Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Hurry Up, Start the Live Blog Before The DBB Gets Any Worse

I rammed my frigging knee into a nifty little ditty we call, interestingly, a “knee knocker.”  The odd thing is that, traditionally, an actual knee knocker is the bottom part of a door frame on a ship that rises about six inches off the deck, causing you to step over it every time you walk through one of 19,000 water tight door frames on this Battle E winning warship. So, usually, if you’re gonna get hurt on a knee knocker it’s the ankle that bears the brunt of the pain.

And, oh we’ll be talking about an ankle in a minute.

But it was the knee that I hurt so badly. I blasted against the side of the door frame as I was stepping through and oh my frigging baby jesus you cynical, caustic, holy and so wise 8 pound keeper of my very soul.  Real pain. Searing, sucking, strength-sapping pain.  I didn’t go to medical because, like all Chiefs (and all men, really), I’m all about the self diagnosis.

Mine? My diagnosis? Yes. That. I could still walk and stretch and lift it with no additional pain. It was just a really painful blow to the kneecap.  What it is, and I’m quite sure about this, is our new famous asspounder of an injury: it’s a deep bone bruise.

And here’s where it gets so very weird.  I limped around whining like a, well, like a bitch.  I complained to everyone who’d listen and since I’m a damn Master Chief I ordered anyone I could find to listen and listen well.  It hurt.  So bad.  I figured, based on my recently acquired knowledge of deep bone bruises, that I’d be out of commission for a week. Two weeks. No more walking around with a cup of coffee, scolding people for my own enjoyment.  No more standing on the fantail smoking cigars and definitely, absolutely zero climbing any ladders to go up a few decks should the need arise.  Oh Hell no.

But the strangest thing happened when I woke up this morning.  I could walk. It feels much, much better.  Did it make me doubt the voracity of my diagnosis? Is it possible that my bone is bruised less deeply than I’d first thought? Surely, if a world class cyborg like Nick Lidstrom can miss a huge pocket of important games, than I’d be crippled by a similar injury.  Am I actually in better condition than Nick Fuching Lidstrom?

Or is there another explanation?

I know a deep bone bruise because I have one.  It hurts but I’m ready to push on.  Ready, I tell you. I could work through the pain and I will.

And Nick Lidstrom can’t?

Bone bruise, eh?  A deep one that’s kept him out ten games now?  Is that it? 9 maybe?  A deep bone bruise let him skate for a few minutes before getting off the ice in LA this morning?  That kind of deep bone bruise?

Liars. Dirty, filthy professional liars is who and what they all are.

“Deep bone bruise”, my ass.  And no that’s not a verb phrase before “my ass”, sickos.

Don’t be fooled my fake friends: If TPH were merely bruised to the bone deeply? He’d be in there.  So go ahead and puke to the tune of that while we Live Blog, bitches.

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Comments

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Bent's avatar

Mule!

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 02:48 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Hey its Franzen showing up 53 minutes late.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:48 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Fuch you, Horse’s Ass.

2-4.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 03/14/12 at 02:48 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Wow,  Mule   ///////

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 02:48 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Moose with the huge goal to pull them within two

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:49 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Wow, Mule!

Z now leading the team along with Pavs with 59 points.

C’mon boys, still time left!

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 02:49 AM ET

SYF's avatar

If it took that long to get the second goal…

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 03/14/12 at 02:49 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Fuch you, Horse’s Ass.

2-4.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/14/12 at 12:48 AM ET

Seriously.  I’m actually mad.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:50 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Nice job, half-a-bucket.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 03/14/12 at 02:51 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 12:49 AM ET

In the midst of my sour grapes, I have to take a moment to commend your optimism hockeychic.

+19

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:51 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

I blame Forrest Gump.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:52 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Seriously.  I’m actually mad.

Posted by bezukov from South of Detroit on 03/14/12 at 12:50 AM ET

I hear ya.  And it stinks like sewage to see that Horse’s Ass leads this team in goals scored.  He should be at around 35-40 for his fuching pay.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 03/14/12 at 02:52 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Franzens goal was putting lipstick on a pig. Damn this is an ugly game.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/14/12 at 02:53 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

Another Queen looking like a Flying Wallenda the moment a Wing gets near them. Fuching divers.

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 02:55 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

So are you home already or breaking your mobile?

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 03/14/12 at 02:56 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

That Calgary game was actually pretty damn good tonight.  The Flames have nine regulars out of the lineup.  They’re so beat up that they even called up their first round draft choice who plays here in Portland —18 year old, obscenely talented kid named Sven Baertschi.  Kinda why I ended up watching so much of that game.

It was worth noting that a team down to so few healthy bodies that theyre calling up kids from major junior leagues put in such an inspired effort.  Makes the dogshit level of effort we’re seeing here all the more intolerable.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:56 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Holy shit do they not call anything these days?

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 03/14/12 at 02:57 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Pull Howard?

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 03/14/12 at 02:57 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

Another Queen looking like a Flying Wallenda the moment a Wing gets near them. Fuching divers.

L.G.R.W!

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 02:58 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

I’m so glad the tickets were free.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 03/14/12 at 02:58 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

I hear ya.  And it stinks like sewage to see that Horse’s Ass leads this team in goals scored.  He should be at around 35-40 for his fuching pay.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/14/12 at 12:52 AM ET

What’s worse than winning a gold medal at the special olympics? 

Seriously though…. Stamkos got to fifty today.  I’m not saying I expect that out of Mule, but 30-35 or more isn’t asking too much for his contract.  Or you know, he could at least help with defense.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:59 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Night all.  I plan to be drunk for tomorrow’s game.  Maybe I should start now.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 02:59 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Deserving.

And no, Z didn’t give it away. Hudler did. Ass.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 03/14/12 at 02:59 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Damn, this must be hell, where’s my hand basket?
Photobucket

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 03:00 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Aaaahahahahahahahaa…another offensive zone loss.

2-5.

We are so fuched with the Schmucks tomorrow night.  Sofuched.

Posted by SYF from the team that re-signed KFQ and DFC by KFH on 03/14/12 at 03:00 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

I’m telling you now.  0-3 on this road trip.  Get ready for Nashville in the first round.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 03:00 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Night all.  I plan to be drunk for tomorrow’s game.  Maybe I should start now.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 12:59 AM ET

Need a bar buddy?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 03:00 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

We are so fuched with the Schmucks tomorrow night.  Sofuched.

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/14/12 at 01:00 AM ET

Guess I won’t get that much beer thrown on me tomorrow night then. Sigh…oh well…so much for enjoying my first NHL game.

Posted by mrfluffy from A wide spot on I-90 in Montana on 03/14/12 at 03:01 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

I spent a lot of time watching the Calgary game tonight, mostly because they called up one of the kids from Portland in the WHL—an obscenely talented 18 year old named Sven Baertschi, who scored a goal tonight.

The thing that really stands out though is that the Flames have nine regulars out of the lineup.  They’re down to so few healthy bodies that they’re calling up kids from major junior leagues to fill their roster.  And damned if they didn’t rally and play an inspired game.

Completely underscores the horseshit effort we saw from the Wings tonight.  Oh, and by the way, Nick Lidstrom didn’t play for Calgary tonight either, so let’s put that back in our bag of excuses and remember it when the Wings have to open the playoffs in Nashville.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 03:03 AM ET

stayouttamalibu's avatar

I’m so glad the tickets were free.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from Warm and sunny SoCal on 03/14/12 at 12:58 AM ET

My tickets weren’t free unfortunately. There was literally not one good thing to take away from that game, it was utterly depressing. Yes we have some huge names injured, but effort and talent have nothing to do with each other. What the fuch has happened to our team? We will not make it out of the first round unless something changes drastically and fast, and I’m not holding my breath. What a shitty night.

Posted by stayouttamalibu from California on 03/14/12 at 06:36 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

What the fuch has happened to our team?

Complacency.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 06:59 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

What the fuch has happened to our team?
Complacency.
Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 04:59 AM ET

Exactly.  I’ve been wondering over the past few weeks that exact same question.  I used to think that maybe they would get bored playing some teams which led to getting beat by the lesser teams in the league.  And then like we all know, once you let yourself slide a little bit, it’s hard to reengage.

Here lately it seriously seems like they just don’t give a shit anymore.  “We’re the motherfuching Red Wings and you’ll reco’nize!”

Yes guys. You have been “recon’ized” as the king of the mountain for sometime.  It’s time to get the hell back up there.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 03/14/12 at 09:49 AM ET

Primis's avatar

Honestly?  It’s times like this I wish the coaching staff would stop being so stubborn and play kids more off and on earlier throughout the season.  Not only does it help the kids, but it gives the regulars a break and forces them to adapt a little more instead of all at once like has now happened.

When you consider then that Quincey is still a new addition to everyone and Cleary is playing hurt like he apparently has now for 2 solid years in a row… there’s a real mess there at the moment.

I agree though, I hope everyone who had nothing kind to say about Nashville adding Andrei, Gill, and Gaustad at the deadline is ready for the possibility of eating their words.  I do know one thing:  A Cup ain’t happening this year people barring a dramatic turnaround that I don’t think it possible.  We’re down to the last dozen, and WYSIWYG with this team.

Posted by Primis on 03/14/12 at 10:50 AM ET

Avatar

great game!

L

O

L

Posted by bob lobIaw on 03/14/12 at 10:54 AM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com