Kukla's Korner

Abel to Yzerman

Give Me A Midget, A Stress Train, Some PBR and A Live Blog

I don't remember the last elimination game that really stressed me out. 

Actually, Gary? I can't remember the last elimination game I cared about.   And when I say "elimination game", I mean that in the positive, like one that if Baby Jesus' favorite team won, there would be joy in Hockeytown because that's a damn decree is what it is you midget peckerhead.

What decree? Joy in Hockeytown, I mean.  The last time the Wings were on the verge of a series victory was 2011 against Phoenix, but I don't remember stressing one bit that series.  No Gary, you felon, you stealer of fun, wrecker of my sport, no.  We even went 7 games the year before and that didn't stress me out because, shrew, we were playing one of your invented tropical fantasy teams.

Nope, I dig stress, Gary. The right kind. The traditional kind.  I dig the kind a Detroit fan has when we're on the verge of some serious cheddar, the night after our souls were crushed. I dig the kind of stress that comes with anticipating a game a whole lot of assholes think we'll lose.

Now, does that mean I don’t have confidence that the Wings will take the Cup tonite?  I do.  I actually believe they will, when I allow myself to think logically instead of emotionally.  But that is so rare.  It’s happened so little since 5.  I can’t stop thinking of Osgood’s skate and that little opening.  I’ve got one of the greatest hockey games ever played on my DVR right now, but I may never watch it.  Even if the Wings win, I don’t know that I can ever look at Game 5.

Well? Remember that? Remember that kind of stress? We're not there yet, as Tiger fans.  We're just not.  The expectations of the Tiger franchise are not nearly what we hold for the Wings.  So, crushing losses don't...they can't...bring the kind of pain we've seen with Detroit's Only Dynasty (post 1955).

It's been a while since Little Gary the Midget Street Clown and League Wrecker, the worst commissioner in the history of sport, let us stress the way we--Wing fans--are used to.  But, you get the feeling we may be headed there soon with these Tigers.  The signs are there. The pets are scared. The neighbors are hiding their flammables.

It's only the ALDS, not the LCS and certainly not the Series.  But the Lawn Dwarf with the painted rosey cheeks won't let me think about hockey right now so my stress needs an outlet and I'm a Tiger fan second, a Wing fan first but second is first now because of, well you know...Gary.ass.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post. I truely have no idea.  No one but us knows what it’s like to be 34.7 seconds (and I frankly don’t give a shit if it was 34.3, it’s 34.7 to me so 34.7 it will stay) away only to lose it.

I’m gonna watch Game 6 and we’re gonna live blog that bitch.  Gordon Lightfoot’s making a return appearance and I think good things will happen.  I believe it could be an evening of fire trucks and puppies, sunshine and hookers.  All the good things in life.

But I’ll tell you this.  I’m not looking forward to it.  Not one bit.  I know I have to watch it and I will.  But it’s gonna suck right up until the end.

Unless the Wings blow them out.  Sweet Little Adorable Baby Jesus, please make it so.

You do remember that, right?  Tiger stress may not be Wing stress but it's getting pretty damn close.

It's a Live Blog bitches.  A Tigers-better-win-this-one and we're setting the stage four hours early LB.

Because a Tiger win would be great, especially since fucho won't let us have our hockey back.

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Comments

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WestWing's avatar

Posted by RWBill from the Capital of the Confederacy. on 10/14/12 at 03:04 PM ET

I watched that whole thing live on Sunday morning and I gotta tell ya, Felix Baumgartner apparently has huge balls of made of cold steel.  When he went into that end-over-end outta control spinning at the top of the atmostphere I thought there was no way in hell he was gonna be able to regain any sort of bearing.  He said later that because all of the pressure inside his suit was equalized, he was completely disoriented and had a hard time gaining any kind of feel for what he needed to do to pull out of it.

For those of you who thought Millenium Force or Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point were over-the-top, shit-yer-pants rides, Felix Baumgartner would like a word with you.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/16/12 at 01:09 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

One more thing…

GO TIGERS!!!!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/16/12 at 01:12 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

GO TIGERS!!!!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/16/12 at 01:12 PM ET

Yay team!  Go verlander, another big game.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/16/12 at 01:45 PM ET

SYF's avatar

For those of you who thought Millenium Force or Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point were over-the-top, shit-yer-pants rides, Felix Baumgartner would like a word with you.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/16/12 at 01:09 PM ET

Or Capt. Joe Kittinger, USAF.

Holy hell, imagine someone taking that one step further and doing that in a fuching wingsuit?

Go Tigers!

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 10/16/12 at 03:46 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

And the suit is Tigers colored.

Bonus!

GOOOOO TIGERS!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/16/12 at 07:14 PM ET

SYF's avatar

Another STFU pitching performance by Verlander.

That mutherfucher’s cool.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 10/16/12 at 11:46 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Go Tigers!  Shutting down the Yankees again.  One more to sweep.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/17/12 at 12:23 AM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

One win away from the big dance! It’s actually exciting to watch!

Go Tigers!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/17/12 at 12:33 AM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

A nervous ninth, but holy crap these Tigers are determined.  Verlander for god.

GO TIGERS!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 10/17/12 at 08:28 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Posted by SYF from The Purveyors of the Perfect Pint on 10/16/12 at 03:46 PM ET

Interestingly, Joe Kittinger is now 84 years old and served as the mission control capsule communicator who was in radio contact with Baumgartner throughout both the ascent and the jump. 

Kittinger is a former test pilot and fighter pilot, who not only originally set the record by skydiving from 19 miles above the earth, but was also shot down over Vietnam and spent almost a year in a North Vietnamese prison camp. 

I’d buy that guy a beer any time.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/17/12 at 11:47 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Verlander for god.

Almost seems like a demotion at this point.

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/17/12 at 11:48 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Right and Felix has said he is a fan of Kittinger’s jump in 1960.  And he got Kittinger’s blessing to do this jump in his honor.

I’d buy that guy a beer any time.

Hahahaha.  After his jump and the medics were working him over, Kittinger actually asked for a beer.  Awesome.

Posted by SYF from Zata's Epic Viking Beard on 10/17/12 at 11:52 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

After having spent the summer watching this Tiger team, I can tell you that playing high stress baseball has become their trademark.  This is nothing new for them.  When they were three games out with two weeks left in the season, I just kept thinking how damn good their pitching is and how pitching wins in the postseason.

Max Scherzer gets the ball tonight and, believe it or not, for part of July and pretty much all of August, Max was actually throwing better than Verlander.  He had some shoulder issues in September and was skipped over in the rotation late in the year.  He looked pretty good in his last start at Oakland though, and if he can somehow regain the mojo he had from July to mid-September, look out.  I definitely wanna see this thing end tonight.

Go Tigers!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/17/12 at 11:58 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

That’s who was on the radio with Felix!  I thougt that could have been done a little better.  Possibly Felix couldn’t hear too well, and some of ground comtrol’s transmissions were a little too wordy or unclear.  A couple of time he said “we’ll let our guardian angel take you from here.” Or something like that.  There’s little room for superfluous chatter on the radio, I would guess especially when trying to hear at 24 miles above earth.

Nonetheless I’m glad he was involved, thAt’s a great touch.  When Felix was spinning I was concerned he might go unconscious.  At the point of jumping Felix later said he no longer cared about any records, he just wanted to get down safely.  I was about peeing my pants when the hatch opened and he unbuckled and stood on the outer step.

Go Scherzer, keep the pitch count down and get us to the 8th!!

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/17/12 at 01:43 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Anyway, there’s movement afoot in NHL negotiations.  Looks lie NHL, Inc., could have done this same offer 8 weeks ago iif they really wanted to start the season on time.

Posted by RWBill from the open bar on The Hasek. on 10/17/12 at 01:47 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

WestWing - you’re right about Scherzer.  I think the boys are gonna wrap it up tonight.

GO TIGERS!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 10/17/12 at 03:31 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Looks like maybe a rainout…keeping fingers crossed

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/17/12 at 07:36 PM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com