Abel to Yzerman
by VooX on 04/23/10 at 04:15 PM ET
Luminary minds at the PHWA, like Greg Wyshynski and Adrian Dater, announced this season’s Norris trophy finalists:
Chicago’s Duncan Keith, Washington’s Mike Green and Los Angeles’ Drew Doughty were named Friday as the finalists for the awarded presented to the NHL’s top defenseman.
You’re telling me that the “great”, “professional” hockey journalists at the PHWA decided Nick Lidstrom, The Perfect Human, wasn’t a Norris finalist? Utter nonsense. A room full of monkey at desks masturbating on typewriters would have done a better job at awarding this year’s Norris Trophy.
It is just the second time in 12 seasons that Lidstrom, a six-time Norris winner, hasn’t been a finalist. He finished ninth in scoring among defensemen with 49 points (nine goals, 40 assists).
Those bitches can suck it. While Lidstrom may not deserve to win the Norris this season, he deserves to be a finalist. No fauxing doubt about it.
By not voting for Lidstrom in a higher position, the pro hockey writers prove that they don’t watch hockey at all. They put their blind faith in something far less useful.
The finalists were the three-highest scoring defensemen in the league. Green led the way with 76 points (19 goals, 57 assists), followed by Keith (14-55—69) and Doughty (16-43—59).
Stats. The pro hockey writers use stats as a crutch to replace actually watching lots of hockey. It is now official. The Norris Trophy will be the equivalent of the Art Ross Trophy for defenceman.
It doesn’t matter that today we can DVR any game to watch the next day. It doesn’t matter that most games are broadcast widescreen so you can actually watch defenceman away from the puck thwart the offense. None of that matters to pro hockey writers. They have made it perfectly clear that they will let stats fuel their hockey ignorance from now on. They can all kiss my ass.
I asked Puck Daddy to send me his autograph on a large piece of aluminum foil as I wanted to make another tin-foil hat. He obliged. It was cute he used hearts to dot all his i’s. On the same piece of aluminum foil he listed his Norris Trophy picks:
1. Drew Doughty, Los Angeles Kings
2. Mike Green, Washington Capitals
3. Duncan Keith, Chicago Blackhawks
4. Nicklas Lidstrom, Detroit Red Wings
5. Chris Pronger, Philadelphia Flyers
Great job, Greg, you’ve made 3 terrible decisions in only 5 choices. You fail.
There is no way Lidstrom is only the fourth best defenceman this season. Stats have blinded you like chronic masturbation did in your teenage years.
This year’s Olympic hockey tournament proved a couple of things. The greatest hockey minds in Canada, including Steve Yzerman, all agreed that Mike Green was a defensive liability not worth the risk of having on an Olympic roster despite his huge offensive numbers. Also, Chris Pronger is completely out of place in today’s game. The best decision Babcock made during the Olympics was to bench Pronger.
The Sasquatch does not think or skate well, he is a throwback to the clutch-and-grab years of hockey. Pronger only commits stupid and violent penalties when on the ice today. That he is Puck Daddy’s fifth-best choice for the Norris Trophy shows what a joke Greg really is. Which is why he fits in so nicely among the other drooling idiots of the PHWA.
I’m so glad I’m only a faux journalist. I’d hate to be forced to stop watching hockey to do my job.
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Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com