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Abel to Yzerman

That Is One Grand Ass

1000’s a nice round number.  A hefty ditty to point to for anyone, really.  But when you consider the abuse that’s accompanied all 1000 games Tomas Holmstrom’s played in a Red Wing uniform, it’s astounding.

Our boy Homer was, to beckon Bullet Bob, a little too tall and he could have used a few pounds when he first came up.  He couldn’t skate, couldn’t shoot, definitely couldn’t play a lick of defense.  But he had something and the greatest hockey mind in the history of the greatest game ever ruined by a leather-clad ball in the mouth dwarf saw it.  Oh, we’ve read and we assume how badly Scott Bowman tormented our linguistically challenged mucker.  But none of us will really ever know because to guess what went on in either of those minds, or in that room is just silly.  We’ll never know.

So we’ve only been able to judge Homer by what we’ve seen.  And we’ve seen plenty.  We’ve seen enough to know that 1000 is a paltry number when you consider that in each one of those games he’s taken at least twenty chops to the shins, twenty more to the calves, twenty to the lower back and more than a few to the bad places, just on the power play alone.  And that’s all we’re gonna say about the power play right now.

We know he’s been targeted by the likes of a Sasquatch physics major, a sociopathic freak show in Dallas who allegedly offered Homer 1 Billion dollars to just please for the sake of Christ get that ass out of his face for one single solitary minute. And when it was clear to Psycho Ed Belfour that the ass wasn’t going anywhere, he’d wait for that perfect moment.  Stick in place, hovering, waiting. Then a ferocious lift to a Swedish sack.  But no matter how many times Belfour went Swedish yam hunting, there was Homer. Right back in front, Ass in place. 

Overrated dicks like Derian Hatcher and Hal Gill and Adam Foote slashed every bit of him. Butchered him. Blasted him. And simply couldn’t move him because Homer’s just too damn stubborn. Not only does he possess a magnificent ass, the ass of asses, a piece of Swedish ass millions would kill for. But he’s also…an ass.  A stubborn donkey of a son of a bitch who’s refused to yield for 1000 games.

Somebody’s out there. One of you maybe. Someone’s counted them…the number of goals Gary Bettman has stolen from the Red Wings because Tomas Holmstrom wears Red and White.  Hundreds.  Replays haven’t been kind to Toby Tyler, boy commish, over the years.  The replays have continued to exonerate our Swedish Ass.  His skates have been clear of the blue so many times that the frustration on our part has turned to seething resignation.  Screwing Homer has been a Bettman-mandated pastime for officials for so long that it’s just accepted.  But there he stayed.  Just outside the blue stuff, tempting fate every shift. 

And you’d think at some point, at game 6 or 7 or 8 hundred, somebody would have pulled that bastard aside and said enough’s enough Homer. Enough of the abuse.  Enough wood to the back, the calves, the ankles, nuts and shins.  Rest easy big fella.  Well, if anyone said it Homer wasn’t listening or, more likely, he just didn’t understand what the Hell they were saying. 

There’s no way anyone in hockey history has taken the amount and the ferocity of abuse Tomas Holmstrom has.  But, out he came, almost every game, every fourth shift, playing for the most magnificent pro sports team in the world.

By my estimation, we’ve live blogged about 600 games that featured the greatest Ass in Red Wing history.  Sorry Karen, but it’s true. 

And tonite’s 1000.  An amazing accomplishment for any man.  A frigging miracle when you consider the toll each game has taken on his body.

Here’s to Homer.  It’s a Live Blog, bitches.

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Comments

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Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

So has JMac earned a shot at being a bonafied backup for the Wings?  Or do they still look for a backup before the deadline?

Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 02/10/12 at 10:28 PM ET

Who knows what goes on in the mind of Tick-Tock? I know one thing for sure, the Conk is Conked out as far as I am concerned.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/11/12 at 01:31 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

One huge positive to take from this game—they won it with the PK.  7 for 7.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 10:29 PM ET

I guess that means I am going with half full.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 02/11/12 at 01:33 AM ET

calquake's avatar

No way the Wings win on Sunday with this kind of effort against the Flyers.

Posted by calquake on 02/11/12 at 01:33 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Not sure about roster limits in playoffs, pretty much open.  Carry Conk on the roster but he’ll never dress.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 02/11/12 at 01:34 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

So has JMac earned a shot at being a bonafied backup for the Wings?

Heh…ya think so?

Let’s ask Garth…

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 02/11/12 at 01:36 AM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

19 In a row bitches. 24 to 100 for the umteenth time.Will need a much better effort against Philly Sunday. Backup. goalie solved.Must find a sniper and some heart for the tin man Wings.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 02/11/12 at 01:37 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Carry Conk on the roster but he’ll never dress.

Posted by RWBill from the Land of 12 in 12. on 02/10/12 at 10:34 PM ET

He was undressed once or twice the last time he played.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/11/12 at 01:38 AM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

G’night you rascallions.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 02/11/12 at 01:39 AM ET

TheRealYooper's avatar

scoring change on the red wing goal.

  Justin Abdelkader (6) Wrist - ASST: J. Kindl (9) AND D. Miller (9)

Posted by TheRealYooper from within sight of the edge of the Earth. on 02/11/12 at 01:45 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

He was undressed once or twice the last time he played.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 02/10/12 at 10:38 PM ET

Zing!  And on the money.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 02/11/12 at 01:46 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Who to root for here? Hawks coming apart to the Sharts…but naturally…the Sharts have had a few PPs…

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 02/11/12 at 02:32 AM ET

Sullyosis's avatar

Good game kids. Had to listen to the 97.1 feed for the first half of the first period and uggghhhh, love you Drapes but don’t quit your day job. Did laugh later on though when he said of Homer “He’s the only guy in the league, I think, who’s English has gotten progressively worse since he came over.” I loved that.

Joey with an absolutely amazing game. Second star only because we know we can’t afford to let Durdy Bert get into one of those “I seemed to have misplaced my confidence, my ski mask, and my piano wire” kind of moods.

Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 02/11/12 at 03:23 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Just finished watching the game, way to grind out a win.  Sure wasn’t pretty.  Just figures too, puck daddy ran an article today about goal scoring droughts, and Perros was number one on their list.  So we know who we can blame for his goal.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 02/11/12 at 03:45 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Just caught up to the LB, 19.

I’m pissed I missed an EPIC peanut-butter-and-jelly time in the LB.  The first place Wranglers lose an ugly 2-1 game to last place Bakersfield.  They looked a lot like the Wings:  playing down to their opponents.

Anyway, sounded like a frustrating game yet again and JMac’s tracking that shit and solidifying the backup role behind Jimmah.  Didn’t like that it was decided in a SO but two points is two points and we put some serious real estate between us and the Cawks. 

19 in a row at home.  Flyers on Sunday.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 02/11/12 at 04:50 AM ET

Avatar

The Wings should hang a BLUE banner for the blue collar lunch box crew:

Led by Draper
Kocur
Probert
McCarty
Maltby
Ciccarelli?
Lapointe?

Posted by bobafett from Las Vegas on 02/11/12 at 05:27 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Lapointe can go scratch.

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 02/11/12 at 05:32 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Just read your post, Master Chief.  Great one.  A keeper, for sure.  Thanks.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 02/11/12 at 12:05 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

Just for shits and giggles, here are DET’s numbers today and last year at end of regular season:

Now - ‘10-‘11

Point%  .679(2)  -  .634(6)
G/G:    3.05(6)  -  3.13(2)
GA/G:    2.34(6)  -  2.89(23)
5-5F/A:  1.54(1)  -  1.02(15)
PP%:    17.2(17) - 22.3(5)
PK%:    80.9(22) - 82.3%(17)
S/G:    32.9(4)  -  33.6(2)
SA/G:    27.0(3)  -  30.7(16)
FO%:    51.6(7)  -  51.9(3)

Goal Differential,  Now = +0.71,  ‘10-‘11 = +0.24

Note the even strength scoring difference,  1.54 vs 1.02, a credit to vastly improved team defense.

I won’t mention the special teams deficit.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 02/11/12 at 12:12 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Oh no look at what little brother has been doing… tsk tsk this is the Central division, you must be getting points every game you play young man…

Posted by pgoody on 02/11/12 at 02:31 PM ET

monkey's avatar

Tomas Holmstrom is the 48th player to reach 1000 games played with one club, and the sixth with Detroit. 

The Red Wings are the only franchise to have six different players reach the milestone.

Only five players have ever played in 1500 games with one club; four of those played for Detroit (Howe, Lidstrom, Delvecchio, and Yzerman.  The other is Ray Bourque of the Bruins).  Lidstrom, Delvecchio, and Yzerman have never played for any other franchise.

Martin Brodeur is the only goalie to play in over 1000 games with one club.

Breakdown by club of number of players with more than 1000 games played with the franchise:
Detroit, six
Maple Leafs and Canadiens, five each
Bruins and Blackhawks, four
Devils and Rangers, three
Sabres, Kings, Islanders, Senators, and Coyotes/1979 Jets, two
Flames, Hurricanes/Whalers, Avalanche/Nordiques, Stars, Oilers, Flyers, Sharks, Canucks, one

By their own count, the Avalanche would not put themselves on the list as they refuse to recognize their Canadian ancestry.

Notable zeros: Pittsburgh Penguins, St. Louis Blues

I have seen some articles that say Holmstrom is the 272nd player to play in 1000 NHL games, and the 47th to do it with one club.  Both these numbers are wrong because they don’t count goalies.  274 players have reached 1000 NHL games, 48 with one club.

When Nicklas Lidstrom plays in tonight’s game, he will set a new single franchise record of games played at 1,550 (career spent with one club).  That would be an all time record on any other franchise, in most cases by a lot, but not Detroit.  He’s still a distant second on the Red Wings for most games played.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 02/12/12 at 01:04 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com