Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 11/04/10 at 01:21 PM ET
Yep, that one’s for you Gramps. Amazing, glorious things can happen when your goalie has this weird ability to keep the opposition under three goals. And winning with only two? It’s a revelation.
Ready for some fun? Here you go. Yes, Baby Jesus’ favorite hockey team won last night…as usual. Typically, that’s enough. All we ask for, really. But last evening provided an extra ounce of levity as fans of the following teams sobbed themselves to sleep: Pittsburgh, Chicago, Nashville all lost and for a variety of reasons, each of those losses brought happiness to the ones we love.
Seeing the Pens lose is always a spine tingler. It just makes me happy. I can’t explain it and I don’t feel like investigating the science of the whole thing. I just know that with every loss their one-year air of invincibility gets even more sour.
That team has no goaltending. “Flower” is failing and last night it was “Johnny” giving up 5 to Dallas. Now, we know a bit about getting violated deep in the hearta, so I’m treading lightly on thin hypocritical ice here. But, guess what? They got pounded and even a slap fight featuring their “captain” couldn’t serve as enough motivation to topple the West’s 7th best team.
Their “captain”? He was selective about his dance partner last night, eh?
“I never saw that coming. We were up 4-1 and he was trying to get the team going a little bit, he asked me to go, and we went. I got him hard once in the helmet, if that counts. I hadn’t said a word to him all night. I wasn’t on the ice with him all night. I think he picked me out. Maybe I was the smallest guy out there, I don’t know.”
Matt Niskanen, of course. Renowned brawler. Famous agitator.
Rosby, the petulant little bitch, went after the smallest guy on the ice, who hadn’t said a word, hadn’t even seen the same ice as the “captain” all night. You go, Sid. What a joke it is that so many view this child as the face of this league.
Through leadership like that, Pittsburgh, thought to be elite…is playing .500 hockey.
Oddly, so are your Stanley Cup Champion Chicago Blackhawks. Tied atop my Central in first place with Detroit. Tied with 15 points. With five more games played. How the hell does that happen less than one month into the season? It’s insane. I can’t even tell you who the disparity benefits and who it bones. I just know it’s idiotic.
And, it’s Gary’s fault. His league, his responsibility. The little things add up Gary. Little things like that and bigger things like this: 6,761, 8,171, 8,189, 6,706. The attendance numbers for the last four games in Phoenix.
Can someone explain to me, specifically, how Gary Bettman can keep his job? I understand that it would have been unfair to shitcan him over Halloween weekend, his favorite holiday. You don’t fire a man wearing a hoop skirt and bonnet, carrying a life-sized poster of Sidney Rosby, telling anyone he meets that “I’m Half-Pint. This is Albert. Have you seen Nellie?”
But it’s time to go. Time. To. Go. Did you see the officiating last night? I know you did. I know it. Horrific. The first period was embarrassing. The first two calls against the Wings were disgusting. The Lidstrom hook and the Stuart interference. Again, not a conspiracy. Just incompetence and apathy. On the ice and in Toronto.
So, Chicago lost last night too. The rent-a-Cup Hawks with their fifteen points and their fifteen games played. And that’s about right when you look at what they’ve lost and who they have. That’s a mediocre team with a core group of studs who will get them 95 points this year. And for the West, that’s mediocre. They’d win the East going away, because that’s all you need in the East. Five or six real good players and a goalie who won’t burp his milk more than three times a game. Turco is our bitch, but he’s competent. A .500 team in the West. One and done.
And everyone’s favorite 15 year old sixth grader lost last night too. Bubba took a late lead in Phoenix only to see it slip away, just like their lead in the Central. First place on Saturday. Last today. Who’s gonna give the Wings a run for the cheddar? Not Bubba and not Baby Brother. Nope and not the BJ’s either. The Bitter Bitch Blues, that’s who. Unless Halak goes down, then they’re back to the basement where they belong. If he stays healthy though? I’ll bet there won’t be more than 8 points of separation between us all year.
I’m wondering. Why is it that the MSM feel so dirty when admitting Pavel Datsyuk is the best player in hockey? Why do they feel the need to qualify what their brain is telling them the truth is. Confused? Wait one.
“Pound for pound, he’s (Datsyuk) the game’s most complete player.”
“Pound for pound” is a cop-out. He wants to type the truth, but he can’t. His Canadian keyboard doesn’t function that way. His fingers were poised but he couldn’t pull the trigger. “Pound for pound”? Meaning you can’t compare Sugar Ray Leonard to Ali because they were in different weight classes. We can’t wrap our heads around it. Confusing. “Pound for pound”? Wrong bitch.
Datsyuk’s the best player in hockey and everyone knows it. Who wants to admit it? Me. You. A few others, maybe 19. Even our Diggers won’t say it. He’s better than Rosby because he’s the whole package. It’s all there and it’s all working. Name a facet of the game where Datsyuk isn’t elite. Is Ovechkin an elite penalty killer? Is Rosby? How’s your backchecking today Henrik? Guess we’ll see Saturday. He’s ferocious, yet he’s level-headed. He’s gifted and tenacious. Every part of the game: even strength, down a man, along the boards, faceoffs, offense, defense. He can be elegant and he can knock your dick in the dirt. No one is more “complete” and no one is better. He’s the best in the game.
“The good thing is, as coaches, just like my wife, I have the right to change my mind. How’s that?’‘
Yeahhh. Ummm. That’s Uncle Mike. And you can pretty much cross the midget pimp off your scoresheet for tomorrow night. No way he’s in there. Not with the way the fourth line’s playing and not with the shocking resurgence of Mike Modano last night. What a surprise to see a player of his small stature and limited ability finally get off the schnide, eh? What an odd happenstance that a career mucker like Modano fired a laser like that and played as well as he did last night. Stunning.
Yep. Gonna have to sit a bit longer Happy. This team’s playing too well to mess around now. Could Babcock hold someone out for the sake of a back to back? Yep. And it could even be Modano, but I don’t think so. As long as they’re winning, the lineup stays put. And that means the back biter, the Sunday Royal Oak bar hopper, is gonna have to wait.
Enjoy your Thursday, bitches.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com