Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Enjoy Your Stress-Free Sunday

Here. Start with this….

@TSNBobMcKenzie

NJD GM Lou Lamoriello was in TOR last night to meet with Zach Parise, who will decide within the hour if he is going to UFA at noon ET.

More in a minute, but nothing earth shattering.  So, don’t get all excited.

I’m only talking to people I trust today, people who won’t tell me bad things and lies just to watch me react in a way that makes them laugh, like I do at Blues fans when they’re sad. 

So, I’ll be checking here and most likely dying slowly with 19 of you. And I’ll be doing that (checking in and also dying slowly because I suck so very bad) from the golf course.

Key phrase today: Signing bonus.  Unlimited, obscene, absolutely impossible to turn down signing bonuses. Two of them.  In the gazillions.  Do it Mike. 

Key phrases that would me me frigging lose it, and I mean absolutely lose it today:

“We like our core and didn’t need to do as much as we first thought.”
—No you don’t and no you didn’t back in February, March, whenever, when you said you were going to be aggressive on 1 July.  Liar.

“Too rich. Too steep. Too much. Too high.”
—Too. Fuching. Bad.  If I hear those words, somebody needs to just go home.  Is Mike Ilitch going to say them?  No? Then spend, bitch. Spend it all.  Yeah, Kenny, that’s you and I’m sorry for calling you a bitch.

“Cory Emmerton”
—If Ken Holland uses those two words, like that, in that order, without the words “trade” or “traded” within four words of the “Cory Emmerton” combination, then I’m going to just vomit on the spot.  Don’t ever, and I mean EVER, try and convince me this kid is a reason we didn’t deal for Parise, Semin, Nash or Gerard Gallant.

“We’ll keep kicking tires”
—I hate that phrase anyway, “kicking tires.”  If we hear that today it means we’ve been shut out and bent over.  Don’t even talk to the media if you don’t come back with some real cheese Kenny. I don’t want the 30 slice packs. I want a block of really good cheddar. And if you can’t score it? Well, you just stay silent because I don’t want to hear the bullshit.

I want to hear two things today. One from Holland and one from Ilitch. Ready?

“This is the day we’ve been planning for since last July. For a year this is exactly how we envisioned it.  Zach and Ryan were the two guys we’ve been targeting, scouting, petting and giving secret money to via off shore accounts and go-betweens who may or may not be connected to Greek crime syndicates. We’re happy today.”

And…

“Cuppy. Cuppy. Cuppy.”

Oh, and anyone who doesn’t believe Brodeur’s in Chicago by 1700 raise your hand. No? Nobody? I didn’t think so.  He’s a Hawk already, I’m betting.

I’m off to the golf course. Please, baby Jesus. Please, please, please bring me what I want today.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

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Primis's avatar

Pierre LeBrun ‏@Real_ESPNLeBrun
Told Red Wings no longer going to Newport offices…. not sure what to read into that….
Retweeted by George Malik

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:32 PM ET

Primis's avatar

DET allegedly had a 3:30pm appointment to meet with Parise.  If they’re no longer going, it probably means a decision has already been made IMO, and that it’s likely not one in DET’s favor.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:34 PM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Gustavsson, “when Detroit called, there wasn’t too much to think about”

Posted by RWBill from hiding indoors from Virginia heat. on 07/01/12 at 01:25 PM ET

Boom, Bitches.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 01:32 PM ET

*#$%@& me, Bitches.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 07/01/12 at 02:35 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

what, now detroit not going to parise?  2 hours ago they were enroute, and 10 minutes ago they were at the airport.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 02:35 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

No and no.

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 01:22 PM ET

You got that right. I just do not see him wearing Red Wing. Ever.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In ’13

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 07/01/12 at 02:38 PM ET

Primis's avatar

George Malik ‏@georgemalik
TSN says no Detroit contingent to Toronto. AP says Detroit contingent to Toronto. Freep says no contingent. MLive says Yes. ?????????

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:38 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

No and no.

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 01:22 PM ET

You got that right. I just do not see him wearing Red Wing. Ever.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In ’13

oh never, tootoo is really dumb, albeit energetic in a misguided way.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 02:39 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Latendresse signs in OTT .  I’d wondered about him for the Wings…

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:42 PM ET

Primis's avatar

HOLY CRAP, Ray Whitney to DAL for 2 years, $4.5m/yr…

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:45 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

omg, ray whitney at $4.5M per year for 2 years until he’s 42.  geezuzchristmas.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 02:45 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Ray Whitney has been terribly underrated his entire career.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 02:46 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Ray Whitney has been terribly underrated his entire career.

Posted by monkey from lighting my nuts on fire on 07/01/12 at 01:46 PM ET

I’ve always felt he was OK, but actually had value inflated by always playing on terrible teams (CBS, PHX, etc).

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:48 PM ET

jennyquarx's avatar

He had great numbers last year.  I like him.  But that’s a lot of money.  Hudler’s going to cash in.

Posted by jennyquarx on 07/01/12 at 02:49 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Bob Duff ‏@asktheduffer
#redwings confirm that they have presented offer to Zach Parise.
Retweeted by George Malik

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:49 PM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Brunner’s signing official.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 07/01/12 at 02:51 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Annnddd, there’s the Brunner signing confirmation.

If DET did already present to Parise, they did so remotely and early.  Someone confirmed like 1/2 hr. ago that Holland was still at JLA, and it’s only 1:50pm, not yet the 3:30pm appt. time.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:51 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Ray Whitney has been terribly underrated his entire career.

and now, he is terribly over paid….

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, with 3 fingers of rum & a cigar.. on 07/01/12 at 02:51 PM ET

monkey's avatar

and now, he is terribly over paid….

It all works out in the end.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 02:52 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Ansar Khan ‏@AnsarKhanMLive
Jiri Hudler is talking to Phoenix.
Retweeted by George Malik

Please let him sign in the Eastern Conference, not the Western…

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:53 PM ET

YYZerman's avatar

Annnddd, there’s the Brunner signing confirmation.

If DET did already present to Parise, they did so remotely and early.  Someone confirmed like 1/2 hr. ago that Holland was still at JLA, and it’s only 1:50pm, not yet the 3:30pm appt. time.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 01:51 PM ET


Someone on TSN said they aren’t even meeting anymore.

Posted by YYZerman from Detroit, Michigan on 07/01/12 at 02:53 PM ET

Avatar

Khan says Hudler talking with Phoenix…I think Doan may be gone.

Posted by godblender on 07/01/12 at 02:54 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

I’m sorry but that Whitney deal is frigging ludicrous.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 07/01/12 at 02:55 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Another sign the Free Press sports section is run by idiots:

http://www.freep.com/article/20120701/SPORTS05/120630024/15-year-flashback-Will-Scotty-Bowman-return-to-Red-Wings-as-coach-GM-both-

What is the purpose of posting this today, of all days?  I understand it’s 15 years to the day they ran the original article, but today?  Really?  There isn’t plenty of new news to report?

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 02:55 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Ansar Khan ‏@AnsarKhanMLive
Wings’ contingent were ready to fly to Toronto but told Don Meehan canceled all face to face meetings because more than 20 teams inquired
Retweeted by George Malik

KHAAAAAANN with the explanation.  Makes sense.  It’s not just DET that isn’t going then..

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 02:57 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

For some reason I’m bothered by how Parise seems to be handling this.  I can’t really explain it and it probably wouldn’t make sense even if I could, but it seems all primadonna-ish or something.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 07/01/12 at 03:00 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Guy on TSN confirming nobody has signed up tot he offices to meet with Parise.  He’s standing in the parking lot outside the offices…

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 03:06 PM ET

Primis's avatar

....“nobody has showed up”, fixed.

He’s sitting in the parking lot with an ice cream truck, and nothing else.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 03:07 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

Whitney got a modified no movement clause out I the deal too.  Wtf?

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 07/01/12 at 03:10 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Rays 1, Tigers 0, top of the 2nd.
#RandomUpdateforOtherDetroitSport

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 03:10 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

He’s sitting in the parking lot with an ice cream truck, and nothing else.

Dude should at least get himself a cone.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 03:11 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…...........

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 07/01/12 at 03:12 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Yep, the Tigers putting yet another one game winning streak on the line today.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 07/01/12 at 03:13 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Ray Whitney has been terribly underrated his entire career.

and now, he is terribly over paid….

Posted by Rumbear from Sippin sum rum, catchin sum rays, playin the bak 9 on 07/01/12 at 01:51 PM ET

Never been a fan of Whitney. I agree he is being way over paid.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In ’13

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 07/01/12 at 03:42 PM ET

Primis's avatar

LOL.  Avs official account had tweeted they’d officially signed Carkner.  Carkner’s agent said “Uhhh, no”.  Now it’s being reported that the Isles have signed Carkner instead.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 03:45 PM ET

Avatar

Kuba gone to Florida

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 03:49 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Kuba gone to Florida

Posted by Alex from San Francisco on 07/01/12 at 02:49 PM ET

$4m/yr for a guy that is basically an older version of Lilja.  Have fun with that.

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 03:58 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

TSN closing up shop already on live coverage?  geezo, i may even turn on the euro futbol cup while streaming the tigers.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 07/01/12 at 04:00 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Now Arron Asham is off the board.  This is outrageous.  What is Kenny doing?  They’re gonna kill that poor woman, man!

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 07/01/12 at 04:07 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Bob McKenzie ‏@TSNBobMcKenzie
Francis Bouillon signs in MTL for one year, $1.5M.

NAS watches all their blueliners depart for elsewhere… but hey!  At least they have Hal Gill!

Posted by Primis on 07/01/12 at 04:13 PM ET

TeamDub's avatar

Prust gone to Habs.

Posted by TeamDub from The gratch. on 07/01/12 at 04:33 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com