Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Have You Heard The News About Uncle Joe And His Obscene Live Blogs?

There are no trends. Some would say, during the playoffs, that nothing real exists. We boiled the Easter Bunny on Sunday, a nifty addition to a growing list of domestic pets sacrificed in the name of our cause.

We've turned an innocent train, just a small, clean little choo choo, into a den of sin and drunken excess. We've done everything possible to assure an easy entrance into Hell just based purely on our conduct during the last ten playoffs, or so.

We've been juvenile, disgusting, despicable, redolent.

But that's because we're loyal and because our expectations are high, and because we are an immensely intelligent, handsome group of people with great scorn for pretty much everyone else.

Some of you consider tonite to be worthy of Lightfoot.  No. I say no.  Gordon Lightfoot is used in times of desperation.  This is not that time.  1-1 with three games left at Joe Louis is not that time.

Now...should the Wings lose in the same skinny-guy-in-prison fashion? If the power play continues to suck ass? If Datsyuk, Nyquist, FRANZEN, and pretty much everyone else remain ice cold? If Howard plays poorly? If, if, if....yes, then we may call on Lightfoot.

But not yet. Not...tonite ("Miracle" reference...just FYI).

No Alfredsson tonite and that's ok. He's been invisible. Andersson in because law states you can only substitute a Swede for a Swede not named Sameulsson.  You cannot replace a Swede with a Canadian(en) serial killer. Sorry Bert.

No Lightfoot tonite because I'm not nervous. Something tells me Game 2 may have triggered a realization in the Wings that only they can understand.

I am optimistic.

I'm not kidding.

This is a live blog, bitches.

15 to 12.

LGRW.

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Comments

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CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

They got a split in beantville, hell yeah! The only desperation I have about tonight is getting home in time to watch the game.


Franzen needs to start playing more like Playoff Mule and less like Ferdinand the Bull

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/22/14 at 05:04 PM ET

Red Winger's avatar

My drin (burp) drin (burp) drinking increases espnenshally in the playoffs. Lets (burp) lets (hiccup) lets goredwings!!!

Posted by Red Winger from Sault Ste Marie on 04/22/14 at 05:04 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

Thanks, Chief.

2 words:

speed kills.

L.G.R.W.

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/22/14 at 05:05 PM ET

Hippy Dave's avatar

Let’s do this.

Posted by Hippy Dave from Portland by way of Detroit on 04/22/14 at 05:12 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Something tells me Game 2 may have triggered a realization in the Wings that only they can understand.

I was assured by Babcock that no such thing exists.  He lies to us and we like it.

Just one goal better than the other guys, Wings.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/22/14 at 05:13 PM ET

Avatar

“kill…..Kill…..KILLLL….. KKKKIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!” - Mohawk Guy from The Road Warrior

Posted by BC two hander on 04/22/14 at 05:13 PM ET

Down River Dan's avatar

Here’s hoping Al will be busy picking up slimy deposits from the ice all nite ( no not Chara’s brains)

Posted by Down River Dan on 04/22/14 at 05:14 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Afternoon everybody.  There’s still a solid hour-plus of pre-game drinking time.  Excuse me then while I go sit on my back deck and ponder the insignificant nature of our existence, or maybe get myself worked into a drunken frenzy over a hockey game.

LGRW

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 04/22/14 at 05:14 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

I’m more nervous than I was for Games 1 & 2. Not sure why. Hope the home crowd fires up our team. Hope Mule wakes the fuch up. Hope Jimmah is focused. Hope… Oh hell.

Just. Win.

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 04/22/14 at 05:18 PM ET

Rdwings28's avatar

The drinkinhg began 12:01 p.m. we departed Grand Rapids 4:30 en route too the smelliest Shrine in sports, a man cave, with ghosts, stories, and history.

Posted by Rdwings28 on 04/22/14 at 05:20 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Let’s do dis. EFF Bahston.

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 04/22/14 at 05:26 PM ET

calquake's avatar

It’s a great night for a hockey game.  Let’s show the Bear why we have Wings.

Posted by calquake on 04/22/14 at 05:29 PM ET

dougie's avatar

I usually only get this nervous when in the close proximity of hard work.

Posted by dougie on 04/22/14 at 05:38 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Hey, 19.  I got bored and found this.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/22/14 at 05:39 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Wont be with you tonight guys.  I’m gedtting edumacated and stuck in business law class at Baker.

LGRW!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/22/14 at 05:40 PM ET

OlderThanChelios's avatar

Franzen needs to start playing more like Playoff Mule and less like Ferdinand the Bull

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts

Someone in one of George’s 12,487 daily posts made note of the fact that recently “Playoff Franzen” has basically been a figmant of our imaginations. So I called up the A2Y interns at Lake Superior State and asked them to put together some numbers. Here’s what they found…

In the three playoffs from 2008 to 2010, Franzen played in 51 games and scored 59 points (1.16 ppg) on 31 goals (.61 gpg) and 28 assists (.55 apg). In those three years, he was a combined +29.

In the three playoffs from 2011 to 2013, he played in 27 games and scored 8 points (.30 ppg) on 5 goals (.19 gpg) and 3 assists (.11 apg). In those three years, he was a combined -9.

I’m afraid “Playoff Franzen” is never going to return. He’s too damn comfortable collecting $4+M a year just for putting on his skates. He’s probably the least motivated Red Wings I’ve ever seen. And it disgusts me

Posted by OlderThanChelios from Grand Rapids, MI on 04/22/14 at 05:43 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Wont be with you tonight guys.  I’m gedtting edumacated and stuck in business law class at Baker.

LGRW!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/22/14 at 06:40 PM ET

Good luck, Jeff.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/22/14 at 05:46 PM ET

George Malik's avatar

For the record, I do my best to represent the spirit of the 19 on Twitter. F-bombs included.

Posted by George Malik from South Lyon, MI on 04/22/14 at 05:47 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Wont be with you tonight guys.  I’m gedtting edumacated and stuck in business law class at Baker.
LGRW!
Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/22/14 at 06:40 PM ET

Put all transactions in writing, include an arbitration clause (with a class action waiver if appropriate), outsource HR, and shred everything immediately unless there is a law that requires it to be kept. Now go enjoy the game. wink

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/22/14 at 05:51 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

And hire a good lawyer.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/22/14 at 05:52 PM ET

NIVO's avatar

This evening began as I got in the Jeep with the first tune on the radio Peter Frampton’s - Do You Feel Like We Do. Very fitting to say the least. I’m gonna roll with it and have thus begun the ritual of burning the nitrate tubes of beef flesh to a charra’d perfection. The commencement of liquid fermentation to soon follow. I have poked the bear. I will continue to poke the bear. Swagger. GAME ON!

Posted by NIVO from underpants gnome village on 04/22/14 at 05:53 PM ET

VooX's avatar

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 04/22/14 at 06:04 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Oh yeah.  I went with “42JEFF” for the plate… didnt think i coyld explain whore style to the wife….

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 04/22/14 at 06:10 PM ET

stonehands-78's avatar

rut roh

look’n like an early exit for TBL

Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/22/14 at 06:14 PM ET

bezukov's avatar

Can anyone hit me with a feed?

Posted by bezukov from the kids are alright. on 04/22/14 at 06:17 PM ET

Primis's avatar

For the record, I do my best to represent the spirit of the 19 on Twitter. F-bombs included.

Posted by George Malik from South Lyon, MI on 04/22/14 at 06:47 PM ET

And we love you for it, George.

Posted by Primis on 04/22/14 at 06:19 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

look’n like an early exit for TBL
Posted by stonehands-78 from the beginning ... a WingsFan, on 04/22/14 at 07:14 PM ET

Maybe they will have a fire sale on their general manager? cool smirk

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 04/22/14 at 06:21 PM ET

Little Redhead's avatar

Super Speed x Shots on Goal = Win

Thanks Chief, Howdy 19+

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Little Redhead from the Engineer's chair on 04/22/14 at 06:22 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Holy fuch, please let it be FSD on my PC tonight.  Please!

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/22/14 at 06:29 PM ET

Alan's avatar

Present and accounted for, though I may have to walk away from the blog for other obligations, I’ll have this game on for the full duration.

LET’S FUCHING WIN THIS THING.

Posted by Alan from Atlanta on 04/22/14 at 06:29 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

But that’s because we’re loyal and because our expectations are high,

Loyal to a fault. Pie in the sky high. Thanks, Master Chief.

Whatever it takes…....Bitches.

Let’s Roll!

Lets Go Red Wings!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 04/22/14 at 06:30 PM ET

RedMenace's avatar

For the record, I do my best to represent the spirit of the 19 on Twitter. F-bombs included.

Posted by George Malik from South Lyon, MI on 04/22/14 at 06:47 PM ET

*#$%@&-a, George… *#$%@&-a.

Posted by RedMenace from the Church of Jesus Lashoff on 04/22/14 at 06:32 PM ET

SYF's avatar

For the record, I do my best to represent the spirit of the 19 on Twitter. F-bombs included.

Posted by George Malik from South Lyon, MI on 04/22/14 at 06:47 PM ET

Outstanding.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/22/14 at 06:33 PM ET

Avatar

To all the vehicles I forced into a ditch and all the pedestrians I left injured along the roadside, I’m sorry…..but totally worth it.  My mad dash home got me here before puck drop.

LGRW

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 04/22/14 at 06:34 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Evening ladies and gents—let the F-Bombs begin!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 04/22/14 at 06:35 PM ET

RorSchach's avatar

Just Win.

Posted by RorSchach from Datsberg on 04/22/14 at 06:36 PM ET

Nate A's avatar

Evening all.

Tip the scales.

Posted by Nate A from Detroit-ish on 04/22/14 at 06:37 PM ET

calquake's avatar

F-bombs for everyone!

Posted by calquake on 04/22/14 at 06:37 PM ET

SYF's avatar

To all the vehicles I forced into a ditch and all the pedestrians I left injured along the roadside, I’m sorry…..but totally worth it.  My mad dash home got me here before puck drop.

LGRW

Posted by Valek from Chicago on 04/22/14 at 07:34 PM ET

If they were wearing Cawks gears and decals, I think you’re okay.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 04/22/14 at 06:39 PM ET

Primis's avatar

Tomas Tatar is the best.

Posted by Primis on 04/22/14 at 06:40 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com