Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Eastward Bound Via Bullet Bob

It all comes back to Seger, back to Bullet Bob. Because it must. It's been decreed for 8 years.  Seger will guide us we'll follow him blindly.

We're going to see some old friends because Seger told us it's good for our soul. We've headed East because he said that a change would do us good.

On to the East because it makes sense. And it should have happened a decade ago back when our shrew commissioner told us it would. But he lied because that's what shrews do.  He lied like my babysitter did when I was six. That skank. I told her that all I wanted was to watch the damn Jerry Lewis Movie Marathon on Channel 25 in Saginaw at 4pm and she said she'd come get me when it was on but every time I asked what time it was she'd say "about that time" and I'd go back into my room and I missed the whole damn thing because her fat ass wanted to watch soaps. 

Well? It's about that time.

Jimmy D and Mr. I and Tick Tock? They're too smart to let it out, but I'll say it: we were promised the East but the East didn't come because Bettman was too busy riding the backs of the Winged Wheel to inflate the bullshit teams in places like Nashville, Phoenix, and Columbus. He was too busy helping hockey-dumb owners in Anaheim, LA, San Jose rake in the cash by doubling prices every time the Wings and our transplants hit town.

Well, see ya. And Good Frigging Riddance.  Because we're eastbound where we belonged years ago.
And as we leave? You can kiss our asses in Denver. Pucker up with your two bogus Cups, your idiotically retired sweaters, your spritzers and your oh-it's-so-tough-to-sleep beat writers. Suck it.  Take your statue of liberty and your 7-0 ass kicking in a game seven, take your Lemieuxs and your "footers" your Floppas, your endless youth movements, your carousel of coaches and your 6 fans..and shove them up your mile high Quebec stealing asses.

As we leave? You scumbags in St. Louis can suck it too.  Your "fuch Detroits"? Ha. Fuch you. Again. Every time. Every playoff series. Every Cup we've raised? Suck it. Take your Pall Malls and hand them to your sister/cousins.  We owned your asses for twenty years and you have nothing to show for it but bitterness and bile.  See ya.

Screw the West. Bring on the East.

Bring us your Rosbys, your fake captains with the "Made in Gary's Fantasy" tramp stamps. Bring us your Charas and watch him chase Datsyuk like a pregnant moose.  Bring us your badass "physical play" and watch your golden Swede defector pot PP goal after goal.

It's on now.  On to the East where we should have been if not for a midget with an agenda.

It's a Live Blog, bitches.  With an Eastern slant like it should have been years ago.

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Comments

 1 2 3 >  Last ›      Next »

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

It’s a Live Blog, bitches.  With an Eastern slant like it should have been years ago.

Ahoy-hoy Chief. Bitches. It seemed like today would never come.

Let’s Roll!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/02/13 at 05:59 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

” ... and your oh-it’s-so-tough-to-sleep beat writers. ... “

bwahahahahahaha, just one of many giggles.
thanks, Chief.

No. 12 in 2014.

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 10/02/13 at 06:03 PM ET

Avatar

Blood and destruction shall be so in use
And dreadful objects so familiar
That comish shall but smile when he beholds
His golden child quarter’d by skates of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell dekes:
And Datsyuk’s spirit, ranging for revenge,
With Z by his side come hot from hell,
Shall in these confines with a monarch’s voice
Cry ‘Havoc,’ and let slip the Wings of war;
That this foul deed shall smell above the East
With carrion men, groaning for burial.

Posted by AppState on 10/02/13 at 06:05 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Evening, bitches, what are you drinking?  The bar will be open all night and all season.

Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/02/13 at 06:07 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

hey guys, what’s up!  hockey’s back!

I saw a commercial on NBC Sports the other night.  tonight’s Detroit/Buffalo game is part of their “rivalry night.”

which proves they just make shit up and hope nobody notices, since the last time Detroit and Buffalo mattered to each other was….ummmmmm…..never.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 10/02/13 at 06:19 PM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Bring us your Rosbys, your fake captains with the “Made in Gary’s Fantasy” tramp stamps. Bring us your Charas and watch him chase Datsyuk like a pregnant moose.

Well, it’s definitely on now. And none too soon.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 10/02/13 at 06:33 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

Bring us your Charas and watch him chase Datsyuk like a pregnant moose

Damn,that was beautiful.

the last time Detroit and Buffalo mattered to each other was….ummmmmm…..never.

It’s a huge rivalry. They had Dom, then we had Dom.

Ryan Miller is from Lansing, but plays in Buffalo.

Nick Foligno was born in Buffalo in 1987. Mike Foligno, dad, played for the Wings in the early-80s.

That’s the stuff legendary rivalries are made of.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/02/13 at 06:33 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

v00x you Bitch!  HeYOOHHHHHHH !  I’m already on a tall tonic and Bombay Saphhire East.  After all it was 87 degrees F today.  “F” for “F U Gary”.

So now I get to go visit my daughter in the Sunshine State when the Wings visit Tampa and some remote, isolated piece of crap arena in Sunrise, instead of visiting her in Orange County.  Oh well, trashy it is!

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 06:34 PM ET

Gary A$$ SUCK !!'s avatar

Yeah.. Let’s Go Redwings Clap Clap Clap.  big surprise

Posted by Gary A$$ SUCK !! from Fort Myers, Florida on 10/02/13 at 06:47 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I just want you to know I’m currently hammering a six-inch spike through a board with my penis.

Welcome back to hockey season.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 10/02/13 at 06:48 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

I just want you to know I’m currently hammering a six-inch spike through a board with my penis.

better than being bored an hammering a six-inch spike through your penis.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/02/13 at 06:52 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

I just want you to know I’m currently hammering a six-inch spike through a broad with my penis.

Welcome back to hockey season.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 10/02/13 at 06:48 PM ET

There it is.


So, the Red Wings must be so stacked they should win the Cup.  Last year’s AHL MVP is a healthy scratch. 

Scratch a Tatar, find a washed up overpaid Swedish William Tell

Henrik Zetterberg-Pavel Datsyuk-Justin Abdelkader

Johan Franzen-Stephen Weiss-Daniel Alfredsson

Daniel Cleary-Joakim Andersson-Todd Bertuzzi

Drew Miller-Cory Emmerton-Mikael Samuelsson

Tomas Tatar is a healthy scratch. Jordin Tootoo and Darren Helm (both on injured reserve) also skated.

 

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 06:56 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/02/13 at 06:52 PM ET

Has it snowed yet?

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 06:57 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

...
Scratch a Tatar, find a washed up overpaid Swedish William Tell
...

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 06:56 PM ET

and Nyquist Boned

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 10/02/13 at 07:00 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Oh I have missed all of you bitches. Every One Of You. Well.. Okay.. Not everyone. But 98% of you.

Links? I got ya covered.

One
Two
Three
Four

There’s Atdhe.net and vipboxonline.eu as well.

That’s about all I got. Hope y’all get to enjoy. smile

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 10/02/13 at 07:07 PM ET

slimelord's avatar

OH I am sooooo ready to get this started.

Posted by slimelord on 10/02/13 at 07:08 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Where’s that little bitch Dougie?

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:09 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

It’ll probably be another light season of el beeing for me, but I know you band of bitches will do me proud.

LGRW

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 10/02/13 at 07:10 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

Has it snowed yet?

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 06:57 PM ET

Strangely, no. In fact, it’s been downright tropical.

It’s been in the 70s in October. That kind of stuff will make a Yooper drink.

More.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/02/13 at 07:10 PM ET

monkey's avatar

I just want you to know I’m currently hammering a six-inch spike through a board with my penis.

It would be news only if you weren’t.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:10 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Thanks Chief!

Hi Ya All!  Its Hockey Season Again- Woo Hoo!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 10/02/13 at 07:11 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Yo Mark!  Cartman says What’s Up Bitch?

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 07:11 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Mid Atlantic checking in big time already.

Mark and Little Red and Me,  and do we include Monkey?  and drunk bastard Dougie.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 07:15 PM ET

monkey's avatar

GDT:

Wings vs Buffs, 8:00 ET, The Joe

Caliente:

No Caliente:
National Parks
The U.S. Congress

Game on, bitches.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:16 PM ET

monkey's avatar

and do we include Monkey?

I’m a Michigan boy now, bitch.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:16 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Posted by IwoCPO on 10/02/13 at 05:53 PM ET

*slow clap*

Hey folks, it’s great to be back in the Asylum.

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 07:17 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Also, thanks for remembering me, Bill… *cough*jackass*cough*

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 07:18 PM ET

Down River Dan's avatar

So Gary moves us to the East so our games will start earlier…..and Lo and Behold the season opener starts at…......8:00 pm

Posted by Down River Dan on 10/02/13 at 07:19 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Also, thanks for remembering me, Bill… *cough*jackass*cough*

Chris, you whore.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:19 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/02/13 at 07:15 PM ET

We include anyone/anywhere with a Red Wing mentality, Right?

Go Wings!!!!!

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 10/02/13 at 07:20 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Hola, bitches.

Hockey is good.  Detroyet Red Wings hockey, in the East; well that is simply amazing.  Hanging out with the bitches is even better.

LGRW

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 10/02/13 at 07:20 PM ET

calquake's avatar

That kind of stuff will make a Yooper drink.

More.

I’m pretty sure breathing will make a Yooper drink more. cheese  If you need me I’ll be in my usual spot on the Hasek curled up on the floor in the fetal position.

Posted by calquake on 10/02/13 at 07:21 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:19 PM ET

If the shoe fits… wink

You really living in Michigan now?

Evening, bitches, what are you drinking?  The bar will be open all night and all season.

Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/02/13 at 06:07 PM ET

I’m going to have 2 fingers of Fireball and a Woodchuck in a pint glass, if you please

Feel free to mangle that statement as you see fit.

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 07:26 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Ahoy, Skipper.  Permission to come aboard.

Referees
6-Francis Charron
23-Brad Watson <=========

Linesmen
86-Brad Lazarowich
75-Derek Amell


Mutherfucher…

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 10/02/13 at 07:28 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

So Gary moves us to the East so our games will start earlier…..and Lo and Behold the season opener starts at…......8:00 pm

Posted by Down River Dan on 10/02/13 at 07:19 PM ET

Don’t forget the 9:00 starts on October 17th and 19th, and the 10:30 start on October 30th, which should not be confused with either the 9:00 start on November 1st or the 10:00 start on November 2nd, nor the 8:00 start on November 4th.


Gary let us into the East, yes, but he wasn’t going to do so without one last Vaseline-absent screwing.

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 10/02/13 at 07:29 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:16 PM ET

I’m sure Sammy’s pectoral muscles don’t look that good, even though he’s been working on them all summer.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/02/13 at 07:29 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 10/02/13 at 07:20 PM ET

Hey man, thank you for your GDTs; they will be missed.

Also, I’d like to dedicate the first puck drop (as well as the next several drinks) of the Wings’ season to HockeyTown Todd… I missed the original posts, and was absolutely floored when I read them today.

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 10/02/13 at 07:30 PM ET

monkey's avatar

You really living in Michigan now?

Indeed.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 10/02/13 at 07:30 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Just look at that:  Brad friggin’ Watson on Opening Night.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 10/02/13 at 07:30 PM ET

TheRealYooper's avatar

hot dogs and beer for the game tonight.

Posted by TheRealYooper from within sight of the edge of the Earth. on 10/02/13 at 07:30 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com