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Abel to Yzerman

Hurry Up, Start the Live Blog Before The DBB Gets Any Worse

I rammed my frigging knee into a nifty little ditty we call, interestingly, a “knee knocker.”  The odd thing is that, traditionally, an actual knee knocker is the bottom part of a door frame on a ship that rises about six inches off the deck, causing you to step over it every time you walk through one of 19,000 water tight door frames on this Battle E winning warship. So, usually, if you’re gonna get hurt on a knee knocker it’s the ankle that bears the brunt of the pain.

And, oh we’ll be talking about an ankle in a minute.

But it was the knee that I hurt so badly. I blasted against the side of the door frame as I was stepping through and oh my frigging baby jesus you cynical, caustic, holy and so wise 8 pound keeper of my very soul.  Real pain. Searing, sucking, strength-sapping pain.  I didn’t go to medical because, like all Chiefs (and all men, really), I’m all about the self diagnosis.

Mine? My diagnosis? Yes. That. I could still walk and stretch and lift it with no additional pain. It was just a really painful blow to the kneecap.  What it is, and I’m quite sure about this, is our new famous asspounder of an injury: it’s a deep bone bruise.

And here’s where it gets so very weird.  I limped around whining like a, well, like a bitch.  I complained to everyone who’d listen and since I’m a damn Master Chief I ordered anyone I could find to listen and listen well.  It hurt.  So bad.  I figured, based on my recently acquired knowledge of deep bone bruises, that I’d be out of commission for a week. Two weeks. No more walking around with a cup of coffee, scolding people for my own enjoyment.  No more standing on the fantail smoking cigars and definitely, absolutely zero climbing any ladders to go up a few decks should the need arise.  Oh Hell no.

But the strangest thing happened when I woke up this morning.  I could walk. It feels much, much better.  Did it make me doubt the voracity of my diagnosis? Is it possible that my bone is bruised less deeply than I’d first thought? Surely, if a world class cyborg like Nick Lidstrom can miss a huge pocket of important games, than I’d be crippled by a similar injury.  Am I actually in better condition than Nick Fuching Lidstrom?

Or is there another explanation?

I know a deep bone bruise because I have one.  It hurts but I’m ready to push on.  Ready, I tell you. I could work through the pain and I will.

And Nick Lidstrom can’t?

Bone bruise, eh?  A deep one that’s kept him out ten games now?  Is that it? 9 maybe?  A deep bone bruise let him skate for a few minutes before getting off the ice in LA this morning?  That kind of deep bone bruise?

Liars. Dirty, filthy professional liars is who and what they all are.

“Deep bone bruise”, my ass.  And no that’s not a verb phrase before “my ass”, sickos.

Don’t be fooled my fake friends: If TPH were merely bruised to the bone deeply? He’d be in there.  So go ahead and puke to the tune of that while we Live Blog, bitches.

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SYF's avatar

Two minutes, Wings.  Nao y shw up?

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:59 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Which Top Gear?  UK?  USA?
Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:56 PM ET

For me there is only one Top Gear… the original UK series.  Was going to ride out this period, but there is no point, the Ipecac Wings just don’t give a fuch.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/14/12 at 02:01 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Jeebus Christ Jobu has put a hex on this team.

Okay, what’d I miss?  Another injury?

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:01 AM ET

Puppies and Hookers's avatar

Watching in the stands.  Does out look as pathetic on TV a it does live?

Posted by Puppies and Hookers from La la land on 03/14/12 at 02:02 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

The last ten games have been soul crushing.  Its hard to believe that the 6-0 win over the Wild was only five games ago.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:02 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/14/12 at 12:01 AM ET

I don’t blame you.  I really don’t.

I’m here until the end…

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 02:02 AM ET

SYF's avatar

VooX, the UK version has huge personalities.  The USA version is only lacking a really big bombastic character.  Jay Leno would’ve helped that show.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:03 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Yay.  A PP for the Wings.

I can’t look.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:03 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Great a pp.  Can we just award LA a goal and move on?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:03 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Watching in the stands.  Does out look as pathetic on TV a it does live?

Dunno, I’m watching Flames and Sharks in OT.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:04 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Watching in the stands.  Does out look as pathetic on TV a it does live?

Posted by Puppies and Hookers from inside Happy’s windowless van. on 03/14/12 at 12:02 AM ET

Only .01% worse, I think.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:04 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Watching in the stands.  Does out look as pathetic on TV a it does live?

Unfortunately, yes.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 02:06 AM ET

redxblack's avatar

I wish I was already pass-out drunk, but I’ve been pacing myself like a moron.

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 03/14/12 at 02:08 AM ET

SYF's avatar

When the Wings skated off the ice and walked into the dressing room at the end of the second period, I have to tip my hat to the Wings fans behind the bench because they were clapping and shouting encouragements.  Relentlessly optimistic.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:09 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Watching in the stands.  Does out look as pathetic on TV a it does live?

Posted by Puppies and Hookers from inside Happy’s windowless van. on 03/14/12 at 12:02 AM ET

I don’t know…I’ll let you know tomorrow night.

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 02:12 AM ET

MoreShoot's avatar

The only wing with more than 1 shot on goal is Nyquist.

Posted by MoreShoot on 03/14/12 at 02:12 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Whoa…Kings Ice Girls…Kings Feed. Yes, hello?

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 02:12 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

When the Wings skated off the ice and walked into the dressing room at the end of the second period, I have to tip my hat to the Wings fans behind the bench because they were clapping and shouting encouragements.  Relentlessly optimistic.

God, I love alcohol!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:13 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

NEVER give up!

LGRW!

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 02:18 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Changing shit up:  strawberries and Tortuga light rum.

See how that goes.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:19 AM ET

Puppies and Hookers's avatar

posted by mrfluffy

These ice dolls are the only thing making this ticket worthwhile ...but for 100$  I usually expect a lot more action than a skate-by

Posted by Puppies and Hookers from La la land on 03/14/12 at 02:19 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Everyone else has fallen asleep (Including the cat).  C’mon Wings, let’s make a game out of this in the third!

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 02:20 AM ET

Gary A$$ SUCK !!'s avatar

Hejsan Svejsan!!!


L.G.R.W

Posted by Gary A$$ SUCK !! from Fort Myers, Florida on 03/14/12 at 02:21 AM ET

SYF's avatar

And here’s the third period.

Play with some friggin’ balls.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:22 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Z, Happy and Wally can’t keep doing this shit. 1 goal per game from them is nice, 2 would be outstanding…someone else needs to step the frack up…and why the hell is Cleary still playing?

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 02:22 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

I finally know what is jinxing The Mule.

He has been sucking every since he’s been doing these sorry @$$ Dodge Ram commercials. He’s getting his @$$ pwned in every episode.

- Mule can’t hit the net
- Mule get’s slammed into the net
- etc…

Cease and desist on ALL future Ram commercials. NOW!

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 02:22 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

wow, a PP, cool

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:22 AM ET

Bent's avatar

5-3.  Should I be happy?

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 02:23 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Wow…two man advantage…I’m cringing.

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 02:23 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Five-on-three for the Wings for 34 seconds.

And Uncle Mike calling a timeout.  Good call.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:23 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

five on three?  can they possibly give up a five on three shorthander???  i wouldn’t bet anything of real value against it.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:24 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Five on three, and they lose the draw   LOL

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:25 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Haaaaaaaaahahahahahahaaaa…lost the faceoff in the offensive zone.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:25 AM ET

Gary A$$ SUCK !!'s avatar

Let’s Go Red Wings   Clap Clap Clap !!!

Posted by Gary A$$ SUCK !! from Fort Myers, Florida on 03/14/12 at 02:25 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

I think they could play five on three for a whole period and not score.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 02:27 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Why is there nothing Z loves more than a lower percentage, bad angle shot?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:28 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Jesus Christ call that *#$%@& slash across the hands will ya?

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 02:28 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Good effort but nothing to show for on the PP.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 02:28 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Another PP (or 2) wasted.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 02:28 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

How can the failed power play be an emotional let down for the team when they were never invested to begin with Larry?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 02:28 AM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com