Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Ready. Set. Vomit.

I don't care about bringing new fans to the game. I honestly do not give a single shit about that.  I say that because I've seen the post below and, before the bad thing happened Monday night, I read about how Game 7's are the perfect chance to reign in the fence sitters. Naturally, I've not read a single hockey-related item since Game 6.

I personally despise Game 7s more than anything ever invented in this whole world.  They are disgusting.  Oh, I suppose they're fun if you're a, I don't know, Blues fan and you stopped caring about hockey a couple months ago when your team was eliminated (again).

But you and I?  I don't know how many of these prison washroom violations we've had to endure the last twenty years but I do know what happened in '09. I know what happened against San Jose when the Wings finally decided Game 4 would be a nice night to start playing hockey. I know about Anaheim this year and I'm fully aware of the obscenity of this evening.

There were more.  Chicago, Toronto, St. Louis and Denver.  Now that's a pleasant memory, that one in '02.  But only after the fact.  Leading up to these things?

I'm not lying to you when I say I'm tempted to just skip it.  It's too hard. The dread.  Nothing inside me looks forward to this. Nothing.  I sit here and I try to imagine the way I'll feel when the Wings win, the sense of relief.  But it's like Kathy Ireland on the cover of SI in like '82. I was 14 and my feeble, innocent mind could imagine it...but those images were ruined when I somehow thought clearly enough to realize it was an impossible fantasy.

Is victory tonite like that? Impossible? Absolutely not.  50/50, I think.  But, we're not talking reality or pharmacy. We're talking the mind of an infirm man, the emotions of a child. That's what I am on Game 7 days.  I try to look ahead to 2230 EST and all I see is blackness and dead animals. 

Game 7s should not be advertised as the shiny object that will lure in the casual observer.  The casual observer has no concept of what you're going through today. None at all. 

I have no energy to provide the what-ifs.  I can't tell you I believe the Wings will win "if Zetterberg scores" or "if Howard is better than Crawford".  My views on that mean nothing and I can't even form a coherent thought. 

Some of you will say you're actually looking forward to tonite. I don't understand that. I don't understand you. I'm not judging. I'm not a judger.  I just can't comprehend anyone actually relishing this evolution.

Have a great day. 

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Comments

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SYF's avatar

Aloha, Chief.

I just can’t comprehend anyone actually relishing this evolution.

Except for Gary.Ass and his Cawk-sucking cronies who are rubbing themselves outrageously.

Seriously, nothing to lose after this.  Who’d-a thunk it:  Game Seven in the second round against the second best team in the league after this mindfuch of a season.

Just play.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/29/13 at 12:09 PM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

That’s what I am on Game 7 days.  I try to look ahead to 2230 EST and all I see is blackness and dead animals.

Words, Chief. Words.
I told myself I wasn’t gonna give two shits this “season”. I did… a little.
I told myself I wasn’t gonna give two shits about making the playoffs. I did… quite a bit.
I told myself “who cares about getting past the Ducks. We made it in, confarnit!”. I cared… a lot!
I told myself I wasn’t gonna worry/dread/fear tonight’s game. I’ve got extremely important stuff to do at work and it needs all my concentration….. I need a feckin drink

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 05/29/13 at 12:11 PM ET

Avatar

I understand perfectly chief . . .  really . . .

I may not watch either . . .  then again . . .

Posted by bobbo on 05/29/13 at 12:16 PM ET

socalwingnut's avatar

I’m not lying to you when I say I’m tempted to just skip it.  It’s too hard. The dread.  Nothing inside me looks forward to this.

This. I was watching the collapse with my son on Monday. After the Penalty shot goal, I tossed the remote on the couch and said “I’m done, you can watch this shyte if you want. I’m taking a shower”.

After the game was over, I also announced I was not watching game 7 because I’m sick of this nonsense!!!

Of course, I’ll be on the couch in my usual spot tonite.

We have also decided to pull out all of the superstitions we used during the ‘08 Cup Final, because it is clearly my fault we lost the past two games because I didn’t get started on time and I also didn’t do my part for 60 minutes.

I’m not superstitious. I’m just a little stitious.

 

Posted by socalwingnut on 05/29/13 at 12:16 PM ET

klank's avatar

Believe.

Posted by klank from the finest hot tub in Marin on 05/29/13 at 12:17 PM ET

TKShreve's avatar

I would say tonight pretty much sums up the entire season. Nail biting $hit, down to the wire, back against the wall hockey. The Wings need to channel that sense of urgency.

To: The Wings

Let the fans do the bed-pissing. Leave the fallen hair and fumbling bumbling antics to us. You guys handle the biz end of it.

Posted by TKShreve from East Uptown on 05/29/13 at 12:17 PM ET

calquake's avatar

We’re talking the mind of an infirm man, the emotions of a child. That’s what I am on Game 7 days.  I try to look ahead to 2230 EST and all I see is blackness and dead animals.

Get out of my head!  It’s tough enough trying to get through the angst a day like today brings, I don’t need no stinkin’ passengers.  L.G.R.W.

Posted by calquake on 05/29/13 at 12:19 PM ET

Zqto's avatar

I agree with you Chief…  Game 7 days are like when you are so sick, and you dont wanna leave the bed
You know its gonna get better, eventually… You will wake up tomorrow (or next week, or next month) and it’s just gonna be a normal day
But DAMN IT, why is this shit taking so long??  And why does my belly feel like there are at least 3 different kind of aliens inside, ready to burst out?

Well, I have shaven (shaved?)  my beard, and my “lucky” jersey is getting replaced!
Pets will still be sacrificed, tough
LGRW!!

Posted by Zqto on 05/29/13 at 12:21 PM ET

Zqto's avatar

Btw, I think we can win, ONLY if Babs come with some new lines that completaly screw up Q’s mind…  I really need a change of pace, something miraculous and beatiful and weird, that will make us believe

Posted by Zqto on 05/29/13 at 12:24 PM ET

Riviera's avatar

It’s my youngest daughter’s birthday - turning 4. So, I get to watch on tape delay stretching out the anxiety for a few more hours. Even still, had to work from home today so that I wouldn’t tear into some poor idiot at work. Ugh, maybe I should just start drinking.

Posted by Riviera from Phoenix on 05/29/13 at 12:28 PM ET

shanetx's avatar

I’m eager to get it over with.  If the wings win my next week will be awesome.  If they lose I fully expect a hailstorm to wipe out my cotton crop, another night of fighting with my wife, and probably my pancreas will fail by Sunday and/or my dog will bite a neighbor kid and have to be put down.  That’s the way my mind works.  Things might change by next month but right now fully blame the ‘11 sharks and a broken Nick lidstrom stick for my house burning down the following summer. 

But even so; the waiting is worse.

Posted by shanetx from Floydada, Texas on 05/29/13 at 12:32 PM ET

MoreShoot's avatar

Of course, I’ll be on the couch in my usual spot tonite.

goddamned right you will.

I’ll be late to the party so I can attend my daughter’s music show.  It’ll actually work out fine since this means I’ll miss the first lame penalty of the game called against the Wings at about the 1:05 mark.  By the time I get in, they should be all settled down.

 

Posted by MoreShoot on 05/29/13 at 12:48 PM ET

FranzensMouthguard's avatar

well stated by someone on another board i’m on

“You know what, f**k it. If anyone can turn shit into gold its f**king Mike Babcock. Chicago can talk all the s**t they want, they were put on the ropes by the worst Wings team in 22 years. Babcock exposed their asses with a roster full of Griffins.”

Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 05/29/13 at 12:56 PM ET

dougie's avatar

They say misery loves company, but I become a total recluse. I’m talking hours in the bedroom with blackout curtains, drinking and dozing, watching whatever channel was playing the last time I had the TV on, unless it’s NBCsports.

No dogs, no spousal conversation, no nuthin’.

That’s my plan for the next 7 hours.

Fuch the playoffs.

Posted by dougie on 05/29/13 at 12:59 PM ET

MoreShoot's avatar

Hey.  WTF is this?  http://www.detroithockey.net/history/record.php

Posted by MoreShoot on 05/29/13 at 12:59 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Chief, you nailed it.

I’ve been telling myself ever since Monday night that I will just prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best.  But fuch that - I want this win, and I want it bad.  And that makes me a nervous, nauseous wreck today. 

I will join the rest of you bitches tonight because my avoidance of the LB’s after we were up 3-1 didn’t work.  But mostly because I need you, because you get it.

Just play your best game, Wings.  That’s all you can do.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/29/13 at 01:00 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

I’ll be running 2 hours behind, dodging the TV’s at work.  The bitch is no one even likes hockey there, but they put that shit on regardless.

It was a good season regardless of what happens tonight, future is bright.

It does suck that Ferraro is turning out not to be the bust he was looking like, Tatar’s coming up. Shaehan is maybe a year back.  That’s a line’s worth, and we’re a young team as is.  Is Ferraro on his last year of his contract?  Helm may or may not be back, but anyway you slice it, we’re gonna be jammed up pretty good.  Interested to see what happens if Tatar Andersson and Nyquist are a shoe-in for next year.  Still have Tootoo, Sammy and Bert under contract, Flip and Cleary will get extensions.

You see what I did there?

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/29/13 at 01:05 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Beer, it’s what’s for lunch…. after work and during the game.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 05/29/13 at 01:07 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Still have Tootoo, Sammy and Bert under contract, Flip and Cleary will get extensions.

You see what I did there?

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 05/29/13 at 01:05 PM ET

Cola has another year as well.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/29/13 at 01:07 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

  I’m not lying to you when I say I’m tempted to just skip it.  It’s too hard. The dread.  Nothing inside me looks forward to this.

I never thought I agree with that, but yeah, I almost do. I’ve been watching the last few games delayed on Gamecenter (which ohbytheway is the most intense thing ever, speeding through commercials and ending up with 90 minutes of holyshitness)...

AND I have a party to attend tonite and will watch the game only tomorrow, running away from the internet until then. Fuch this shit!

(if that’s a good omen, I was at a party Game 7 in Anaheim, too. watched on the phone, though)

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 05/29/13 at 01:10 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Well the good news is the Hawks can’t play the underdog card anymore.  They have all the reason in the world to take this game laying down because they “know” they’re gonna win. 

And the refs?  I think the Hawks cashed in all their pity points in game six…. fingers crossed. 

In the meantime…. I hear its getting too rough to feed us.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 05/29/13 at 01:11 PM ET

Guilherme's avatar

And by the way, I’ll personally punch the teeth of whoever says how proud they are of the team before 59:59 of this game.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 05/29/13 at 01:14 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I’ll personally punch the teeth of whoever says how proud they are of the team before 59:59 of this game.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 05/29/13 at 01:14 PM ET

Olcsux?

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 05/29/13 at 01:33 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

how hard do I have to bang my head on my desk to ensure I pass out for exactly 6 hours?

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/29/13 at 01:39 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

And the refs?  I think the Hawks cashed in all their pity points in game six…. fingers crossed

I assume you haven’t seen who lil Gary gave us for officials tonight.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 05/29/13 at 01:48 PM ET

edillac's avatar

[Naturally, I’ve not read a single hockey-related item since Game 6/quote]

me neither,cant stand it

Posted by edillac from isolation on 05/29/13 at 01:57 PM ET

edillac's avatar

game is at 2AM local time,here.Took tomorrow off from work,whatever happens,I have to watch

Posted by edillac from isolation on 05/29/13 at 02:00 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

thanks, Chief.

i really like our team.

leave it all on the ice tonight, boys. ALL in.

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 05/29/13 at 02:02 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

K: you guys wanna watch game 7 tonight?
Worm #3: can’t. too scared.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/29/13 at 02:21 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

how hard do I have to bang my head on my desk to ensure I pass out for exactly 6 hours?

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/29/13 at 01:39 PM ET

Oh My Helm this is a long day.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/29/13 at 02:30 PM ET

Avatar

Before the first puck dropped if I had offered any of you here the chance to either a) guarantee Detroit would be playing in a game 7 in this round or b) just let the dice fall where they may and what happens, happens…

... 95%+ would have taken A.

Think about that as you get ready to watch the game tonight.

For this Wings team to get where they did in the manner they have with what they had to face is a pretty big success, win or lose this game 7.

Because, let’s be honest here, they’ve got about a 5% chance to win this game tonight.  Even if the game was going to be called straight up out there Detroit’s a big underdog on the road against a noticeably better team.  Add in the ‘O’Halloran Special’ if Detroit’s in it late and, well, I’d start medicating against stomach upset pretty early.

And not for nothing, but it would be nice if Pavel freaking Datsyuk managed to move himself off of 1 goal and 1 assist for the whole damn series.  That might be helpful.

Posted by HockeyinHD on 05/29/13 at 02:33 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

I think I found a legal loophole that will allow me to take tomorrow off of work:

Disability is defined as a physical or mental impairment that substantially limits or restricts a major life activity, such as hearing, seeing, speaking, walking, breathing, performing manual tasks, learning, working or caring for yourself.

whether the Wings win or lose tonight, I definitely will not be able to speak, walk, breathe, perform manual tasks nor work tomorrow.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/29/13 at 02:33 PM ET

Avatar

I’m stuck at work, so looks like its the audio feed for me.

Posted by neffernin on 05/29/13 at 02:46 PM ET

PaulinMiamiBeach's avatar

wow I didn’t hear about this…

http://www.detroitnews.com/article/20130529/OPINION03/305290305/1128/sports0103/As-kids-grow-s-up-veterans-make-Wings-go

Howard had grabbed Smith’s stick and tossed it aside in frustration following the third Blackhawks goal Monday night

yikes.

Posted by PaulinMiamiBeach on 05/29/13 at 02:49 PM ET

Primis's avatar

The casual observer has no concept of what you’re going through today. None at all.

This.

I know NBA fans.  They don’t live and die with every game, or with a Game 7.  Neither do baseball fans.  Once the game is over, for some sick reason their life resumes until next time.

Nor do some hockey fans (those in WIN/ATL and CBS don’t even know a series can go more than 4 games).

I feel physically ill today.  I seriously considered not watching tonight.  I don’t know that I can though…

Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da
Whack for my daddy-o
Whack for my daddy-o

Posted by Primis on 05/29/13 at 02:50 PM ET

MsRedWingFan's avatar

Posted by MsRedWingFan from West Michigan hometown of Abdelkader on 05/29/13 at 03:05 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Hey, there is a game tonight.  We are heading to another Game #7 with the partner that brought us to this point.  What a season! A ticket to another Big Show, who’d of thunk it? 

Time to make the most of the opportunity.  Play like Red Wings. Have no doubt, we are playing to win.  Throw what you have at us Lil Gary, we are playing to win. Mick Magoo and his merry band of Zebras?...bring it, we are playing to win.  Stress?...pour me another cup, I got a game to win. Why do the Wings find themselves in this situation?...because they thrive on it. They play to win.

So grab your best Shiners Bock, martini, rum or yes, even a Pina Colada, because tonight will be glorious.  As a wise man named Dougie pointed out… “....there is absolutely no downside.” 

Just play to win.

Let’s Go Red Wings !!!!!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, doing the prospect shuffle.... on 05/29/13 at 03:15 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

As a wise man named Dougie pointed out… “....there is absolutely no downside.”

I suppose not if you are jaded - as heartbreak does come to mind.  I’ll probably manage to watch if’n I don’t put a brick through my TV screen.  LB is unlikely though, just too-much-stress.

 

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 05/29/13 at 03:36 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Okie, MUTE.  It helps.  It really does.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/29/13 at 04:12 PM ET

monkey's avatar

        Hey.  WTF is this?  http://www.detroithockey.net/history/record.php
   
    Posted by
     
    MoreShoot
     
      on 05/29/13 at 12:59 PM ET

This one is more detailed:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Detroit_Red_Wings_seasons

Posted by monkey from Finland on 05/29/13 at 04:15 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com