Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Strange…Are Those The Lights of Whitefish Bay?

The other day I made mention of the fact that Ryan Getzlaf hasn't won a faceoff since 2009.   That's just a fact, and I can cite the references if you need me to get all redolent on you.  I also said he'd been ineffective.  That, right there, was dumb and stays dumb today.  He's been highly dangerous, a wicked man with a stupid long face and horrible hair.

But...

...while he's been a threat to score on almost every shift, he's remained a little bitch.  Late in the third last night, not like "hand me that shot of kerosene, they gave up another third period lead" late, but still pretty late...he skated back to his bench and was exchanging words with a serial killer.  Getzlaf said something. Bertuzzi said something. Brian Engblom looked down at his tummy and got nervous.  Bertuzzi said something else and then Getzlaf got really mad, closed his little hand into a fist with his big glove, reared back and punched the glass. Once.  Then he got madder and decided he'd had enough so, by god, he punched that glass again.  Engblom wet his pants and Todd Bertuzzi just stared and imagined waterboarding Getzlaf while the stirring sounds of Walter Egan's "Magnet and Steel" played in the background.

video added at 11:28am (Paul)

 

If Anaheim had won last night, Getzlaf and Corey Perry would have shared a very small hot tub after the game and Bruce Boudreau would have served them both bowls of Kashi cereal.  As he alternated placing spoonfuls of the vegan delight into the delicate mouths of his two bitch stars, Perry would have been laughing about the fact that he blatantly tripped former Dive Kyle Quincey before Bobbie Ryan's game-tying, liver-crushing goal.  He knew it. I saw it. You saw it.  Everyone saw it, except for...

Kyle Quincey, working behind Detroit's net, either tripped on Corey Perry's foot or the post.

 

That's Mark Whicker, from the Orange County Register.

It's almost beyond belief that anyone could literally type those words in that order and form a sentence that comes out so stupid like that one does even if the grammar is mostly right.  It's just so...dumb.  

Perry tripped Quincey, with his stick, which is the single most important thing he's done with his stick the entire series.  And then Perry started talking, and Getzlaf kept talking and neither one of them seemed to know how to stop.  Both of them talking to the Wings at the same time, any Wing they could find. Brian Engblom chiming in asking if they were all going to eat at Sizzler, because Getzlaf had said they were gonna eat at Sizzler if they won this game.

But they didn't win.  Hank Zetterberg did, and he didn't say a word.  Datsyuk said nothing after his ridiculous goal.  Abelkader hasn't said a word since Shanny suspended him.  Zetterberg said even less after his first goal.  They, the Wings, don't "yap". It's not in their nature.  It's definitely in Getzlaf's, and it defines Perry's.  They talk. A lot.  And then they lose.  And Bertuzzi just stares and imagines pleasant things.

Chicago is going to be rested.  The next round is just...if we get there, we can discuss it but the odds will be so steep.

For now? I just really want to see a handshake line. I want to see Getzlaf and Perry silently shuffling as a dark shadow approaches them, a toothless killer, a bearded, brooding, bastard of a killer, gets closer and closer.  

Round 2 is round 2.  All I want now, baby Jesus, is some sadness. Deep regret. I want to see those two mouthy teenage girls get what's coming to them.  They never should have talked like that.  Because that kind of talk comes back around. 

Shut 'em up Wings.

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Comments

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Rdwings28's avatar

the more i look at this pic, the more stunning it gets

http://video.nhl.com/videocenter/console?catid=35&id=247695&lang=en  ” alt=””  />

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:00 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Jesus Lashoff,  Good Morning Command Master Chief !

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:01 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:01 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Getzlaf walks into a bar.  Bartender says, “Hey Buddy, why the long face?”

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:02 AM ET

w2j2's avatar

Beautiful! 
Chief, that post is just magnificent!
...Like a Beethoven Symphony.

Kashi cereal ... hahahaha!

You have made my day!

grin

Posted by w2j2 on 05/11/13 at 11:03 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

one more try

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:04 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:05 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

finally, got it. stunning photo

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:06 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Very epic, Chief. 

I once bought a box of Kashi cereal.  I just should have gone to the back yard and picked up some twigs and pine cones.  My sister in law and brother visited a week or so later on the way to some ocean front RV campground in some state south of here.  She asked if she could try some and I said “Please, take it with you.”

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:08 AM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Engblom wet his pants and Todd Bertuzzi just stared and imagined waterboarding Getzlaf while the stirring sounds of Walter Egan’s “Magnet and Steel” played in the background.

That’s both poetic and disturbingly sick. In other words, the usual brilliance we come here for in order to fill our souls and to forget the way our stomachs seem to be tied in a knot and lodged firmly in our throats.

Waterboarding and “Magnet and Steel”? Seriously. Who the fuch thinks of things like that?  big surprise

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 05/11/13 at 11:12 AM ET

Avatar

As he alternated placing spoonfuls of the vegan delight into the delicate mouths of his two bitch stars, Perry would have been laughing about the fact that he blatantly tripped former Dive Kyle Quincey before Bobbie Ryan’s game-tying, liver-crushing goal.  He knew it. I saw it. You saw it.  Everyone saw it, except for…

Welcome to the wonderful world of Angel Hernandez. Oops I mean Brad Watson. BTW the Ducks are already whining about not getting any power plays so it will be a frickin’ miracle if the Wings get a single power play in game seven.

Hank Zetterberg did, and he didn’t say a word.  Datsyuk said nothing after his ridiculous goal.  Abelkader hasn’t said a word since Shanny suspended him.  Zetterberg said even less after his first goal.  They, the Wings, don’t “yap”. It’s not in their nature

A thousand times this^^^

Posted by From The Hockey Wastelands from Cleveland on 05/11/13 at 11:12 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

That was a pretty graphic imagine in my head now, that didn’t exist before, of The Mean Girls and Budreaux.. uggghh.. I don’t know if you mentioned it before but for some reason Bruce has on his banana hammock.????

You wanna see what “Just get it done” means?  Look at Z, over-time, game 6, 2013. That’s the epitome, as Mr. Leahy would say.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/11/13 at 11:18 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

imagine=image.

Shake’n'bake.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/11/13 at 11:19 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

I took these with my phone camera last night, whore-style, not fancy shmancy screen capture of some sort because I couldn’t find a game replay on line last night.

I thought, who in the Hell besides me would want to see these anyway?

Looks like Getzlaf is going after the equipment manager, and not one of the players, because, after all, he’s a big bitch.

But he retreats quickly when Bertuzzi stands up.

Perry is saying to himself, maybe if I keep my head down no one will notice me or bother me, just like when I was on the elementary school bus.

Seriously looks like Bert is going to eat Getzlaf if he doesn’t STFU.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:25 AM ET

Paul's avatar

I added video of Getzlaf/Bertuzzi to the post.

Posted by Paul from Motown Area on 05/11/13 at 11:30 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:05 AM ET

That is an impressive frozen in time instant, three sticks on the ice around Datsyuk and a guy with a big glove in the way.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:30 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

Thanks Paul.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:31 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

One of the videos that comes up after Paul’s video plays, above is this one, showing Detroit going to the net front for all their goals.  It does a better job than my pictures.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0d9GxOrckE&feature=player_embedded

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 11:37 AM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

“They never should have talked like that.”

Chief, wordsmith. quote of the day. sweeeeeet

Posted by Rdwings28 on 05/11/13 at 11:45 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Earlier this season before the ducks mortgaged their future away by signing the Olsen twins to huge contracts, some of you wanted to sign them one or the other as a UFA. I can’t believe any of the 19 would want either of these douche bags on the Wings no matter how talented they are. I don’t care if the Wings get swept in four shutouts by the hawks. Just send these two to the golf course on Sunday.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 05/11/13 at 11:55 AM ET

Alan's avatar

That was a pretty graphic imagine in my head now, that didn’t exist before, of The Mean Girls and Budreaux.. uggghh.

The only Image I allowed in my head was of Boudreau in his finest Butler tux, carrying bowls of cereal out of the kitchen.

I laughed, long and hard.

Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 05/11/13 at 11:58 AM ET

Bent's avatar

The ducks were HANDED the tying goal.  It is as plain as Angel Hernandez’s missed call the other day.  I really can’t believe there isn’t more talk about it.  Anaheim has no right to gripe about the lack of penalties, as the game never should have gone to OT.  Not only that, but I saw them get away with so much more that should have been called.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 05/11/13 at 11:58 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Even the ducks announcers thought that was a blatant trip that led to their game-tying goal

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 05/11/13 at 12:05 PM ET

redxblack's avatar

GetzLaughs is a petulant bitch. Perry is a temperamental bitch with anger management issues. Bobby Ryan plays hockey.

That’s some top line, Anaheim.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 05/11/13 at 12:22 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

If I could make an 8 or 10 frame .gif this would show Perry’s trip of Quincey was pretty blatant, deliberate, and effective.  But I can’t.  In the second pic you can see the bend in Perry’s stick as the weight of Quincey trips over it.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/11/13 at 12:31 PM ET

Avatar

Good one RwBill you can see the bend of his stick from the force of the trip. Either way Detroit won

I’m pretty confident the Wings juat like to torture us. They aren’t going to make the playoffs…  Oh wait longest winning streak of the year. They blow a 4-1 lead…  Wait overtime goal 2 minutes in. They blow a 3-1 lead (one of them being a beautiful pass from Fil to the wrong team when he was pretty much in open ice)  then the captain punches it in the net 2 minutes into OT.

I see them blowing a 5-1 lead and winning in triple overtime in game 7 just so we can bite off what’s left of our nails.

Posted by neffernin on 05/11/13 at 12:54 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

One things for sure, we will go from almost no penalties called to a penalty infested whoreshack come Sunday night. Consistency at its finest.

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 05/11/13 at 01:01 PM ET

SYF's avatar

One things for sure, we will go from almost no penalties called to a penalty infested whoreshack come Sunday night. Consistency at its finest.

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 05/11/13 at 01:01 PM ET

I warned you guys:  Watson and Joannette.  No more comment ‘bout those two boneheads.  Wait…we might get Walkdum and L’Ecuyer for Game Seven.

The-fuch-ever.  Bring on Game Seven.  I don’t think we’ve even seen the best of the Wings, yet.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 05/11/13 at 01:09 PM ET

Tony Perkis's avatar

Hilarious. Love Bert. Was hoping someone would post that. Thanks. My one friend was busting my balls yesterday that Zett needed to step it up and he sure did. I let him have it, dumb Devils fan.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 05/11/13 at 01:31 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

Hey bitches. I was rocking a Wings jersey at a birthday party last night, watching the game on Gamecenter. I kept it cool until the last period, then just isolated myself on a corner in the end.

So, Howard is fantastic, we should never doubt Zetterberg, and Filppula can shove his new contract up his ass. What else?

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 05/11/13 at 01:42 PM ET

Tony Perkis's avatar

Guilherme

I say get a guy like Clarkson instead of Cleary, but I’m no pharmacist.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 05/11/13 at 01:45 PM ET

Tony Perkis's avatar

Also, never thought I’d say I’d want to be Engblom, but I would love to hear what big Bert actually said to that balding bitch who gets tough with guys like Zett and Dats.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 05/11/13 at 01:49 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Also, never thought I’d say I’d want to be Engblom, but I would love to hear what big Bert actually said to that balding bitch who gets tough with guys like Zett and Dats.

Posted by Tony Perkis from Out in the West Texas town of El Paso on 05/11/13 at 01:49

I don’t know, but I know what Mickey, Joey, and Bob P. would’ve done.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 05/11/13 at 01:55 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Filppula can shove his new contract up his ass. What else?

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 05/11/13 at 01:42 PM ET

Uh…Fils can shove his new contract up his ass sideways?

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 05/11/13 at 01:57 PM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

Beautiful post, Chief. Big Bert is more important on this team than most fans will know. He’s the only guy in our lineup that actually intimidates. He scares people

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 05/11/13 at 02:00 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

God I love this team

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 05/11/13 at 02:02 PM ET

monkey's avatar

by IwoCPO on 05/11/13 at 10:41 AM ET

Jesus, Bill, if ever one of your posts was going to make me piss my pants this would be the one.  A very small hot tub, Kashi cereal, Sizzler, Brian Engblom wetting himself…  it just keeps rolling and rolling and rolling.

Sizzler has got to be the best of them though.  I can actually see that: Brian Engblom getting all antsy, saying “Hey you guys still going to Sizzler?” and Getzlaf getting all high schooly bully pissy, saying “*#$%@& you, man” and storming off.

Posted by monkey from Finland on 05/11/13 at 02:04 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

I see them blowing a 5-1 lead and winning in triple overtime in game 7 just so we can bite off what’s left of our nails.

Posted by neffernin on 05/11/13 at 12:54 PM ET

I will flood the LB with fuchs

Posted by pgoody on 05/11/13 at 02:22 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Chief, I’ll be thinking and chuckling about this post for a long time.  Epic. 

Shut ‘em up Wings.

This is all I want in the world right now.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/11/13 at 02:52 PM ET

scotts0's avatar

Umm yeah, I couldn’t tell in real time, but those pictures sure make it look like Mr. Burns is going at it with the equipment guy. Pretty funny, go at it with a guy not on the ice.

And I’ll echo what I’ve been echoing to everyone I know all series…what the fvck is wrong with Perry’s face? He looks like an altar boy who had one too many private confessions with his priest growing up. Every time I see his face I just want to punch it, and I know he wouldn’t fight back because he’s a little bitch who talks, runs and hides.

Posted by scotts0 from New York on 05/11/13 at 02:54 PM ET

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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com