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Abel to Yzerman

Give Me A Midget, A Stress Train, Some PBR and A Live Blog

I don't remember the last elimination game that really stressed me out. 

Actually, Gary? I can't remember the last elimination game I cared about.   And when I say "elimination game", I mean that in the positive, like one that if Baby Jesus' favorite team won, there would be joy in Hockeytown because that's a damn decree is what it is you midget peckerhead.

What decree? Joy in Hockeytown, I mean.  The last time the Wings were on the verge of a series victory was 2011 against Phoenix, but I don't remember stressing one bit that series.  No Gary, you felon, you stealer of fun, wrecker of my sport, no.  We even went 7 games the year before and that didn't stress me out because, shrew, we were playing one of your invented tropical fantasy teams.

Nope, I dig stress, Gary. The right kind. The traditional kind.  I dig the kind a Detroit fan has when we're on the verge of some serious cheddar, the night after our souls were crushed. I dig the kind of stress that comes with anticipating a game a whole lot of assholes think we'll lose.

Now, does that mean I don’t have confidence that the Wings will take the Cup tonite?  I do.  I actually believe they will, when I allow myself to think logically instead of emotionally.  But that is so rare.  It’s happened so little since 5.  I can’t stop thinking of Osgood’s skate and that little opening.  I’ve got one of the greatest hockey games ever played on my DVR right now, but I may never watch it.  Even if the Wings win, I don’t know that I can ever look at Game 5.

Well? Remember that? Remember that kind of stress? We're not there yet, as Tiger fans.  We're just not.  The expectations of the Tiger franchise are not nearly what we hold for the Wings.  So, crushing losses don't...they can't...bring the kind of pain we've seen with Detroit's Only Dynasty (post 1955).

It's been a while since Little Gary the Midget Street Clown and League Wrecker, the worst commissioner in the history of sport, let us stress the way we--Wing fans--are used to.  But, you get the feeling we may be headed there soon with these Tigers.  The signs are there. The pets are scared. The neighbors are hiding their flammables.

It's only the ALDS, not the LCS and certainly not the Series.  But the Lawn Dwarf with the painted rosey cheeks won't let me think about hockey right now so my stress needs an outlet and I'm a Tiger fan second, a Wing fan first but second is first now because of, well you know...Gary.ass.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this post. I truely have no idea.  No one but us knows what it’s like to be 34.7 seconds (and I frankly don’t give a shit if it was 34.3, it’s 34.7 to me so 34.7 it will stay) away only to lose it.

I’m gonna watch Game 6 and we’re gonna live blog that bitch.  Gordon Lightfoot’s making a return appearance and I think good things will happen.  I believe it could be an evening of fire trucks and puppies, sunshine and hookers.  All the good things in life.

But I’ll tell you this.  I’m not looking forward to it.  Not one bit.  I know I have to watch it and I will.  But it’s gonna suck right up until the end.

Unless the Wings blow them out.  Sweet Little Adorable Baby Jesus, please make it so.

You do remember that, right?  Tiger stress may not be Wing stress but it's getting pretty damn close.

It's a Live Blog bitches.  A Tigers-better-win-this-one and we're setting the stage four hours early LB.

Because a Tiger win would be great, especially since fucho won't let us have our hockey back.

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Comments

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CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Cesspool walks. 1st and 2nd with two out. Jones out to the mound. Valverde is warm

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:34 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

breathe…..

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:36 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Freakin Walk-eem Benoit….his name is an omen the Tigers admin didn’t see…

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 11:37 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

.083 Moss strikes out

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:38 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Sweeeeeet

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 11:40 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

C’mon Tigers.

please no game five

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:41 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Dirk lines out to second (again?). One down.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:42 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Peralta grounds out 2 down

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:43 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Avila K’s. bottom of the 9th here we come.

Sphincter inning?

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:46 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

I sure hope not.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/10/12 at 11:49 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Leadoff single.

Diamonds forming

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:51 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Followed by a double. 2nd and 3rd no outs

My wife is going to love the 2 carat I’m working on

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:52 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

another double FUCH tie game

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:54 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Tie game, man on 2nd, nobody out.

Looking like game 5 here we come.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/10/12 at 11:56 PM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

Coco singles in the winning run…

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/11/12 at 12:00 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

Looking so forward to the Tigers NOT haveing Valverde doing this.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/11/12 at 12:08 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

hoo boy. that may have done it. i’m really looking at whether or not focusing so much wasted pain on our sports teams is worth it.  man, man, man.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 10/11/12 at 12:09 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

Probably a good thing I fell asleep and missed the ninth….dammit.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/11/12 at 12:12 AM ET

Bent's avatar

Wish I would have known there was a live blog here last night.  I needed my support group more than ever, why slit your wrists in your bathtub alone when you can come on a2y and do it with everyone else?

I am still not over it either, fuch that was upsetting last night.  With hockey, things can go wrong in an instant, but with baseball, it’s like being tied to the railroad tracks watching the train coming at you.  Not sure which is worse.

Posted by Bent from The U.P. on 10/11/12 at 07:48 AM ET

IwoCPO's avatar

I never should have mentioned 34.7.  Ever.

Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 10/11/12 at 07:53 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Get a fuching reliever, Dombo.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 10/11/12 at 10:27 AM ET

CaptainDennisPolonich's avatar

hoo boy. that may have done it. i’m really looking at whether or not focusing so much wasted pain on our sports teams is worth it.  man, man, man.
Posted by IwoCPO from Sunny San Diego, bitches on 10/11/12 at 01:09 AM ET

Wasted pain of watching game 5 vs. wasted pain of watching the VP debate. Tough call.  Please tell me there are Happy Pony re-runs on tonight.

Then again, I could start reading “The Day of Battle,” an 850 volume about the war in Sicily and Italy in 1943-44. It’s been taunting me from the bookshelf for five years. It’s about time I actually read it.

Posted by CaptainDennisPolonich from The Land of Fake Boobs and Real Nuts on 10/11/12 at 11:59 AM ET

J.J. from Kansas's avatar

The hell happened to your Twitter account, Chief?

Pierre McGuire’s calling a game for the Icebreaker tournament tomorrow night. That tourney’s happening at the Sprint Center and I’m heading out there.  Considering heading to my local nationwide chain store and picking up some art supplies first.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 10/11/12 at 12:01 PM ET

MOWingsfan19's avatar

Go Orioles!  Top of the 9th and leading 2-1

How’d that one work out for ya?  tongue wink

Posted by MOWingsfan19 from I really like our team on 10/11/12 at 01:02 PM ET

VooX's avatar

The hell happened to your Twitter account, Chief?

Pierre McGuire’s calling a game for the Icebreaker tournament tomorrow night. That tourney’s happening at the Sprint Center and I’m heading out there.  Considering heading to my local nationwide chain store and picking up some art supplies first.

Posted by J.J. from Kansas on 10/11/12 at 01:01 PM ET

Yes.  Do it.

Just trying to get into the baseball mindset to support you bitches…

Am I to understand that the difference between a two-seamer and a four-seamer has nothing to do with the labia?

Posted by VooX from Behind the Bar in the Hasek Club Car on 10/11/12 at 04:54 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

JFC, that was as much fun as watching the inevitable outcome of game 5 last spring.

Now Tigs have to get a Cy Young effort from JV, which will only be blown by the etched in stone 8th and 9th inning relievers.

Maybe JV will throw a complete game shutout, the only way to keep the bullpen off the field.

Would be nice if this highly paid line up would produce runs so that each opposing batter didn’t represent the season ending run.

Baseball is a brutally long regular season topped with excruciatingly protracted end of season drama.  Plus, baseball has the unique absence of time, derived from those insidious cricket Overs.  On and on she goes, each pitch another wrap around the knot in the stomach.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 10/11/12 at 05:20 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

I don’t know if I can take another game like last night.  Thank god I fell asleep during the top of the ninth and woke up during the recap so I didn’t have to suffer through it.

Good grief I can stand Valverde.  Your hat is straight.  The sand and your socks are just fine.  Just pitch the freakin ball already.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/11/12 at 05:33 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Gooo Tigers!

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/11/12 at 08:53 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

Two nothing.

More foals please

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/11/12 at 09:28 PM ET

42jeff's avatar

6-0 in the eighth

Go JV GO

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/11/12 at 11:18 PM ET

Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit's avatar

Verlander!!!!!!!! 9 inning SO! Bitches.


Go Tigers!!!!!

Posted by Kate from Pa.-made in Detroit on 10/11/12 at 11:41 PM ET

WestWing's avatar

Justin Verlander complete game shutout = complete game STFU!

Didn’t realize (but probably shoulda known) there was an A2Y live blog going on.  I’m sure there are a lot of us who were raised on Tiger baseball who, like me, are still in “can’t sleep” mode tonight. 

This is sweeeet!!!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/12/12 at 12:28 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

Tonight it was mostly just me trying to get the LB resuscitated.  The real action was over at BYB tonight.

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/12/12 at 01:15 AM ET

42jeff's avatar

Justin Verlander complete game shutout = complete game STFU!

Didn’t realize (but probably shoulda known) there was an A2Y live blog going on.  I’m sure there are a lot of us who were raised on Tiger baseball who, like me, are still in “can’t sleep” mode tonight. 

This is sweeeet!!!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/12/12 at 01:28 AM ET

Indeed

Posted by 42jeff from The greater Howard City, MI metroplex on 10/12/12 at 01:15 AM ET

WestWing's avatar

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 10/12/12 at 02:15 AM ET

I see you posting over at SB Nation/BYB.  Fun, knowledgable group of people over there for sure.  Lacks some of the juvenilicious charm of A2Y, but that’s what sets this place apart.

On to round two.  Go Tigers!

Posted by WestWing from Portland, Oregon on 10/12/12 at 01:23 AM ET

SYF's avatar

Outstanding pitching from Verlander.  A bona-fide STFU moment.  If the rest of Tigers had even just 10% of what Verlander had last night, it’d be a stress-free ALCS…and I want to play against the Yankees.

Go Tigers.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 10/12/12 at 10:40 AM ET

RWBill's avatar

‘Mad Men’ Star Christina Hendricks Peeved Over Being Called ‘Full-Figured’
BY: Shannon Keirnan POSTED: OCTOBER 05, 2012 @ 8:57 PM PST

I get it, it’s so 60’s to yell “Va-Va-Va-Voom!!”, too!

I just noticed there is also a dude in that picture.

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 10/12/12 at 05:05 PM ET

RWBill's avatar

Indeed

Posted by 42jeff from Minot, North Dakota on 10/12/12 at 02:15 AM ET

That is absolutely one of the greatest things I have ever seen!

Posted by RWBill from Brush Street cruising with Super Creepy Rob Lowe. on 10/12/12 at 05:07 PM ET

SYF's avatar

I’m shocked I missed that part of the broadcast, Bill.  Shame the fuch on me, right?

I is sad.

Posted by SYF from Alana Blanchard's Bikinis and Surfboards on 10/12/12 at 05:29 PM ET

MsRedWinger's avatar

Justin Fuching Verlander said, “No way I’m letting the bullpen p!ss this one away.”

Yeah, STFU. 

Love it.  LOVE IT. 

Go Tigers !!!!!

Posted by MsRedWinger from Flori-duh on 10/13/12 at 09:54 AM ET

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About Abel to Yzerman

Welcome to Abel to Yzerman, a Red Wing blog since 1977.  No other site on the internet has better-researched, fact-laden and better prepared discussions than A2Y.  Re-phrase: we do little research, find facts and stats highly overrated and claim little to no preparation.  There are 19 readers of A2Y. No more, no less. All of them, except maybe one, are juvenile in nature.  Reminding them of that in the comment section will only encourage them to prove that. Your suggestions and critiques are welcome: wphoulihan@gmail.com