Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Dealing With Draft Day

Usually I spend all Draft Day sitting on a small stool, my knees up to my eyes, rocking back and forth, hanging on every word because nothing beats the anticipation of this day. Nothing.

Actually, I've never watched a single moment of the NHL Draft and I have zero intention of doing so today, or ever.

Because it's never meant a thing to me. Not a single stinky thing.  Oh, I'm jaded. I'm cynical. I have ADD. My snowmobile suit is wet but the snow isn't so how'd that happen and why didn't you just go home Billy?

It's because my team has never swallowed its own soul and tanked two consecutive seasons for number 1 picks. It's because discussion about who to pick with "the 2" or the 3 or the 5 or whatever has never taken place in Detroit, not since Steve Yzerman was like 17.  In Denver? It's annual, actually daily, discourse amongst the 5 people left there who actually give a shit about their hockey organization.  Oh, you hired Joe Sakic and Patrick Roy to right the ship?  Awesome. We look forward to seeing them in the Finals in year 20NEVER.  All year long they talk about it...the number 1 pick, the lottery, the youth movement. All year. Every year. Just like the Pens used to until Gary.ass promised them their fancy "captain". 

Us? Never. It's never discussed because the Wings haven't sucked their way into that discussion.  We've got the 18 and it's a yawn.  Trade it. Trade it for...negotiating rights, for a Wockenfuss rookie card, a Schwinn Scrambler, or a Dio album.  Trade it.  Who cares. 

Draft Day stress is for losers.  Draft Day stress is for Denver.  Our stress is in May and June. Always has been. Always will.  

I'm not saying forfeit the 18th or the whatever, the 50th, the 78th, the ginger snaps or the booty.  Draft 'em all, sugarfoot.  Do your diligence.  We trust you.  All of you. Kenny and little Ryan, all the Euro-savants and Rain Men.  We know for a fact you've prepared for this so that we don't have to.  Your sacrifices are appreciated.

Whoever we draft we won't see for five years anyway.  It's The Wing Way and it's proven.  It's why the Wings are who they are.  More home-grown talent on our roster than any team in hockey, and more sustained success by a long mile.  That system has made it possible for us to sit back and drink a warm one while we watch the wives mow and put shit together because Ikea is like a FUCHING MAGNET that just keeps pulling them in. 

So, you know.  Enjoy your Draft Day...by doing other things.  Set up an alert on your cool phone and read up on the picks tonite because George and the other smart kids will give you plenty of stuff to digest.  But leave the fretting to the losers in Denver. Their saviour is just moments away.  Seriously. Just like every year. 

Dear Kenny: Thank you.  Thank you for making sure we never have to look forward to this day like it's Christmas. It's not. It's...Arbor Day.  It's a meaningless day for everybody but the tree huggers.  

With the 18th pick, the Detroit Red Wings select...a brat, a PBR and a good deal for an underachieving Fin.  

Enjoy your draft day by ignoring it completely because that's what winners do.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

Avatar

Where do I go to get back the two minutes I spent reading this drek.

Posted by nyifanfromnj on 06/30/13 at 10:21 AM ET

dougie's avatar

The draft is today? Really?? The last draft I was concerned with was in 1972, and my lottery number was 318.

And nyifanfromnj: maybe stop trying to make it last 3 minutes next time you choke your chicken,just go for the normal 30 seconds, and you will have some extra time on your hands, among other things.

Posted by dougie on 06/30/13 at 10:30 AM ET

Zqto's avatar

Posted by nyifanfromnj

You dont! Next time be smarter and dont even step here, scumbag!

@Topic:
I’ve never watched a draft, and maybe sometimes I’ll read a post about our new drafts, like you said, Chief

We really need to be thankful to Holland and his crew for this
I hope they can get a few good players that wont take 5 years of development to get into the NHL, now that they stopped trading 1st round picks, though!

Posted by Zqto on 06/30/13 at 10:35 AM ET

monkey's avatar

Where do I go to get back the two minutes I spent reading this drek.

You don’t, you actually lost four.  Not only the two minutes spent but the two minutes it took off the end.  Don’t worry, those are the worst two any way.  Colostomy bags, lots of groaning, weeping, loneliness.  Better to end sooner than late.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 06/30/13 at 11:47 AM ET

Tony Perkis's avatar

I enjoyed my two minutes spent reading this. Funny piece Chief.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 06/30/13 at 11:49 AM ET

gowings's avatar

I like the fact that we never pick high…I mean, sure we can get a franchise player that can be productive in a few years….but, I rather keep making the playoffs than ending up in the top 15…..I don’t want to be a fan, like you said chief, celebrating “Christmas draft” every year.

Posted by gowings from MTL on 06/30/13 at 12:33 PM ET

monkey's avatar

I like the fact that we never pick high…I mean, sure we can get a franchise player that can be productive in a few years….but, I rather keep making the playoffs than ending up in the top 15…..I don’t want to be a fan, like you said chief, celebrating “Christmas draft” every year.

I don’t see why we can’t have both.  How come we never fleece terrible teams for their draft picks?

Posted by monkey from Finland on 06/30/13 at 12:37 PM ET

gowings's avatar

“I don’t see why we can’t have both.  How come we never fleece terrible teams for their draft picks?”

Yes, good point….obviously did not think of that LOL…..but indeed:)

Posted by gowings from MTL on 06/30/13 at 12:46 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Saludos, Tomodachi-san.

The only suspenseful for me at the Wings drafts is whether or not they trade away their first-round pick.  This year I hope for MTL’s 34th and 36th pics in the second round and throwing in Fils as a bonus.  It would give a little more cap and roster space and three picks in the first two rounds (including the Wings own 48th).  But no wailing and jumping out of the Stratsophere Tower sans bungee cord.  Whatever happens today for the Wings, I’m cool.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 06/30/13 at 01:24 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

good thing we didn’t “suck for seth” - he got passed up three times.  good pick up at 4 for nashville.

i prefer making the playoffs.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 06/30/13 at 03:43 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Thanks Chief for your realistic view of this draft whore style and 19 approved.

I’m with you RW. Draft lottery shows are those teams playoffs.May we never experience it here.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 06/30/13 at 04:17 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

i prefer making the playoffs.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 06/30/13 at 03:43 PM ET


Draft lottery shows are those teams playoffs.May we never experience it here.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 06/30/13 at 04:17 PM ET

Yes and Yes. Even if the playoffs last one round, the other option is for losers.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 06/30/13 at 06:39 PM ET

MsRedWingFan's avatar

Where do I go to get back the two minutes I spent reading this drek.

Posted by nyifanfromnj on 06/30/13 at 10:21 AM ET

your JEALOUSY is showing

great piece Chief grin

Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan hometown of Abdelkader on 06/30/13 at 08:28 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Two posts in two days during the off season…you feeling okay Chief?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 06/30/13 at 10:24 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com