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Abel to Yzerman

Awww….Thanks Denver

Wow.  What a gift. What a thoughtful present.

For my very special day, an oh-so-special bit of loveliness from our friends in Denver.

That’s right bitches.  I’m 40.  And to recognize this wondrous day?

The Dive come-a-callin’.

So very nice.  I really couldn’t have asked for anything better.  Thank you Gary.  Today, on my birthday—a day rife with love and joy and warmth, hookers, puppies, Snickers and Yuengling—you’ve given me the team I love to watch the Wings paste.  Oh, I know.  I know the “rivalry” is gone.  I know the little team from Denver sucks it and sucks it hard.  Some would say it’s difficult to hate them because they suck so hard and so often. But not me. No Gary. Despite the fact that they’re sucking it in Denver, pretty much every way possible, I still hate them because I’ve been bred to, Gary. It’s what I am.

So that’s not all. Oh no.  It’s not all I want today.  Nope. Today I want more. I’m 40, bitches.  I deserve more.  So here’s a list.

I guess we can start with this, just to prove that 40 years means nothing when it comes to “growing up”.  So, the Pens bitches don’t want Hoss to make the all-star team, as a starter anyway. Heard about this yet?

Yep.  Pens fans are trying to convince Flame fans, or vice versa—I’m pretty frigging confused about the whole thing—to vote for Iginla so that Hossa doesn’t get elected—as he rightfully should be—into the starting lineup.  However it works, there’s some sort of bitterness-driven collusion going on to keep 81 out.  Me? I don’t care.  Seriously.  Have at it. I’d rather all the Wings rest and Gary gets exposed for the little joke that he is by sitting back and letting this happen.  Plus. I’m more concerned with this.  Just what the HELL have Gary’s Baby Boy and the Invisible Malkin been up to?

image

Oh for the love of Adorable Baby Jesus…no

A pair of gay penguins thrown out of their zoo colony for repeatedly stealing eggs…

I am NOT judging. 

Chris Osgood says he’s…almost there.  It’s so close—and we’re talking excellence—that he can almost touch it. So close.

“From here on in, I’m going to be positive and keep going in the right direction,’’ Osgood said. “It’s going to turn around. I feel real good about the way things are going in practice and what I’m doing. I just got to get some games under my belt and get hot.

“Once I do that, I’ll continue for the rest of the year.’‘

Really? I mean…seriously?  Well, ok. If you say so, I’m in. I was worried before but if you say you’re close and, well, hell.  Giddy up. I’m on board.  You’re on the list Opie.  My birthday list.  Turn it around bitch. Tonite.

And not just for us Ozzie.  Nope.  Do it for your Uncle Mike.  Because he believes in you

...he’s one of the best goalies of all time.

I’m sorry. Did you say something? I wasn’t paying attention. I was whistling or something.  Humming maybe. Singing a ditty.  I missed it. 

Other stuff I want for my birthday.

I want a dominating game from Nick Lidstrom.  No, more than that.  I want a return to Norris.  He’s not getting it this year, you know.  Gary doesn’t want it to happen, so it won’t.  Oh, I know.  Lidstrom’s play has tailed off a bit and it’s hard to blame Bettman.  That would be just plain juvenilicious of us, eh?  Blame the little bastard, I say. Blame him.  Blame him for an excess of back-to-back games.  Blame him for the BS penalties the Wings have suffered.  Blame him for the “parity”.  Blame…Gary.ASS. 

But blame Nick a bit too.  He’s not his usual self and we need his usual self for the Wings to be their usual selves.  I’d like that for my birthday, please.

Guess what’s coming up for Christmas Gary?  Yep.  Break out the nog and the yuletide spirit, the crackling fire and the Christmas traditions because it’s time for some good, old fashioned Central fun.

We head to St. Louis on the 23rd and back against Bubba on the 26th.  The Wings have done well against Chicago so far, and so luckily, but we need more. For my birthday, my fortieth, I’d like some serious domination of The Asterisk (the Central).  I’d like that.

But first, and here’s where it gets serious, MF’ers.  First, we have to deal with the 18th.  Thursday night at the Joe. 

Little Toddie and San Jose.  Well, well, well.  Look who’s the “best team in the league.”  Look who’s the “team to beat.” 

Newsflash: the Wings lose that game and you’re going to hear about it for a month, until 17 Jan and a return date to NOCAL.  Ahhhh. I know.  Does it REALLY matter if the Wings lose Thursday or in a month or again in three months? Nope.  Nothing matters until May.  But, we don’t roll that way…you and I.  Wings win Thursday and we’ll be reading some, “Whoa…not so fast sister” stories about San Jose and Sally Thornton.  And that would be neat.  That would be a nice gift for me, three days after 40th.

Is it too much to ask Gary? Is it?  I’d like to thank you for the present you’ve already given me, the washed up garbage Dive.  But I’d like Osgood to be better, Nick to be better, Central domination and a MF’ing asskicking of the wannabe’s on Thursday.  To quote Clubber Lang from III, “I pity the fool who tries to take what I got.”  Exactly Clubber, you statesman you. 

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com