Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

R.E.L.A.X.

Before I go any further and lose this thought, I need to say something.  I know I can be sarcastic sometimes and it may come off as arrogant or even insensitive.  That's not always coincidental.  I do it on purpose every once in a while.  But this one's from the heart.  I should have said it a couple days ago and it slipped my mind.  It shouldn't have.  

There is a group of people out there hurting right now, and they deserve our compassion.

Hey Blues fans? SUCK IT.

There. Done. I can move on.

Welcome to the longest day of your lives.  Game 7. Whole world watching, or at least they could be.  They would have been, if Gary hadn't scheduled a Game 7 for 10:08PM EST.  On a Sunday. Unbelievable.  The self-inflicted wounds this charade of a league continues to levy upon itself keep astounding me.  

The greatest spectacle in sport, the most pure, raw, tense scenario any sport can offer: an NHL Game 7.  And Gary Bettman has ensured practically nobody will see it.  

What to expect tonite?  Victory.  Expect it.  Bet on it.  Revel in it.  Look forward to it.  Do not worry about this game.  Do not stress today.  It will do you no good.  Take your moms to dinner.  Enjoy the sunshine.  Pedal, kayak, dance and frolic.  Buy a case of Vernors and share it with your neighbors.  Be a citizen. Put on some old jeans and go to Home Depot. Hang out at the contractor's counter and pretend you know what the hell you're talking about.  Visit the paint section and take like 60 of those card samples, then hand them to other customers and tell them you think that color would go really nicely in their kitchen.

Do all of that, but do not stress.   Look forward to this thing.  Anticipate the angst, the sadness, the hatred on those faces when Getzlaf and Perry dodder through the handshake line.  

We're going to Chicago.  I have no doubt.  There will be a Live Blog tonite, because baby Jesus decreed it.  It's an edict.  And it will be disgusting.  But you have like 7 hours until then.  And remember? When you have some spare moments, and the tummy starts to churn, the stress seeps in.  You're going to think to yourself that you hate the playoffs.  And you do.  It's ok.  But you know what? You know who hates them more?

Blues fans, that's who.

Enjoy the day, my friends.  It could always be worse.  And that's just funny.

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Comments

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monkey's avatar

It’s on now.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 05/12/13 at 11:42 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Chief!  ROFL. 

Hey Blues fans? SUCK IT.

I knew this was coming.  I knew as soon as I saw that St. Lose was out of it that you would have something to say.  It was only a question of when.

I am killing time today cleaning my fuching house - which I absolutely hate doing - because I’m useless for anything else.  I really believe the Wings are doing to do it tonight.  And I can’t wait.

LET’S GO RED WINGS !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/12/13 at 12:00 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Oops… “going” to do it.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/12/13 at 12:00 PM ET

Rumbear's avatar

Buy a case of Vernors and share it with your neighbors.

Are you fricking nuts?  Nobody touches my Vernor’s. (third shelf, right side of fridge and yes, with the Rumbear Youth around, I count em.) Share a Vernor’s….

Happy Mother’s Day to the 19 and their tertiary attendants. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have wardrobe selections to make for this evening


LGRW !!!!!

Posted by Rumbear from Top O the Hasek, with 3 fingers of rum & a cigar.. on 05/12/13 at 12:09 PM ET

TKShreve's avatar

MFRW!

Visit the paint section and take like 60 of those card samples, then hand them to other customers and tell them you think that color would go really nicely in their kitchen.

I role-played this through my head. It actually panned out.

Posted by TKShreve from East Uptown on 05/12/13 at 12:10 PM ET

SYF's avatar

First and foremost, Happy Mother’s Day.  Spoil your mothers and keep her laughing.

Just win, Wings.  Just.Win.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 05/12/13 at 12:15 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

if TODD BER-TU-ZZI needed any kind of motivation, he has it tonight. Pain be damned as Cryan Getzslob gets his tonight. And Ferry, yea, you tell Ferry he’s gonna get it too!

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 05/12/13 at 12:15 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Cryan Getzslob

Best name for that whining goon I’ve ever seen.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/12/13 at 12:20 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

doing to do it tonight.

NO, no correction needed


The Wings are Doing to Do it.

I like it a lot

Posted by pgoody on 05/12/13 at 12:21 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Put on some old jeans and go to Home Depot. Hang out at the contractor’s counter and pretend you know what the hell you’re talking about.  Visit the paint section and take like 60 of those card samples, then hand them to other customers and tell them you think that color would go really nicely in their kitchen.

When I was in high school we used to hang out at stores like then-Babbage’s (now GameStop) at the mall sometimes and pretend to be sales associates… and give customers awful, terrible advice on what games to buy.  This brought back fond memories of that.


You know who else can suck it?  Minny fans, all 4 1/2 of them.  Because the coffee clatch they signed this offseason, and then got all high and mighty over… they’re already golfing on those wonderful Minnesota courses that probably still have snow and are 37F outside.  Again.

Posted by Primis on 05/12/13 at 12:26 PM ET

Alan's avatar

I expect no less than for some ducks to get filled with buckshot. This Wings team will win it. Fuch the naysayers.

LGRW!

Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 05/12/13 at 12:28 PM ET

Jeff  OKWingnut's avatar

LGRW

That is all.

Posted by Jeff OKWingnut from Quest for 12 on 05/12/13 at 12:29 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

MC - You’re still my idol. Yes the B-Lose fan can indeed suck it. Long and hard.

Minny Fans - They can suck it too! Double slobber. Gotta love it.

And the great Ferry and Baldy Flat Scalp can take turns sucking each other. One long slow suck at a time.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 05/12/13 at 12:34 PM ET

Tony Perkis's avatar

Hilarious Chief. Not sure if you guys saw the pic already, but St. Louis fans are classy and sexy…

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/dailyrft/2013/05/blues_playoffs_beard_st_louis.php?ref=trending

Posted by Tony Perkis from Drinking at Robert's Lounge with Billy Batts on 05/12/13 at 12:40 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Gross.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 05/12/13 at 12:45 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Let me just punish all you bitches that don’t want to bother clicking on a link.
The Show Me state.  Please don’t.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 05/12/13 at 12:55 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/12/13 at 01:55 PM ET

really???

REALLY???

shut eye

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 05/12/13 at 01:05 PM ET

Alan's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/12/13 at 01:55 PM ET

I ...uh… what?

Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 05/12/13 at 01:08 PM ET

monkey's avatar

St. Louis Blues fans bleed blue.

Posted by monkey from Praha, Česká republika on 05/12/13 at 01:16 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Posted by pgoody on 05/12/13 at 01:20 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Baldy Flat Scalp

This one is good too.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/12/13 at 01:24 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Haha, Ms. I like that one too. Lets get the Gif of him kicking his stick. Cause it’s totally awesome.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 05/12/13 at 01:25 PM ET

Down River Dan's avatar

My only wish for tonight…?........No broken sticks at the absolutely worst time!

Posted by Down River Dan on 05/12/13 at 01:41 PM ET

calquake's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 05/12/13 at 01:55 PM ET

See?  That’s one B’Lose fan already sucking it..

Posted by calquake on 05/12/13 at 01:56 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Predictions for tonight?

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 05/12/13 at 02:02 PM ET

Surfer Ken's avatar

Blues fans dont bother me so much.  Its these clueless ass clown Duck fans that surround me that I cant take.  These douch bags dont know anything about real hockey nor tradition.  They are the ones that can suck it.  Fukin bandwagon posers are all they are.

Posted by Surfer Ken from San Clemente on 05/12/13 at 02:05 PM ET

Hippy Dave's avatar

I was planning a meal of confit and fois gras but after those pics I suddenly don’t need breakfast anymore.

Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 05/12/13 at 02:08 PM ET

Avatar

Great intro. Chief.  Had me fooled.

Lets go Wings.  Coach Q. is having a nervous day.

Posted by Jeff from CO. on 05/12/13 at 02:39 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

Dog the Bounty Hunter’s wife moonlights as a Bloes fan eh? Interesting.

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 05/12/13 at 02:39 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

John Keating just posted on Twitter that Eaves is back in, but Emmerton is out. WTF!?!?

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/12/13 at 02:54 PM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Daughter has a college info night tonight so I’ll be on DVR delay again.
Just win. That’s all.

LGRW!!!!!

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 05/12/13 at 04:06 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Just thought it was soooo good:

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 05/12/13 at 04:31 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Awesome stuff there, SYF.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 05/12/13 at 05:11 PM ET

slimelord's avatar

Beautiful beautiful beautiful.

Posted by slimelord on 05/12/13 at 05:16 PM ET

dougie's avatar

I gots a good feeling aboot tonight.

I think Tuzzi should slap Getslaugh in the face with his dick.

Posted by dougie on 05/12/13 at 05:35 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Hey all, your friendly neighborhood game wrecker here. Perry and Getzlaff team up on a two on one break for the game winner in 2OT.

Reverse superstition FTW.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 05/12/13 at 05:42 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

LGRW - I will not game-wreck the el bee like I did the other night.

Nice try, Master Chief. Don’t try to tell my physiology not to be stressed after these two 6-packs.

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 05/12/13 at 05:53 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Hey all, your friendly neighborhood game wrecker here. Perry and Getzlaff team up on a two on one break for the game winner in 2OT.

Reverse superstition FTW.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 05/12/13 at 06:42 PM ET

Hey Captain, a friendly Shut. Whore. Mouth. zipper
(no jink)

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 05/12/13 at 05:57 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Hey Captain, a friendly Shut. Whore. Mouth. 
(no jink)
Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!
Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 05/12/13 at 06:57 PM ET

Go check the last LB, my reverse superstition worked.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 05/12/13 at 06:01 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Go check the last LB, my reverse superstition worked.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 05/12/13 at 07:01 PM ET

Yes it did!  Except I don’t want 2 OTs, OK? 

Rangers protected a one goal lead for half the game to beat the Caps and even the series 3-3.  Lundquist was an absolute beast in the last two minutes or so.  It was crazy, wonderful playoff hockey.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 05/12/13 at 06:18 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com