Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

The Summer of Ken: 2013

This is hilarious.

There is no way on God’s green earth that all three of those players will be in the Wings lineup in two years. The Wings don’t work that way.

That's Mandingo, last night, responding to another bit of prescient prose from lead Digger, Helene St. James-Holland. And he's right. It's hilarious.

Here's what HSJ-H said after her benefactor, Ken Holland, directed her to.

The Wings also have to consider that in another year, they likely will be adding three talented forwards from their system in Tomas Jurco, Riley Sheahan and Landon Ferraro.

She wrote that. I didn't make it up. George even posted it and George doesn't dabble in speculation. I do. It's my thing.

LeCavaliar will probably end up in Dallas (said Holland as translated by HSJ-H).

The Wings will likely be adding three talented forwards...(but not any UFAs or anyone via trade because we like our team, we like our system, we like our approach, we like every fuching thing there is to like about our situation because we're the Detroit Red Wings and what's not to like, Helene? What? Write that down, but not like that, go ahead and say that Jurco, Ray's kid and that wrong-way driving Teletubby will be coming up in a year and we'll be all set. All. Set. Get all that?)

Do you have to literally believe what you write anymore? Is there a requirement to have a shred of conviction? She really, without attributing anything, said those three will likely be Wings in "another year".  If Jurco, Ferraro and Sheahan are up in a year we're all in rehab.

So, Vinnie goes to Philly (one of our new rivals, while you're bullshitting) for 4.5 and 4 and a NTC.  I guess his pace (new term Kenny told the Diggers to use so that they don't have to write he's too slow) wasn't what the Wings were looking for.  Ok. It was a "hockey decision", I'm sure. Not a financial one, or one based on the now highly effective approach that free agents will come to Detroit for less money and less term because of the...what? Yeah, I can't answer it either.

And Stephen Weiss now?  Khan(!), who used to be Deep Digger captain but absolutely must be replaced by St. James-Holland because baby Jesus says so...Khan(!) said Weiss used to be called...

“Weisserman'' because of his similarities to former Red Wings captain Steve Yzerman.

That's gonna go over real well.

30 years old. A midget like Happy. Good faceoff guy. Blah, bluh, blah.  I'd like him. I said that and even typed it.  But here's what's gonna happen:  Wally's gone. Off to some place like Winnipeg for 5.5. Never to be heard from again, kind of like most of the last two seasons in Detroit.  Weiss will sign with, I don't know, Buffalo. Too steep, according to a poll of JLA employees. Tires kicked. Discussions had. Vote taken. Negative. Not Kenny's fault. We like our team.

But here's the thing.  We kinda do.  We liked them in May and we still do.  We like the D, even though I'd be tempted to keep ColiacoWTF.  Without him, we're thin and nobody's coming up. We like the forwards, especially...(you fill it in and use the Helm word). 

We like them, but we're tired of the patter.  Just because Kenny likes this team doesn't mean it can't be dramatically improved.  But it won't be. Because it's not the Winged Way anymore.  It just isn't. They're not going to spend. Risks are not allowed. Apple carts must absolutely remain untipped. 

And so Friday another SOK will begin and end in a span of 72 hours.  Remember...we called. Talked to a lot of people, a lot of teams. A lot of agents. The money wasn't right and when it comes right down to it, when you consider Sammy's gonna be good by October and Bert's back to his old self and Helmer's gonna be back and, shit, Tatar is right on the cusp, plus DON'T FORGET DEKEYSER.  In the long run, we just decided we like this team. Always have.

Holes to fill. Money to spend. Hands to sit on. 

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com