Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Hurry Up, Start the Live Blog Before The DBB Gets Any Worse

I rammed my frigging knee into a nifty little ditty we call, interestingly, a “knee knocker.”  The odd thing is that, traditionally, an actual knee knocker is the bottom part of a door frame on a ship that rises about six inches off the deck, causing you to step over it every time you walk through one of 19,000 water tight door frames on this Battle E winning warship. So, usually, if you’re gonna get hurt on a knee knocker it’s the ankle that bears the brunt of the pain.

And, oh we’ll be talking about an ankle in a minute.

But it was the knee that I hurt so badly. I blasted against the side of the door frame as I was stepping through and oh my frigging baby jesus you cynical, caustic, holy and so wise 8 pound keeper of my very soul.  Real pain. Searing, sucking, strength-sapping pain.  I didn’t go to medical because, like all Chiefs (and all men, really), I’m all about the self diagnosis.

Mine? My diagnosis? Yes. That. I could still walk and stretch and lift it with no additional pain. It was just a really painful blow to the kneecap.  What it is, and I’m quite sure about this, is our new famous asspounder of an injury: it’s a deep bone bruise.

And here’s where it gets so very weird.  I limped around whining like a, well, like a bitch.  I complained to everyone who’d listen and since I’m a damn Master Chief I ordered anyone I could find to listen and listen well.  It hurt.  So bad.  I figured, based on my recently acquired knowledge of deep bone bruises, that I’d be out of commission for a week. Two weeks. No more walking around with a cup of coffee, scolding people for my own enjoyment.  No more standing on the fantail smoking cigars and definitely, absolutely zero climbing any ladders to go up a few decks should the need arise.  Oh Hell no.

But the strangest thing happened when I woke up this morning.  I could walk. It feels much, much better.  Did it make me doubt the voracity of my diagnosis? Is it possible that my bone is bruised less deeply than I’d first thought? Surely, if a world class cyborg like Nick Lidstrom can miss a huge pocket of important games, than I’d be crippled by a similar injury.  Am I actually in better condition than Nick Fuching Lidstrom?

Or is there another explanation?

I know a deep bone bruise because I have one.  It hurts but I’m ready to push on.  Ready, I tell you. I could work through the pain and I will.

And Nick Lidstrom can’t?

Bone bruise, eh?  A deep one that’s kept him out ten games now?  Is that it? 9 maybe?  A deep bone bruise let him skate for a few minutes before getting off the ice in LA this morning?  That kind of deep bone bruise?

Liars. Dirty, filthy professional liars is who and what they all are.

“Deep bone bruise”, my ass.  And no that’s not a verb phrase before “my ass”, sickos.

Don’t be fooled my fake friends: If TPH were merely bruised to the bone deeply? He’d be in there.  So go ahead and puke to the tune of that while we Live Blog, bitches.

Filed in: | Abel to Yzerman | Permalink
 

Comments

« Previous       ‹ First  < 2 3 4 5 6 >  Last ›      Next »

OlderThanChelios's avatar

I just want to thank the Wings for sucking early so I don’t have to stay up until 1:00 am in order to go to bed pissed off.

This “team” is so out of synch right now, I don’t think they could beat the BJs in a first-round match-up. And, yes, there are major players sitting in the press box (or at home by their TVs). But that’s not what’s wrong with the PP or the PK or the general level of play right now. That “suckatude” all falls on the coaches, especially Blashill and Peters.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve turned off the TV before a game was over, but I’ve done it tonight. And I’ll continue to do it whenever I feel that I care more about the outcome of the games than the Wings do.

And one last thing…Franzen, you Horse’s Ass, you’re a disgrace to the Winged Wheel.

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 03/14/12 at 01:33 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Ken Daniels totally reaching.  Trying to rationalize the recent spate of shorthanded goals against on Lidstrom’s injury.  Makes me cringe.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Nick, but seriously, there are twenty-nine other teams that play without Lidstrom in the lineup every night and manage to not give up shorties on an almost nightly basis.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:34 AM ET

SYF's avatar

HAPPPPPPPPPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Gorgeous play from Zata.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Holy crap nice play.  2-1.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

redxblack's avatar

I’m late - what’d I miss? ; )

Posted by redxblack from Akron Ohio on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

OOMPA LOOMPA!  What a pass!

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

SoDakWIngNut's avatar

He has arrived.

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

happy from ZZZZZZZZ

beut

1-2

keep it going, boys

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

Trish's avatar

Freakin’ Frog on Maryland Parkway has one of the largest collection of foreign beer taps in the city - Yardhouse, too.

Like hockeychic, I am a vodka girl, thus the attraction of the ice bar.  But thx, SYF


Wooooooooohoooooooooo Hitler

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Another one goal game, Yay!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:35 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Did the Wings do that by accident?  Sure looked like it.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:36 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Trish.Hockeychic.Vodka.

I’m unspeakably turned on now.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:36 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Trying to hang in here. HAPPY I did! Midget Pimp!                                                                                Let’s Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 03/14/12 at 01:38 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Smitty knows how to hit. 

‘Quist thrown down.  No call.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:38 AM ET

VooX's avatar

Posted by SoDakWIngNut from Rapid City, SD on 03/13/12 at 11:35 PM ET

*Channeling Baroque* - Rodents are known for not only internal testicles, but balls that are massive for the size of their bodies.  Not only has the photoshop given the squirrel external genitalia, but they’ve grossly undersized the furry guy’s guys, poor little squirrel. *Baroque out*

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/14/12 at 01:39 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

So there’s my hockey team!  Too bad they missed the first period.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:40 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

“After the trade deadline its (Radulov) not really fair” 

This.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:44 AM ET

SYF's avatar

HEMI Line.  Forechecking demons.  Love it.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:44 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Smitty hammered really high up in the face.

Assholes….

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:46 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

Smitty hammered really high up in the face.

Assholes….

Posted by SYF from fashionista dougie’s newly violated Droid 4G on 03/13/12 at 11:46 PM ET

Thank goodness there was no penalty on the play.  No really, I mean that.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:46 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

You could see it coming.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:47 AM ET

Trish's avatar

shite

Posted by Trish from PalmBeachCntyFL on 03/14/12 at 01:47 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Holy fuch…

Just when it seemed like it was finally going the Wings way this period.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:47 AM ET

VooX's avatar

AAANNNNDDD… I’m outta here bitches.  Team has checked out.  So am I. 

Ipecac presents Detroit Red Wings hockey.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/14/12 at 01:47 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

Oh Jimmy…

Wings were running around too much in the zone there.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:48 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Goal under review….

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:48 AM ET

bezukov's avatar

I think that went off White’s stick.

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 03/14/12 at 01:49 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

We can’t get a bounce or anything tonight.

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:50 AM ET

SYF's avatar

And it’s a good goal for the Kings.

1-3.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:50 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

“Hit with a high stick above crossbar. Good goal!”

And I want to go see this shit tomorrow night?

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 01:50 AM ET

hockeychic's avatar

and now our bartender just left…

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/14/12 at 01:51 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Team has checked out.  

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/13/12 at 11:47 PM ET

Wish I had some compelling argument to the contrary, but I really don’t.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:51 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Kings stealing the forecheck blueprint from the B’Lose.

[sigh]

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:53 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Not even Ken Daniels is sounding very enthused.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:53 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Cawks beat the B’Lose in a SO, 4-3.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:55 AM ET

VooX's avatar

and now our bartender just left…

Posted by hockeychic from Denver, CO on 03/13/12 at 11:51 PM ET

Sorry, but my girl hasn’t seen the new (and series finale) of Top Gear yet, and that is a much better viewing option than the Ipecac Wings right now.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/14/12 at 01:55 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Kings stealing the forecheck blueprint from the B’Lose.

Shouldn’t matter; these ass clowns are talented enough to know how to beat it but I see a serious case of anal glaucoma from the team in white.

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 01:55 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Not even Ken Daniels is sounding very enthused.

It’s the Lidstrom injury.  Apparently the Wings are literally nothing without him.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 03/14/12 at 01:56 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Sorry, but my girl hasn’t seen the new (and series finale) of Top Gear yet, and that is a much better viewing option than the Ipecac Wings right now.

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 03/13/12 at 11:55 PM ET

Which Top Gear?  UK?  USA?

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 03/14/12 at 01:56 AM ET

mrfluffy's avatar

Jeebus Christ Jobu has put a hex on this team.

Posted by mrfluffy from Long Beach on 03/14/12 at 01:59 AM ET

« Previous       ‹ First  < 2 3 4 5 6 >  Last ›      Next »

Add a Comment

Please limit embedded image or media size to 575 pixels wide.

Add your own avatar by joining Kukla's Korner, or logging in and uploading one in your member control panel.

Captchas bug you? Join KK or log in and you won't have to bother.

Smileys

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Feed

Most Recent Blog Posts

About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com