Abel to Yzerman
by VooX on 03/22/10 at 07:00 PM ET
Jobu mocks us and has felled three of the Red Wings who will miss tonight’s game. Cleary, Eaves, and possibly Stuart. What will it take to appease Jobu, that sick bastard? Go forth and sacrifice your neighbourhood pets. Maybe blood sacrifices will appease Jobu’s bloodlust and he will leave the Wings alone for the remainder of this hockey season.
While baiting trolls and watching them spin like tops is fun, my mind is heavy with thoughts of what Jobu has in store for us, and I cannot enjoy our harvest of trolls as I normally would.
To top it off, we will likely be forced to endure yet another traumatic evening with the Douche Canoe tonight.
The Pens have their own problems. Besides having the most annoying fans in the NHL, they are also missing Malkin tonight. Let’s see how Rosby handles being the focal point of our shutdown defence. If it is anything like the last two SCFs, he will be crying by the end of the first period and throwing temper tantrums by the end of the second period.
Last year, we were missing Lidstrom and Datsyuk at the start of the SCFs. Thanks to Li’l Gary, the break between the WCF and SCF was minimal. The Pens trolls quickly dismissed us as whining as every team suffers through injuries. The Pens will never suffer from broken testicles, like Lidstrom had to, you require balls in the first place for that to happen and we all know there isn’t a single set of testicles on the Pens. Ask the Yambag Hammerer, Rosby.
The Pens have a target on their backs, and they are not responding well. How can a team in the weaker conference, who did not sustain the sheer number of long-term injuries the Wings did, only have 7 more points in the standings that we do? The answer is that the Penguins are not very good. And they are in for a rude awakening this post-season.
The Devils have their number, sweeping this season’s head-to-head matchups, and the Capitals are on fire with the highest octane offense in the NHL. The Pens can’t double shift Malkin and Rosby like they did last playoffs, at least not forever. Reality is a bitch, and it is about to bitch-slap Penguin fans in the most cruel way this post-season. Not to mention the devastation they will feel if they ever experience Pronger Fissix in the playoffs. That is a whole new level of nasty, the Pens and their fans will be crying like babies all series long when they receive Neanderthal’s repeated blows to their hollow heads.
I tried to reach out last night and give the Pens the long-overdue praise the fans felt they deserved. But that was not enough. The trolls were still unhappy. While we only scarcely talk about the Pens at A2Y, and only when we are about to face them, the trolls are obsessed with us. So expect an influx tonight during the LB. The drooling idiots just can’t help themselves.
To counter what is likely going to be an incessant whine from the trolls and perpetual Rosby bag-licking by the Douche Canoe, I am featuring another extended musical selection. Last time, the Rachmaninov got mixed reviews. This time I am going with one of the greatest rock songs ever written. Anytime the commentary on your TV gets annoying, push play and let Echoes become your soundtrack to the game.
The Wings and the 19 need a WIN tonight. To shut up the trolls and retain our rightful place at the playoff table, a WIN is all we will be happy with.
Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!! WIN.
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About Abel to Yzerman
Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977. No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y. Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation. There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature. Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: email@example.com