [before it changes?]—- the listing for “NHL team ___ ” looks familiar.)

Someone changed it to Philadelphia.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 07:36 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

How many forwards do we have now?

TooToo
William Tell
Brunner (two way)
Buckets
Bert
Datsyuk
Zetterberg
Moose
Wally
Helm
Miller
Eaves

Sparty
Nyquist
Mursak

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 07/01/12 at 07:41 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

I don’t mind having Sammy back to poop in the box. But Tootoo? What the hell positive does that piece of shit bring to the team???

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 07/01/12 at 07:42 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Mikael Samuelsson and Jordin Tootoo.  I thought earlier mentions of Tootoo were in jest.  On second thought, they probably were.  Jesus.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 07:49 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Seriously, I don’t have a problem with this.  The club wants to create competition in training camp.  Depth, however,  does not make up for being short one scoring winger with top notch defensive skills.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 07:53 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I’m with Kate.

More than any other UFA and RFA, it’s gotta be Suter.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 07/01/12 at 08:03 PM ET

calquake's avatar

I swear if those &#^$*%@ whistles follow Tootoo to Detroit I’m gonna board a plane and strangle some bitches.

Posted by calquake on 07/01/12 at 08:16 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com