Abel to Yzerman
Regarding Alfred Hitchcock And A Knife To The Heart
by VooX on 06/13/10 at 03:30 PM ET
Comments (334)
I tried to watch hockey since the Wings were eliminated but I couldn’t. I couldn’t stomach it. I tried to post here several times and started, but couldn’t finish. It hurt too much.
You see, while I typically take a week or so to watch hockey once the Wings are eliminated, this year was different. I knew what was going to happen and it did. Steve Yzerman left the Red Wings. Even typing those words makes me gag and turn my head from the screen in disgust. Literally.
Yzerman’s departure has been more disturbing to me than I thought possible. Even though this is for the best and I know Stevie is the prodigal son who will return later, losing The Captain has been a knife to my heart.
So forgive me, 19, I can’t talk or think about hockey yet. I can’t even read your comments about the end of the season, the return of Happy Days, Lidstrom re-signing, Holland and Nill being locked up long-term, any of it. Not yet.
While I recover, allow me to share this non-hockey anecdote with you instead.
When I was on a beach as a kid, I used to mimic a seagull’s food call to get them to swarm sunbathers. It was hysterical and I did it for years to torment strangers on a beach.
Karma is a bitch, bitches. I was reminded of that earlier this week.
I was sitting on a large hill in a park eating a burger and fries. When a seagull landed a few feet behind me, I quickly turned to scare it away. Too late. The bird let out a short food call.
I put my burger down and tried to chase the seagull off. After all, we humans are the “alpha species” and no damned bird is going to ruin my lunch. The seagull moved just out of my reach. I pursued, it moved, I pursued, it moved. Always just out of reach. Suspicious, I looked behind me and saw another seagull land beside my lunch. The first seagull was baiting me while the accomplice was about to feast. I was outwitted by bird brains. FML.
Trying to re-assert my “alpha species” status, I ran back towards my lunch and scared the seagull off just before it stole a french fry. No damned bird was going to get a free lunch on my watch.
Then the seagulls fought back. If anyone was going to be chased away from my food, it was going to be me.
There were now six wretched gulls flying slowly 15-20 feet above my head in all directions. Wherever I faced, a seagull behind my head would dive down to attack me. I’d turn, it would retreat upwards and another would attack from behind. Over and over and over again. As more seagulls came to join the onslaught, I grabbed my food and climbed the hill out of the park to safety.
Alfred Hitchcock was right, a flock of birds can seriously fuch us up if they decide to. Except for penguins. Their lack of external genitalia means they are essentially pussies.
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Comments
Hey bitches. Just checking in. I’m glad the Flyers lost. I also finished second in the NHL playoff challenge in the A2Y group. My user name was Twelve.
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 06/13/10 at 03:47 PM ET
Many “THANKS(!)” to everyone for the well wishes.
I really appreciate it
And Peyton, mom & dad (and grandpa) continue to do very well.
(Don’t mean to clutter our hockey blog with personal stuff, but I figured with my first grandchild arriving the day after the end of one horrible season, I would kick-off the next one with something new and hopeful. L.G.R.W.)
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 06/13/10 at 04:08 PM ET
Yay, a post! I feel you pain, Bartender, me too stayed away from the season for a while (which means I was away from A2Y, since you damn people kept taling about the rest of the playoffs). At least one of our Captains will be with us (before the Official one comes back).
If anyone was away from the last post too, and is just reading this one: I love you guys.
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 06/13/10 at 04:29 PM ET
Just checking in and WOW…..
Absolutely Adorable, Welcome Peyton! Congratulations Stonehands (Grandpa)!!!
Thank God everyone doing well!
Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 06/13/10 at 05:31 PM ET
Don’t worry about it - it isn’t every day that you become a Grandpa, and it isn’t as though there is much hockey stuff going on.
You’re lucky, those were probably ring-billed gulls - get a dive-bomb attack from a herring gull and you’d have a cut scalp, even right through a hat (voice of experience).
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 06/13/10 at 06:09 PM ET
I got attacked by a bea gull once, bit me hard on the ankle.
Looked just like Snoopy.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 06/13/10 at 07:11 PM ET
I just KNEW there would be a post here today. But ya never know, I always thought my dad was coming back home, and it’s been 45 years:-)
I was so underwhelmed by the rest of the playoffs, I actually fell asleep with 5 minutes to go in Game 6 of the Cup Finals. I never did tune in to later watch the ceremonies, but I suppose Hossa was glad to get that 450 lb. gorilla off his back. Good for him, I suppose.
And it’s always interesting to see a ho-hum player light it up in the playoffs after a mid-season trade. That Leino trade is gonna sting for awhile, but good for him.
After we were out, there was one Friday night I turned off a game in progress and drove 10 miles to see banjo and fiddle music. Yes, really.
My world is now sports free until college football kicks off, unless I go see a minor league baseball game.
Posted by dougie on 06/13/10 at 07:26 PM ET
Hiya 19, I was just reflecting on how I missed you guys.
I’m over the loss, and ready for BBQ.
Oddly enough I’ve started to become attacked by birds more frequently myself; a couple of weeks ago by some crows that thought I had run over one of its brethren, and another time by a flock of wild parrots up on Nob Hill in SF who thought I was attacking one of their nests. I just wanted me some tasty tasty parrot eggs… Anyhow someone should keep an eye on this bird thing.
Stonehands - awesome man, so happy for you, you definitely deserve such great news.
Where’s the chief? After seeing his lack of twitter and KK posts after the loss, I fear for his life. Someone should drive by and make sure he hasn’t holed himself up with a palette of whiskey and a gun.
Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 06/13/10 at 08:01 PM ET
I was less than enthused about the rest of the playoffs myself,
But I found it funny that the Blackhawks got very little national attention about their Cup win. Didn’t see it on MSN’s homepage, saw a couple TV shows that covered sports but never mentioned Chicago (tennis matches, the World Cup, and a little league team in southern Arkansas were covered extensively however). I had to check NHL.com just to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.
And don’t forget the fans chanting “Detroit Sucks” during their celebration…good to see the inferiority complex in full swing even with the Stanley Cup in their possession.
Posted by KelseyAnn from we have an NHL team here?, Arizona on 06/13/10 at 08:11 PM ET
(Don’t mean to clutter our hockey blog with personal stuff, but I figured with my first grandchild arriving the day after the end of one horrible season, I would kick-off the next one with something new and hopeful. L.G.R.W.)
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 06/13/10 at 02:08 PM ET
Congratulations Grandfather. My wish for the baby is good health. God Bless.
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 06/13/10 at 09:00 PM ET
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 06/13/10 at 02:08 PM ET
Awesome. Congrats, my friend, all the best for a happy and healthy family.
Any word if Jonny Ericsson provided more baby mojo?
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 06/13/10 at 09:03 PM ET
Congrats Stoney. Also, congrats Voox on making it out alive.
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 06/13/10 at 09:29 PM ET
All I can say is something like ditto, guys. . . .. I just can’t make myself do it.
Maybe if it woulda been two other teams or something, but not this year.
Not at all.
Posted by bobbo on 06/13/10 at 09:32 PM ET
It was worth watching game 6 ‘til the end only to hear Philly Phan’s considerable booing of lil’ Gary. Fitting the SCWG was flukey, it’s a sign of the Chicago demise going out with a whimper instead of a bang. I sure do agree we need a sign of life from the chief…..
Posted by Rdwings28 on 06/13/10 at 09:41 PM ET
I’m attempting to drown my sorrows in World Cup
However, I just end up screaming at the TV about how Michael Bradley needs to stop “Bertuzzi-ing” the ball, about how they need to put more balls on goal and challenge the opposing keeper, and busting out Chris Pronger jokes even though it’s soccer.
In other words, it’s not really working.
VooX if you missed it, my little rascal was born on May 19th.
Posted by Primis on 06/13/10 at 10:00 PM ET
I think we are seeing ‘The Birds’ part two—and in real life. Many, many birds have been swarming around here on a daily basis and this is new. And one day, I saw a crow take down another bird, kill it, and fly away with it. Didn’t know crows did that. Yup, Hitch is smiling in his grave.
Congrats to all of the 19 celebrating newborns. I add my well wishes to one and all. And I am awaiting the birth of our 7th grandchild—oh, my. It’s getting difficult to remember all of their names… 
Posted by cmk from the top part of MI on 06/14/10 at 01:43 AM ET
You know, if more of you guys would get on twitter you wouldn’t need a post to chat in the comments of, so these threads wouldn’t get so incredibly long. Just saying. 
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 06/14/10 at 01:47 AM ET
‘Sup bitches. I’m in Berlin again! Fussball love here is infectious and, like Primis, I’m using all my hockey knowledge to get into the game. Germany played well yesterday. I like the passing style in soccer, where you put the puck…err…ball in a space for a player already making a run and expect him to make a play. I’d like us do this more with the Murph dump style. Throw it from one corner of our blueline to the offensive zone half boards and expect our speedy wingers to get there and make a play; it would definitely help against trapping teams.
And don’t forget the fans chanting “Detroit Sucks” during their celebration…
Posted by KelseyAnn
Seriously? That’s just sad.
You know, if more of you guys would get on twitter you wouldn’t need a post to chat in the comments of, so these threads wouldn’t get so incredibly long. Just saying. smile
Posted by Baroque
The skeptic has become a full on convert. I stay away only because I need to control my time and the intertubes suck it away like Jenna Jameson.
Congratulations to you and your family Stoney!
Posted by Osrt on 06/14/10 at 03:56 AM ET
In Sweden we have a saying, lazy hockeyplayers end up as football/soccerplayers, lazy soccerplayers end up as floorballplayers.
Posted by Lucce from Kingdom of Zweden on 06/14/10 at 07:57 AM ET
@ Osrt -
I paid little-to-no attention to twitter until I upgraded to a BlackBerry. It’s a way to kill time during the workday in 10 minute increments when I’m waiting for something to cool down or warm up or for a timer to go off.
Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 06/14/10 at 08:44 AM ET
floorballplayers
Is that like… uhh… a prostitute who just lays there?
Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 06/14/10 at 08:45 AM ET
I’m using all my hockey knowledge to get into the game. Germany played well yesterday. I like the passing style in soccer, where you put the puck…err…ball in a space for a player already making a run and expect him to make a play. I’d like us do this more with the Murph dump style. Throw it from one corner of our blueline to the offensive zone half boards and expect our speedy wingers to get there and make a play; it would definitely help against trapping teams.
This. It always surprises me when diehard hockey fans don’t like or at least appreciate soccer, there are a lot of similiarities in the way the games function/some strategies. Your idea definitely sounds like a great idea to deal with teams like Nashville. Germany definitely looked deadly even though they played half the match with a man up, they were dominating the entire time anyways. Oh, and the USA looked like absolute shit lucking out big time pulling out that tie with England. Our goalie was our only bright spot, and it’s kinda rad that his name is Tim Howard.
Posted by stayouttamalibu from California on 06/14/10 at 09:57 AM ET
Good ...Malibu, nice to see someone reasonable. In a lot of places I saw Americans happy for the tie saying that “USA hung with the big boys”, but as you say, only Howard was above-average. And I say above average meaning that English attackers never tried to shoot away from him, they were always aiming for the numbers.
As for Germany, I’m not overly impressed. They played Australia, for gawd’s sake, where apparently no one knows what an “offside” is.
And Edillac, who scored Slovenia’s goal, huh?
(I’m not ditching you, USA actually has a shot at 1st place if England continues to play down to their opponent’s level. I’m not crazy to bash anyone with the horrible team Brazil has this year)
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 06/14/10 at 11:18 AM ET
I was watching the world cup yesterday and saw a match between Algeria and Slovenia. There was a guy on Algeria’s squad named Abdelkader Ghezzal. Thought that was interesting…
Posted by pgoody on 06/14/10 at 01:27 PM ET
pgoody, I saw the same thing. Even better, he got a yellow card for repeated infractions.
Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 06/14/10 at 01:29 PM ET
Voox, glad to see you’re still alive raspberry.
Congrats Stoney. I’m told that Grandchildren are your reward for not killing your own children.
Posted by ITDeuce from The Land of Ice and Snow on 06/14/10 at 02:13 PM ET
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 06/14/10 at 09:18 AM ET
Yeah, we definitely did not “hang with the big boys”. England played down to us and we played like shit. Even though most of England’s shots were straight at Howard, a few of them were close and hard enough that he was still impressive not giving up rebounds, our own Howard could take note.
I still think Germany looked good considering they were playing the Socceroos, and surprisingly enough the Netherlands looked just ok this morning playing Denmark. I had them picked as kind of a sleeper and they disappointed me a little.
So what’s up with your coach abandoning the classic Brazilian style and like, leaving Ronaldinho off the squad?
Posted by stayouttamalibu from California on 06/14/10 at 05:07 PM ET
VooX if you missed it, my little rascal was born on May 19th.
Posted by Primis on 06/13/10 at 08:00 PM ET
I did miss it… congratulations, my friend. May you have many happy and healthy years together. All the best.
I’m not ignoring the 19, but I still need more time before I can stomach reading your hockey chat and otherwise. What can you say? I’m an emo bitch.
Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 06/14/10 at 05:58 PM ET
Actually, I did watched the games, VooX, but with barely any investment - other than rooting for the Flyers’ Simon Gagne to win it.
Speaking of bird attacks, I visited the Pearl Harbor Memorial in 1983. After paying my deepest homages to those who died there, I saw a bit of an open plot of half-acre land by the ocean that overlooked a pristine beach. There were about a dozen palm trees swaying in the wind so imagine my surprise when I saw that no one was gathered in that plot.
I started to walk towards that plot and as I did, I heard and felt a flutter behind my head. I looked around. I thought it was the wind or something. After a few attempts to finish crossing the plot, I realized I was being attacked by a very territorial bird (I can’t recall what kind at this moment) but as I walked back to the safety of the parking lot, I saw other people walk it and I got a real chance to look at the bird’s protective instinct.
Several years later, someone made a video of that and posted it on America’s Funniest Home Videos and said, “Yeah, I know that f*cking bird.”
Posted by SYF from a viewing moratorium of NBC's hockey coverage on 06/14/10 at 06:12 PM ET
annnnnnnnnnd we’re back!
good to see a new post, new babies, I’m getting hitched in 2 weeks, we’re all growing up
and oh man, I just want to destroy the hawks next year, worst fans ever.
Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 06/14/10 at 06:27 PM ET
I paid little-to-no attention to twitter until I upgraded to a BlackBerry.
My wife just got a Droid, and handed down her Blackberry to me. Frankly, I don’t know how I ever lived without it. What a handy device, wish I hadn’t laughed and pointed at her when she got it 3 years ago. She’s laughing and pointing at me now, even when I have my pants on.
But I’m still from the Lewis Black school when it comes to Twitter.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQJzkBBQjRQ
Posted by dougie on 06/14/10 at 07:09 PM ET
Fuch Birds.
Penguins… Chickenhawks… random nongermane seagulls…
Fuch them all.
How ya holdin up FranzensMouthguard? This last week has been near hell for me living here with the Bandwagoners. I actually had a nightmare last night where Kane, Hossa, and Kopecky came to my house with the cup just to taunt me. It was unpleasant.
...is it October yet?
Posted by CaptNorris5 from The Winged Wheel, stuck in Chicago on 06/14/10 at 07:12 PM ET
So what’s up with your coach abandoning the classic Brazilian style and like, leaving Ronaldinho off the squad?
Ronaldinho was left out because he is a cancer, answered a cell phone on the Olympic podium and plays like shit with the yellow shirt. As for the style… well, we’re screwed, Kaka is the only creative player and he’s coming off a pelvis injury. If he’s useless, we’re doomed. If he plays decently, we have an outside shot.
By the way, funny seeing how foreign papers are predicting Brazil to win it all. Our “experts” are affraid of what’ll happen.
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 06/14/10 at 07:59 PM ET
Fussball love here is infectious and, like Primis, I’m using all my hockey knowledge to get into the game
Forget it. There’s no way I’m sitting down with you at Sophia’s place in two weeks’ time to watch effing soccer. There’s not enough EKU Kulminator in all of Franconia…
That being said, I still thrust my pelvis triumphantly at my coworkers this morning. And laughed and laughed and laughed. And the best part of it is our CEO is Canadian, so I didn’t have to look out in case I pissed off the boss.
Seagulls are maritime pigeons. In a perfect world, governments would enthusiastically embrace wind power, not for the clean energy generation, but for the piles of shredded gulls that would grow bigger by the hour.
I want your Psycho, your Vertigo step
I want your Rear Window, baby you’re sick…
Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 06/14/10 at 08:07 PM ET
I want your Psycho, your Vertigo step
I want your Rear Window, baby you’re sick…Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 06/14/10 at 06:07 PM ET
The Lady GaGa and Hitchcock connection. Winner!
Posted by SYF from a viewing moratorium of NBC's hockey coverage on 06/14/10 at 08:30 PM ET
haha Captnorris, I was at hitops when they won, I looked up and go “oh thats a goal” about 5 seconds before any one cheered…my fav part of the night, some guy gets a interference call, i notice the refs signaling the call, I go “oh thats interfernce”, some blonde next to me “how do you know this?” I told her I’m psychic and she just goes whoaaaaaaaaaa
thats me, the kreskin of the ice.
Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 06/14/10 at 09:28 PM ET
thats me, the kreskin of the ice.
Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 06/14/10 at 07:28 PM ET
Good lord. Haha, I actually spent 10 minutes explaining icing to my boss today. I literally had to go through to concept of line changes for her to understand it. Of course, this was immediately following a “who’s got the Cup” taunt.
This is going to be a nighmareish summer.
...is it October yet?
Posted by CaptNorris5 from The Winged Wheel, stuck in Chicago on 06/14/10 at 11:05 PM ET
And Edillac, who scored Slovenia’s goal, huh?
(I’m not ditching you, USA actually has a shot at 1st place if England continues to play down to their opponent’s level. I’m not crazy to bash anyone with the horrible team Brazil has this year)
Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 06/14/10 at 09:18 AM ET
Algerian goalkeeper gave us that one,as did the english one to the americans.We played like crap and won,I’ll take it,hope the guys relax and bring a more flowing game against U.S.. Wish those annoying hoarns get banned for the second games,players need to communicate,our guys nearly gave up the ball for a freebie because of the deffening sound.
Oh,and WTF is Bert doing?
forgot hot to sign his name?
Posted by edillac from isolation on 06/15/10 at 09:38 AM ET
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About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com
I feel your pain, VooX.
I feel your pain.
Is it October yet?
L.G.R.W.
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 06/13/10 at 03:45 PM ET