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Abel to Yzerman

Off-Spinning And Doosras With Off-Putting Cap-A-Doodle-Doos

Many big things have happened the past week and a bit.  Let’s get straight to the chase, bitches, grab a drink because here we go.

If you haven’t been checking out our friend Animal Drew at Nightmare On Helm Street this summer, shame on you.  Not only has he been keeping us updated on important Wings developments on the Gore, more on that later, but he’s also been hard at work kicking sand in the faces of Junior’s bandwagon.

In an epic, and wonderfully sadistic, series of summer posts he’s been detailing the roster demolition in Chicago.  The culmination of his work is this post describing the “Fire Sale” in Chicago.

My highlight?  This wrap-up:

To bring our total net difference in points for Chicago at -134 points.

Epic stuff.  Remember when people in Chicago laughed at us when they “stole” Kopecky?  Now he is Junior’s saviour.  Laugh hard at your belly on this one, and it is not even over.  The Emperor offers us this story:

If the arbitrator decides Niemi’s worth much more than $3 million a year, Bowman may have no choice but to walk away from the decision…

There are rumors the ‘Hawks will accept the decision and then try and trade Niemi so they don’t end up losing a top asset without getting anything back in return… any team dealing with the Blackhawks… will know they’ve got the team over a barrel and will be offering little in return.

Game, set, match, bandwagon.  We’ll be hearing from them in another 40 years.

Then a few things got me thinking, and I wasn’t so gleeful anymore.  Not surprisingly, it started with something showoff blogger, George Malik, posted last week:

Subjective fans like me don’t give a rat’s arse as to whether these “lifetime contracts” allow big-market teams to supposedly gain an unfair advantage on their smaller-market bretheren… Devellano points out that Red Wings GM Ken Holland did not break any rules when he signed Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen to 12 and 10-year contracts, respectively, and Devellano had a similar reaction to the one that most Wings fans did when they found out that the team would keep Henrik Zetterberg in red and white for the rest of his career:

“I gave [Holland] a big hug.”

Malik continues:

Fans have every right to want names and faces to invest in emotionally and to invest in via their merchandise and ticket-purchasing bucks, faces that they know will remain with their favorite team for the long haul, and in that respect, that’s where Gary Bettman and the NHL got their concept of roster-destabilizing parity and a CBA which forces even the best-managed teams to place key contributors’ customized jerseys on the clearance rack on a daily basis.  It doesn’t build the brand on a market-by-market basis, and it doesn’t “sell” the dedicated one-team fan on sacrificing roster continuity and winning bang for their buck for the sake of the “good of the game.”

To hell with that.  I want my Red Wings to win, and I want my Red Wings to not turn over their entire roster every three years.

Hell yes.  George is 100% right.  Fans don’t care how it is done, all we care is that the guys we love to watch play on our team stay if they want to.  But Li’l Gary doesn’t care about the fans.  Which is why he loves the salary cap.

Imagine for a minute we were in Chicago’s position in the mid-90’s.  After more than four decades of suckage, we finally get a taste of victory, and our team is snatched from us immediately afterwards.  It sucks.  Which is just how Li’l Gary wants it.

One of sports’ great athletes retired this week.  Muttiah Muralitharan was arguably the best cricket bowler in history.  His stats certainly put him at the top of the list.  In North America, we’ve heard nothing about his retirement, but trust me when I say the man was fearsome to face.  With marathon endurance (matches can take 5 days to complete in cricket), Muralitharin was constantly on the attack, and recorded the most wickets (like a strikeout) in the sport’s history.

The most interesting thing about Murali’s incredible career is not his stats nor his accomplishments, but rather that he spent most of it under a dark cloud of controversy.  Muralitharin was born with near inhuman flexibility in his wrist, which was the cause of his devastating delivery while bowling.  Despite years of success, Murali was constantly being accused of having an illegal delivery for an off-spinning wrist bowler.

It got so bad, eventually scientists at the University of Western Australia studied his delivery under laboratory conditions and determined… Muralitharin’s delivery exceeded the allowable elbow extension of 5°.  End of story?  Science wins the day?  Not quite.

Controversy ensued, and Muralitharin’s delivery was subjected to a total of four scientific studies.  Eventually it was determined that not only was his delivery legal, but most spinning bowlers exceeded the allowable elbow extension of 5°, prompting the rules of cricket to be changed to allow up to 15° of extension.

The moral of this story?  Allowing ANALysis of this kind in any sport, be it for delivery of balls or salary-cap technicalities, ruins the sport as it was intended to be played; on the playing field and not in the courtrooms.  Once again, Li’l Gary’s legal proceedings (Kovalchuk) will be center-stage over the summer ruining any NHL coverage for all of us.  Thanks, Gary.  Ass.

One last thing before I disappear again.  Animal Drew at NOHS was good enough to tell us about a major retirement in the Wings’ blogosphere.  Chris Hollis of Motown Wings has announced his retirement.  Known for his blogging, podcasting on The Obstructed View, and having a bitching beard, Hollis will be missed by Wings fans everywhere on the Gore.  Good luck, Hollis, keep in touch.

In other news, Tyler from The Triple Deke visited Canada recently.  Having never seen The Godfather, Tyler was not aware the significance this package sent to him from Maple Leafs fans had:

image

That’s right, bitches, Triple Deke Tyler sleeps with the fishes.  Blame Canada.

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Comments

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Guilherme's avatar

Damn, <strike>Pavel</strike> Sully, I wish I thought of that one.

Posted by Guilherme from Brazsil on 07/31/10 at 10:55 PM ET

Twig in Houston's avatar

I used to go swimming in Pickerel Lake

i’ve fished there. nice lake.

Posted by Twig in Houston from Houston, TX on 08/01/10 at 02:36 AM ET

MarkK's avatar

One might say…
[sunglasses]
He’s a real surgeon with a sturgeon.
YEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Caruso, eh?

Size isn’t a valid field mark - too much depends on the lake ecology, prey base, population size, and water temperature. I’ve seen Northern pike way larger than stunted muskie.

Is that why I saw a two and a half foot long goldfish circling under a bridge at the Inner Harbor last night?

Posted by MarkK from Maryland on 08/01/10 at 10:54 AM ET

thethirdcoast's avatar

i’ve fished there. nice lake.


Pickerel is also a nice spot for an afternoon of sea kayaking followed up by dinner at the Mitchell St. Pub, a.k.a. “The Greatest Bar on Earth,” IMHO.

Posted by thethirdcoast from Algiers, DZ on 08/01/10 at 02:47 PM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

You guys are thinking of the Pickerel Lake up near Petoskey.  I’m talking about the one in Pinckney Recreation Area.  The one WAY up 75 would, after all, be a long drive for nightswimming when I’m back home visiting friends.

The Greatest Bar On Earth, or at least the Greatest Bar Near Washtenaw County’s Pickerel Lake, is a couple of good six-packs and some mountainous sandwiches from the North Lake Country Store, then eating and drinking at my friend’s parents’ house.  After all, when was the last time you were in a bar that had a hot tub, a projection-screen television, and every book on evolutionary biology you could ever want to read?

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/01/10 at 03:06 PM ET

Baroque's avatar

Is that why I saw a two and a half foot long goldfish circling under a bridge at the Inner Harbor last night?

Possibly. Goldfish are just carp, and given enough food and warm water carp can grow to enormous size. They are extremely tolerant of low oxygen levels (several forms of hemoglobin help with that), tolerant of pollution that would harm or kill more sensitive fish, and prefer warm water to clear, cold waters.

Not outside the realm of possibility. Take the things out of a stagnant bowl and give them something other than flake food and they can do quite well.

Posted by Baroque from Michigan on 08/01/10 at 03:13 PM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

Goldfish are just carp

Also good eatin’.

Though given the comment about them being pollution-tolerant, maybe not a good idea.  Still darned tasty, though.  Maybe I should spend Christmas in the Czech Republic this year.

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/01/10 at 03:17 PM ET

Avatar

VB? Victoria Bitter? AKA The World’s Finest Beer? Trust me, that’s a sore point. Can’t find it anywhere here - apparently, the alcohol content is too high for import. And I refuse to drink Fosters, piss-water that Australia wisely exports to keep it the hell as far away as possible.

Interesting to read some impressions of Australia. I know a guy living in Nashville, ex-navy, Michigan boy, life-long Wings fan who spent time ashore in Sydney, and loved it. I’ve told him he should check out A2Y sometime because I think he’d fit right in.

It strikes me that a lot of Wings fans tend to be like this - a little older maybe, and just rock solid people. Generalization of course, based on a couple of visits to the Joe and online impressions, so feel free to educate me differently. But it ties in with my view of the Wings - tradition, class. Maybe a little penisy, but when it’s justified, as in the Wings’ case, that’s fine. My first real impression of the Wings came during the 2002 postseason, seeing Steve Yzerman playing on one leg. Saw something very special there. Granted, it was a loaded team, and they really had no business doing anything but winning the Cup that year, but they still had to do it.

And in the interest of full disclosure, let me just say that the concept and execution of H2H was beyond awesome.

All that said, it’s now time to fulfill my destiny and become your (un)friendly neighbourhood Pens troll. GENO RULEZ!!!! DATSUK SUX!!!!! Yeah.

By the way, I’m a pharmacist, er cancer researcher. So in the unlikely event that I do make a tool of myself trolling and get owned, I’m still smarter than all of you.

Oh, and woo.

Posted by nashwillo on 08/01/10 at 03:43 PM ET

thethirdcoast's avatar

VB? Victoria Bitter? AKA The World’s Finest Beer? Trust me, that’s a sore point. Can’t find it anywhere here - apparently, the alcohol content is too high for import. And I refuse to drink Fosters, piss-water that Australia wisely exports to keep it the hell as far away as possible.

nash,

Any feelings on Cooper’s? I’ve been able to lay hands on it here in western NY state and found it decent. Not sure if you’ve got any worthwhile importers down your way though.

Posted by thethirdcoast from Algiers, DZ on 08/01/10 at 03:48 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Really?(!!!)

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/01/10 at 03:50 PM ET

AndrewFromAnnArbor's avatar

VB? Victoria Bitter? AKA The World’s Finest Beer?

That’s the one.  Spent many a fine evening in Earl’s Court necking pints of it with a big fat Aussie named Brent and his impossibly hot sister Mel.  Lovely stuff, and I’m pretty sure it’s the surest way to make an expat Australian homesick.  Easiest way to make one angry is to say that ARL footie is just a pansified version of Gaelic rules football, but that’s beside the point.  You didn’t come here to have your buttons pushed.

It strikes me that a lot of Wings fans tend to be like this - a little older maybe, and just rock solid people.

Nah, we’re a bunch of arrogant grouchy conspiracy theorists that don’t welcome outsiders and revel in our juveliciousness.  Got us all wrong.

Saw something very special there.

Damn straight.  Won’t see his like again for many moons.

By the way, I’m a pharmacist, er cancer researcher. So in the unlikely event that I do make a tool of myself trolling and get owned, I’m still smarter than all of you.

Uh…I’m going to assume by that comment that you know our history with Australian pharmacist Pens fans, and leave it at that.

Seriously, you know the drill.  Hang around, debate, don’t make an ass of yourselve, and that’s about it.  Pull up a chair and a Bell’s Oberon and let’s talk about whose players opposing fans can respect (hint: Geno’s not one of them).

Posted by AndrewFromAnnArbor from Fortress Europe on 08/01/10 at 04:06 PM ET

Sullyosis's avatar

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/01/10 at 01:50 PM ET

Oh yeah, I heard about his new extension.  Ha!

Posted by Sullyosis from A hateful lair in Post Apocalyptic US (or Arizona) on 08/01/10 at 06:33 PM ET

Behind_Enemy_Lines's avatar

By the way, I’m a pharmacist, er cancer researcher. So in the unlikely event that I do make a tool of myself trolling and get owned, I’m still smarter than all of you.

Oh, and woo.

Posted by nashwillo on 08/01/10 at 01:43 PM ET


I’m no cancer researcher, but that makes me laugh at my belly. Penis clown.

Posted by Behind_Enemy_Lines from the Big House,January1,2013. on 08/01/10 at 06:46 PM ET

Avatar

“Uh…I’m going to assume by that comment that you know our history with Australian pharmacist Pens fans, and leave it at that.”

Yes. Tongue was firmly in cheek. No intention of being an ass here. Or an arse.

Posted by nashwillo on 08/01/10 at 07:39 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

And now for a word from our sponsors.

//sigh//

Is it October yet?

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 08/01/10 at 11:48 PM ET

Nati's avatar

woah. So I’m finally coming out of my cave and talking off season. Life without hockey is too different for me.

Really I have just been traveling and trying to keep my mind all the not so exciting stuff that’s going on in the hockey world.

But on a semi related note. I was visiting Chicago this weekend and didn’t realize the Hawks were having their little convention thing downtown. Saturday I went for a run in the city and I was wearing a wings shirt. As I was nearing the hotel where the convention was I started realizing that there were a lot of hawk fans (er.. people in blackhawk merchandise) walking around. Basically became a pretty hostile environment for me. A lot of jeering, glaring, yelling, a couple middle fingers and when I got real close to hotel one guy attempted to spit at me. Really pleasant people those hawk fans. It was actually pretty amusing to see how worked up these people got over a red wings shirt.

Hmph. I’m ready for hockey to be back

Posted by Nati from school or work, either would apply on 08/02/10 at 12:32 AM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com