Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Welcoming Fall With The Sweet Scent Of Vomit

Well, here we go.  The season we've regretted, the season none of us wanted, the season the MSM and the bloggers, the pharmacists all claim will be "the year", is finally upon us. 

I don't think there's ever been a summer with so much discontent or the beginning of a season with so little optimism.

I have no idea what Ken Holland does for a living. Seriously.

Screw it. Time won't stop. The calendar foiled us, crept up on us. Our Season of Contempt begins tonight.   

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It's actually cute. You're sitting there waiting, knowing, anticipating a move.  You know, because he's the gold and gilded GM, that Tick Tock Kenny Holland is just moments away from bringing you the defenseman we all know we need and deserve.

Not a free agent. Justifiably, Holland didn't dip into that pool. He brought us more forwards, so that he could have the chips he needs to make that one big deal.

And it's coming. Right?


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Losing Luster Looks A Lot Like This

Steve Yzerman had just retired and was working as a member of Ken Holland's famed "management team", the group we like to point to as collective failures instead of the very individual failure Holland himself has become. Yzerman was very new to the business side and the idea of him walking from the Edmonton ice straight into the Wing GM job was not appetizing to us, or to him.

He wasn't ready and nobody knew if he ever would be. 

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Kenny, You Conditionally Failed Today

The Helm signing was ridiculous. In every way, viewing it from any angle you'd like. 

The Neilsen deal was pre-ordained. If you've read anything for three days, you knew it was coming. It's pure Holland: 32 year old. 6 years. 30 million. 

And then it got weird, even for Holland standards. 

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Even for Holland…Unreal

Holland apologists, you are on the frigging clock.  Admittedly in dire need of scoring, Tick Tock Kenny Holland, the alleged gold standard for NHL managers, has re-signed Darren Helm for five years at nearly 4 million per.

Because when you need scoring, boy, you go out and find a guy who averages 1 point every four games.

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Get Dirty, Kenny

Zero Point Zero Zero.

Yes, it's Blutarski's grade point average. Well earned, I might add. 

It's also the numbers you saw on the clock on draft day as we waited for the Wings to select at #16. No pick. Pan to Kenny. Happy. Content. Glazed. Post coital, almost. 

He'd done it and every one of us knew it. He'd shed the weight of Datsyuk's contract and that could only mean one thing: Stamkos.

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I NOW Consider THIS To Be The REAL Summer of Ken

Clearly, Ken Holland is elite. Clearly, he is a hall of famer by the most stringent of standards. Clearly, Ken Holland, no matter what he does to ignore this team in the next 45 days or so, remains our savior.

Having said all that, I'm going to say something else that no one else has said, and I'm going to say it so you can say that it was me who got it said: If that contract gets eaten our boy Tick Tock had better go.

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8 Years Ago Tonight

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Here’s Your Chance To Help Out Ken Holland

Detroit Red Wings seek a Director of Statistical Analysis and Hockey Administration at its facility in Detroit, Michigan.

Duties: Responsible for advanced statistical analysis and analytics in the areas of salary trends, contract valuations, free agent market acquisitions, trades, NHL Entry Draft, and player performance. Requirements: Master’s degree in Mathematics, Statistics or Business with concentration in Finance or Economics. 3 years of documented experience as Statistician, Financial Analyst or Mathematician. 1 year of experience playing, coaching, managing or working in hockey operations for a junior, collegiate or professional ice hockey team. 

more at indeed....

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The Chubby Cook Says That It’s NOW Too Rough To Feed Ya

On a typical day in late April, it would be fun to say, "hey, at least Chicago's in the same boat we are."

Well, it's typical in the sense that Ken Holland's Wings are on the brink of another early elimination. We're used to that.

But, if Chicago loses that means people are happy in St. Louis and that is decidedly against the laws of god, nature and hygiene.

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com


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