Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Hurry Up, Start the Live Blog Before The DBB Gets Any Worse

I rammed my frigging knee into a nifty little ditty we call, interestingly, a “knee knocker.”  The odd thing is that, traditionally, an actual knee knocker is the bottom part of a door frame on a ship that rises about six inches off the deck, causing you to step over it every time you walk through one of 19,000 water tight door frames on this Battle E winning warship. So, usually, if you’re gonna get hurt on a knee knocker it’s the ankle that bears the brunt of the pain.

And, oh we’ll be talking about an ankle in a minute.

But it was the knee that I hurt so badly. I blasted against the side of the door frame as I was stepping through and oh my frigging baby jesus you cynical, caustic, holy and so wise 8 pound keeper of my very soul.  Real pain. Searing, sucking, strength-sapping pain.  I didn’t go to medical because, like all Chiefs (and all men, really), I’m all about the self diagnosis.

Mine? My diagnosis? Yes. That. I could still walk and stretch and lift it with no additional pain. It was just a really painful blow to the kneecap.  What it is, and I’m quite sure about this, is our new famous asspounder of an injury: it’s a deep bone bruise.

And here’s where it gets so very weird.  I limped around whining like a, well, like a bitch.  I complained to everyone who’d listen and since I’m a damn Master Chief I ordered anyone I could find to listen and listen well.  It hurt.  So bad.  I figured, based on my recently acquired knowledge of deep bone bruises, that I’d be out of commission for a week. Two weeks. No more walking around with a cup of coffee, scolding people for my own enjoyment.  No more standing on the fantail smoking cigars and definitely, absolutely zero climbing any ladders to go up a few decks should the need arise.  Oh Hell no.

But the strangest thing happened when I woke up this morning.  I could walk. It feels much, much better.  Did it make me doubt the voracity of my diagnosis? Is it possible that my bone is bruised less deeply than I’d first thought? Surely, if a world class cyborg like Nick Lidstrom can miss a huge pocket of important games, than I’d be crippled by a similar injury.  Am I actually in better condition than Nick Fuching Lidstrom?

Or is there another explanation?

I know a deep bone bruise because I have one.  It hurts but I’m ready to push on.  Ready, I tell you. I could work through the pain and I will.

And Nick Lidstrom can’t?

Bone bruise, eh?  A deep one that’s kept him out ten games now?  Is that it? 9 maybe?  A deep bone bruise let him skate for a few minutes before getting off the ice in LA this morning?  That kind of deep bone bruise?

Liars. Dirty, filthy professional liars is who and what they all are.

“Deep bone bruise”, my ass.  And no that’s not a verb phrase before “my ass”, sickos.

Don’t be fooled my fake friends: If TPH were merely bruised to the bone deeply? He’d be in there.  So go ahead and puke to the tune of that while we Live Blog, bitches.

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Comments

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Bent's avatar

Really?

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 01:01 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

that damn well better be a penalty.  PPG - bank that shit.

Is that what you meant?

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:01 AM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

They’re so *#$%@& if something doesn’t get fixed and soon.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 03/14/12 at 01:01 AM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

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Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 03/14/12 at 01:01 AM ET

SYF's avatar

AAaaaaaannnnd there’s the generous PP giving up the SHG. 

nil-2.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:01 AM ET

SYF's avatar

10th SHG given up by the Wings.  Tied for second in the league.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:02 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Jimmah?

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 03/14/12 at 01:02 AM ET

Avatar

Does the opponent ever get a bigger momentum push than the Wings going on the PP?

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 03/14/12 at 01:02 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Crappola

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 01:02 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/13/12 at 11:00 PM ET

Babcock should keep a giant wooden spoon behind the bench and start knocking heads.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:03 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

that was just lovely.  Like Kopitar was going to miss.

Sigh.

Voox, make it a double vodka straight up.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:03 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

hockeychic:

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 01:07 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Voox, make it a double vodka straight up.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/13/12 at 11:03 PM ET

Any particular favorite?

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:08 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Can tell how badly the Kings want this game for the points.  They just want it more than we do.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:09 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Voox, make it a double vodka straight up.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/13/12 at 11:03 PM ET

With a chaser of turpentine, coming right up.

We are playing awful hockey.  Simply vomit inducing. 

Ipecac presents Detroit Red Wings hockey.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/14/12 at 01:09 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:08 PM ET

Do you usually hang out with Glenn Quagmire?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:11 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Best offensive chance by the HEMI Line.  Great chance, guys.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:11 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Do you usually hang out with Glenn Quagmire?

Posted by bezukov from South of Detroit on 03/13/12 at 11:11 PM ET

LOL.  Ice Bar inside the Red Square in Mandalay Bay.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:12 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Can tell how badly the Kings want this game for the points.  They just want it more than we do.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:09 PM ET

And the Kings didn’t even look that good.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:12 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Voox, during the last break when they said “You’re watching Detroit Red Wings hockey” the BF said, “This is not Red Wings hockey.”  Geez.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:12 AM ET

ITDeuce's avatar

3rd and 4th lines consistently outperform the top two, and I’m so sick of it.

Posted by ITDeuce from The Sunny High Desert on 03/14/12 at 01:12 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Ipecac presents Detroit Red Wings hockey.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/13/12 at 11:09 PM ET

I’ll go ahead have that Drain-o on the rocks then.  Mmmmmm, household poisons!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:12 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Merciful end to the first.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:13 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Ice Bar inside the Red Square in Mandalay Bay.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:12 PM ET

I knew that looked familiar . . .

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 01:14 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

LOL.  Ice Bar inside the Red Square in Mandalay Bay.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:12 PM ET

Gotcha lol.

I’m watching Justified during intermission.  Would you beautiful people let me know when the change tv back?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:15 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Ice Bar inside the Red Square in Mandalay Bay.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:12 PM ET

I knew that looked familiar . . .

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 01:17 AM ET

SYF's avatar

I knew that looked familiar . . .

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/13/12 at 11:14 PM ET

Since when did you make your way to Vegas?

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:17 AM ET

SYF's avatar

If I had a million dollar home, my bar would look like that.  That is an epic setup they got there.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:19 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Thanks for all the vodka pics, everyone.  I ‘ll take one of everything. 

and it isn’t even the playoffs yet.  FML.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:21 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Took a quick look at NCIS aaannnddd it’s a replay.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:24 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

Question of the night:

Ass Spatula or praying that the Cawks beat the Blues?

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 01:25 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Little Brother beat the BBBs in the shootout so the BBB still get a point.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:26 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Since when did you make your way to Vegas?

Hey, c’mon, I’ve been traveling for a living the past couple years.  Used to meet friends every May and October in Vegas.  Good times.

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 01:26 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Question of the night:

Ass Spatula or praying that the Cawks beat the Blues?

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/13/12 at 11:25 PM ET

You’re asking a loaded question.

a
s
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s
p
a
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a
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Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:27 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

As bad as they look on tv, trust me, they look worse in person. Smith has a deer in the headlights look

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/14/12 at 01:28 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Well, Trish, if you make your way to Vegas again this May, the Freakin’ Frog on Maryland Parkway has one of the largest collection of foreign beer taps in the city - Yardhouse, too.

Just a couple of suggestions.  Is all.

Second period.  Play like you got a pair, Wings.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:29 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Little Brother beat the BBBs in the shootout so the BBB still get a point.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/13/12 at 11:26 PM ET

Well if ever the phrase “You can’t win for losing” applied more, I couldn’t tell you.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:29 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:27 PM ET

:O

:O

:O

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 01:30 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Second period.  Play like you got a pair, Wings.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:29 PM ET

I was wondering to myself during the first over a question:  “Is it possible to embarrass these guys?”  Most of them don’t act like it.  Looking at you Horse’s Ass.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:32 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/13/12 at 11:30 PM ET

Please say she’s 21.

Else, I’ll just…Kronner with a great chance…dry hump the mesquite tree in my backyard.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:33 AM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com