Abel to Yzerman
by IwoCPO on 05/11/13 at 10:41 AM ET
The other day I made mention of the fact that Ryan Getzlaf hasn't won a faceoff since 2009. That's just a fact, and I can cite the references if you need me to get all redolent on you. I also said he'd been ineffective. That, right there, was dumb and stays dumb today. He's been highly dangerous, a wicked man with a stupid long face and horrible hair.
...while he's been a threat to score on almost every shift, he's remained a little bitch. Late in the third last night, not like "hand me that shot of kerosene, they gave up another third period lead" late, but still pretty late...he skated back to his bench and was exchanging words with a serial killer. Getzlaf said something. Bertuzzi said something. Brian Engblom looked down at his tummy and got nervous. Bertuzzi said something else and then Getzlaf got really mad, closed his little hand into a fist with his big glove, reared back and punched the glass. Once. Then he got madder and decided he'd had enough so, by god, he punched that glass again. Engblom wet his pants and Todd Bertuzzi just stared and imagined waterboarding Getzlaf while the stirring sounds of Walter Egan's "Magnet and Steel" played in the background.
video added at 11:28am (Paul)
If Anaheim had won last night, Getzlaf and Corey Perry would have shared a very small hot tub after the game and Bruce Boudreau would have served them both bowls of Kashi cereal. As he alternated placing spoonfuls of the vegan delight into the delicate mouths of his two bitch stars, Perry would have been laughing about the fact that he blatantly tripped former Dive Kyle Quincey before Bobbie Ryan's game-tying, liver-crushing goal. He knew it. I saw it. You saw it. Everyone saw it, except for...
Kyle Quincey, working behind Detroit's net, either tripped on Corey Perry's foot or the post.
That's Mark Whicker, from the Orange County Register.
It's almost beyond belief that anyone could literally type those words in that order and form a sentence that comes out so stupid like that one does even if the grammar is mostly right. It's just so...dumb.
Perry tripped Quincey, with his stick, which is the single most important thing he's done with his stick the entire series. And then Perry started talking, and Getzlaf kept talking and neither one of them seemed to know how to stop. Both of them talking to the Wings at the same time, any Wing they could find. Brian Engblom chiming in asking if they were all going to eat at Sizzler, because Getzlaf had said they were gonna eat at Sizzler if they won this game.
But they didn't win. Hank Zetterberg did, and he didn't say a word. Datsyuk said nothing after his ridiculous goal. Abelkader hasn't said a word since Shanny suspended him. Zetterberg said even less after his first goal. They, the Wings, don't "yap". It's not in their nature. It's definitely in Getzlaf's, and it defines Perry's. They talk. A lot. And then they lose. And Bertuzzi just stares and imagines pleasant things.
Chicago is going to be rested. The next round is just...if we get there, we can discuss it but the odds will be so steep.
For now? I just really want to see a handshake line. I want to see Getzlaf and Perry silently shuffling as a dark shadow approaches them, a toothless killer, a bearded, brooding, bastard of a killer, gets closer and closer.
Round 2 is round 2. All I want now, baby Jesus, is some sadness. Deep regret. I want to see those two mouthy teenage girls get what's coming to them. They never should have talked like that. Because that kind of talk comes back around.
Shut 'em up Wings.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: firstname.lastname@example.org