Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Lounge Singers, Helene’s Snowballs, Delicate Geniuses

I'm pretty sure this is going to work.

I've thought about the occupy the NHL thing a bit, where fans show up to the arenas even if no hockey is being played. I'm not sure if this will work or have the impact that is intended.

That's from one of Dwayne Klessel's "correspondents", a Sabres blogger and it follows on the heels of a stirring video the lounge singer himself made that featured slo-mo montages of crying children and Sally Strothers, everyone sad that Dwayne hasn't stopped this lockout in its tracks a week before we all know it's going to happen. 

Dwayne, also known as "Eklund" to his sick dog, his paying customers and multiple team officials is also claiming a "secret deal" might be in the works.  All those ditties can be found at Hockey Buzz and that's just how pathetic this summer has become.  I went there and stayed for a few minutes. 

Mama's gotta eat though.  Hockey or not, Mama's gotta eat.  Helene St. James, in full-on investigator mode, tweeted 66 times about Hank Zetterberg's snowballs yesterday. 

And that's all I'm gonna type about hockey because I seriously do not give a single shit.  You want to lock out? Do it.  You're a fan and you want to "occupy", well...you're an idiot, but go ahead.  You're gonna boycott? Boycott what?  No your'e not.  You're going to sign a Twitter petition, however the hell you do that? Have at it and absolutely no one will care.  You want to wail and defend the players?  That's sweet and I'll bet they read every word, taking it in, steeling themselves to "stick together", spurned on by your sympathy. 

Seriously, do you think for a single second that Johan Franzen is sitting at home watching Dexter, pausing from time to time to ponder the sad fan?  He doesn't give a shit. He wants his money and he probably enjoys playing hockey.  He likes the free sweatshirts.   I believe they care, vaguely...momentarily, about the people who can't pay bills because they'll be out of jobs at the Joe.  Blah, blah, bullshit, blah.  I'm not writing anything you don't know.  Stress if you want to.  I'll be waiting for Helene to tweet her Krispy treat secrets.

Mitch Albom says there's a Tiger game tonite, by the way.

Can they bring it home? How can anybody say? The Tigers begin a 10-game trip tonight against Los Angeles, Chicago and Cleveland.

No they don't. The LA series starts tomorrow. Facts, Mitch.  It's just facts.

Again, I'm pathetic. I just finished reading Judy Blume himself, complete with more fake conversations...

"BRING IT HOME, PRINCE!" you yell. "BRING IT HOME, DELMON!"

"Can they bring it home?" your spouse asks.

"Let's just hope they don't come back mathematically eliminated," you whisper. "YOU GOT IT, BOYS! NO SURRENDER!"

It's over. The run is over. Please, I'm asking you, just please stop pretending to be a sports writer. Not even once a week. It's no good for either of us anymore. Hasn't been for more than a decade.

A few weeks ago I picked on Brendan Savage and I don't remember why. I'm also not real excited about going back to look for that post.  I just know I jabbed him a bit and then one of  you pointed out that he's got a pair.  He went up against the Flint Generals and basically one-man-showed their asses. After the comment about that here, I looked up some of his articles when he was covering the Generals a few years ago and it's great stuff. Real reporting.  Legitimate investigative journalism without caring who he pissed off.  It's good stuff and you can find it all at MLive.

I mention that today because it's got to really stir those journalistic juices every time his bosses tell him to go ahead and write one of these riveting pieces featuring comments from MLive readers.

According to MLive.com readers, it might actually be a good thing if a lockout delays the start of the National Hockey League season. At least for a veteran team like the Red Wings.

Right. Because that robust blue line doesn't need as much time together as possible before Gary's playoffs start. 

"Jake in Dayton" wrote this, personally, to Brendan and I'll be pissed on if he didn't run with it.

"It only makes sense that a shortened season would benefit all teams, not just Detroit," jake_in_dayton wrote. "To answer 'yes' to this question you would somehow have to know via crystall ball who the powerhouse teams are going to be, when the shortened season would start and then do a schedule analysis of each team in the NHL. If Detroit avoids the powerhouse teams in the back end of the schedule, then 'yes', they benefit."

I know via crystal ball that the pending lockout has turned everyone and everything into mindless idiots, including me.

Speaking of Savage.  Fleet his ass up when Gary lets the season start. Fleet him up and let him go because unless Bruce MacLeod (the anti-digger) comes back? We've got no one willing to do what Lynn Henning did yesterday.

They call it the seven-year itch, that restive time when marriages can crash against the rocks, mostly because one or more parties are simply fatigued.

I wonder if Jim Leyland and the Tigers have reached that point.

A feeling has been building for a few weeks now, spurred by a team's back-and-forth ways, its crushing one-run losses, its inability to revive a half-dozen hitters who somehow have managed to shoot duds for 130 games, that these could be his waning weeks in Detroit.

Man. Sounds like an implosion, eh?  Naturally, Henning cites no sources...in true Detroit sports writing style.  And he makes a bold claim based on absolute idiot talk show callers (and MLive commenters), but at least he has the nuts to challenge, publicly, the Ilitch regime. 

Helene?

No, I don't think so.

There's some ditties for you. I won't even point you to the literally hundreds of articles out there predicting an end to the Wing playoff streak.  To those I say...whatever.  I'm not happy with the Summer of Ken '12 and I'm not comfortable that this team--as it stands--appears to be a Cup contender.  But I do believe a division title is highly realistic, when you consider each Central team has equal or greater weaknesses.

The Wings will not miss the playoffs, whenever Gary lets them start.  Too much talent up front, in goal and--particularly--behind the bench and upstairs. 

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

Keyser S.'s avatar

I haven’t read a single albom article since the final four incident. Sounds like he’s turning towards poetry.

Leland should’ve been fired a few years ago. He’s just collecting a pay check. His lack of a “short” game has been hurting the tigers for a while now. All that being said, I have no idea what I’m talking about. I want to watch hockey. I want to watch the wings don the 3rd jersey of the old english D! And I want to watch datsyuk score a beautiful breakaway goal with it on and have pierre mcguire have hallucinations about the wind carrying the puck into the net.

Posted by Keyser S. on 09/06/12 at 09:04 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

he probably enjoys playing hockey

Not in Detroit evidently

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/06/12 at 09:31 AM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Maybe it’s the wake’n'bake but I completely missed the point of this blog post.  It was like watching the T1000 melt in a pool of molten metal.  Incoherent and all over the place.  You put PBR in your wheaties this mornin’ William?

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/06/12 at 09:52 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

I completely missed the point of this blog post.

There was absolutely no point whatsoever.  You are correct, sir.  My wife, my Sailors and my kids are tuning me out currently so I thought I’d force my ramblings on you guys.  It’s how I roll. You know that.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 09/06/12 at 09:57 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

spurned on by your sympathy.

Normally I don’t quibble about typos, but did you mean “spurred”?

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 09/06/12 at 10:36 AM ET

Chris in Hockey Hell's avatar

I don’t care if every one of your posts are incoherent mutterings, Chief. Keep ‘em coming. I’ll read every single one.

Posted by Chris in Hockey Hell from Ann Arbor, MI but LIVING in Columbia, TN on 09/06/12 at 10:36 AM ET

Avatar

Where do people get off trying to tell people what to think, anyway!

Bunch of dicks.  smile

Posted by HockeyinHD on 09/06/12 at 11:00 AM ET

cigar_nurse's avatar

I hear ya Chief. The owners and the players can give less than 2 shits what the fan’s opinions are with the CBA, so we should just return the favor. What will I do if the lockout happens? Support the local ECHL team buying season tickets with the money I would have spent on Center Ice. When the pros start, I will be back. We just have no choice or influence in the matter so why fight it? Sit back have a Fresca or PBR and wait for things to fall in place.

I start therapy for a torn bicep tendon,labrum,and rotator cuff today with a possible return to playing hockey in January. Played for 10 months with the injury wondering why I had a problem lifting opponents’s sticks away from the puck.

Posted by cigar_nurse from Greenville South Cakalakee on 09/06/12 at 11:00 AM ET

Avatar

Seriously though, I think the lockout provides a great opportunity for people to see some hockey at other levels that, while it isn’t as technically pleasing as the NHL (for the most part), it can be just as much fun to watch, especially live.

For anyone in the metro Detroit area, I highly suggest catching a Whalers game.  They’re right off M-14 maybe 3 miles west of I-275, it’s cheap as hell ($5 Friday seats.  Seriously.), and it’s a place you can take your kids.

Also, the hockey is pretty good considering it’s kids trying to win jobs and contracts, so there aren’t many floaters out there.  It’s also pretty physical and aggressive hockey, if that’s your favorite part of the game.

Michigan and State both have enjoyable fan experiences, although decidedly not ones best for younger kids (especially Michigan).  Significantly more expensive, though.

Then there are the Griffins, although they’re far enough away to make them an unlikely substitute for a live game experience.

Don’t let the NHL give you heartburn.  They aren’t worth it.  Get your hockey fix locally, support a few new businesses nearby that would really appreciate it, and when all those douchebags figure out a way to split 3 billion dollars you won’t have suffered in the meantime.

Posted by HockeyinHD on 09/06/12 at 11:11 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

There’s some ditties for you. I won’t even point you to the literally hundreds of articles out there predicting an end to the Wing playoff streak.  To those I say…whatever.


Thanks , Master Chief, for continuing to churn them out.

Whatever
is right. A word made popular long ago by my family.

Oh fuch yea! I will take credit for making that part of the vernacular.

    spurned on by your sympathy.

Normally I don’t quibble about typos, but did you mean “spurred”?

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 09/06/12 at 10:36 AM ET

I don’t think it is a typo. Spurned is appropriate.

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!! In’13

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 09/06/12 at 11:14 AM ET

Vladimir16's avatar

Then there are the Griffins, although they’re far enough away to make them an unlikely substitute for a live game experience.
Posted by HockeyinHD on 09/06/12 at 11:11 AM ET

Not when you live in G.R. wink
I will be attending plenty of Griffins and Ferris State Bulldogs’ game this year. AND if’n a lockout happens the Joe will not see this guy walk up it’s steps this year.

Posted by Vladimir16 from Grand River Valley on 09/06/12 at 11:23 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 09/06/12 at 11:14 AM ET

Spurned means to reject disdainfully.  Spurred means to urge forward.  The sentence does not make sense if you replace spurned with reject:  That’s sweet and I’ll bet they read every word, taking it in, steeling themselves to “stick together”, rejected on by your sympathy.

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 09/06/12 at 11:25 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

Normally I don’t quibble about typos, but did you mean “spurred”?

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 09/06/12 at 10:36 AM ET

Morning Forlorn.  I don’t know. Spurn’s a cool word. Sometimes it doesn’t matter to me if it makes sense or if it’s used correctly.  Most times, really.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 09/06/12 at 11:28 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

I don’t know about you, Chief, but I’ve been looking forward every week to the day that MLive posts the comments of the preeminent hockey mind killbuttman.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/06/12 at 11:32 AM ET

Forlorn in VA's avatar

LOL Cheif, point taken!

Posted by Forlorn in VA on 09/06/12 at 11:32 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Sigh…bitches be crazy.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 09/06/12 at 11:47 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

My wife, my Sailors and my kids are tuning me out currently so I thought I’d force my ramblings on you guys.  It’s how I roll. You know that.
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 09/06/12 at 09:57 AM ET

Did you write something? I must have missed it.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 09/06/12 at 11:56 AM ET

dougie's avatar

I am much more pissed that I am being locked out of the final 8 episodes of “Breaking Bad” until next summer.

What Would Walter White Do?

His problems generally end up in a barrel of hydrochloric acid. Just sayin’.

Posted by dougie on 09/06/12 at 12:49 PM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

I am much more pissed that I am being locked out of the final 8 episodes of “Breaking Bad” until next summer.

I just finished season 4 on netflix then got first two episodes of 5 last night on Amazon. Holy shit what a great show. What’s the deal with the 8 episode thing?

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 09/06/12 at 01:11 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Deer season so happens to start on 9/15 here in lil ol’ MO, I won’t exactly me missing the NHL.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 09/06/12 at 01:18 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Think it’s bad enough when the NHL news is weak, hell, the local rags here in Vegas still haven’t caught up to the fact that the ECHL Wranglers are still playing in Vegas.  Actual conversation (hazily since I’m currently hungover):

Me:  Can’t wait for the ECHL season to start.
Huh:  What’s ECHL?
Me:  How long you’ve been in this town?
Huh:  Since ‘02.
Me:  And you regularly gamble at the Orleans?
Huh:  Yeah.
Me:  You mean to tell me that all those years you’ve been gambling and not once you asked about all those Wranglers jerseys walking around?
Huh:  Uh, no?
Me:  [Homer Simpson blinks]

(sigh)

Man, this town bugs me sometimes.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 09/06/12 at 01:42 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Sigh…bitches be crazy.

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 09/06/12 at 11:47 AM ET

Indeed.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 09/06/12 at 02:09 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Breaking Bad is without question my favorite tv show of all time. Maybe. And that includes I Dream of Jeannie with a scantily clad Barbara Eden.

“Face Off” - it’s not just for hockey any more, ask Gus Fring, if he were still alive.  That was originally, when written, intended to be the series finale. 

And now, finally, Hank ... Oops, you haven’t seen episode 508 yet Chief?  I won’t spoil it.

Vince Gilligan and crew are crafting out the plot lines for the final 8 episodes which won’t be aired until next summer.  FML.

Yeah Bitch, Magnets !

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 09/06/12 at 02:17 PM ET

dougie's avatar

What’s the deal with the 8 episode thing?

I saw Bryan Cranston on Letterman a few weeks back, and I THINK I remember hearing him say they had all 16 final season episodes in the can.

AMC announced they were going to split up the final season by showing 8 episodes, then taking a break before showing the final 8. They just didn’t tell you it was going to be a break until next summer, until the very end of last Sunday’s Episode 8.

Kinda like the NHL lockout.

Posted by dougie on 09/06/12 at 02:46 PM ET

Avatar

I am much more pissed that I am being locked out of the final 8 episodes of “Breaking Bad” until next summer.

I like Breaking Bad, but it’s been a little wobbly this year, IMO.

Deadwood, The Wire, Homeland, Justified, Friday Night Lights… those are series over the years that have merited Breaking Bad-minimum levels of appreciation from me.  Damages is pretty solid.

Battlestar Galactica was pretty good too, but it got really wobbly at the end as well.

Heck, I’ve never seen The Shield and I have limited exposure to the Sopranos, so if I get desperate enough for stuff to watch that’s about 20 seasons worth of TV viewing right there alone.

I wonder if it’s actually possible to be caught up on that many series.

Posted by HockeyinHD on 09/06/12 at 03:28 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

There was absolutely no point whatsoever.  You are correct, sir.  My wife, my Sailors and my kids are tuning me out currently so I thought I’d force my ramblings on you guys.  It’s how I roll. You know that.
   
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 09/06/12 at 09:57 AM ET

I do know this and appreciate the raping of my eyeballs with your ramblings, I like it rough.  BTW, have you heard anything recently about Z’s shnowballs?  I’ve been REALLY curious about them.. at least as far as hockey goes.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/06/12 at 03:57 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

And that includes I Dream of Jeannie with a scantily clad Barbara Eden.

Is that the show about he astronaut and the stripper?  I think I remember watching that after lost in space but before bewitched.

Deadwood was great but Tim Olyphant BLOWS.. blows blows blows.. ruined the Seth Bullock character.

Master Chief, if you haven’t already, you should check out Trailer Park Boys on Netflix, they have the whole series, I’ve watched 3 times now.  Always reminds me of Kuklas comments section.

Just over the weekend got into Hell on Wheels, they have the first season on Netflix and the second just started a couple weeks ago on AMC.  If you like Deadwood, you LOVE this show.  Goddamned Cullen Bohannan is a grade A badass.  I’m addicted, watching season 1 a second time already with the ol’ lady now and it’s just as good second time around.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/06/12 at 04:21 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

And rollin’ in style chief cool smile  About that occupy the arenas thing…..if I wanna NOT watch hockey, I’ll just do it at home. The midget would get off too much seeing folks camping out arena parking lots. And I certainly dont want to do anything from my end that makes him giddy.

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 09/06/12 at 04:43 PM ET

calquake's avatar

There was absolutely no point whatsoever.

That’s exactly why I read your blog… it fits my lifestyle.

Also, another great series when it was on was Six Feet Under.  I also enjoyed Northern Exposure, Homicide (Life on the Street) and The Wire when they were on and Rescue Me is an all time favorite.

Posted by calquake on 09/06/12 at 04:45 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Goddamned Cullen Bohannan is a grade A badass.  I’m addicted, watching season 1 a second time already with the ol’ lady now and it’s just as good second time around.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/06/12 at 04:21 PM ET

Oh Hell (on wheels) Yeah.  I love that show.

Breaking Bad may already have 16 episodes in the can.  The video clip I saw of Vince Gilligan said they were crafting out the plot lines to the final 8 episodes, but that could have been recorded a while back.

I lot of Breaking Bad forum freaks say it’s the best show since The Wire, which I have never seen, so I’ll need to run that down.

A lot of shows do turn “wobbly” like a boxer or hockey player staying around 2 years too long.  Breaking Bad hasn’t done that yet.  As much as I’d love to see it come back I’m afraid that it may become diluted or clearly straining just to stay on the air.  To the credit of the creators and Vince Gilligan, they wrote and filmed season 4 to be the last, and if you’ve seen all of season 4 you’ll see how the many story lines were wrapped up.  However, during the airing of season 4 AMC contracted them to create a season 5 of 16 episodes, to be shown in two sets of 8.  Who knew there would be an entire year between the first and second halves?

Yeah Magnets, Bitch!

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 09/06/12 at 06:34 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Thank God Chief created a new thread so no one saw me waking up with Elisha Cuthbert.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 09/06/12 at 06:36 PM ET

HockeytownOverhaul's avatar

Posted by RWBillhannon from the Capital of the Confederacy. on 09/06/12 at 06:34 PM ET

I’m a little weird about things with cancer in the plot lines or about cancer, makes them unenjoyable to watch, but my ol’ lady has been swearin’ up and down Breaking Bad doesn’t focus on it really and that it’s an amazing show.  I think I’ll have to check it out.

The Wire was pretty good Bill, worth a look for sure.

Posted by HockeytownOverhaul on 09/06/12 at 06:46 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

im gonna stick with the walking dead and fringe

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 09/06/12 at 07:15 PM ET

TheRealYooper's avatar

my favorite tv show of all time. Maybe. And that includes I Dream of Jeannie with a scantily clad Barbara Eden

sacrilege.

Posted by TheRealYooper from within sight of the edge of the Earth. on 09/07/12 at 12:05 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Oh geez, we’re talking about tv shows.  This is truly depressing.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 09/07/12 at 09:18 AM ET

dougie's avatar

What is truly depressing is that we couldn’t even get a decent argument started.

Posted by dougie on 09/07/12 at 04:17 PM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

Wings used to rule.

Tony Shalhoub as a cab driver?  Awesome stuff.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 09/07/12 at 04:26 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com