Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Digging August: Hunting, Getting To Know The Wings, Booing Legends

I don’t know where my Uncle Mike Babcock is.  It’s the summer and he gets all eclectic on us in the off months. Writing, hunting, skiing, combing.

I wonder though, Mike. If you’re reading this? I wonder if you might take a few minutes and help me with a theory.

Get him in a room, Mike. Sit him down and give him ten minutes.  Because, as much as we’ve disliked him over the years (and by “we”, I mean Wing fans), we always got the feeling you and he have this kindred thing going on.

Get Shane Doan in a room.  Two folding chairs. One for you. One for him. Sit across from him.  Don’t cross your legs like Dive fans and don’t let your knees touch.  But get close enough so that when you tell him something he understands that what you just said was something uttered by the most intense individual on this huge earth.

Tell Doan that the Wings are going to pay him 6 million dollars for the next two years.  He’s going to look away because Pittsburgh and Vancouver have already offered him more.  He’s not going to turn his head but his eyes are going to stray up and to the right. Your left. His right. When his eyes shift like that, slap him in his face with an open palm. Bitch slap him, we used to say.

He’ll respect that. His hair won’t move. Neither will yours. His attention will be back on you, where it belongs.  Then tell him that you’ve got a job for him. Hunting. Hunting defensemen. Hunting opposing forwards. And Cups. Move your head closer to his, Mike.  Get in tight and tell him that if he’s this fiery bad ass everyone says he is, prove it. If he’s got this intensity thing going on? Well, he doesn’t even know intense until he deals with you for 9 straight months. 

Ken Holland’s a nice guy and a proven GM.  But he’s not the man to bag this prey.  Get Doan in a room with Babcock. Break the glass and pull out Uncle Mike.  Then, as he’s reeling, in walks Dallas Drake, who played with Doan for three formative years in 97, 98, 99. 

Game, set, contract, Cup.

I dig Winging it in Motown.  Obviously, JJ and Graham have been friends of A2Y forever and original members of The 19.  WiiM is smart with bright colors and consistent material.  SBN is a nifty home, but sometimes I see something that makes me feel just a little bit dirty.  Today is one of those days.

“Getting To Know The Red Wings”

Hi. My name is Andi, and I’m an Avs fan. Now that you’re all confused as to why I’m posting on a Red Wings board, I’m going to confuse you further by assuring you that I’m not here to troll. Weird, I know, but I swear that I come in peace.

Actually, the reason for my visit is an off-season project that I’m working on. I’m a staff writer for Mile High Hockey, the Avs SB Nation blog, and this summer, we’re getting to know the other 29 teams in the league from their fan’s perspective. It’s pretty well-known that you still don’t like us and we still don’t like you, but I figure that if Avs fans are going to continue despising your team, we may as well do so in a well-informed way. I think that most of us at least grudgingly respect your traditions and are actually pretty curious to see where you’re headed over the next few years, so any and all insight that you can provide on the Wings would be greatly appreciated.

“Andi”. Cute.  She asks Wings fans at WiiM a series of questions, legitimate questions, about the team, the organ-I-zation, depth, prospects, playing style.  A quality idea for a hockey blog, especially during summer months when all is dead.

But there’s a problem.  Andi’s a Dive fan and I can’t abide the niceties and the cooperation. I can’t handle it.  You got questions, Andi? I got answers.

1. In 3 words, how would you sum up your team?

Better than yours.  Want it in two words? Suck it.

3. Why are you a fan of the Wings? Is it because of their playing style, current players, history, location, or something else?

Two words again: Suck it.  Long form? Suck it.

A word about “suck it”. Don’t get all wadded up.  “Suck it” isn’t, and really never has been, a sexual suggestion here.  It’s more of a, I don’t know, bit of advice that may help you understand that you’re a second-class citizen when compared to Wing fans.  Simple, concise. Ours. 

There are many more questions from Andi. And it looks like the WiiM readers are being more than accommodating, helping her “understand” Detroit. So go ahead. But I can’t. If this was a, I don’t know, Islander fan? Got it.  But Christ.  You want to “get to know the Wings”?  Not from me you don’t.

Staying at Winging It, JJ discusses the latest organ-I-zational initiative: a female-only Red Wing fan club.

JJ’s discussion is sound and reasoned.

...if it brings interesting conversation our way and gives us an opportunity to have discussions like this, then it can’t be all bad. However, we’re going to stop way short of jumping into the realm of defining what makes one person a better fan than any other person, and that is unfortunately what may be at the heart of this matter.

If this becomes a bigger deal than it needs to be, then we’re dumber than I ever thought possible.  Would there be a discussion if it was, for instance, Brazilian Red Wing fans? I think we’re familiar with that aren’t we?

If you’re a Wing fan and you hate the Dive, the Blues and dig Fresca? I don’t give a shit what gender you are.  This, by the way, is strikingly similar to my stance on fairly recent policy changes in my military.  If you can fight, do your job, follow orders or give them when you’re supposed to? I really don’t care about much else.  I’m just sayin.

By now you’re fully aware that that 4 of the Russian 5 will be at The Classic.  That includes Sergei Fedorov.  Discussion, as it always does with 91, now centers around whether he’ll be “booed”.

He won’t be.  The event, itself, doesn’t lend itself to that.  It just won’t happen.  But if this were a hypothetical Tuesday in February and Fedorov was in town playing his final season for the Rangers?

There would be dicks who boo him.  And you, if you’re one of them, would be a loser.  We’ve been over this many times.  The guy helped us win 3 Cups and deserved at least 1 Conn Smythe (in 97).  Yes, he pouted and dealt with Scott Bowman in his own way. Yes, the offer sheet, the defection to Anaheim, the other issues. Got it.  Still a Wing. Still a Champion. Still ours.  You don’t boo someone who brought us Cups. Enough.

Hope you’re enjoying your summer and that’s it’s been as relaxing and non-eventful as Ken Holland’s.  Especially since you don’t get paid millions to be, you know, relaxed and eventless, like Ken Holland.

 

 

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Comments

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Brazilian Red Wing fans?

Posted by Herm from the office on 08/07/12 at 01:08 PM ET

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That’s pejorative!

Posted by Herm from the office on 08/07/12 at 01:08 PM ET

Brooklyn Deuce's avatar

Got damn but you are a fun read MC. I’m firmly on Doan in the winged wheel camp.

Posted by Brooklyn Deuce from Fauborg Marigny on 08/07/12 at 01:14 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Holy hell, I cannot stop this image in my head with “Andi” giggling like a schoolgirl with Coke bottle lenses, frilly bangs, and pimples.  Pus-filled, leaky pimples.

I get that you want Doan’s angry play on the top six lines, Master Chief.  I completely respect that.  However, if Kronner goes down to injuries, our PP units will Q, White, and possibly Smith and Kindl.  I shudder at the thought.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 08/07/12 at 01:18 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Brazilian Red Wings fans is a verb, and it is painful.

no thank you.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/07/12 at 01:20 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Brazilian Red Wings fans is a verb, and it is painful.

no thank you.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/07/12 at 12:20 PM ET

Wax on, wax off.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 08/07/12 at 01:22 PM ET

Triple Deke Tyler's avatar

“Suck it” hit me right in the funny bone. (ma wiener)

Posted by Triple Deke Tyler from Lansing on 08/07/12 at 01:25 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

If it makes you feel any better, Chief, I’m still not allowed to comment at Bubba Jr.‘s site.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/07/12 at 01:25 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

If it makes you feel any better, Chief, I’m still not allowed to comment at Bubba Jr.‘s site.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/07/12 at 12:25 PM ET

You know that warms me, JJ

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 08/07/12 at 01:32 PM ET

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Lovely response.  Part of the reason I was looking forward to chatting with Wings fans is that I knew I’d get a good laugh out of it, and you didn’t disappoint.  Sorry if I don’t take your advice, but hey, not all of us can be as articulate and charming as you lol.

I do have a question though - where does the nickname “Dive” come from?  That’s one I’ve actually never heard before, probably because I don’t make a habit of associating with Scum fans.  The nausea unfortunately prevents it.

Posted by Andi, aka andidee15 on 08/07/12 at 01:55 PM ET

Cal's avatar

I do have a question though - where does the nickname “Dive” come from?

Can’t wait.  This should be good…...........

Posted by Cal on 08/07/12 at 02:04 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

I do have a question though - where does the nickname “Dive” come from?

Really? Ask the other ladies at MHH and they’ll explain it to you. 

I don’t make a habit of associating with Scum fans.  The nausea unfortunately prevents it.

“Scum”? Isn’t that a Blues fan handle for us, or is it Hawks?  Either way, we’ll take it.  We’ve owned all three of you for at least a decade so it’s a badge of honor.

And that nausea goes away if your team enjoys sustained success. In other words, get used to it.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 08/07/12 at 02:56 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

I do have a question though - where does the nickname “Dive” come from?

Anyone got a link to the A2Y glossary?

L.G.R.W.

... no.12 in ‘13

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/07/12 at 02:57 PM ET

GrahamWIIM's avatar

“Scum”? Isn’t that a Blues fan handle for us, or is it Hawks?  Either way, we’ll take it.  We’ve owned all three of you for at least a decade so it’s a badge of honor.

“Scum” is a Hawks term for us. The SCH folks use it a lot. Fortunately, we have very smart fans and one of them figured out what it means:

Second
City’s
Ultimate
Masters

Unfortunately for the denizens of Denver, they’re not smart enough to come up with any witty nickname for us. Must be the thin air.

Posted by GrahamWIIM from Chicago via Toronto on 08/07/12 at 03:04 PM ET

joedaiceman's avatar

A Classic - thanks

Posted by joedaiceman on 08/07/12 at 03:09 PM ET

BrendonR's avatar

but hey, not all of us can be as articulate and charming as you lol.

Oh man, nothing like making jokes about being articulate and then ended your sentence with ‘lol’.  Great stuff.

Posted by BrendonR on 08/07/12 at 03:35 PM ET

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Oh, no, we have a few.  Dead Things is the most common, but “*#$%@& the Red Wings” has actually become a fairly standard saying for all occasions.  Everything from “Night all, *#$%@& the red wings!” to “I’m going to the store.  Oh, *#$%@& the red wings” to “Man, I hope it rains today.  *#$%@& the red wings” are all acceptable.  As you can see, our statements don’t have anything to do with the red wings, but it’s become really a catch-all phrase.  Oh, and there’s even a correct response - “*#$%@& the red wings, indeed” or just the more concise “Indeed”. 

Although, come to think of it, we’ve not used it as much recently.  Probably has something to do with the fact that the most impactful player on your team just left and the rest of your core are probably following him within the next five years.  Somehow, your team just doesn’t inspire the same hate as it did even just last year.  Oh, and have fun with Quincey in your Top 4!  My team may suck right now, but at least we knew enough to ship his lollygagging ass out the door.  How’s that trade workin’ out for ya?

Posted by Andi, aka andidee15 on 08/07/12 at 03:37 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Oh, no, we have a few.  Dead Things is the most common, but “*#$%@& the Red Wings” has actually become a fairly standard saying for all occasions.  Everything from “Night all, *#$%@& the red wings!” to “I’m going to the store.  Oh, *#$%@& the red wings” to “Man, I hope it rains today.  *#$%@& the red wings” are all acceptable.  As you can see, our statements don’t have anything to do with the red wings, but it’s become really a catch-all phrase.  Oh, and there’s even a correct response - “*#$%@& the red wings, indeed” or just the more concise “Indeed”.

Just like every other fan base.  Have fun with it but don’t try to paint it as original.

Although, come to think of it, we’ve not used it as much recently.  Probably has something to do with the fact that the most impactful player on your team just left and the rest of your core are probably following him within the next five years.  Somehow, your team just doesn’t inspire the same hate as it did even just last year.  Oh, and have fun with Quincey in your Top 4!  My team may suck right now, but at least we knew enough to ship his lollygagging ass out the door.  How’s that trade workin’ out for ya?

It’s fine. We’ll make the playoffs again, with Quincey.  Just like we have for two decades with or without him.  It’s what our team does. Make the playoffs. Win Cups every few years.  It’s a process, a system. An expectation.  What’s yours?

Look, it’s cute that you came up with the little idea, the “getting to know” the Wings thing.  Nice little summer project for you before your junior year in high school.  But it’s probably best that you stay at your cozy little playroom at SBN.  I’m sure most of the folks here will take it easy on you because a lot of us have daughters and it’s kind of instinct.  The underlying fact will always remain, though.  You’re a Dive fan and baby Jesus invented Dive fans to be laughed at and treated with scorn.

 

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 08/07/12 at 03:53 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Anybody but Doanbag.

As a sportsman, he’s a disgrace. His behavior after losing to the Kings in the playoffs this year was an embarassment to the game of Hockey.

As a player, he is a dirty POS, as evidenced by his two 3 game suspensions for a blind-side hit and elbowing during the last two seasons

Fuch Doanbag. With him and Tootoo, the Wings are no different than the ucks.

McCarty, Maltby and Drake all played with an edge, but they also played with class and respected the game. Doanbag and Tootoo are dirty classless players in the manner of LePuke. C’mon Kenny, you’re better than that.

Douchebag Doanbag is now a repeat offender, so when he does something stupid this season (and he will), he will be suspended for more than three games.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 08/07/12 at 04:00 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Oh, and this team needs DEFENSE a hell of a lot more than it needs another second line forward.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 08/07/12 at 04:01 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Oh, no, we have a few.  Dead Things is the most common, but “*#$%@& the Red Wings” has actually become a fairly standard saying for all occasions.

We invented that nickname. Some one in Detroit coined this in the 1970s when our team truly sucked. But unlike dive fans, we still went to the games.

*#$%@& the Redwings? Crude and slow dive fan, your attack was no better then that of a clumsy child.

As for “Dive,” the commonly accepted etymology is that Frosberg became Foppa became Floppa because he flopped and cried more than anyone except Rosby. The whole team followed suit (LePuke being another notorious diver of the dishes-it-out-but-can’t-take-it variety),and so they became the dive.

But I seem to remember Jim Rome calling them the Cheating ‘Dique and then Dive morphing from that, but I’m not sure about that etymology.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 08/07/12 at 04:20 PM ET

Avatar

That’s pejorative!

Posted by Herm

I find it highly offensive!!!
Btw, how does any hockey fan doesnt understand when a nickname like “THE DIVE” comes from?!?
FFS, Im from Brasil (Is that politically correct?), have never seen a sheet of ice on my entire life, and it’s pretty obvious to me…

Posted by Zqto from Brazil on 08/07/12 at 04:29 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Probably has something to do with the fact that the most impactful player on your team just left and the rest of your core are probably following him within the next five years.

And how many players do you have left from your last Cup run that can still play in anything but a senior beer league?  Take your time looking it up, I’m sure its hard trying to remember that far back.

Don’t worry though, I’m sure Parenteau will be enough to keep Minnesota from burrying you guys in the Divisional cellar this year.

Posted by Hootinani on 08/07/12 at 04:32 PM ET

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FFS, Im from Brasil (Is that politically correct?), have never seen a sheet of ice on my entire life, and it’s pretty obvious to me…

Seriously, where the f*ck are you from?

Posted by Herm from the office on 08/07/12 at 04:41 PM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

Posted by Andi, aka andidee15 on 08/07/12 at 02:37 PM ET

The trolling has begun. Poor, poor thing….

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 08/07/12 at 05:05 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Seriously, where the f*ck are you from?

Posted by Herm from the office on 08/07/12 at 03:41 PM ET

Get out, Herm!  The calls are coming from inside the country. I repeat, THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE COUNTRY.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/07/12 at 05:08 PM ET

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Get out, Herm!  The calls are coming from inside the country. I repeat, THE CALLS ARE COMING FROM INSIDE THE COUNTRY.

FYI, I like the Nightmare on Helm Street, Friday the 13th and Scream.

Also, long walks on the beach and puppies covered in whip cream.

Posted by Herm from the office on 08/07/12 at 05:52 PM ET

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Hahahaha
Eu sou de Sao Paulo, Herm

I cant quite remember when I started following KK and A2Y but never actually got much into posting. Thats probably why I’d not registered yet (plus, lazy is my middle name)

I’ve been a hockey fan since I started playing NHL’94 with some cousins, waaaaaay back…  They all had already chosen to follow the powerhouses of the day (LA, MTL and CHI), and my love for everything red brought me to be a fan of our great team

I still remember every wings playoff from the Devils finals forward (at that time, only the finals were broadcasted over here)

Posted by Zqto from Brazil on 08/07/12 at 07:22 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Posted by Zqto from Brazil on 08/07/12 at 06:22 PM ET

You two are practically neigbors.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 08/07/12 at 07:38 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

my love for everything red brought me to be a fan of our great team

Funny how the color red influenced us both to become fans. Not funny how we won’t be allowed to enter the States because we’re communists.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/07/12 at 07:38 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

You two are practically neigbors.

Actually, split personalities. I’m half-Herm/half-Zqto/half-Tyler/half-mozzarella.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 08/07/12 at 07:41 PM ET

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Thanks God the Chief isn’t a GM.  A 2 year 12 mil offer to Doan is 2 things:

1) Really, really stupid.  He isn’t worth it.  Not even particularly close.  He is, probably at best, a 50 point player who is pretty old and has questionable defensive skills.

2) Not going to be enough to sign him anyway.  If he’s going to leave Phoenix it isn’t going to be to ‘win a Cup’, because those words haven’t crossed his lips in 15 years, IIRC.  It’s going to be to cash out.

Next, it’s totally fine if people choose not to boo Fedorov.  People can have whatever standards they want.  It’s incredibly amusing, however, to see those same people calling those who boo Fedorov ‘dicks’ and ‘losers because Fedorov ‘brought us 3 Cups… while that same person spends a whole load of time hammering the GM who put not only those Fedorov teams together, but the 2007 Cup team as well.

But that’s okay, I guess?  Blast Holland for whatever, but daring to boo Fedorov means you’re a ‘dick’ and a ‘loser’.

Nice!

Posted by HockeyinHD on 08/07/12 at 09:23 PM ET

Mex-eye-can-dy's avatar

I think I’m going to cry :(((

http://www.mlive.com/redwings/index.ssf/2012/08/former_red_wings_forward_mike.html

Posted by Mex-eye-can-dy on 08/07/12 at 09:23 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Nom nom nom…

I mean, that’s bad.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 08/07/12 at 09:32 PM ET

Avatar

I was gonna write something here, but I forgot what

Posted by Zqto from Brazil on 08/07/12 at 10:24 PM ET

monkey's avatar

lazy is my middle name

What does “lazy” mean in Portugese?

That includes Sergei Fedorov.  Discussion, as it always does with 91, now centers around whether he’ll be “booed”.

What kind of dirt bag would boo Sergei Fedorov in a Wings jersey?  Are you joking?  The applause should be thunderous.  All we ever wanted was him in the Winged Wheel.  He shows up in a Wings jersey, playing or not, all is forgiven, guaranteed.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 08/07/12 at 10:28 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Funny how the color red influenced us both to become fans. Not funny how we won’t be allowed to enter the States because we’re communists.

Better Red than dead.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 08/07/12 at 10:29 PM ET

monkey's avatar

What is Fresca supposed to be, anyway? Squirt?

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 08/07/12 at 10:31 PM ET

HockeyTownTodd's avatar

The guy helped us win 3 Cups and deserved at least 1 Conn Smythe (in 97).  Yes, he pouted and dealt with Scott Bowman in his own way. Yes, the offer sheet, the defection to Anaheim, the other issues. Got it.  Still a Wing. Still a Champion. Still ours.  You don’t boo someone who brought us Cups.

You do boo someone who held a gun to the guys head that arranged his escape from behind the iron curtain…....
negotiating with the Hurricanes.. 
Pure Narcissism,
and he deserves booing forever
just for that
regardless of Stanley Cups.

Posted by HockeyTownTodd on 08/07/12 at 10:47 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

the GM who put not only those Fedorov teams together, but the 2007 Cup team as well.

Yeah! Up yours, Devellano!

There’s not a day goes by I don’t thank God for not making any number of The 19 Detroit’s general manager, myself included.

I’m sure you’d do a fine job of it, HockeyinHD. You should apply.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 08/07/12 at 10:49 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com