Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

With A Heave And, Naturally, A Ho….We’re Trapped

I'd be interested to see who can figure out the title and why it applies to us.  The trap part will be explained shortly.  The other? Yours to decipher, Sherlock.  

When did we start naming snow storms?

Today's Edmonton game?  Trap.  Yes, we're tied with the Oilers for the coveted 8 spot in the West so a strong effort from those youngsters shouldn't be surprising.  But still...considering what the Wings did a few days ago against the flailing, choking, spewing and sputtering Blues (how's your boy Hitch now, eh? He's not so cuddly when you're losing is he?)...today's a trap.

And we've done some research you'll find interesting.

Since Gary's first work stoppage, his first opus, the Wings have played hundreds of trap games.  Now, wait.  A "trap game" is defined as follows by a sports book I found at the AM/PM lodged incorrectly but conveniently between some beer nuts and a bag of Ricola; "any time a team has won its most recently-played game against an opponent many consider to be superior, there is a great risk of emotional letdown and neurological relaxation.  Evidence of this was first discovered in 1987 on a large scale when the heavily favored Detroit Tigers lost to the Minnesota Twins in an American League Championship Series following a particularly intense three-week end to a regular season that saw Kirk Gibson turn the Toronto Blue Jays into his own personal prison bitch and play toy."  It says that, word for word. 

So, using that definition, the Wings have played 357 "trap" games.  They've lost 355.  That's just science.  I looked it up and I found those numbers and they're accurate and you create something from your ivory fuching tower if you don't believe me.

I made it up.  All of it. The definition, the number, the beer nuts. Everything,  But I do know today is a trap game and we're almost certainly going to lose.  There is no chance in a fiery Hell the Wings win this after blasting the Blues in front of their Joe Camel fans with their "Europe" concert t-shirts stained with Boone's Farm and crusted over a few times because the sock drawer was full. 

Todd Bertuzzi's out with a back injury and if you haven't seen The Following you need to because now we know how our Serial Killer has so many friends on this team.  It's a damn cult is what it is.  So he's hurt and Jimmah's back but deep down inside we see the burning ember of a _____ ______rsy.  It's what we do.

Trap game. Disaster coming.  Diasssttterrrrr coming.

Wings win 5-3.  Zetterman. Buckets (again). Kronwall. Brunnnnnnnner (2).

It's a mid-day Live Blog, bitches.  

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Comments

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MOWingsfan19's avatar

THAT was ‘hooking’?
Faux me.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 02/09/13 at 04:39 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 02/09/13 at 03:35 PM ET

You Nasty.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 02/09/13 at 04:40 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Surprise

Get in the back of the bus

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/09/13 at 04:41 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Fuch you, Jobu.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 02/09/13 at 04:41 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Anybody else having trouble with page refreshing taking a long time?

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 04:42 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

You know Shultz felt that on his shoulder

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 02/09/13 at 04:44 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

I think we broke this beyotch!

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 04:44 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 03:42 PM ET

Yes - - terrible slow

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/09/13 at 04:46 PM ET

monkey's avatar

no problems here

Posted by monkey from Finland on 02/09/13 at 04:46 PM ET

calquake's avatar

I think we broke this beyotch!

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 02/09/13 at 03:44 PM ET

I think it was the bacon and flowers remark.  I blame you Lil’ Red. smile

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 04:47 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

aw calquake, it wasn’t me…... red face

Rats 1-1

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/09/13 at 04:49 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

yeah slow as hell for me.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 02/09/13 at 04:51 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Glad someone spoke up about the slow page… I already tossed my phone once.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 02/09/13 at 04:53 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Slow for me too…...wait we aren’t talking…., oh forget it!

come on Wings!!!!!

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/09/13 at 04:54 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

My feed is buffering like every three seconds….mildly irritating

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 02/09/13 at 04:56 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Wings have thoroughly dominated this game and it’s 1-1.  Please oh hockey gods, do not abandon us.

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 04:56 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Wow, I had problems getting the site to refresh after the Oil scored.  I assume there were lots of people posting lots of expletives all at the same time?  Wings should be ahead in this game.

Ken and Paul do the “out of town scoreboard” during the breaks between periods. This season, they are playing excerpts from various games.  Could the Penguins possibly have a more obnoxious sounding play-by-play guy?  He is awful, just awful.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 02/09/13 at 05:01 PM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

Very ssslllllloooowwww.  Keep at er boys. This game can be ours with the ice continued to be tilted . Khabby is due to crack like a fiend.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 02/09/13 at 05:02 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

right off the hop

Z = determined

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/09/13 at 05:03 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

5 minute delay to load page.  Have to post everything at once.

I Nasty.

This is like the Michigan Wisconsin basketball game, not taking advantage of opportunities and leaving it up to chance, with disastrous results.

and this

fsd girl

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 05:05 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Sheeet, just what we need.  I gots a bad feelin’ aboot this one.

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 05:07 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

5 x 3.  FML.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 05:07 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

JIMMAH and the WINGS!!!!!  Come on we need another goal, or two, please hockey gods or whoever…..

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/09/13 at 05:09 PM ET

calquake's avatar

I gots a bad feelin’ aboot this one.

Nope… it was just indigestion.

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 05:10 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Joakim just creamed somebody on the boards on that PK

timely PK

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 05:11 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Can we please spend a little time on the other end of the rink?

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 02/09/13 at 05:12 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Kronner… Yes!

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 05:13 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Hammered that sunuvabitch.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 02/09/13 at 05:13 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

An extended 5x3 PK PLUS a PP goal, what the H is happening?

omg do we need these 2 points !

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 05:14 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

WOO HOO - Kronner PP GOAL   2-1

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/09/13 at 05:14 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Back to no secondary or thirdendary scoring.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 02/09/13 at 05:16 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

KRONNER! YES!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 02/09/13 at 05:16 PM ET

calquake's avatar

An extended 5x3 PK PLUS a PP goal, what the H is happening?

And all of a sudden the page is refreshing in a timely manner.  Thank you hockey gods.

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 05:17 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

just as a filler during the break, one of my cats has a bunged up anus with about a silver dollar sized clump of dried cat feces.  I’m going to have to go at and clear the thing out so the poor boy can poop.  I’m drinking excessively now so I won’t be sickened.

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 05:17 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Sup bitches?  I see we have a lead.  Shots are on me.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 02/09/13 at 05:18 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

AHHHHHHHH so close…........................................

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 02/09/13 at 05:18 PM ET

calquake's avatar

I’m drinking excessively now

What’s your excuse for later?

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 05:19 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

I’d just take the cat outback and shoot it before I’d clean a bunged up touch hole.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 02/09/13 at 05:19 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

What’s your excuse for later?

Posted by calquake on 02/09/13 at 04:19 PM ET

Herpes?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 02/09/13 at 05:20 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

I’ll take pictures if anyone wants.

It’s not clean like George’s.
george anus

Posted by RWBill from cruising Brush Street with creepy Rob Lowe. on 02/09/13 at 05:20 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com