Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Burn Down The West

Syd Crosby earned his first Messier Leadership Award Nomination in 1998 at the tender age of 11.  Naturally, his glorious NHL career wouldn't start for another 3 years, but Gary Bettman felt his future endeavors warranted the nomination.  The fact that the award hadn't been invented yet was inconsequential to the diminutive commissioner.

Ten years later, Crosby lost his "C" after a then-future Red Wing captain emasCulated him.

We used to dig Jonathan Toews.  He reminded us of another former Captain. The number, the demeanor, the commitment.  He was the sole character guy on a team full of peckerheads.

Well.  That's gone, too.  Now he's just a bitch (with a Messier nomination) like Syd.  And you can blame Hank for that one, too.  Now Toews isn't event worthy of that cool-sounding name.  Taves...it just sounded smooth but tough at the same time.  A man's name.  Not a whining bitch's.

So we're taking the W away and he can't have a cool name anymore. Now he's just...Toes.  And you can play with that however you want. Whore style, if necessary.

Oh, the world is in disarray.  The unbeatable Hawks have been laid low. Not just Sunday, either.  The Wings outplayed them in the first period of Game 1 then went nappy nappy because Gary forced them to fly Disney, then back to Hockeytown, then back and all that.  Like 8 times.  Game 2 was pure domination and it was incredible to consider what lies ahead for the Wings (especially if a certain magician decides not to return home to mother Russia in 18 months or so).

Yes, Zetterberg shut down Toes.  Yes, Brunner has miraculously reappeared just when we needed him the most.  Yes, Wally seems to be actually playing.  Yes, Howard has been Howard. 

But this one belongs to Mike Babcock.  It might be one of the most daring, amazing coaching feats in recent history: Bertuzzi, Samuelsson, White, Tootoo...all sitting.  Make no mistake. They would be playing on any other team.  Not Babcock's. No.

You had last change, Joel?  What happened Joel?  Joel? You got on your bike, pedaled home and pulled out a Cosmo.  That's what. 

But that's done.  Game 2 is done and over with and if this were February we'd absolutely expect a total egg tonite.  But here's something interesting.  Where was the collapse?  Huh? Where was the third period meltdown that every single one of us knew was coming?  How does this team implode late against Anaheim, then batten down against a better team in Chicago?

Don't ask questions. Just don't.  The roof is coming off the Joe tonite.  Can you imagine that place with 90 seconds left, a Wing lead, a timeout and Journey blasting?  I know it's a cheesy song, but I love that scene.

Man, man, man. What an opportunity.  Do it Wings.  Burn this conference to the frigging ground.

It's a Live Blog, bitches.  11 to 12.

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Comments

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ITDeuce's avatar

Whatup byatches.

Bastard, that stayed in.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 05/20/13 at 07:47 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

HD slo-mo….not offsides.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/20/13 at 07:47 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Haven’t caught up yet, bitches, what are you drinking?

Spill a sip for the fallen, may those communities recover soon as much as that is possible.

Link.  It’s the CBC “B Team”.  As in Bob Cole.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 05/20/13 at 07:48 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

LMAO.  They put $0.20 on Dangles.

NOW who’s as nervous as a whore in church dammit?  Can you say “mismatch”?

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 05/20/13 at 07:48 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Head shot on Smith?

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the pre-season shuffle.... on 05/20/13 at 07:48 PM ET

WingsFanInBeanLand's avatar

Sure.  Praise the head shot Eddie you hypocritical prick.

Posted by WingsFanInBeanLand from where free agents no longer dare. on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

Holy balls that was scary.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Selke.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Nice!


Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

Hootinani's avatar

Nice backcheck by Dats

Posted by Hootinani on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Toews and Ericsson again.

Posted by Primis on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Whatup byatches.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 05/20/13 at 07:47 PM ET

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Kick his a$$ Big E.

Posted by calquake on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Jonathan CamelToes!

Posted by monkey from Finland on 05/20/13 at 07:49 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

drinking my usual, Voox….hook me up with a black russian.

and make sure she knows how to shake it

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/20/13 at 07:50 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Don’t cheapen my fantasies.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 05/20/13 at 07:47 PM ET

Just saying, you’re sitting on a fortune.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 05/20/13 at 07:50 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

No offense to our D, but Pavel is still the best defenseman on this team.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 05/20/13 at 07:50 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Please keep chirpin Toes please… if you are saving your breath for chirps you aint hustling and you aint scoring… chirp away

Posted by pgoody on 05/20/13 at 07:50 PM ET

dougie's avatar

Jonathan CamelToes!

All the Internets. Sidebar material.

Posted by dougie on 05/20/13 at 07:51 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Living rent free in Toes head…

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the pre-season shuffle.... on 05/20/13 at 07:51 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Jonathan CamelToes!

Captain Pussy Foot.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 05/20/13 at 07:51 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Shitload of speed and more speed in this game so far. 

And still too much yakking from Toelint.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/20/13 at 07:51 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Just saying, you’re sitting on a fortune.

I didn’t know WestWing is a girl.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 05/20/13 at 07:51 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

No offense to our D, but Pavel is still the best defenseman on this team.
Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 05/20/13 at 07:50 PM ET

I think our D is well aware of that fact.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 05/20/13 at 07:52 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Evening bitches.  Word on the street is there’s a hockey game on tonight?

Anybody we know?

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 05/20/13 at 07:52 PM ET

monkey's avatar

All the Internets. Sidebar material.

You’re welcome.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 05/20/13 at 07:52 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Living rent free in Toes head…

Cheaper than Dee-troit real estate.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 05/20/13 at 07:52 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Jonathan CamelToes!

A team captain and excellent player…. but he gets “sensitive” every 28 days or so.

Posted by calquake on 05/20/13 at 07:52 PM ET

MoreShoot's avatar

Our transition D needs to be a bit tighter. And Edzo needs an enema

Posted by MoreShoot on 05/20/13 at 07:52 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Stalberg scored a point in each of the 3 one-goal Hawks wins over the Wings.  I was happy he was not in the line up the first two games.

Wouldn’t bother me if he injured himself out of the game until next year.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/20/13 at 07:53 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

see Ericsstrom coming up ice with the puck, head up looking for the pass?  me likey.  he looks confidentstrom.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/20/13 at 07:53 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Too much time in Jimmy’s end of the ice.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/20/13 at 07:53 PM ET

calquake's avatar

And Edzo needs an enema

But then his head would collapse.

Posted by calquake on 05/20/13 at 07:53 PM ET

sapper78e's avatar

Toews never looks like he has pupils in his pictures, and he grows those playoffs chops.  He looks like Sabretooth from X-Men had a baby with the gay vampire from Twilight.  He’s like a gay vampire, man-bear-pig baby.

Posted by sapper78e on 05/20/13 at 07:53 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Oh me thinks Crawford will see some shots when the Cawks 10 minute Viagra runs it’s course

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the pre-season shuffle.... on 05/20/13 at 07:54 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

The first 6 minutes should be a sobering reminder that we need to play near perfectly to beat the Hawks.  Can do, but it’s far from a given.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/20/13 at 07:54 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Confident Dong way out.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 05/20/13 at 07:54 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

PLAY THE BODY SMITH

now you owe Howard a Corona

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/20/13 at 07:54 PM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

Let’s try playing on the other side of the ice now for a bit.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 05/20/13 at 07:54 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Too much time in Jimmy’s end of the ice.

Posted by SYF from the Flood on 05/20/13 at 07:53 PM ET

Waaaaaaay too much time…

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/20/13 at 07:54 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com