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Abel to Yzerman

Poor Todd’s Nightmare Is About To Become Reality… The Wings Land In San Jose And Want To Play

The Wings are out West in San Jose.  Land of hybrids, hippies, and the Chief.

While the Chief is able to direct precision missiles anywhere West of the Rockies, he hasn’t been able to watch the Red Wings lately.  Thanks to Gary. Ass, the Chief was denied access to most of round one as naval ships, like much of the US, don’t get Vers.Ass.

The Chief sent me this message just before Game 7.  It wasn’t typed.  It was clawed into my email browser.

Dude. Its gonna suck.  Espn bottomline is it.

The 19 feel your pain, Raspberry.  We hope you get clearance, Clarence, to watch this series.

I have it from Mirtle’s anonymous sources that the Chief will attempt to get himself recognized as tonight’s military guest of honour in San Jose.  While in the spotlight, he will attempt to launch a cephalopod mortar onto the ice.  It will be glorious.

Not for Todd.  Poor Todd will be up against his Uncle Mike, and Poor Todd has already wet his shorts many times thinking about it.  More on that later.

First, which Red Wings player said this?

“People always talk about guys winning their battles, faceoffs and things like that.  But ultimately, you want to be on the ice for some goals. It should be that way for us. Each of us knows that we definitely have to be on the scoreboard more.”

Of course, the answer is none of them.  That was Joe Thornton who is still waiting for the Wizard to give him a heart.  While Heatley waits for his balls and Marleu waits for guts, Poor Todd is waiting for brains smart enough to outwit Uncle Mike.

Poor Todd is trying hard to be a good coach.  When the Mud Sharks’ stars were MIA in the playoffs again, he juggled the lines:

McLellan matched Torrey Mitchell with Marleau and Thornton — believing that his speed and tenacity might draw more out of the Sharks’ stars. Heatley was moved over to the Logan Couture-centered line with Manny Malhotra.
That’s probably the way the Sharks will open against the Red Wings.

Nice try, Todd, but Wings fans all know that your pathetic group of heartless, gutless, and emasculated players will never be able to outplay the Red Wings.  You watched Game 7 like a horror movie.  You know the Wings are coming for you next.  Poor Todd.

Even his own neighbours think Poor Todd’s Mud Sharks are done:

Every dog has his day. That’s the sports cliché you know.  Every dog also has his chew toys… in the Sharks vs. Detroit Red Wings rivalry, the Sharks have always been the chew toys…

Detroit wins in seven games.

Let me be clear:  I believe the Sharks can win and advance to the conference finals. They have the talent to do so. Goodness knows, they should have the motivation. But until I see them beat Detroit with my own eyes, I cannot in good conscience pick our beloved Los Tiburones to get the job done.

Reality is a bitch, Poor Todd, and the reality is you and your team don’t have what it takes to beat the Red Wings.  Not today.  Not ever.

Senor “Los Tiburones” had more to say:

I did come up with one wild-card factor: McLellan… McLellan’s method was particularly effective after the Sharks lost Game 3 in overtime.
The agonizing defeat put the Sharks behind in the series, two games to one. But instead of screaming or panicking, McLellan remained calm.

Oh really?  Do tell… what was Poor Todd’s brilliant coaching move?

He called off practice the next day.  He told the players to rest up, go to the movies, whatever.

Awesome.  Poor Todd buried his head in the sand and hid.  Don’t worry Todd, Uncle Mike will give you lots of free time to play in the sand and surf soon.

Yet Poor Todd still doesn’t get it.  He was lucky to get out of round one because the Dive are, well, the Dive.  The Wings are, well, your worst nightmare.  From Emmons’ article again:

The conventional wisdom is that while the Sharks could get past pesky, undermanned Colorado without their top three scorers leading the way, the arch-nemesis Red Wings are a whole different story. If the Sharks are to exorcise their Detroit demons, Thornton, Marleau and Heatley need to have a much bigger impact.

Those in San Jose see the writing on the wall.  The Mud Sharks are doomed because their top scorers are cursed in the playoffs.  Always have been, always will be.

Poor Todd commented on the playoff suckage of Thornton, Heatley, and Marleau.  A2Y presents it in high-tech “In-Between-the-Lines-ovision” for crystal clear clarity:

“Odds are, they’re going to come out of it.”

Poor Todd prays.

“They’re going to score.”

Poor Todd has faith.

“We believe that they’re eventually going to score.”

Poor Todd believes in miracles

“We need them to do that.”

Hallelujah, Poor Todd, Hallelujah.  Good luck with that.

Malik has lots more coverage.  He is a big show off like that.

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Comments

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cephalopod's avatar

“People always talk about guys winning their battles, faceoffs and things like that.  But ultimately, you want to be on the ice for some goals. It should be that way for us. Each of us knows that we definitely have to be on the scoreboard more.”


Wow, Joe Thornton has got to be the most inspiring leader in the history of the universe.  As inspiring as that quote is, it doesn’t make me want to chew glass and shit nails as much as this one:

“I don’t necessarily believe in [me carrying the team] so much ... Everybody knows that the most important position is goaltending and Nabby’s a big part of this team.”

Way to take the pressure off your teammates.  Wings in 3.

Posted by cephalopod from Chicago...nope, still not over it. on 04/29/10 at 07:16 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

For anyone that needs to kill time until the puck drop… found a site with a free NHL 94 emulator and ROM. 

http://www.nhl94online.com/

Go down the right side of the page, and download the first file under Downloads:  GENS Downloads… has both files you need in it.  Unzip, start up the gens emulator and load the nhl94 rom. 

Lidstrom’s overall rating was like a 66 in that game, good enough for 4th or 5th best on detroit. 

Took a minute to find out how to change the buttons, (3 button setup seems easier to figure out, classic sega)

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 07:33 PM ET

MarkK's avatar

So, you know, I’ll see you bitches at the LB

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 07:34 PM ET

Chris in A^2's avatar

At the very least, the hockey in this series is going to be spectacular.  No trap, no choke up the neutral zone, just puck possession hockey, talent vs talent.  The sharks are going to try and out Red Wing the Red Wings and they couldn’t do that all season, even against the injury depleted Wings. The only gimmick seems to be Todd spreading his offense out to reduce the shutdown effectiveness of Lidstrom and Zetterberg. Barring apocalyptic injuries and officiating, and Nabokov standing on his head, this is the Wing’s series to take if they play to their full potential.

Posted by Chris in A^2 from Nyquist Puck Control on 04/29/10 at 07:34 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

I hope Jimmy is up to the challenge… its not up to Lidstrom to lead this team.. Jimmy plays goaltender, the most important position on the ice…

Posted by pgoody on 04/29/10 at 07:38 PM ET

Twig in Houston's avatar

so i’m typing an email to send out at work… i paste a link (or i think i do) then i’m about to hit send without proofreading when i see that instead of the link, my email went something like this:

Here is the link to the website I talked about today in the meeting:
Cock fighting with penis tip paper cuts?
Let me know if you have any questions.

i’m pretty sure i’ll be losing this job before june.

Posted by Twig in Houston from Houston, TX on 04/29/10 at 07:39 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

Our goal, for this series, as the 19, should just be to keep the Heatley driving jokes to a minimum, we’re not the Pen(i)s, we don’t make fun of physically/mentally challenged…

Posted by pgoody on 04/29/10 at 07:40 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

Posted by Twig in Houston on 04/29/10 at 05:14 PM ET

perfect.

I really wish I could post that over at battle of california.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/29/10 at 04:45 PM ET

Done. Look for El Gringo muahahaha

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 07:41 PM ET

koalacaust's avatar

Its not possible to describe in words how much I despise VS. my cable provider doesn’t even give me an option to purchase it so Im forced into grainy atdhe feeds for the entire series.

Posted by koalacaust on 04/29/10 at 07:41 PM ET

SharkBaiter's avatar

Any 19 looking for tickets? I am stuck in the lab again (fauching experiment gone haywire) and can’t go now. I have two tickets in the upper bowl for 75 each (that’s face). They are on the blueline. 


Email me and I can send the pdf


sharkbaiter88 (at) gmail (dot) com

Posted by SharkBaiter from at play in the Labs of our Lord on 04/29/10 at 07:42 PM ET

SharkBaiter's avatar

Also for those looking for feeds:

I just paid 6 bucks for a VPN and got access to the ESPN Europe site. You have to pay ESPN like 20 Euros or something, but you can watch the rest of the playoffs. It’s the same feed as on NHL Gamecenter…

I already have an ESPN Europe account from before, so it was worth it for me.. may not be for others, but it is a high quality feed for not too much money (cheaper than a year of VS I think).

Posted by SharkBaiter from at play in the Labs of our Lord on 04/29/10 at 07:46 PM ET

Seaner in Sharkville's avatar

As a current resident of Man Jose via Kalamazoo, I can tell you that many Sharks fans are pissing themselves in fear of our Mighty Red Wings. I’ve heard them whisper nervously amongst themselves, holding back the tears. They hide this fear by shouting obscenities from their cars as I strut around downtown wearing my Wings gear. Software engineers are real tough guys at 35 mph.

Posted by Seaner in Sharkville from Silicon Valley on 04/29/10 at 07:49 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

Off work, heading home, LGRW(!) Wonder if I will be banned from BoC before i get to the homestead.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 07:49 PM ET

Seaner in Sharkville's avatar

Overheard conversation outside my office:

“Yeah, he’s wearing a Red Wings jersey.”
“I like the Sharks.”
“Me too.”
“Are they playing today?”
“I don’t know. I think they won the last game, but I’m not sure.”

Posted by Seaner in Sharkville from Silicon Valley on 04/29/10 at 07:56 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Off work, heading home, LGRW(!) Wonder if I will be banned from BoC before i get to the homestead.
Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the poopship. on 04/29/10

Thanks for posting that BEL. Maybe you will get banned too, if they don’t think it’s funny.

Apparently, one of their mods thought I was inflamatory without being funny. Funny, I thought calling the Thornton-Heatley-Marleau line the (Lack of) Production Line was quite funny. Make up you own mind. The posts were in the Game Day Red Dawn thread. But somehow calling me a cyber bully, a douche, and an idiot was not inflamatory. It’s their sandbox and they can run it as they see fit so no hard feelings on this end. I already cleared the air with Earl.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 07:58 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Our goal, for this series, as the 19, should just be to keep the Heatley driving jokes to a minimum, we’re not the Pen(i)s, we don’t make fun of physically/mentally challenged…

Posted by pgoody from the 2nd season, 2010, Howard’s run… on 04/29/10 at 05:40 PM ET

You’ll never take me alive.

- J.J.‘s refusal to play along with this, or a cab driver after Dany Heatley and Patrick Kane get in the back?

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/29/10 at 08:06 PM ET

Twig in Houston's avatar

when heatly cries about being put on the 3rd line again, maybe he’ll demand a trade… i could see him in chicago; traded for hossa. ha!

Posted by Twig in Houston from Houston, TX on 04/29/10 at 08:10 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Stole this from the Production Line

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 08:12 PM ET

koalacaust's avatar

Im sure this has already been posted a million times but fuch it..


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p9A-oxUMAy8

Posted by koalacaust on 04/29/10 at 08:19 PM ET

Avatar

Yet another shining example of why the entire league despises Wings fans.  I guess that’s what happens when you wring out the towel that is one of the shitholes of the United States.

Posted by Dizzle on 04/29/10 at 08:23 PM ET

FranzensMouthguard's avatar

Yet another shining example of why the entire league despises Wings fans.  I guess that’s what happens when you wring out the towel that is one of the shitholes of the United States.


Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 04/29/10 at 08:26 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Posted by FranzensMouthguard from Chicago, IL on 04/29/10 at 06:26 PM ET

Now there’s the 19, I know and love.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/29/10 at 08:28 PM ET

Seaner in Sharkville's avatar

Yet another shining example of why the entire league despises Wings fans.  I guess that’s what happens when you wring out the towel that is one of the shitholes of the United States.

Geez, I always thought it was Cup envy. Dynasties tend to evoke such emotions in the less fortunate.

Im sure this has already been posted a million times but fuch it..

A beautiful visual metaphor for the coming series.

Posted by Seaner in Sharkville from Silicon Valley on 04/29/10 at 08:40 PM ET

FatEric2000's avatar

Sharkbaiter and Seaner nice to see I’m not the only one who lives behind enemy lines. I dont post much, but I read A2Y religiously. This place was my only consolation last June.

I just picked up a 3 pack of tix for $60 each. I’m very excited. I was at the January game, and 2 games of WCSemis back in 2007. I’ll never forget the rudeness of the sharks fans. They cursed me, waved their hands in my face, and couldnt understand why defensemen werent getting called for a handpass in their own zone. DBags.

The Wings lost the first one, but closed out San Jose in the game 6. You could hear a pin drop all up and down Santa Clara St.

I’ll be wearing my 19 and rooting with any other members in attendance.

If anyone needs place to watch any of the other games or is planning a A2Y gathering of their own hit me up fateric2000 at yahooooooooo

Posted by FatEric2000 from San Jose, but my Hearts in the Detroit on 04/29/10 at 08:47 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

If anyone needs place to watch any of the other games or is planning a A2Y gathering of their own hit me up fateric2000 at yahooooooooo

Posted by FatEric2000 from San Jose with my heart in the D on 04/29/10 at 06:47 PM ET


Welcome aboard. It’s so nice to know that gracious Red Wing’s fans are everywhere.


Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/29/10 at 08:53 PM ET

Seaner in Sharkville's avatar

Hey FatEric, pleased to meet you. Yes, Sharks fans are among the biggest asses this side of the Rockies. To be fair, I do know a couple who aren’t so bad. They seem to be the exception, however.

I am surprised that the Sharks fans even knew the word “hand pass” in relation to hockey. Most of them think this is something one does at the Folsom Street Fair (warning: clever San Francisco joke).

Enjoy the game. We’ll be downtown watching it on the TV.

Posted by Seaner in Sharkville from Silicon Valley on 04/29/10 at 08:56 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

(Lack of) Production Line
Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 04/29/10 at 06:12 PM ET

HAha(!)

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 09:04 PM ET

Pugna Vox's avatar

I have mixed feelings about this series.

Back in 04-05, I was the off-ice announcer for the Waterloo Black Hawks during their successful run to the USHL championship, the Clark Cup. Leading the Black Hawks was Joe Pavelski. Even back then, he was a classy but intense player. A rare combination of skill, work ethic, and raw leadership tempered with humility that made it clear he was going to go as far as he wanted in hockey.

The last 60 seconds of that Clark Cup final game, seeing the over-capacity home fans go absolutely apeshit, the incredible feeling of this 2-bit town that hasn’t seen anything positive since before the 80s farm crisis suddenly, legitimately having something to cheer about… unreal. I clearly remember stepping out on to the ice as the players shook hands – the skated-upon ice crunched a bit under my shoes as I turned around. In every direction I looked, there were fans I’d known for years, fans who had suffered through truly awful seasons, like the year the Black Hawks had a teddy bear toss and were shut out, and they were exuberant. The weak made strong, the lame made to dance, the referees made to see.

The atmosphere from the arena spilled out on to the streets of Waterloo that night. The very air thrummed with palpable joy and sexual release the likes of which are seldom seen in Midwestern towns. Handjobs were practically free for the asking, even the Asperger’s kid who squeegeed the slush off the ice got a piece. Puppies danced, lollipops dropped from the trees, and angels were delivered a semi-truck full of wings. And Joe Pavelski was a big part in making that happen.

Seeing him score the OT game winner in game 4 and the GWG to close out the series against the Avs almost brought tears to my eyes, for three reasons:

1 - Here was a guy I was not only lucky enough to see play in his junior days, but I had the privilege of shooting the breeze with during the game for 2 minutes at a time and being on the ice when he was handed the hardware.

2 - When his team’s leadership went AWOL, Joe took up the slack, stepped up, and saved the series. That’s how midwest boys play hockey.

3 - He stuck his stick up the collective Assalanche and broke it off.

Between giving me one of the most incredible nights of my life and single-handedly whupping the Dive like a rented mule, how could I possibly root against him?

Simple, really. This is playoff hockey and Mr. Pavelski is on the wrong team. Sorry Joe, but for the next 4-7 games, you’re dead to me.

(Apologies for the novel, see you bitches in a couple hours. LGRW.)

Posted by Pugna Vox from Idiot Out Wandering Around on 04/29/10 at 09:06 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Handjobs were practically free for the asking, even the Asperger’s kid who squeegeed the slush off the ice got a piece. Puppies danced, lollipops dropped from the trees, and angels were delivered a semi-truck full of wings. And Joe Pavelski was a big part in making that happen.

Sounds nice, but in my ideal, I don’t even have to ask.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 09:10 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

ideal=ideal day

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 09:11 PM ET

Avatar

without their top three scorers leading the way, the arch-nemesis Red Wings are a whole different story.   How many teams consider the Red Wings their arch nemesis.

Posted by tommy from denver on 04/29/10 at 09:11 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Posted by Pugna Vox from Idiot Out Wandering Around on 04/29/10 at 07:06 PM ET

Nice.
From the heart,
pumping the red-and-white.

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/29/10 at 09:17 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

How many teams consider the Red Wings their arch nemesis.
Posted by tommy from denver on 04/29/10 at 07:11 PM

29.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/29/10 at 09:20 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

I don’t think I got banned from BoC, but I can’t log in. My post is still up, but the way that place is set up it’s kinda lost in the Joe Pavelski this, and Joe Pavelski that gibberish. I hope we put that bitch in his place tonight. LGRW

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 09:23 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

  How many teams consider the Red Wings their arch nemesis.
  Posted by tommy from denver on 04/29/10 at 07:11 PM

29.

Does the league office count as a team?

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 04/29/10 at 09:23 PM ET

ThroatShot's avatar

http://intenttoblow.com/

In honor of the Unabomber himself. Here’s to not getting blown to early!

Posted by ThroatShot from Pensacola, FL on 04/29/10 at 09:27 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

nhl challenge

1.  42jeff   106
2.  stonehands78   96
3.  rwfever   92
4.  cementslinger   91
5.  Sramram   86
5.  markk   86
7.  DistortionDan   84
8.  pgoody   75
9.  vikbash   61
10.  twelve   58
11.  CapnD   57
12.  Guilherme   32
13.  Ziggyny   0
13.  Chrispyhawk   0

Posted by pgoody on 04/29/10 at 09:28 PM ET

stayouttamalibu's avatar

For anyone that needs to kill time until the puck drop… found a site with a free NHL 94 emulator and ROM.

http://www.nhl94online.com/

Go down the right side of the page, and download the first file under Downloads:  GENS Downloads… has both files you need in it.  Unzip, start up the gens emulator and load the nhl94 rom.

Lidstrom’s overall rating was like a 66 in that game, good enough for 4th or 5th best on detroit.

Took a minute to find out how to change the buttons, (3 button setup seems easier to figure out, classic sega)

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 04/29/10 at 05:33 PM ET

Fuch that - I’ll just turn on my SNES and play for real.  One of the greatest games ever made.


I know many pundits have been predicting a fast and “easy” series for the Wings, but I think the general concensus around here (me included) is that this is most certainly not going to be an easy series.  I think we will win, but it will be anything but easy.  The good part about it is that now all of the bore you to sleep trap teams are peaced out.  This series should be extremely fun to watch.

Posted by stayouttamalibu from California on 04/29/10 at 09:28 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

Capt.DP- It clearly says when you join their blog,

if you are going to be mean at least be funny.

I don’t really think what you said was too mean, but it sure as hell was funny.
(lack of) prduction line is great.
so we have:
The Sharts
starring:
The (lack of) Production Line with special guest Joe “I wish I was” Pavel-ski.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from Evanston,IL on 04/29/10 at 09:28 PM ET

pgoody's avatar

we need to make scoring on the PP a theme… especially since SJ is taking the fewest penalties in the playoffs up till now..

Posted by pgoody on 04/29/10 at 09:29 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com