Abel to Yzerman
Previews of the Division That Gary Built return today with a look at our once and future rivals, the Columbus Blue Jackets. I’m no expert on the BJ’s. In fact I wasn’t even aware of their existence until late in life. But now that I’ve found them, I recognize their value. I’m sure you do as well.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it now…the better the BJ’s, the better off we all are. We, as a fan base, can only benefit from their improvement, especially if Gary Bettman plans on giving the BJ’s to us 8 times per year.
What…and you expected me to somehow mature or something? Please.
Exhibition season opens tonite in The State of Hockey and with it Mike Babcock heads into his third year of playing “Mess with the Diggers’ Heads.” If there’s a bigger lying liar than Babcock, prove it. He’s spent his first two years shaking his head in amazement as the Wing beat writers take everything he says as actual fact.
April 2006, according to my notes.
Babcock: “It may look like Hank’s back is hurting but it’s really a migraine thing that makes him walk funny, which isn’t funny, but it still isn’t a back, which would be bad because backs are a bitch.”
Khan(!): “Word for word Mike?”
Babcock: “Word for word. Every last b-word Ansar. Every one of them, all in a row just like the pretty maids on Hotel California.”
If you’re looking for contest results, check here.
According to Bruce MacLeod, tonite’s Red/White game featured lots of defense, great goaltending and another largely listless effort from Igor Grigorenko.
Although Hasek didn’t allow a goal, Howard was the best goalie in the game. Howard made several sparkling saves, including stuffing Evan McGrath on a 2-on-1 blast and on the next sequence making the best save of the game, stopping Johan Franzen from a sprawled position.
Igor Grigorenko was silent most of the game, then had a great final shift in regulation, creating three scoring opportunities on one shift.
Just as the voting had to end, so must begin the campaign to take the winner to the masses. You have selected the graphic that should have been and I’ll unveil it to you in less than twenty seconds, or however long it takes you to read the next two paragraphs. Bubba, you have six hours.
In the end, it was art over wit, talent over cynicism. For our purposes, pushing our graphic to the general public, the right choice was made.
But, man…I had my sights set on BJ’s for everyone. Now without further delay, I give you the winner of the “replace the Fire On Ice graphic because it truly resembles the work of a fourth grade girl experimenting with pastels and cute little hockey icons” contest.
Now you can learn what the players have know for years about health, fitness and training, as well as equipment from trends to manufacturers.
Send us your questions about fitness, health and equipment issues, and look for Piet and Paul to answer some of them in future issues of Inside Hockeytown and at RedWingsWorld.com.
That’s right kids!! For a mere forty dollar subscription to Red Wings World you too can speak directly to the Detroit Red Wing trainer AND equipment manager.
Just when I thought the Wing PR machine couldn’t get any more frigging pathetic.
Speaking of which, on to the Diggers.
Updated 2106 EST: Polls are closed. Aaron’s last vote for himself was the final marker. A dubious way to end an otherwise noble competition. Certainly Aaron, you must realize that a move like that is not in keeping with the level of maturity we try to cultivate around here. Hey…did you guys hear OJ said today, “I thought what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas”? Really. He actually said that. What a tool. Will have results posted NLT 2300.
It’s hard to describe the atmosphere at A2Y HQ right now. Staffers are running mindlessly around trying to tally last-minute votes. The firetrucks are posted outside. Hooters Girls are throwing tennis balls for puppies. I’m trying to maintain calm here but like the subject of this post may have led you to believe, it’s almost like just before that boat in Wonka comes to a stop after the harrowing ride through the dark tunnel when Willie catches that plump little devil picking her nose.
Three hours left. Addicted To Red has a five-vote lead. You have until 2100 (yes, 9pm EST) to let your voice be heard. Democracy rules. Transvestite Dive Fans suck. Vote now. Vote often. Entries are below. Send cheese courtesy of US Navy, Washington, DC.
Ok. The link is there, waiting for you to click. All you displaced hockey fans (or those of you just unlucky enough to have Verizon Fios instead of straight Comcast), without Center Ice for digital cable…here’s your chance.
Center Ice Online is available for order. A free trial through 9 October, 150 bucks for the season.
Who’s gonna leap first? You? I’m hesitant, but I’ll probably take the plunge later this week after I set aside a few bucks for cheddar.
Aaron Downey will beat the hell out of you, but apparently can’t hit Keith Tkachuk in the ass with a puck from four feet away. Brent Sopel can blast a puck by the best goalies in the league, but his efforts in TC showed us he’ll just as likely give it away quicker than Bubba’s sister at a family reunion. Igor Grigorenko has all sorts of talent and “hockey sense” but can’t skate for twenty seconds without pulling out the puffer.
And so it looks like Uncles Kenny and Mikey have to make a few decisions based on potential and who’s going to hurt the team the least.
0957: been on the phone for 11 minutes trying to determine whether they’ll offer Center Ice. Have spoken with 1 live person who I couldn’t understand and dealt with 17 recorded operators. None were helpful. I swore at them.
0959: On the phone with Ms. Wynn. 13th time I’ve given my phone number. “NHL…that would be hockey?. Bear with me one second please.”
1000: Tom from the Verizon Fios Solutions center doesn’t know what “the NHL” is, but he’s tracking it. Good on ya Tom.
1002: Now on the phone with Skip (really). He “doesn’t know if they’ll be offering it.”
Look. I’m not going to lie to you. I got very little sleep last night because I’m so excited about the democratic blood that is pumping through the veins of our little sarcastic home. You’ve voted early, in some cases often, and obviously with sober forethought. For that, I applaud you. Just over twelve hours remain in the competition to replace “Fire On Ice: John Hahn’s Latest Bit of Evidence That He Points At You and Laughs While He Sips Wine Coolers In The Executive Box At The Joe”.
Polls close at 2100.
About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org