Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 09/15/07 at 09:34 AM ET
We’re going to close the polls Monday at 2100. The contest that has fascinated Wing nation for a week, the “replace Fire on Ice with a marketing and pr campaign not designed by 16-year old girls wasted on Boone’s Farm” competition, is nearly over and it’s so close that it’s hard for me to type because I’m so nervous.
Your choices are listed below and the standings are beneath them. I believe, thanks to the subtle reminders of our readers, that they are correct. But—and I know you will anyway—check my math if you must. According to my calculations, there’s a three-way tie at the top. Remember: how you vote is critical to the collective happiness of us all. You’re going to have to look at this thing all year long. Vote in the comment section of this post.
HockeyinHD has proven himself as exactly the kind of juvenile reader who represents us all. His entry, the first submitted, emphasized exactly that.
Entry 1: Thanks Gary
Where HinHD made us giggle with him like the children we are, Matt Schwartz used the contest to show off, to show us up. That made me sad that someone would want us all to feel so badly about our own creative shortcomings. Not since I stabbed Jimmy Karish with a pencil in 5th grade art class with Mrs. Curzon have I felt such shame.
Entry 2: Fire In Your Wallet
Pete at Yzerman is God impressed me since his debut last season. His stock rose, yes I said “stock rose”, when he dropped a BJ on us with the third entry.
Entry 3: BJ’s For Us All
Aaron from Phoenix, clearly inspired by what Pete had to offer with Entry 3, chimed in next. He preyed on our greatest fear and struck gold.
If Aaron took the easy way out by capitalizing on our insecurities, TeamDub went the opposite direction and lit the torches for the most unpopular Detroit sports figure since, well, since forever.
Entry 5: Fire Millen
Saginaw John checked in next with concrete evidence that residents of his hometown are the most brilliant, wittiest, most socially responsible people in the history of mid-michigan towns mentioned by Simon and Garfunkel. I have no idea where he scored the picture of Grampa Pinhead but it worked.
Entry 6: Fun For All Ages
The pride of Sagnasty was far from done. Oh no. This one’s for Don Cherry.
Entry 7: Soft Swede
And now we get downright dirty. I can’t tell you the negotiations involved, but suffice it to say the version you’re about to see wasn’t the original. That one’s hidden away in my sock drawer for the next time I go to sea. An anonymous poster provided us our eigth entry and it put A2Y on the same map as that little vixen from High School Musical.
Entry 8: Below The Fold
The contest went silent for three weeks after that anonymous entry. Why? I don’t know. Perhaps we were in shock. Maybe you all started surfing porn after seeing the 8th entry. No matter the reason, we were about to wrap it up with 8 when Pete returned with an eye opener.
Entry 9: Emmmmma
Saginaw John snuck another entry in just before the polls opened for business.
Entry 10: Addicted To Red
Addicted To Red
Fire In Your Wallet
Stay In Your F&*king Net You Bastard Czech Miracle of Insanity
BJ’s for Everyone
Fun For All Ages
Below The Fold
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About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org